by Lyssa Cole
“What’s wrong, bro? Cat got your tongue? Fuck your job and get back here or you’ll be sorry after all our family is murdered. It’ll be your fault. Do you really want more bloodshed on you? You know, our mom was probably the worst. So much blood.”
That’s it. I punch the steering wheel, the horn blaring on the truck. “You fuckers are vile disgusting wastes of space, and I’ll make sure you get what you deserve.” I hang up the phone before the assholes can speak and get out of the truck.
I need to move, to think and process this new information.
I have to save my family. I have to go back to the city. Deal with this shit once and for all. I’m tired of it dictating my life.
I’ll tell Blake something came up. Joe deserves to know too. I’ll hurry home, take care of business, and finish this shit, making it back in a few days.
Back inside the truck, I steer toward the townhouse, my mind racing.
Images of my aunt and uncle tied up, tortured, and beaten run through my head.
My own parents’ bloodshed. The pain is still fresh and raw, as if it happened yesterday instead of years ago. Will it ever heal? Will the mental images and screams ever go away?
I brace myself about what I may see when I get back.
I pray my aunt and uncle are okay. My brothers being the tricksters they are, you never know if they’re telling the truth.
I’d fucking kill my uncle and lock up my brothers if it were true.
They’d never see the light of day again.
Alicia
A few days go by in a blur, time speeding along faster the busier I stay. I visit my mom in the hospital while I try to find hospice care. It’s hard and expensive and the stress is eating me alive.
I stuff a couple of chocolates in my mouth as I brush out Emily’s hair, a cute little girl at the shelter. I’ve been waiting for an hour now for Kayla, and she’s still nowhere in sight.
I move on to Emily’s nails and try to keep my mind from wandering.
Too bad it doesn’t work.
Gabe’s been out of reach for the past couple of days, his phone going straight to voicemail. He hasn’t reached out to me, and it makes me regret sleeping with him.
Why did I trust so easily when I never trust anyone?
What about Gabe makes me lie down and spread my legs no matter what he says?
I shouldn’t have accepted his answers, should’ve demanded more.
But instead, I give in to his kisses and his words.
I rack my brain. I’ve got nothing.
Finishing up Emily’s hands, I glance around the room, my mind back on Kayla.
“Have you seen Kayla lately?” I ask Emily, and she shakes her head.
“Hmm, I’m going to check with Mia. Have a good rest of your day, hon.” I hug Emily before heading off to find Mia.
After several minutes of walking in circles around the building, I find Mia in her office, buried behind mountains of paperwork. I knock softly. “Hey, Mia?”
Her head pops out from behind, and she breaks into a smile. “Alicia! Come in.”
I shuffle in. “Have you seen Kayla?”
Her face falls and so does my stomach. “I’m sorry, I meant to find you earlier and I got sidetracked. She was adopted earlier.”
I stumble back and blink. “Wait, what?”
Mia nods and frowns. “Yeah, it happened quick. A few girls went together to a nice family.”
“But…but…I didn’t even know a family was interested in her.”
Mia shrugs. “Like I said, it happened fast. They came in yesterday and were extremely interested. All of their paperwork checked out. They adopted Tamara and Ava as well.”
I shake my head, unable to believe she’s gone. My heart aches, and I realize I love Kayla. We’ve become so close, it just happened. No.
No.
I want her.
Mia comes over and pulls me into a hug. “I’m sorry, hon. I know you two had gotten close.” She rubs my back.
I pull away, tears filling my eyes and threatening to spill over.
I think back to all the girls, my mind scanning over the last couple of weeks. More and more seem to be adopted fast and in groups. Now Kayla.
I need to speak to Gabe.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?” I say before I leave.
“Okay, Alicia. Take care.”
My mind races as I run out the door. As soon as I’m in my car, I pull Gabe up on my phone and hit send. Straight to voicemail.
Fuck. Where is he?
