by Nicci Greene
It was a great time in both our lives when we first got married and moved in together but before long it became less intense. When he worked very late he came home too tired and we no longer had sex every night. Before too long it became a weekend thing that was almost planned or necessary and that made it feel less appealing to me.
The spontaneous nights out became planned and life became routine. The sex we had was good, great sometimes but the build up was gone and the desire and excitement was flat. The feeling afterwards was the same though, that never changed. I loved him and I loved him inside me. I felt close to him when we made love but that’s what it became, making love. We never had wild rampant sex in fact we didn’t even snog anymore. We kissed but not for long periods, not like those first evenings when we would snog on the sofa for hours while he groped me and we undressed each other.
By then we went to bed and although sometimes we would make love most nights we went to bed to sleep and bed became the place of rest rather than the place where we had always became entwined.
Chapter Five – Porn
Before long routine had set in and although we loved each other dearly the passion was no longer there. Our relationship was built on a mutual understanding grounded by a deep love for one another but the lust was lacking on both parts. We still enjoyed nights out and having friends round but the mundane drudgery of life seemed to tick by without any real excitement being interjected into the daily grind.
My husband was no longer working in the place where had met and had moved on to a bigger, better job. We no longer saw each other during the day but still chatted each day on the phone, still do in fact.
My husband was away a lot during the week on business trips, mostly one night at a time and I found myself travelling back to stay at my mum’s rather than be alone in the city. I no longer minded going there as it was like a sanctuary rather than a retreat. I was able to go back safe in the knowledge that my life was elsewhere and that I could leave and go back to it anytime. It became a comfort going there, almost like going home.
That was until one Thursday evening when I was staying behind to achieve a deadline; he was working in London and wouldn’t be back to the Friday. It would be too late to go to mum’s after work so instead I went home. I chatted to my husband on the phone before saying goodnight but I couldn’t sleep; I hated being there alone and never felt safe without him there. I found myself flicking channels on the TV but found nothing of interest although kept it on anyway to drown out the silence.
I decided to log onto the computer and browse the net. Shopping pages mostly interested me, latest fashions, what the celebs were wearing, usual girlie sites. I made a typing error on Google and a name I didn’t recognise appeared. I followed the link to the page and was shocked with what I found. It was password protected but for some reason the password was stored on the computer so it opened automatically. I couldn’t believe my eyes it was filth, porn in fact and video clips of people having sex! I knew it was my husband’s site and his password as only he and I used the computer. I was upset and angry and then afraid. I was afraid that if he had this and was hiding it from me, could he, or was he, hiding anything else? Of course I had to find this when he was away, staying away in a hotel and so my mind wandered into a jealous haze. Perhaps he was meeting someone? I was thinking, another woman?!
Everyone told me it wouldn’t last. He was married when we first had sex and we were married now so was it possible he was doing it all over again and with another woman? My jealously clouded my vision and judgement. I was already appalled that my husband was watching porn; after all I was better looking than the girls on that site! I was still there though in front on the screen, transfixed on it and as I sifted through all the clips he had downloaded none of them interested me just made me ill as the jealous rage built up inside me.
I watched on and saw my husband in the clips, imagining him with each different woman, doing what they were doing and then doing it right there and then, thinking to myself that I was at home, his naive wife, sleeping in our bed while he was doing these things to some other woman.
The noises coming from the computer added fuel to my clouded visions and my husband had sex with each of the women I saw before me and although I couldn’t turn away I felt the hurt and betrayal of a man, who in my eyes, had committed adultery.
I seethed with rage but didn’t ring him. I didn’t even call him the next morning after that torturous night. I didn’t ring him at lunchtime and he didn’t ring me. I knew he was cheating on me and his lack of calls confirmed it. Just as I had not answered my phone when I cheated with him he too was not using his phone, staying away from the real world with some other woman, some tart!
Eventually he rang as he checked in at the airport. I exploded at him over the phone letting rip about what I had found and immediately firing accusations at him. I ranted as he checked in his bags. In fact I continued all the way to the departure gates. I screamed the words DIVORCE and SELL THIS HOUSE and god knows what else at him, not letting him get a word in reply.
Eventually the rant turned into a conversation as he remained calm throughout. His tone eased the tension and his forceful manner ended the conversation with, ‘I can’t talk now I have to get on the plane’ and ‘we will discuss this when I get home.’
I would’ve packed my bags had I believed in my heart he was playing away but in my head my bags were already packed, the house was up for sale and the solicitors were instructed.
That night we drank wine and shouted at each other. It wasn’t like the rows I had with my last boyfriend. Yes he got angry, very angry at times but I never felt threatened. We screamed at each other. I think I actually enjoyed it and I know now it was long overdue.
It was unhealthy for him to hide his watching of porn but that’s all it was in the end. He was getting off on it and fantasised about me and him getting involved in some of the activities he watched. He knew I was better looking than the women he watched and he didn’t watch it to see naked women but rather to watch the act they carried out and to imagine him and I doing the same. He admitted that sometimes he even imagined the bloke in the act doing it with me and yes he sometimes imagined him with the girl but it was a fantasy and something to give him a release or to start him off while he masturbated.
