by Nicky Roth
'Yes,' Darcy sighed with some relief. Only two more days of madness, if he had any luck.
Elizabeth's approaching footsteps the doctor had picked up upon stopped in front of the door, a knock sounded and a moment later she entered with a face that spoke of shock and incredulity.
'Ah, I see the test has been positive,' Miller smiled, his eyes twinkling behind his glasses.
'How do you know?'
'I have seen enough women with that exact expression on their faces to know perfectly well what it means. - And besides, there is your almost hubby throwing up all over the place just like his father did. Ah, the advantages of being a family-GP for generations...'
Cheerfully rubbing his hands Dr Miller leaned over his desk, to offer Elizabeth a chair and then began scribbling a prescription and something else on a sticky note.
'So, that's for your nausea, my lad, and these are the phone numbers of a couple of local midwives.'
'That's it?'
'Yes, I'll have a look at the results from the blood test, but they won't be in before tomorrow, so, have a nice evening. Are you having a stag night?'
'My cousin insists I have one...'
'Good, and I agree with him. Every man should. Bye.'
'But I would rather rest...'
'Then go home, do so for a couple of hours and then, afterwards, have some fun. Once the little one is born, the two of you will be too busy to go out any time soon, believe me.'
Okay, Dr Miller might have a point there, but still, Darcy was little inclined to an evening of more madness and there was little doubt that a stag night planned by Bingley and, even worse, Fitz included plenty of that. Elizabeth seemed to think along the same lines, though with Jane being the one having planned the hen night, he doubted she had much to worry about.
It was only when they both sat in his car again, that the whole extent of what had just been revealed sank in.
Lizzy was pregnant. He was going to be a dad! Wow... - Just WOW!
'Will?' Elizabeth started when exited the small car park of the surgery.
'Yes?'
'Are you okay? I mean with me being...'
'Okay? Lizzy, I am more than just okay, I am ecstatic! So much so, that I don't even give a toss about the puking anymore. If it means you don't feel sick, then it is my pleasure to take over for you.'
At this Elizabeth had to laugh, snorting something about being appreciative, before turning serious again: 'But Will, not a word to my mother!'
Okay, not to say something was one thing, he'd manage that, but how was he to wipe that broad smile off of his face, when he was literally overflowing with happiness?
Ah, well, never mind, they would work it out somehow.
Chapter 55:
Shangri La
By the time they arrived back at Pemberley, after taking a B-line via the pharmacy, Charlotte had arrived as well. But if Elizabeth had thought to find the whole house in a buzz this time around, she had obviously been wrong. As a matter of fact, it was almost eerily quiet. Too quiet! Where the heck was everybody?
Okay, Jane, Charlotte, Anne and Georgiana still sat in the kitchen each with a cup of tea in front of them looking pleased with themselves, while Mrs Reynolds, Lady Catherine and her mother were nowhere to be seen. Neither were Fitz and Bingley. What the fuck was going on?
'Ah, there you are again, Lizzy. How are you, Will?' Jane asked, as soon as they'd entered the kitchen.
All eyes were on them now, the expression on each face a curious one.
'I'm much better, thank you. I got some stuff that helps with the nausea and it seems to work a treat. Hi, Charlotte. Georgie, where is everybody?' Darcy asked the exact same question she herself had been about to ask.
'Well, for our part, we are here, as you can clearly see, brother dear, Mrs Reynolds has gone out as she does every other Thursday to meet her friends for dinner, and Fanny and Aunt Cathy are on their way to Shangri La,' Georgiana answered off-handedly.
So much so, that Elizabeth couldn't help the feeling that she had been working with Jane all along. Was there no-one she could trust anymore?
Wait, what? Shangri La?
'Eh, come again?'
'Well, we thought it's better to have them out of the way tonight and thankfully Georgie organised for them to go to Shangri La. I mean, I figured that you, in all likeliness, didn't want Mum or Lady Catherine to cluck in on your hen night, so we needed to come up with something,' Jane tried to explain, but failed miserably since her reply didn't really answer anything.