“Gabe, finally. I’ve been trying to reach you for days. Where are you?”
“Hey, I’m sorry. I had to leave suddenly, a personal issue, and I couldn’t have my phone for some time. I listened to your messages. What’s going on?”
I pace my mother’s kitchen, my cup of coffee going cold. I must’ve dialed Gabe’s number a hundred times these past two days. An uneasy feeling sits in my stomach. My gut tells me Kayla is in danger. I don’t know why, and I don’t know where it’s coming from, but it’s there.
It’s driving me fucking nuts, to be honest. I can’t explain it. I’ve tried to, I’ve racked my brain over and over. I’ve come up empty, but I still have the feeling Kayla isn’t safe, and I need to act on it or I’ll never forgive myself.
“Kayla, the teen from the shelter. She was adopted three days ago and something nags at me that she’s not safe. Girls have been adopted in groups lately and it seems suspicious.”
I hear Gabe’s sharp intake of breath, and my hands begin to shake. I’m right. I know I am.
“Have you told Mia?”
“No, I wanted to talk to you first. I’ve been killing myself trying to dig for information, but I can’t find anything.”
“Alicia, you need to stay out of this. You getting involved will not be a good thing.
“Are you serious? I need your help. Wait, do you know something?”
“I can’t help you, and you need to stay out. Trust me.”
My breathing picks up speed, and I slam my hands on the counter. “All you ever fucking say is to trust you. Why? Why should I trust you when you won’t answer my simple questions?”
“Because I tell you to.”
“Because you tell me to? Are you fucking serious?” I kick the chair and pick up the vase of flowers on the table. I hurl them across the room, the vase shattering and the flowers going everywhere.
“Dead serious.” His tone is harsh, and tears pool in my eyes once again.
“Fuck you, Gabe,” I scream and hang up the phone before he can say anything.
I collapse onto the floor in a heap and scream until my voice is gone and the sobs take over.
I should’ve known better. Why did I ever believe him?
Chapter 21
Alicia
I move through my days, going through the motions but not fully being there. A week has passed, but it feels like months. A couple of days were spent at the salon. The rest of the time I’ve been with my mom. She was moved to hospice care, and I helped her settle in. I often sit with her for hours, taking in as much time with her as I possibly can.
Mom is weaker every day, and it kills me to see her this way. So, I bring in my beauty supplies and give her a makeover. It seems to make her feel better, her smile brightening my day. We play cards and board games from my childhood and laugh over memories and pictures.
I’m going to miss her so much. My heart is slowly breaking, the cracks getting larger every day. Since the day I was told her cancer was terminal, I’ve been slowly mourning her, yet at the same time not accepting anything going on around me.
Gabe and Kayla added to the stress on my heart and when the day comes where Mom lets go, I’m afraid my heart will shatter into so many pieces, I’ll never be able to put it back together again.
Gabe and I haven’t spoken since I hung up on him, and I doubt we will. I knew it was going to end eventually so might as well face it.
I haven’t gone to the shelter
. I can’t bare it with Kayla gone. I want to find her, take her home with me, but instead she’s gone. All of the adoption information is confidential, therefore I’ve no idea where she is.
All of this stress is wearing on me. I’m exhausted, and my appetite is gone.
I want to go back to my quiet life. My mom’s healthy, I’m not attached to anyone, and life moves along. Peacefully.
Now, I feel as if I’m drowning from the weight of everything, unable to find my way to the top. I can’t breathe, my chest heavy and tight.
I take deep breaths as I watch my mother sleep. Please hold on, a little longer, Mom. It’s all I ask.
I slump in my chair, my head falling to my chest. My heart is breaking. I reach into my jacket for my chocolate. Anything to help.
I grab a tissue off the bedside table and wipe my running nose.
I stare at my mother and my chin quivers, the tears flowing freely now.
How will I ever live without her?
I jerk awake to loud beeping. Fuck, I fell asleep. I glance around, the beeping getting louder and lights starting to flash.
