Well. Seemed her decision was made.
Meilin sat up and pulled her knees to her chest. If making the decision was half the battle, then why did she still have one tremor of fear?
Pictures of Shan’s angry face flashed before her. She sighed and closed her eyes, rocking back and forth. Confrontation wasn’t something she’d been raised to handle. Tonight had been the first time she’d seen anything resembling true trouble between her parents. If they’d had strong disagreements, they’d carefully kept the children shielded from the discord. Father’s word, mostly, was law, her mother often demurring with down cast eyes before witnesses.
Was that what she wanted for herself? To be second to a man? Funny how she’d never really taken the time to think about what she wanted out of a relationship. Or even if she really wanted one in the first place.
Although conflict rarely entered her world, she usually didn’t run from her problems. With that in mind, she faced the future now. First, she considered her life as it was. Alone, solely dependent on her talents and brains. Making her way in the world without relying on anyone more than she had to. Employees she paid. For fun she had friends. Friends who one by one were taking up the shroud of married life, tying themselves to a man, and happily taking on the burden of children. Their lives now left little time for her or other friends not involved with the schools their children attended or the social clubs their husbands belonged to. A life very much like the one she’d take on by marrying Shan.
It sounded like a busy way to live, but it could be as lonely as her current single life. Without the satisfaction of knowing she could take care of herself, or knowing her partner had her back as well as her heart, just as she’d have his. Is that what made all the difference?
Had her friends really traded independence for a life of security? Dependent on a man who might one day decide he wanted someone younger? A man who might die in an accident or have a heart attack? What would become of her friends then if their husbands didn’t leave behind enough life insurance or savings? It didn’t sound very secure to her, but did love make the risk acceptable?
But she had options. Drew had said she wouldn’t have to give up her career to be with him. Just redirect it a little. He was young enough and focused enough on his career that children probably hadn’t crossed his mind. And as the sole male heir to his father’s business, someday children would become a priority. Would she be ready for children then? Would she be too old? Would it even matter now his sister was in the picture? If she married and had children, it was possible Drew would be relieved of providing the next generation.
And yet, for the first time in her life, she felt empty at the thought of never holding her own child. Drew’s child. What a time for her biological clock to kick in!
Overwhelmed by the questions, she dropped her face into her hands. The future was so uncertain. To marry or not?
Marriage to Shan was out. Definitely.
Marriage to Drew… Well, that thought wasn’t even on the table, couldn’t be. Not until she’d dealt with calling off her engagement to Shan and all that entailed.
Although it was after nine, she reached for her phone to call the lawyer her father had used for the marriage contract. Another distant cousin and one who wouldn’t mind the late call. No time like the present to set things in motion.
Chapter 29
After a very long, very hellish day, Meilin dragged herself up the stairs to her apartment. Never had those three flights felt so endless. Never had she climbed them with her heart so heavy.
A cloth bag containing a few groceries bumped against her leg with each step. Just a little salad and some basics to see her through dinner tonight and breakfast for a couple days.
She reached the top of the steps and leaned against the wall for a minute. Enough to give her the strength to walk into her apartment before she collapsed completely. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. All levels had been hit hard today. Hell, every day for the week plus a few days. And she was no closer to finding a good to solution to even one of her problems, numerous as they were.
On a deep breath, she straightened. Standing out here wasn’t going to fix a single one of them, either.
At her door, the bag slipped off her arm and hit the floor with a loud, cringe-worthy thunk. It was after nine and Edna would be asleep. Making noise in the hallway was rude enough, but something so loud?
She managed to get her key slipped into the first lock when her neighbor’s door opened behind her.
“Meilin, honey. Everything okay?”
Great, now she’d disturbed the older woman who needed her sleep. The door was solid against her forehead when she let her head drop against it.
“Meilin?”
“No,” she whispered. “Everything’s not all right. Nothing’s even remotely okay.”
Two gnarled hands grabbed her shoulders from behind, urged her to turn around, and she found herself hugged to the thin, but far from weak, person of Edna.
The kindness of the gesture was too much. Meilin burst into tears. Being rocked by a woman more than twice her age and several inches shorter was immensely comforting, almost the same as when she’d been a small child and her great grandmother had cuddled her after kissing away whatever small trauma had happened just then.
“Come on, honey. This needs some tea.”
Meilin let Edna tug her toward her apartment’s open door, then sat when she pushed Meilin over to a sofa. A tissue box landed in Meilin’s lap next. She grabbed several and bent to bury her face in them. Edna’s slight form sat next to her. It didn’t take much encouragement for Meilin to lean on the smaller woman and let her bony arms surround her. Dear, dear Edna. The thought of leaving her behind someday made Meilin cry harder.
At last, long minutes later, the tears slowly dried. When she could breathe without gasping and hiccupping, she sat up slowly. Edna kept a hand on her arm, gently patting.
“There now. You collect yourself and I’ll make some tea.” The elder woman rose, then made her way into the kitchen. “There are clean washcloths in the bathroom if you want some cold water on those eyes.”