If anything, it raised more questions. And why the hell was Charlotte grinning broadly while intently looking at her? She seemed to thoroughly enjoy herself and took even more delight in her friend's apparent confusion. Well, cheers, Lottie.
But seriously, Elizabeth could not help the feeling that she was missing something, big time.
Her suspicions were confirmed when Darcy asked, completely unconcerned: 'And how are they getting to Derby?'
Right, Shangri La was in Derby, not the Himalayas, no wonder people had been looking for it in vain...
'With Uncle Eddie's Rolls. He's even agreed to drive them.'
Right, Uncle Eddie was the ominous Earl she had yet to meet. Lady Catherine's brother. And with that also the brother of Will's late mother. Or in short, Fitz's dad.
By the way, where were the men? That was the one question Georgiana had not answered and a moment later she didn't need to anymore, when she heard their voices and both Fitz, Bingley and two another man Elizabeth didn't know stepped into the room, their faces red with laughter.
'I guess that will be some surprise for Lizzy, can't believe that... - Oh, shit, you are back already?' Bingley stammered in surprise, stopping in his tracks.
'Yep.'
'Well, Darce, we're done with the preparations and you look a lot better as well. Ready to go?'
'No.'
'Oh, come now, don't start again! I mean, what's so bad with a little partying before life turns serious?' the shorter of the two strangers asked. 'I mean, my stag-night was fun, wasn't it?'
'I can't remember much of it, if I'm honest, George. And when I finally regained consciousness, I found myself on the front-steps of Matlock wearing drag.'
'You, mate weren't wearing drag, you wore a red lace bra, matching knickers and suspenders along with stockings and pumps,' Fitz grinned.
'As I said, drag.'
'You did look sexy, though,' the other, stranger chuckled. 'And at least we were considerate enough to give you a whole day before the wedding to sober up. I wasn't all that lucky. But, at least, I made it to church on time. Not that Cissy was too happy about my state.'
'Very considerate. Cheers! - By the way, Lizzy, these are my other two cousins. Richard's older brothers, Edward and George.'
Okay, by now she had figured out as much. The family resemblance was actually uncanny, though Edward's hair was lighter than that of his two brothers' and he was not quite as athletic. No surprise, considering that Fitz was a soldier, though what exactly George did for a living, she had no idea, though she faintly remembered that Will had mentioned it at some point or other. Then again, so much had been going on lately...
'That's just what we are. Considerate, I mean. By the way, when is the little one due, Will?' Edward asked innocently.
Taken by complete surprise Darcy stuttered: 'H-h-how...?'
'Dad,' his youngest cousin shrugged. 'Said he knows that phenomenon well from your own father. Never knew such things ran in the family and I'm mightily glad it doesn't in mine. - Oh, by the way, Lizzy, your mother is over the moon.'
FUCK! Yes, fuck spelt with capital letters.
So much for keeping her pregnancy a secret for as long as was humanly possible. She was frickin' doomed.
'So, mate, time to dress up and paint the town. Same for you, girls, off you go!' George ushered them on.
Before Elizabeth could say anything, Jane and Charlotte had taken hold of her and mercilessly steered her up to
her room, leaving a bewildered looking Will and four cackling blokes behind.
Not very reassuring. Poor Will!
And where the hell had Georgiana disappeared to? Or Anne for that matter?
'By the way, we've taken the liberty of putting out some clothes for you to wear,' Jane smiled cheerfully.
Okay...
Looking at her sister, she obviously hadn't changed yet either, nor had Charlotte and Georgiana had still been in her school uniform last she had seen her a few minutes ago. The door to her own disused bedroom was pushed open, leaving Elizabeth confused, at first and then utterly incredulous.
She was supposed to wear THAT? But that was a...
Even looking at it from all angles, she could come to no other conclusion, it was a fucking bright yellow plush onesie that was obviously supposed to be some sort of weird chicken, sporting a beak and red comb on its hood and some sort of feathery tail.
