—Chelsea Baker
Paul and I weren’t that far from Sam. Allison used her belt to try and stop the bleeding in one of his legs, and then she started to look around for another belt. So naturally she looked at guys. Paul had his hands behind him, like he was pretending they were still tied. He had the nail clipper in his fist. Allison walked over to us and looked down at him. My heart was beating so hard I thought I was going to puke.
—Dustin Williams
Brendan and Gary were standing shoulder to shoulder, arguing. One faced one way, the other faced the other way. So they were each watching 180 degrees of the room. I assumed they were fighting about Allison. At first I didn’t quite grasp it. What was the big deal? Why did they care if she stayed? Just because she was there didn’t necessarily mean she’d have to come to harm, did it? Not unless they were planning to kill everyone . . . including themselves.
—Beth Bender
Allison bent over Paul. I saw her look down at him, then kind of blink and straighten up. I thought, This is it Good-bye, world. I hope Heavens exactly the same way they pictured it in that South Park movie.
— Dustin Williams
“The ultimate fact is that the gun industry is simply a business. . . . The people who make, import and sell guns. . . . are businessmen. They want to make money, and as much of it as possible.”
—Making a Killing
It wasn’t really an argument. It was Brendan yelling at Gary about what they’d agreed on and how hard they’d worked, and how if they didn’t do this, nothing would ever change. And Gary looking like he had a headache, closing his eyes and pressing his fingers against his temple and saying over and over again, “I know, I know, I know.” And I kept thinking, what had they worked so hard for? And you knew it was this. The planning and the booby-trapping and the bombs, and I couldn’t help imagining the effort that must have gone into it. What an enormous force it must have been that twisted these boys’ minds to the point that they would work so hard to do this.
—Beth Bender
[Allison] was standing right over me. I started saying good-bye to everyone. I mean, in my head. I guess I closed my eyes, because when I opened them Allison was still staring at me.
— Paul Burns
The Lord says we should do unto others as we would have them do unto us. It’s not very complicated.
—Chelsea Baker
[Allison] walked away. For a second I thought she was going to tell Brendan and Gary. But she knelt down next to Joey Graves and told him she was going to undo his belt. Can you believe Joey? He actually said he’d always dreamed of that. Allison said, “Don’t be an A-hole.”
—Paul Burns
The way I heard it, she took Joey’s belt and went over to Sam and did the same thing she’d done to his other leg. You know, the doctor said if she hadn’t done that, he probably would have bled to death. The thing is, can you picture that? Allison Findley saving Sam Flach’s life?
—Ryan Clancy
“Time and time again, the gun industry has injected into the civilian market new guns that are specifically designed to be better at killing.”
—Making a Killing
Brendan went ballistic on Gary. He yanked off his mask and threw it on the floor. And Gary, I don’t know, he just shut down. He walked over to the wall, sat down, and buried his head in his arms. Now Brendan’s storming around, yelling great, just effing great! Neither of them was paying attention to anything. Dustin nudged me with his foot, and I rolled around and clipped the tie holding his hands.
—Paul Burns
It sounded like a firecracker. Everyone was looking around like, What was that? Allison screamed out Gary’s name. He was lying on his side. It was horrible.
—Chelsea Baker
I wanted more guys, but when Gary shot himself, I didn’t know what was going to happen next. Allison went running to Gary. Brendan followed her, but he was walking. He had his back to us. We do up-downs in football. That’s where we drop to our stomach, then jump back up. The coaches are always on me because I’m not the fastest to get up, but I was then.
I knew Brendan was going to hear me coming. I was just hoping he wouldn’t have time to turn around, aim, and fire.
— Dustin Williams
It didn’t seem real. That little popping noise, and then Gary slumped over and the blood started to run out of his head. His arms and legs started jerking. It was just so gross. I kept thinking, No way. This is a dream. It’s a movie.
—Deirdre Bunson
[Brendan] heard my footsteps and started to turn with the gun, but I tackled him as hard as I could and slammed him down against the gym floor. That #$*%ing gun slid away, and I held Brendan down. He struggled and cursed a lot, but that was it.
—Dustin Williams
More American children are killed by firearms than by all natural causes combined.
Dustin Williams is a hero. There’s no doubt about that.
—Allen Curry
They say Dustin’s a hero, but I don’t believe he was trying to be one. I think he was only doing what he knew had to be done. Something bad was going on, and he had to stop it. It’s what a moral human being is supposed to do.
—Chelsea Baker
We all saw what happened. Suddenly every kid was screaming for Paul to free them. Can you blame them? We all wanted to get out of there. That’s when I remembered the doors were booby-trapped.
—Beth Bender
It was complete hysteria. Paul was going around with those clippers, cutting the ties as fast as he could. Someone else found a pair of nail clippers, and one of the boys had a penknife. The kids were crying and shrieking to be freed next. That little eye-in-the-sky camera must have been watching the whole time, because the loudspeaker started blaring. But it was lost in the din. Someone started shouting to stay away from the doors, but not everyone was paying attention.
