by Earl Sewell
“Fine, I’ll fix you up and ask questions later,” Grandmother Esmeralda said.
“Viviana, are you hurt anywhere?” she also asked.
“No. I’m good,” I answered.
“Then visit with your cousin Maya while I fix up Salena. You guys haven’t seen each other in a long time. You should have plenty to talk about.” Grandmother Esmeralda took my mother by the hand and led her down the hallway toward the bathroom.
I looked over at Maya and sized her up. Her shoulder-length black hair looked a little messy, and she had a dumb-ass look on her face and her nose was scrunched up. She looked as if she smelled some foul dog crap. Her skin tone was smooth and even, and her clothes didn’t look shabby and outdated like mine. Everything about her demeanor said that she was a perfect princess and was appalled to see that the family peasants had arrived.
“If you don’t take that ignorant look off your face I’m going to smack it off!” I said, feeling the need to spit on her feet.
“What look?” she asked innocently.
“Stop pretending as if you don’t know what I’m talking about,” I said as I walked into the living room where the fireplace was. I walked over to the mantel and looked at all the photographs that Grandmother Esmeralda had placed there. I saw an old school photo of myself when I was in third grade.
“So, where are the other members of your royal family?” I asked, referring to her parents as well as her brother and sister.
“They’re not here. I came to visit for a little while.”
I looked over my shoulder at Maya.
“Well, isn’t that special. You came out of your castle to come and live among the common folk,” I said sarcastically.
“Like, what are you talking about? Are you trying to say that I’m like a snob or something?” Maya asked.
“Like a snob or something,” I mocked her words. I came across another photo, of Maya and me when we were about eight years old. We were dressed all in white and holding candles. I remembered the photo because my father had taken it. Maya sat down on the sofa positioned against a wall.
“So, what have you been up to lately?” she politely asked.
“You sound like a programmed Barbie doll. Just pull the string and you’ll ask the same dumb questions,” I spat.
“Look, if you don’t want to talk, I totally understand,” Maya said, once again sounding like the perfect princess, and it was really aggravating me.
“Shut up, Maya,” I commanded.
“Excuse me?” she said, clearly offended.
“Oh, did I hurt your little delicate feelings? You always were a prissy little sap, Maya.”
“And you were always a ghetto ’hood rat,” she fired back.
I knew I’d gotten beneath her skin.
“And proud of it,” I quickly responded. “So, what brings you down from your high tower to visit the common folk?”
“I don’t live in a high tower, Viviana,” she said. I took a seat in a chair in the opposite corner of the room.
“Yeah, whatever. So, what brings you down here? You and your family rarely visit.”
“Well, it doesn’t look as if you visit that often either,” Maya said.
“Trust me. I visit a heck of a lot more than you do,” I said.
“I wanted to spend time with Grandmother Esmeralda,” Maya said. But I didn’t believe the line of bologna she was trying to feed me.
“Fine, if you don’t want to talk about it, I totally understand,” I mocked her once again.
“This conversation is going nowhere. You’re way too immature,” Maya whined as she rose to her feet to leave the room.
“Ha, that’s a laugh. If I remember correctly, you’re the one who tried to pretend that you were fourteen when you were only eleven because you liked that boy Ray who sang in the church choir.”
“Why are you bringing up old stuff? That happened years ago.” Maya acted as if she didn’t want to remember the time I was talking about.
“Oh, so you don’t remember that?” I asked.
“Like I said, that was a long time ago,” Maya said unapologetically. “So, what about all of the things I’ve heard about you?”
“You haven’t heard a thing about me,” I said, curling the corner of my mouth.
“I heard that you need professional help. It’s no secret that after your father died you attempted to kill yourself several times. What was that about?”
I got very angry with her, pointed my finger and squinted my eyes until they were nearly shut. “Don’t you ever talk to me about my father!”
“Why? He wasn’t nothing but a thug and a gangbanger.”
I rose to my feet and got close to her, and dared her to say something else bad about my father.
“What? I’m supposed to be afraid of you now?” Maya asked.
“You need to be because you never know what I might do.”
“You’d better back up off me.” Maya tried to play like she was a tough girl.
“Our day is going to come. You just better be glad it’s not today,” I said, stepping away from her.
“What happened to you?” Maya asked.
“The same thing that happened you,” I said, sizing her up once again.
“I said that I’m fine and I don’t want to go to the hospital!” I heard my mother fussing. I glanced in the direction of the bathroom.
“Are you going to go check on your mother, or are you going to stand here hating on me for no reason?” Maya asked.
“Oh, I have my reasons for not liking you and you know exactly what they are,” I said. Maya dropped her eyes toward the floor with guilty shame. “Yeah, I haven’t forgotten about what you did.” I reminded her of how she should feel at fault. In that instant, if my eyes had been laser beams, Maya would have been incinerated beyond recognition.
“How are you two getting along in here?” Grandmother Esmeralda entered the room. I didn’t say anything, but my murderous eyes were shouting. Maya finally broke the silence and tried to downplay the tension between us.
“Everything is fine—we’re just catching up.”