By the time Meilin came out, Edna had a tray on the coffee table with her prized vintage Chinese yixing teapot and a pair of chipped white ceramic mugs.
“You didn’t have to do that,” Meilin said.
“Nonsense. My pleasure.” Edna settled on the sofa and pointed to the spot next to her. “But I will let you pour.”
The teapot, one Meilin had found for Edna in an antiques market, was hot to the touch and fragrant from years of brewing a fine oolong that they both preferred. It made her smile to see it being enjoyed.
Once they both had cups and sat sipping, Edna said, “Want to talk about it?”
“Oh you don’t want to hear my problems. It’s bad enough I’m here past your bedtime.” By nine every night Edna folded up like a morning glory waiting for the next day’s sun.
“I was awake. Not even in my nightgown yet.”
True, Edna still wore one of the cashmere sweater and wool skirt sets she preferred.
“Sure you want to hear all this? It’s very dramatic. Melodramatic, even.”
“Make my night.” Edna grinned and raised her cup for a sip.
Meilin took her own sip, then sighed. “You know I became engaged.”
“Yes. Handsome man, but too old for you. I’m surprised you accepted him, but assumed you knew what you were doing.”
Meilin laughed. Her first in many days. “No, I didn’t know what I was getting into.” As briefly as she could, she brought Edna up to date as far as Shan’s accident.
“I’d decided I didn’t want to marry him,” she explained.
“And that’s where the blond hunk comes in?” There was hope in Edna’s question and face.
“No. Yes. Maybe. He’s not really a part of the central drama. That all revolves around Shan and my parents.”
Edna nodded.
A signal to continue.
“Well, I finally told my parents who were not pleased. Especially my father. Mother walked out leaving us to finish the…discussion.”
Edna snorted. “I imagine it was more of a fight then.”
“Mostly it was Papa yelling at me. He forbade me to break off the engagement.”
“Then what happened?”
“After I got home, I was reaching for the phone to call my lawyer when my brother called. Not long after I left their house, Papa had an…episode. That’s what they’re calling it. A small-ish heart attack.” God, would the feelings of guilt never go away? She’d brought the attack on. Although Mother never said the words, the truth was there between them. It hovered in the hospital room each time she went to visit her father. A huge, flaming, hot pink elephant sitting right there.
“Silly man for not staying on top of his health. He brought it on himself,” Edna declared firmly.
“Yeah, well, I was the detonator.”
“Not your fault, honey. But keep going. That’s bad enough in itself, but there’s more going on.”
“Yes.” She sipped some more tea and let it warm her inside. “Turns out there was more to the engagement agreement than they’d told me. Once I marry Shan, he’ll assume all the expenses for my father’s care and retirement. That way he can leave all the assets for my brother to take over the family businesses. They do well, but not well enough to fund my parents’ retirement, especially with my father’s health. This heart attack will put a huge burden on the group insurance.” Closing her eyes, she slumped against the nubby fabric of the mid-century sofa.
“So, the wedding is still on?” Edna’s voice rose. “What about you? You’ll sacrifice a relationship with a hot young Brit for your father?”
“There’s no other way, Edna. I can’t afford to take on their medical bills, neither can my brother. Mom can’t get a job to make enough. Her job is now to nurse our father. She needs to be at his side to take care of him. While this episode wasn’t huge, it did enough damage that Papa will need constant care and watching over. No more chocolate cherry cheesecakes for him.”
“But you don’t love Shan. In fact, I sense you don’t even like him. Possibly might even despise him. If not now, in a few years for sure. Surely they don’t think it’s right to marry him under those circumstances?”
“They do.”
“But…why?”
The distress on Edna’s face was the motivator to set down their cups so Meilin could hold her hands. “Because in China, when you injure another person, it becomes your responsibility to care for that person for the rest of their life. Although my parents were born American, they were raised to be as Chinese as possible. They follow the old traditions as much as modern life allows and raised me to do the same. Because my father’s episode was brought on by my wish to dissolve the engagement, it is therefore my fault he’s in the hospital, and the easiest path is to marry Shan and let him pay for everything. The hospital, the nursing home or home health assistant, therapy, and medications.”
“That’s nonsense.” Edna snorted. The noise was so cute Meilin nearly smiled.
Edna’s outrage also made Meilin feel a little better. She wasn’t alone in feeling the unfairness of the situation. They hadn’t told her this was part of the contract. Had she known, she might have refused to sign. She sighed. Or not. Knowing what all was on the line, she might have shrugged and signed anyway. Before meeting Drew.
After meeting Drew… Well that was the critical turning point. A test of her loyalties to her family. A test she was failing, miserably, to the great disappointment of her mother. Her brother had a little more sympathy, but didn’t hesitate to point out how marrying Shan was best for everyone. Best for him, Mother and Father, however no one mentioned how it would be best for her. They didn’t care if she was happy about it or not. She’d signed, accepted the proposal, and now she was committed. The end.
In their opinions.
“And how does the beautiful blond man with the English accent feel about all this?”