They had to be kidding, right? She would not go out in this! Not while sober at any rate, and drinking very obviously was out of the question. Well, aside from that it wouldn't have been fair on Charlotte even if she weren't pregnant herself. And then there was also Georgiana who was plain too young to drink and thinking of it, too young to go clubbing or whatever they had in mind. Where the heck was Georgie?
'Lottie and I just go and get changed likewise, okay?' Jane chimed in, interrupting her thoughts.
No, it was not fucking okay. They were taking the piss, right? The actual dress she was supposed to wear must be hidden somewhere, surely. But before Elizabeth could react, her two companions were gone, walking down the corridor giggling. Swell! WTF?
Looking into her chest of drawers there was sod all in there aside from a note in Jane's hand saying: “Nice try, Sis. The chicken outfit, if you please!”
Okay, dressing room next. Same situation, same frickin' note. Multiple times even. Bathroom? Nope, same story. Seems like her sister had anticipated her reaction. Dandy! Right, where else could she look? Under the bed? Inside the duvet cover? Under the mattress? Okay, the sitting room...
She should have thought of that sooner. But nope, all were equally devoid of anything decent to wear. The only piece of clothing was that blasted onesie and a set of comfy looking underwear and thick woollen socks. Weirdly enough, no shoes. Hm...?
'Are you still not done?' Jane asked from the door.
Wheeling around Elizabeth's jaw dropped.
There stood Jane sporting a blue teddy-bear onesie.
Charlotte, in turn, had turned into a turquoise dog her tail wagging every time she moved slightly, Anne into a plum-coloured cat and Georgiana into a soft pink unicorn with a glittery horn in sparkly rainbow colours. Out of all of them, she looked perhaps the least ridiculous, though that didn't say all that much, for the rest looked so silly, even Kitty and Lydia at their worst were no match.
'You really want to go out dressed like this?' Elizabeth finally managed to inquire.
'Who the heck said we are going out?' Anne asked back innocently. 'As far as I remember no-one.'
'But...?' True actually, no-one had said they were going to go out, thinking of it.
'But it's time for you to turn into a cute little chick, Lizzy.'
'And then?' she couldn't help asking tentatively.
'Pizza, alcohol-free cocktails and girlie movies until we fall asleep.'
'Don't forget about the ice cream!' Anne added cheekily.
'And the pillow fight,' Georgiana threw in, bobbing up and down as if she were six and not sixteen.
'And the nail-painting and inevitable face masks,' Charlotte piped up.
'Not to forget the little surprise we've prepared for later on...'
Okay, that didn't sound all that bad. Actually, after what she had feared, it sounded really nice, though Elizabeth wasn't sure whether she needed yet another surprise today.
Re-locating to one of the smaller sitting rooms downstairs, Elizabeth found that it had been basically transformed into a cinema with a fold-up screen, and a beamer attached to a DVD-player on a trolley. Even the furniture had been arranged accordingly, so every one of them had full view of the screen with little to nothing in the way.
The sofas were stacked with pillows, cushions and blankets; crisps, popcorn and various sweets, enough to feed a whole army, had been put into bowls and endless bottles of juice, syrup and soft drinks were neatly arranged on the window sill.
Did she mention that she had the best sister in the world yet?
If not, it was about high time! It was a bit of a shame that Mary, Kitty and Lydia could not be here likewise but... - Oops, where did they come from all of a sudden?
'Did you really think we would stay at home when there is a party to go to?' Lydia, a purple cow with pink udder and glittery horns, asked laughingly. 'No way! - Mary, you are not seriously going to read that chemistry book, are you?'
Mary, dressed up as a pink little piggy with what she supposed were to be mud splatters, didn't look all too happy, either at being caught or being here in the first place when she had so many other important things to do, like learning for her A-levels. Oh, it was Thursday, she missed Morris dancing practice. Poor one!
Kitty, in the shape of an oversized bright green bunny, for once the resolute one, took the offending book out of her sister's hand and shoved her into the nearest armchair while neatly disposing of the book by throwing it into the basket used for carrying in fire wood.