Grandmother Esmeralda chose to ignore the disquiet between Maya and me. She elected to smile at Maya before turning her attention to me. “Are you okay? Did you see who did that to your mother?”
“No,” I answered. “But I have a good idea of who did it.”
“Was it the security guard she was dating?” Grandmother Esmeralda asked.
“No, she broke up with him a long time ago. She has a new idiot named Martin who is responsible,” I said. “I swear before God, the next time I see him, he’s going to have to deal with me,” I said in my meanest voice.
“You will do no such thing, Viviana. Nor are you a match for a man. You will only get yourself killed.” Grandmother Esmeralda paused in thought. “I just don’t understand this thing she has with abusive men. She’s too old to have this type of problem.”
“People get beat down every day. Weren’t you the one who was always saying, ‘You’re never too old to get your butt beat?’” In some small way I got a twisted pleasure by making her eat her own words.
“Yes, but…” Grandmother Esmeralda stopped talking briefly. “Never mind, it’s not worth arguing the point.”
“Well, it is what it is,” I said, feeling my heart turning into stone.
“Your grandfather was the best father and husband in the world. He never raised a hand to me or his children. He loved us so much. If he were still alive, he’d be so hurt by this. I wish I could make Salena understand that love does not have a fist. I don’t understand why she is like that.”
“Well, apparently, she missed that lesson,” I spoke out sarcastically. Grandmother Esmeralda honed in on my negative attitude.
“Viviana, your mouth is filthy and it is going to get you into big trouble one day if you don’t clean it up. Why can’t you be more like Maya? She’s a good girl. She only makes little teenage mistakes here and there, but overall she’s a v
ery respectable young lady. She doesn’t have such a bad attitude like you do. You could learn so much from her.”
I curled my lips into a sour frown when she suggested I become more like Maya. She was the last person I wanted to emulate.
“Are those your clothes in that bag?” asked Grandmother Esmeralda, pointing to my bag.
“Yeah,” I answered, glancing down at my old, dirty duffel bag. For a moment I allowed my thoughts to be seduced with the fantasy of hurling the sack of laundry at Maya’s head.
“When was the last time they were washed?” she asked.
I shrugged my shoulders and said, “I don’t know, but it’s about time for them to be cleaned.”
“Fine, take them down to the laundry room. You know where it is. There is plenty of laundry detergent down there,” Grandmother Esmeralda said as she exhaled and then collapsed on the sofa. She combed her fingers through her hair and then glanced at the ceiling. Maya sat next to her and hugged her in an effort to comfort her.
“What a suck-up,” I mumbled as I picked up my sack of clothes and headed toward the laundry room.
twelve
MAYA
It was well after midnight before Viviana and I got a chance to go to bed. While in the bathroom brushing my teeth I thought about what Viviana used to be like. I didn’t like the new version of her. She’d grown into the type of girl who’d beat anyone down in a heartbeat at the slightest hint of disrespect.
Viviana and I grew up together and spent the summer months at our grandmother’s home. We went to church together, played with our dolls together, combed each other’s hair, and danced to our favorite music in Grandmother Esmeralda’s backyard. We were inseparable back then. Grandmother Esmeralda loved to take us everywhere with her. We’d do fun things like hang out at the beach, go shopping, and at one point Viviana and I were both taking ballet lessons. When Viviana and I were nine years old, Grandmother Esmeralda took us to Disney World. We had so much fun that summer. By the time we’d turned twelve, Viviana had discovered that she liked boys. They were just okay to me, but it wasn’t like I was truly interested in them at that age. However, Viviana convinced me that having a boyfriend would make us look mature. So that summer we started getting into a little mischief with the twin brothers Revell and Reggie, who used to live next door to Grandmother Esmeralda. They both had high-pitched voices, laughed obnoxiously and had bad acne. Neither one was particularly cute, but for Viviana and me, we were only having a little fun. That was until we ended up experiencing our first kiss together.
One hot afternoon, Grandmother Esmeralda left the house to run a quick errand. Viviana and I were hanging out in the backyard drinking Kool-Aid and thumbing through fashion magazines. Viviana decided to call Reggie so that he and his brother could come over and take advantage of the time that our grandmother was away. Both Revell and Reggie came out of the house immediately and jumped the fence that separated our yards. I’ll be the first to admit that I was having fun being chased around and screaming at the top of my voice. I didn’t want Revell to catch me, but then again I did. They cornered us on opposite sides of the same tree. Without asking, Revell pressed his lips against mine and I angrily pushed him off me. Reggie was doing the same to Viviana, but she liked it. Their lips were smashed together and they just kept turning their heads back and forth. I, of course, thought it was gross because at the time it just seemed like they were sharing each other’s spit. Revell begged me to get with the program and be more like Viviana, but I was a good girl and just didn’t do stuff like that. Viviana thought I was so lame. Revell, who wasn’t about to be outdone by his brother, pressed up against me and tried to steal a kiss. I once again fought him off and told Viviana that I didn’t think it was such a good idea to call them up and invite them over.
Viviana broke away from her kissing session and said, “Stop being so afraid, Maya. It’s a lot of fun if you’d just relax.”