The conversation needed to continue and we went away that weekend and stayed in a hotel near the sea. We went for long walks and talked and talked, always about sex and everything connected to it. He was open with me about masturbating, how and when he did it and how he longed for me to do it to him.
He told me about his desires and sexual fantasies and that he would love to watch me and another man. A lot of what he said shocked me but I have to say aroused me also. I felt myself getting wet as he talked about another man touching me, feeling me, fucking me, whilst he knew in the end I was his and would be coming back to him at the end of it. I imagined the men in the clips I saw fucking me as I watched his lips say the words.
We talked more over lunch and then dinner. I got more and more turned on by his words. Getting inside his head and his mind was an insight, not just into a man, I thought I already knew but into the mind of a now married man and into, what could be the mind of many more married men. Men who might fantasise and masturbate about their desires without ever telling a soul. Men who might love their wives but still lust after other women or scenarios, be it with their wife or other people’s wives.
With men it seemed no strings attached sex was better than the complication of a relationship. Whereas the bond and the tie was what women needed to be able to have sex with others. Was that the problem? Was that society’s problem? Was that why many marriages failed? These thoughts raced through my mind as I began to be brainwashed by the simplicity of having sex with others whilst being married to my man.
I began to convince myself that this was right and what everyone needed. To have sex with other people and enjoy life, enjoying the freedom to roam without
roaming, to explore whilst staying at home, to sow your wild oats while staying firmly rooted to you soul mate. It seemed exciting and we talked about letting each other have sex with someone else and watching, joining in even. We then discussed threesomes but never the practicalities of how you would go about something like that.
He created a hunger in me, a hunger that I thought I had already fulfilled. A desire I thought was over, a need to find out more and to see how the porn affected him. I wanted to watch him watch porn and that night in our hotel room that’s exactly what I did.
I fulfilled his fantasy as I wanked him off while we watched porn together. He told me that he had always wanted this but didn’t know how or when to approach it with me he told me how he found the website and longed to tell me about it so that I could enjoy it with him. That’s why he said he didn’t attempt to hide it or the password, knowing, hoping, one day I would come across it. He couldn’t, however find the right moment or the right time to tell me and as time went on and he saw more and more it felt like he could never tell me as if it would be more like coming clean than telling me about his discovery.
It was out in the open now and for him that was great but for me it was the beginning. The beginning of a journey of intense sexual pleasure and desire. One that began in that hotel room as I got wetter and wetter and I rubbed my hand up and down his shaft before kneeling in front of him and giving him a blow job. The porn was still on in the background and continued to excite me as I recognised the noises coming from the hotel TV.
We had sex that night, again and again just like we had the first time we met. It was more familiar and we didn’t need to explore each others bodies as much but it was just as intense, if not more so.
We talked openly about it after that and it spiced up our sex life. I had been sexually active a lot when I was younger and was no prude but my life had veered away from sex as a means of pleasure or excitement and it had become more of a bond for a loving couple to enjoy.
That all changed after I discovered the porn on his computer and from then on my view of sex and sexual acts changed.
My husband made me a DVD of his favourite clips and I myself would masturbate as I watched it when I found myself alone. I bought myself a vibrator and enjoyed watching the clips myself. I didn’t keep it from him and we were open about all of it. He masturbated more than me, a lot more but then the pleasure I got from the vibrator was not that good.
It made me orgasm but it was short lived, over too quick. I knew what I needed and that was to have sex with a stranger. I was never interested in the lesbians on the DVD only the men and now the thought of being fucked by a stranger consumed me.
Before long the discussions turned once again to having a threesome.
Chapter Six – Threesome
I agreed to the threesome with another girl but laid down some ground rules first. If he was going to shag this girl it had to be doggy style, I didn’t want her looking at him when he was inside her and I certainly didn’t want him kissing her while he fucked her. If he was going to kiss anyone when he was inside her it had to be me. He happily agreed and made contact with her to tell her the rules.
We decided it would be best to have a small private party at our house. Just the three of us in fact. I was a bit wary of this because I knew this girl. She was a friend of a friend and a regular at our house. My husband and her both enjoyed each others company so much I was afraid of feeling like a gooseberry in my own house and with my own husband but it wasn’t like that as they were both careful to include me and it was a surprisingly pleasant evening.
When she arrived I was sitting on the sofa making sure I was in the middle so that they would have to sit either side. I had seen them kissing before on the lips, but never snogging. We often kissed friends saying hello or goodbye and were both comfortable with it so I wondered how I would feel. He met her at the door took her coat and followed her in. She arrived first into the living room wearing a low cut pink top showing off her cleavage and of course no bra.
She often came to our house without one and I thought she did this to tease my husband. I must say, however, that night I looked at her tits and thought, they look very nice. She was wearing a short skirt also pink. I hadn’t dressed for the occasion and was wearing my usual t-shirt and jeans. I wasn’t wearing a bra either but I rarely did around the house and it was MY house!