Meilin looked into Edna’s watery emerald eyes. Hair that had once been red was now thin and white. Skin once smooth as alabaster was wrinkled and translucent, showing signs of aging that would never be reversed. The thin shoulders inside cashmere were slightly hunched. Blue veins stood out on the hands knotting with arthritis. Hands that could still knit a sweater, afghan, or baby bootie. In her gaze, there was little sign of age, unless it was decades of life responsible for the wisdom there. The kindness was innate.
“He doesn’t know about the latest. I mean, he knows I was engaged and determined to get free of it. He knows I don’t want to marry Shan. He knows I love him, although I’ve never said the words. He also knows Shan is not the only obstacle in our way. Were Shan not around, we’d still be facing the issues of age. He’s ten years younger than I am. Just out of college, for Christ’s sake!”
Edna snorted. “Age is merely a number. Besides, a younger man will keep you young longer. What does your heart tell you?”
Meilin stared at their hands. Hers smooth and strong. Edna’s gnarled and stronger yet. “My heart says he’s the one. Nevertheless, we still have other problems to consider.” In a few sentences she outlined Drew’s new career and how it didn’t match with hers. She also told Edna what Drew had said about that.
“Listen to your heart, my dear. He’s wise, your young man. Talk to him. I bet he has solutions you haven’t even dreamed of. I bet he has ideas so outrageous they have to work. I have the feeling he’ll do anything to keep you from marrying where your heart doesn’t wish to go.”
“What if his solution is the same as Shan’s? Marry me and take on the burden of my parents?”
“What if it is? Didn’t he mention you could work for his father’s company? I bet they have some sort of insurance program that would cover your parents. My son put me on his so that when I need a nursing home, the insurance will help with most of the costs. Not that I intend to go quietly when he decides I’m too senile to take care of myself.” A wicked twinkle entered her eyes. “Beside, when I go into a home, I want to be spry enough to pinch the butts of the orderlies.”
Meilin laughed. “I’d pay money to see that.”
“Just come see me when the time comes, and I’ll consider it payment enough. You can sneak me in some cigarettes and booze. By then I’ll want the end to come quickly, so don’t try to tell me how those things will kill me.”
Laughter rose again. “I promise. Might even hire a male stripper to make the deliveries from time to time.”
“Only if you’re off gallivanting around China or England. Lovely as a stripper would be, I’d rather see you.”
Meilin sobered again. “I’ve already told my family I’ll go ahead with the marriage. I never got the chance to tell Shan. In fact, he is insisting I move into his condo this weekend. He wants me to care for him rather than the home health aide and his housekeeper. And he wants to prove to me how well we’ll get along married.” Only three days away. Tears swam in her eyes again at the thought. “For so many reasons, I don’t want to. I have commitments I just can’t drop and keep my business reputation, and yet he’s demanding I do so.”
“Then don’t.” Edna shook their still clasped hands. “Talk to Drew. Don’t give up and roll over. You’re made of stronger stuff than that.”
Sniffling back her tears, Meilin nodded. “You’re right. I’m a modern woman who started her own business from scratch. I need to find my own solution here that doesn’t involve a man bailing me out.”
“Well, let Drew bail you out a little. Hire on with his company and take the insurance option. That will mean making your contribution, not throwing yourself solely at his mercy. It will make you more equal, which is the way marriage works best. Partners who bring their own talents to the relationship. Whether that means you keep the house so he can concentrate on making a good living, or both of you working and sharing househ
old duties, or him staying home while you work, it’s all up to the two of you to find the balance. Not what your parents and millennia of ancestors determine. You determine how your marriage should work. That’s what should be traditional these days.”
Leaning forward, Meilin carefully took the fragile woman in her arms. “The world needs more of your wisdom. I’ll do it. I’ll talk to Drew.”
Chapter 30
At the end of two very long weeks, Drew was hard pressed to paste a smile on his face. Hell, he was hard pressed to remember to shave or do laundry. More than once he’d sat brooding over his choices from choosing law school to ultimately moving to China. Was it really what he wanted from life? Was he crazy for ever starting down this path? Had it been his idea to begin with, or a careful manipulation by his father or grandmother? And with the move from Stanford to Peking University imminent, he had no time to work things out.
The Mandarin lessons certainly seemed to be a huge miscalculation on his part. Almost everyone in the class had voiced the same doubts at least once, so possibly he wasn’t wholly off track. Although, the lessons seemed to be progressing. However, for him, not quickly, not easily, and he still questioned his intelligence for thinking he could learn Mandarin. For one, he was lacking the musical ear that could help him hear the subtle tones. He had a greater appreciation for foreigners learning the crazy way English had words with similar spellings, but far different pronunciations.
Learning Mandarin and getting ready to move to China were big items, but neither truly quite topped his list of things that seemed bollixed up. Meilin took the top spot. She hadn’t answered a single text in over a week. Not knowing how she was doing, or what she was doing to break herself away from Lin, was driving him up a tree. All he knew was her father was in the hospital with some severe health issues. A tidbit he’d learned from Arnie after nearly a week of silence from Meilin. Something Arnie had learned only by calling to beg Meilin to come help with the evening tutoring.
Her Unexpected Affair (The Robinsons) Page 25