As I sit up, doctors and nurses rush in, surrounding my mother.
“What…what’s going on?”
A nurse rushes over to me, blocking my view. “Hon, I need you to step outside.”
“No! No, that’s my mother!” I push her aside and rush to the bed.
She grabs my shoulders and leads me out of the room. I want to put up a fight, but I’ve lost the desire to. My body slumps forward, and I leave the room, waiting outside.
I pace in front of the door as the minutes tick by. I wipe my clammy hands on my pants and lick my lips. My heart is frozen in fear. Those sounds, those lights, all those doctors. It’s not good.
No, it’s bad. Really bad.
I slump to the floor, my back pressed to the wall. The sobs take over, the pain already working its way in. I shake my head, my curls bouncing, as I whisper to myself. “No, no, no, not yet.”
A pair of warm arms slip around me sometime later, the scent familiar and comforting. My eyes snap open to see Ruby there, and my sobs start again, as if they never stopped.
“Oh, A. I know it hurts, baby. It’s going to be okay. I promise.”
She hugs me tight, rubbing my head until my sobs subside.
We stand together when the doctor comes out.
He hangs his head as he murmurs, “I’m so sorry. We did everything we could.”
My world goes black. I wail in pain, the cries sounding like screams now.
This can’t be.
No, no…no, it can’t be, it just can’t be.
Mom…
I’m numb. The days blur together as do the nights. I sit and stare at the wall, only moving to use the bathroom. Ruby stays with me, never leaving my side along with Aunt Mel. We sit and cry and sit some more. Time passes slowly but so fast at the same time. Maddie comes with Jax and their baby, and I lose it all over again.
All of these wonderful people surround me as we mourn together.
So why do I feel so alone?
The one person I want here is not; he’s gone.
The services are tomorrow and it’s going to be hell. At least most of the ones I love are here with me, supporting me and holding me up. More family will be coming in tomorrow, and my aunt Mel rushes around, prepping food and making flower arrangements.
Thank God she can do it because I can’t.
I can barely move.
I can barely hear.
All I do is stare.
And pray.
And hope one day, my heart will beat again.
“Yes, that’s correct, she granted you the house and all the money left in her estate.”
Aunt Mel squeezes my hand as I wrap my head around the news. She left me her house and all of her money. Mom never wanted to reveal her will, but I knew she’d take care of me. She always has.
It’s bittersweet, to say the least. I’m so happy to hold on to my childhood home, I could never imagine selling it. But it keeps me anchored here. Unable to move on to the city. I feel obligated to stay and take care of this house like my mother wants me too.
I could rent it out or even let it sit empty since it’s paid off. I can come home as a way to escape when I need a break.
The services yesterday were amazing and beautiful. So many people, friends, family, colleagues came out to give their love and condolences. As hard as it was, it was bearable by being surrounded by so many wonderful people.
I still haven’t made peace with it; it’s going to take me a long, long time.
But at least having a proper funeral and burial leaves me with some closure.
Glancing over at Aunt Mel, she smiles at me through her tears. My mom left her money and her car as well. Aunt Mel deserves it and so much more. I’ll never forget what she’s done for my mom and me.
The lawyer steps out, and Aunt Mel grabs my hand. “I know you want to move to New York City and you should. I’ll watch the house, A. You go chase those dreams. I know how much you want to, how much you miss Ruby.”
My own tears slip down my cheeks, hot and burning. I shake my head and whisper, “It feels wrong to leave. I…I need more time.”
Aunt Mel shakes her own head. “I understand that, A. But it’s not wrong to leave. Your mom wants you to. She always did. Don’t hold back, A. If you need time, then sure, take the time. Grieve your mom and celebrate her life. But then you need to find your own and that means chasing your dreams. And that hot man of yours.” She giggles, and I can’t help but chuckle.
“He’s not my man.” I sniff and hiccup.