“Yeah. Just relax and let me do the work.” Revell tried to use a low and commanding voice, but it only cracked and released an irritating pitch right in the middle of his sentence.
“I don’t think so,” I said, wanting both boys to leave before Grandmother Esmeralda returned.
“Revell, you should leave,” I said, pointing in the direction of his house.
“No. Just let me get to second base. Look at Viviana and my brother. She’s letting him go to second base.” Revell once again begged me to let my guard down. I held my ground and firmly told him no. I walked back to the house, entered it and stood behind the safety of the screen door. Then, just as I’d feared, Grandmother Esmeralda returned home and caught Viviana kissing and getting felt up.
I closed my eyes for a second and erased the memory from my thoughts. I tied up my hair and headed toward the bedroom. When I entered, Viviana was just pulling back the bedcovers.
“You can use the washroom now,” I said politely.
“What for?” Viviana asked.
“To wash your face and brush your teeth. There is a spare toothbrush in the medicine cabinet,” I said.
“I don’t see the purpose of brushing my teeth before I go to bed when I’m just going to wake up with morning breath anyway,” she said.
“It’s part of having good hygiene,” I explained.
Viviana met my gaze. “So, what are you saying? That I stink or something?”
I knew right away that she’d gotten offended. “That’s not what I said.”
“But that’s what you’re implying, right?” Viviana stepped close to me and I backed away.
“I wasn’t trying to be insulting. You’ve taken my comment way too seriously,” I said.
Viviana glared at me with heat in her eyes. The old Viviana that I used to get along with was long gone. “Why don’t you just leave me alone and go get in your own bed?” she said.
“Uhm, don’t you remember what our grandmother said? We have to share the bed.”
“I’m not sharing this bed. I was here first, so it’s mine.” Viviana got in the bed and pulled the covers up to her shoulder.
“So where am I supposed to sleep?” I asked.
“On the floor, princess,” Viviana said.
“Oh, no! There is no way that I’m sleeping on the floor.” That was where I drew the line.
“You want to fight for the bed?” Viviana asked. She tossed back the covers and rose to her feet.
“Come on, take your best shot,” she encouraged me to bring it.
“What’s the matter with you? Why can’t you just let what happened in the past go?” I asked, trying to reason with her.
“It’s not that easy, princess,” she said, waiting for me to make my first move.
“This is stupid and ghetto,” I said, turning my back to her. I walked over to a nearby closet and pulled out a blanket and another pillow. I glanced at Viviana with disgust and exited the bedroom. I went downstairs, figuring that I’d sleep on the sofa. However, when I got there, Salena was already asleep on it. I grumbled quietly to myself and walked back upstairs. I entered Grandmother Esmeralda’s bedroom. She was already in a deep sleep, so I crawled into bed with her, curled my body up and closed my eyes.
When I awoke the following morning Grandmother Esmeralda wasn’t beside me. Her bed was so comfortable that I toyed with the idea of never leaving it. I turned onto my side and snuggled up with one of the pillows to try and get more sleep. Just as I was about to close my eyes, something told me to turn over. When I did, Viviana was standing over me.
“Aww, the poor princess was too high-strung to sleep on the floor.” Viviana didn’t waste any time handing out critical remarks.
“Why don’t you just go away? I’m not bothering you,” I grumbled as I turned back over.
“Trust me. I wish I could go someplace far away and just be by myself.” Viviana’s voice had a sad undertone to it, so I turned back over to face her. I thought that perhaps she was in a slightly better mood.
“Where would you go?” I asked.
“Do you like reading books at all?”
“What does reading some stupid book have to do with anything?” she asked mockingly.
“Well. For a lot of people reading a book can be sort of like escaping from your own reality. It’s worked for me a few times. I thought maybe it’d work for you, too.”
Viviana laughed. “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard of. But I’m not surprised, especially since it came from your mouth.”
“Whatever, Viviana. I was only trying to help.”
“What I need help with is getting money to get my own place. Me and my friend Toya talked about living together,” Viviana said as she sat down in a chair in the corner of the room.
“You’re too young to live on your own.” I thought to myself that her idea was truly a dumb one.
“No, I’m not. I know what life is really about. I’ve been places, seen and done things. I’m not some sheltered princess who lives in la-la land like you.” Viviana didn’t let up for even a second with her personal attacks on me.
“Just for your information, my life isn’t as perfect as you think it is,” I said, feeling the need to defend myself.
“Yeah, right. You practically have a silver spoon in your mouth. I’ll even bet you that Aunt Raven and your father, Herman, have even set up a college fund for you.” Viviana had a contemptuous frown on her face.
“Well, yeah. Of course they do,” I said. To me, saving for college was just as normal as back-to-school shopping.
“You guys still living in that big house out in the suburbs?” Viviana asked.
“Our house is small,” I said, feeling the need to make her feel better.
“When I do get settled down, the place that I’m going to live in is going to be twenty times bigger than yours. I’m going to have everything in it. Maids, cooks, a ton of clothes and lots of jewelry. You just wait. I’ll show you.”
“How do you plan on getting all of that stuff?” I asked.
“I’m going to steal it. Well, most of it, anyway,” she said without batting an eye.