'Oh stop it, Mary. Just relax for once, will you?' she scolded, before sitting down next to Mary.
While the rest of them bunked down on the sofas Anne put in the first film. “Bridget Jones”, naturally and turned off most of the lights. Ha, hen night wasn't so bad after all. Well, not at all. It was actually great fun.
By the time the pizza arrived they were onto part two and Kitty, Lydia and Georgiana had started to paint their nails in the brightest colours possible. Needless to say, that each nail sported a different one. Hm, who would have thought that those three would get along so well together? Perfect!
And what idiot had come up with the idea that one couldn't possibly have a good time without alcohol?
'By the way, do you know that Mum thinks that you are pregnant again?' Lydia asked, looking up from her task of blotting green nail polish onto Georgiana's already yellow thumbnail. 'She's in a right frenzy, I tell you. I didn't see her, but I heard her clearly enough when she left in that cool car, together with her new cronie, Lady whatever-her-name-is. I'm bad with names, sorry.'
'Lady Catherine, you mean. And no, I'm not pregnant again, Lyddy, since I wasn't pregnant the first time around.'
'You know what I mean, that Mum again thinks you are. Wait a sec, does that mean that this time around you actually are?' Lydia had picked up on her meaning surprisingly quickly. 'Pregnant, I mean.'
'Yes.'
'Whoohoo, I'm going to be an aunty!'
'So that is why you have to marry in such haste?' Mary interjected. 'I would've thought you to be more sensible than that.'
Speaking about party crashers... - Well, at least there was ice cream ahead of them to make up for that.
'No, I only found out today. The haste is due to Will and I wanting to keep our sanity and with keeping Mama away from planning a state affair.'
'Hm,' was all Mary's unbelieving reply as she picked up yet another piece of pizza.
'What?'
Grinning broadly Mary replied: 'Just testing you. I'm not all that stuck up, you know?'
Well, that was good to hear, especially from Mary.
'And at least we can clear out our attic,' Kitty giggled. 'I was worried about how to get at our Christmas stuff with all the baby things in the way.'
'Yeah, we can put it onto our trailer and ask Mum to drive it up here using the tractor once she's got her license back. It's not as spectacular as a manure spreader, but hey, you can't have everything,' Lydia dead-panned making everybody around her dissolve in laughter.
At shortly after eleven,
the first yawns erupted, just when they were about half-way through “When Harry met Sally”. By one, they had just started on “Shakespeare in love”, everybody was dozing off peacefully. In short, it had been a perfect hen night, aside from perhaps the lack of the promised pillow fight, but hey, who gave a damn?
Chapter 56:
Tails
'So, come on mate, time to get you ready,' Bingley chirped cheerfully after the girls had gone upstairs some twenty minutes ago and Darcy had actually been wondering about the delay.
Yes, Bingley actually chirped. Not a good sign at all.
But hey, in the end, what could possibly go wrong, right? Eh, well a lot. Sod's law and all that jazz. And it was stag night. His stag night no less. So, judging by what had gone tits up of late, he was sure to be doomed. But at least he didn't need to ponder any longer what had kept them, for the cue for getting up had been his uncle entering the kitchen.
The Earl of Matlock was an imposing figure so much was true, but he was also a cheeky bugger. No need to guess where his three son's had inherited that trait from. It was most decidedly not from their mother's side...
'So, Will, are you going to be a daddy then?' he asked slapping his nephew's shoulder in greeting.
'Eh, yes.'
'That's my boy! Was about time you got hitched and started a family. Congratulations!'
He slapped Darcy again, this time on the back, but not with any less strength and that was considerable, for though in his late fifties, he still played rugby, rowed, rode, fenced and did yoga.
Yes, this really was the same man who, when in high society, which he, truth be told, tried to avoid as often as he could in favour of a pint at his local, behaved impeccably to the extreme. It always astonished Darcy, but, never mind.
Just like Lizzy had been, he was escorted, or rather led away police-style, up to his room to find...- No, they had to be kidding him, right?
'What the fuck is that thing on the armchair over there?'