My husband was just wearing a shirt and jeans but it was a nice black shirt and I thought he looked smart. She sat on my left and immediately started chatting. She was like an energiser bunny as she talked and talked so quickly I was amazed at how much she had to say and how fast she was saying it. I watched her lips as she talked and could see the attraction my husband had for her. She had a gorgeous face and a fit body, taller than me with longer legs. Her breasts were nice and pert but not as big as mine. He skin was paler and she had lovely hands. My husband, as you know, loves hands especially long nails and hers were perfect with light pink nail polish. She looked lovely, sweet even and as she rabbited on I wasn’t really listening but when my husband arrived with the drinks he kissed her as he gave her the wine glass. I wasn’t expecting it and as he pulled away he went back again. I certainly wasn’t expecting that!
They were both snogging in front of me and I could tell she loved it, not because she had my man but because it was him, she really liked him. Strangely that made it easier and as I watched them I have to admit I got a little turned on but then he slid his hand inside her top and started to grope her tit. I was taken aback. I wasn’t ready. He was supposed to sit beside me! What about me? I thought, I’m still here ya know! but they didn’t stop snogging and what happened next shocked me even more.
She stood up, her tongue still inside my husbands mouth, his hand still inside her dress feeling her wildly. He was now upright again as they continued kissing. I’m not having this, I thought but before I said anything his hand came out to me and I put mine into his. He pulled me up off the sofa and put my hand onto her breast through her dress. She turned away from him and looked right into my eyes before leaning forward. What’s going on I thought as her lips touched mine and she began to kiss me. It was nice, like a man but softer, kinder, nicer almost. I couldn’t help but kiss her back until our tongues were now entwined like his and hers had been just moments before. My left hand was still on her tit but I just didn’t feel comfortable with it there and didn’t know what to do with it.
As she kissed me she took my t-shirt in her grip and pulled it up over my head exposing my bare breasts. It wasn’t long before my husband who was standing behind me had his hands on them.
I was enjoying this now sandwiched between the pair of them and she was enjoying me too. My husband took off my jeans while still behind me letting the girl slide her hands inside my pants. She was kissing my neck now in all the right places sending shivers down my spine. Now she was kissing my breasts I couldn’t believe that a girl was licking and sucking my nipples as she fiddled with my pussy inside my pants. My husband kindly removed my pants leaving me naked in front of this girl. I knew her but not that well! Her hands moved over my body in a lovely way and my husband was no longer behind me. I could see him behind her as she continued to suck and tease my nipples. He didn’t look at me as he unzipped her top and began undressing her. She stopped sucking me and turned to him as her top feel to the floor. His hands were all over her all over her tits. I wanted to touch them and to suck them as she had done to mine and so I did. I began feeling her tits, feeling his hands feeling her tits, rubbing and caressing each others hands as well as her nipples as she leant her head back to kiss him and he buried his tongue deep into her mouth. I was so horny.
She eventually turned around to face him and began to undress him unbuttoning his shirt and sliding her perfect little hands inside and all over his body. I felt compelled to touch her, to grope her bum as I could see him struggling with his jeans.
I wanted to help him but her bum was so smooth in my hands that
I couldn’t let go rubbing and pinching it in my hands. She turned to me now wrapping her arms around my head still with her back to me pulling me forward and into her back my nipples touching her back as she took my hands and placed them between her legs. She leant back to kiss me once again and we enjoyed a snog as my hands rubbed between her legs. Her hands were now on my husband, feeling his balls and cock. Her lovely little perfectly manicured hands were all over my husbands cock while my fingers were toying with her pussy.
I got a sudden dose of reality and pulled my hands away. I wasn’t sure I wanted to go on and as I stepped back I watched them rubbing against one another almost fucking in front of me. I realised that it turned me on. I was so horny watching them. I wasn’t happy with my fingers inside her but I liked watching them for a short time anyway. Eventually though enough was enough I was getting horny and I wanted my husband so I walked past them and grabbed his hand pulling them apart and said, ‘Let’s go upstairs’.
We all walked naked up the stairs with me leading the way. I wondered who my husband would take first. Who he would want but I in my mind I knew I wanted to see him and watch him as he fucked her so I took the lead, ‘Why don’t you get on the bed?’ I said to her and she did. She immediately got onto all fours just as planned; just as the rules had stated. My husband followed her but before he mounted her I came behind him and grabbed his penis tight in my hand from behind his back. He turned to kiss me with his hands on her cheeks and I remembered her soft cheeks as I watched him caressing them and enjoyed him snogging me. Will I let him inside her? I thought to myself before, fuck it, yes, I want him in and I guided him over to her.
He entered her with ease whilst still kissing me. I was running my hands all over him as his butt clenched and he bucked and bucked at her. I was so fucking horny I couldn’t stop kissing him, lashing my tongue in and out in the knowledge he was inside her. I didn’t want him to stop kissing me but eventually he turned and pulled out grabbing at her tits as he came all over her back. I was pleased he didn’t come inside her and was saving himself for me. I thought about our usual sex, him on top, me below but this time I wanted it to be different and as she turned around to face him I put myself between them. I didn’t want her gazing into his eyes. I wanted her to see me to remind her I was there and that he was mine. I got into her position all fours in front of my husband with her below me.