— Dick Flanagan
I was holding Brendan down. He was cursing and crying and squirming. I’m not going to name names, but someone grabbed me from behind and yanked me off. At least six other guys were on him in no time.
—Dustin Williams
I tried to get up, but I couldn’t. The slightest movement and the pain was overwhelming. It’s not like the movies. At least it wasn’t for me. You don’t get hit and keep going. You get shot and you go down and stay there.
—Allen Curry
At that point I wasn’t thinking about Brendan. I was thinking about the kids who were heading for the doors. They were chained shut, but we knew they were booby-trapped. We had to make sure those kids stayed away from the doors. We had no idea how much or how little it might take to make one blow.
—Dick Flanagan
Dustin was holding Brendan. I don’t think Brendan was going to escape. Those boys got free, and the first thing on their minds was to get Brendan. I still don’t understand what they were thinking.
—Chelsea Baker
You had four exits. You ran to one, and if there was already someone there trying to keep the kids from pulling on the doors, you ran to the next [set of doors] and tried to stop those kids. Some of them understood, but some of them were panicked and irrational. To be honest, I wasn’t really aware of what else was going on.
—Dick Flanagan
In 1997, after a man armed with handguns killed sixteen children and a teacher at Dunblane Primary School in Scotland, Britain banned all handguns.
They wanted to kill him. The way they were stomping on his head, it was sickening. He wasn’t even conscious. Just limp like a doll.
— Dustin Williams
I tried to stop them. I was the only one. One of them cursed me out and pushed me away. Then I went to get Ms. Bender. She was telling kids to stay away from the doors. I told her they were killing Brendan. She told me to keep everyone away from the doors and ran over there.
—Allison Findley
What Brendan and Gary did was terribly, horribly, inexcusably wrong. I have no interest
in defending them. But deep in my heart there’s a little piece of me that at least understands what might have driven them to such a horrendous, evil undertaking. But what those boys did was equally inexcusable and evil.
—Beth Bender
“After thirty-five people were killed by a gunman with an array of assault weapons . . . in 1996, Australia banned all automatic and semiautomatic weapons and pump-action shotguns, paid their owners a fair price, and destroyed the lot.”
—Making a Killing
I didn’t try to stop [the boys beating Brendan]. I guess at that point I was just so wiped out and stressed that I didn’t care. I know those guys have to be punished. The police have already told my parents I’ll have to testify about what I saw. This may sound terrible, but I still wonder, if I had to do it again, would I try to stop them next time? And I don’t know what the answer is.
—Dustin Williams
Everyone is convinced that Brendan and Gary would have let Sam die, and would have killed many more. Maybe they’re right. Maybe not. The fact is the only person Gary killed was himself. And Brendan didn’t kill anyone. I know he shot Sam and Mr. Curry, but maybe [Brendan and Gary] would have changed their minds and let everyone live. Maybe they would have let Sam bleed a little longer and then gotten him help. No one will ever know. But this much I do know: The only people I saw really try to kill anyone that night were those boys. They tried to kill Brendan with their bare hands. And I am absolutely convinced that if it hadn’t been for Ms. Bender, they would have.
—Allison Findley
I speak to Mrs. Lawlor about once a week. Brendan is still in a coma. The doctors say his brain damage is irreversible. The courts will have to decide whether to disconnect his life support. Apparently there’s a group of people somewhere who are against it. Whoever they are, they certainly don’t know the Lawlors or anyone else around here. Sometimes I wonder what has happened to the world. How we got to a place where mercy seems so hard to come by.
—Beth Bender
You want to know what it was? Pure evil, plain and simple. How else do you explain a boy being as nice and polite as Brendan Lawlor and then doing what he did?
—Jack Phillips
I’ve been awarded a partial scholarship to an Ivy League college back east. Back where all the “liberal gun control” people live. I bet half the newspaper editors who wrote editorials attacking our school went to that kind of college. I had good grades and boards, but I know kids, even African American kids like me, who had better grades and boards and didn’t get into one of those schools. Know why I got in? Because I made second-team all-state linebacker. One of those Ivy League teams back east needed a linebacker. Kind of ironic, huh?
—Dustin Williams
My pastor says I have to try and forgive them for what they did to me. Meanwhile I’m still on crutches with two knees that’ll never be any good again. Why? Did I do anything that a thousand other guys at a thousand other schools haven’t done? Sorry, folks, I’m not forgiving them. Ever.
—Sam Flach
“ ‘We’ll never understand why this tragedy happened, or what we might have done to prevent it. . . . We did not see anger or hatred in Dylan until the last moments of his life, when we watched in helpless horror with the rest of the world.’”
—Dylan Klebold’s parents, New York Times, 6/29/99
The memory of what happened surrounds me like a cloak of pain. A hundred questions buzz around my head: How did it happen? When did it go from a fantasy to an actual plan? I know I’II never understand what happened in Brendan’s mind. But I thought I knew Gary better. What pushed him over the line? How did he get to the point where he just didn’t care? What really scares me is when I think about how close I came to that point myself.