“Oh, he certainly is. I know love when I see it.”
I look away. Is it love? Do I love Gabe?
I don’t know.
I doubt I ever will.
Chapter 22
Gabe
The sun beams through the window in my spacious New York apartment. The summer is starting early this year, seeing as it’s ninety degrees out and only the beginning of June. My ceiling fans do nothing to cool the heat, and I crave an ice-cold drink.
Luna barks for my attention, and I toss her ball across the room, her paws flying after it.
I’ve been back in the city for three days now and have only come across false leads. Inside sources revealed my aunt, uncle, and two cousins have been captured. I’m sure my brothers figured out I’d come home looking for them, so I upped the security on my apartment, calling in a few favors down at the station.
As far as where my family is, I’m waiting for more information to come through.
I’m practically shitting myself waiting in this silence.
Food doesn’t go down easy and sleep is non-existent.
I miss Alicia so fucking much. It’s killing me not to speak to her, not to be able to see her.
I left without warning. The one time I spoke to her, I was a dickhead. I was in a bad spot when she called, but I’m pretty sure she has information I need.
Things need to be dealt with here first.
I stand and grab my boxing gloves, sliding them on. Luna barks. She knows what these gloves mean.
The anger inside me needs to be released. It’s a darkness I’ve carried around for so long. If I don’t let it escape somehow, it will only poison me, turning me more bitter and revengeful.
I beat the shit out of my punching bag with everything I’ve got. It feels good to have my arms burn, my muscles on fire. Sweat flies down my face. Luna stays out of the way, lying in her dog bed and chewing her bone.
She knows we’ll go for a jog after to cool down. She’s learned my ritual pretty well.
My childhood was perfect in the beginning. My mom was so in love with all of her boys, and she doted on us constantly. Me, being the oldest, had a special bond with her.
We would bake cookies and build Lego castles.
We’d make bugs out of play-doh and chase the dog with a ball in the backyard.
My brothers and I adored her. My
father worked often, long hours, and wasn’t home as much. When he was, he was tired or doing chores around the house. He was a hardworking man, albeit quiet, but he loved us and our mom strongly.
My uncle Lenny, my mother’s younger brother, was a bad man. We were never allowed to see him even at holidays. My mom and aunt didn’t speak of him and shielded us away, including my two cousins.
One day, I arrived home from school before my brothers and what I found inside that house, I’ll never forget. My parents murdered gruesomely, stabbed all over their bodies, blood scattered everywhere. My thirteen-year-old brain couldn’t process, couldn’t make sense.
I screamed and ran and ran until a neighbor stopped me, her worried eyes meeting my shocked ones.
“What’s wrong, sweetie? What happened?”
I couldn’t speak, my voice gone. I shook violently and pointed to my house. Her husband took off across the street, and I tried to run, to get away, but the woman grabbed me, wrapping her arm around my shoulder.
“I know you want to run, but you can’t. Whatever you saw, we’ll deal with it, okay? Do you know where your parents are?”
I heard police sirens in the distance, and the husband came back out of the house, a somber look on his face. He shook his head and whispered in her ear, her own eyes widening. Within seconds, her face crumbled and tears poured out.
It was true. What I saw happened.
And that’s when I lost it. I can’t remember much after that night, my memory blank until arriving home and finding out we were orphans now, sent to foster care. Aunt Maria was denied custody due to her financial burdens and having children of her own.
My brothers and I had a rough couple of years in and out of various foster homes. It’s not easy being a teenager with hormones raging and your life up in the air.
Somehow, Uncle Lenny managed to adopt all three of us. I had just turned sixteen. I prayed my uncle was a good man and my mother had been lying.
But, oh no. She didn’t lie. He was indeed the worst man. Maybe even much, much worse.
He sucked my brothers right into his dirty dealings. I resisted. I knew he was bad news, and I couldn’t—no, wouldn’t be caught up in that.