—from Allison Findley’s journal
A schoolteacher’s job is to teach, not to raise children. As far as raising children, I raised my three just fine. They are all good, moral young adults, and two of them own guns, which they use for target shooting and hunting. If you’re looking for answers, you’re not going to find them in school. Many people around here believe that, at least in this case, the parents were pretty blameless. I’ll be honest with you. I don’t know what to think about that. And I don’t have any answers.
— Dick Flanagan
I’ve heard the argument that it’s okay to give guns to kids as long as you make sure they’re trained on how to use them safely. I have to disagree. These are children, and they can be extremely emotional and impulsive and not always completely in touch with reality. The statistics show that guns are now the number one killer of young people in this country. You can train a young man all you want, but if he’s just been dumped by his girlfriend, or picked on by someone much bigger and stronger than him . . . well, I’m just not convinced that all the safety training in the world is going to stop him from grabbing that gun and doing what he thinks he has to do.
— Beth Bender
The community has made it clear that they want metal detectors and security guards in school. They want backpacks banned as well. I think it’s a shame that we have to resort to these measures, but if that’s what the community wants, I’m prepared to comply.
—Allen Curry
There was an article in the newspaper recently about the NRA paying for programs that promote hunting and gun use among children. I have nothing against hunting. My dad hunted, and some of my fondest memories are of sitting around the dinner table eating venison and hearing his hunting stories. But personally, I think hunting is something parents can teach their children about, just like my father learned from his father. I don’t understand why a big national organization feels it must spend all this money to make sure children learn about guns.
— Kit Conner
Want to know what a trigger lock is? It’s something you take off a gun and throw away.
—Jack Phillips
Middle school students possessed 853 of the 1,249 weapons found in public schools statewide in Virginia during the 1991-92 school year.
I’m not sure what it will take to change. Everyone knows that guns and violence are deeply ingrained in our culture. You’ve got about as much chance of getting people to give up their guns as you do getting them to give up driving or drinking beer at baseball games. Innocent victims die because of guns, but they also die because of car accidents, acts of terrorism, fires, and food poisoning. We find the idea of kids being killed in school especially repugnant because we send our children there expecting them to be safe. But it appears that no place is safe anymore.
—F. Douglas Ellin
I sincerely believe that this tragedy didn’t have to happen. Maybe Gary and Brendan were different from other kids, but they still should have been accepted as people. Maybe there should be a mandatory course in school that teaches kids to respect one another no matter what. I think that would be a lot more helpful than geometry.
— Emily Kirsch
I read in the newspaper that the kind of guns they had are pretty much the same thing the army uses. They’re not made for hunting or target practice. They’re just made to kill people. Why in the world are stores allowed to sell them?
—Chelsea Baker
I used to drive through towns and see signs proclaiming, “Drug-Free Zone.” Now the signs say, “Gun-Free Zone.” But by the time they’re thinking about guns, it’s too late. The signs should read, “Teasing/Bullying-Free Zone.” My son was different, and he was made to pay for that every day of his short life. Perhaps if we spent as much time teaching tolerance as we do teaching athletics, my son would be alive today.
—Cynthia Searle
A program for resolving conflicts creatively was tested in New York City public elementary schools. It was found that students in the program tended to be less hostile and were more likely to choose verbal rather than physical strategies to resolve conflicts.
Even now when I go to school, I know I’m being watched. Ryan and I leave little pieces of paper we
dged in the bottom of our locker doors, and about once a week they’re gone. We walk down the hall, and teachers stop talking. Nothing’s changed. In fact, in some ways it’s gotten worse. If you act different or dress different, you’re automatically suspect.
—Allison Findley
In the wild, animals pick on the weaker members of the pack. This is done partly to establish a pecking order and partly to protect the pack against weakness. It is no different with children. Teasing, bullying, fighting—these are how children establish their pecking order. It is, unfortunately, natural for children to do this. And it is the responsibility of adults to supervise and stop this behavior. One thing that is wrong with our schools is that we are permitting too much of the former and not enough of the latter.
— F. Douglas Ellin
“ ‘We have a little moneymaking machine here. All we have to do is keep introducing the correct new products. . . . We operate on a philosophy that you have to have new stuff, and you have to have it annually.’”
—William Ruger Sr., president of Ruger, a gun company whose semiautomatic handguns were used by Colin Ferguson to kill six and wound nineteen on a Long Island Railroad train, and by Michael Carneal to kill three and wound five in Paducah, Kentucky, Making a Killing
I think about the stuff we did—fooling around with bombs and guns, drinking and driving—things that could really kill us. But we didn’t know. I swear it was like we were living in some make-believe world. I truly believe that if Gary and Brendan could come back now and see what they did—to themselves and their parents and everyone else—they wouldn’t have done it. No one would.
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