by M. Mabie
I didn’t know how I felt about that. It was our garage.
What if I’d wanted it?
I didn’t have to think long though because I knew deep down I didn’t.
I looked at him dead in the eye. “Have you really thought about this?”
“Damn right I have. You don’t want that place. Do you?”
“Not really, but are you ready to give it up?”
“I love the work, I do. But I’m not cut out for all of that other stuff anymore. I did it while you were coming up because I needed to, but I’m sick of fussin’ with it.”
Where did that leave me? Surely Dean would want me to work there. Wouldn’t he?
“So what’s going to happen?”
“Things are going to change. I know what’s going to happen with me, but, kid, you need to figure out an answer to that for yourself.”
He hopped up on the tailgate and put his arm around me. I still didn’t know what to say. It was all so much to process, but it explained a lot about the past few months.
“I never meant to clip your wings when your momma took off, but I did. And I love you more than anyone I’ve ever loved—her included—God knows it’s true. But I’ll be damned if I’m gonna watch you let your life pass you by, thinking you have to take care of me.”
He gave me a squeeze. I was confused and a little scared.
“So what are you saying? I have to leave?”
“No. You don’t have to leave, but I want you to. Eventually. I want you to do whatever you want, not what ya think this old man needs you to do.”
I could hardly believe what he was saying.
Dean was buying the shop.
Dad wanted me to move out.
Everything was coming down on me. A knot tightened in the pit of my stomach and clambered its way up into my chest.
“I don’t want you to be lonely,” I said quietly. I’d never said that to him out loud.
“I’m lonely by choice, kid. That’s not your problem. Your problem is you’re making the same damn mistake.”
I looked up at him and admitted, “Dad, I left him.”
“Whatcha do that for?”
“Because he deserves better.”
He tipped his head back and argued, “Ain’t no better.”
“I ran like mom did.”
His arm fell off my shoulder and he turned a little, the rivets in his jeans scraping the metal on the tailgate, then he shook my shoulders.
“You did not. You’re still right here.”
“Yeah, but I just up and left. Then I told him I couldn’t do it. That I didn’t want to be with him.”
“Well, you never were a very good liar. I’ve never known you to fail at anything you put your mind to, and by no means have I ever seen you happier than when you were with him. So what’s that tell ya?”
“He wanted me to move in with him, but I couldn’t do it,” I confessed.
“Yes, you can. I love having you here, and you’re welcome as long as you like, but you ain’t gonna be content here forever, kid.”
“I can’t make him happy.”
“Well, I think you’re wrong. Do you love him?”
There it was.
I fidgeted with the aluminum tab on the can. “Yes.”
“Does he love you?”
I didn’t answer and he gave my shoulders another good shake, telling me to cough it up.
“He said he did, but that was before.”
“Then what’s there to worry about? Go say sorry.”
Sorry? I almost laughed.
“It’s not that simple. I can’t just break up, and then say sorry.”
“Why not?” he argued.
“Because … I don’t know … I just can’t.” I had to make him understand. “If my mom came back here tonight and said she was sorry, would you just forgive her and take her in?”
“If she loved me like you love him? Damn right. You’re. God. Damned. Right.”
I almost dropped my beer. I didn’t know how many times I’d heard him curse her, or cut her down for what she’d done to us. How could he possibly be telling me the truth?
“Bullshit. That’s bullshit. You’d tell her to fuck off.”
“That’s not true. If she loved me, I’d move heaven and hell to keep her. That’s how my love is. I can’t turn it on and off. If there’s love, what else do you need?”
What else did I need?
“What if he changed his mind?”
His expression said he wasn’t sure. “You’ll never know if you don’t ask him.”
“What if I mess it all up?” I asked, knowing that was my biggest fear.
“What’s wrong with messing it up? You were raised better than that. We’re small town folk, we don’t throw something away just because it’s broke. We fix it, Hannah.”
He’d never called me that.
“Hannah?” My voice cracked repeating my name.
“See? It’s never too late to make things right. I’m so sorry I let them call you that.” Then he gave me an apologetic smile, his eyes a little glassy, and I lunged forward into his big arms.
“It’s okay, dad,” I said into his chest.
“Did you know I named you Hannah? I thought it was such a pretty name for my sweet baby girl. Should have always been Hannah.”
I forgave him because I loved him. What else mattered?
My dad was right.
God, I hoped he was right.
I knew exactly what I had to do.
Mr. O’Fallon’s way was only getting about one more day. I couldn’t wait any longer. My phone didn’t ring. Her truck had barely even driven by in the past two weeks.
The day I returned the van, Mr. O’Fallon came over to my house to change the battery in my Escalade.
“You know Mutt’s out at the cabin. You heading out there later?” he asked.
All I’d heard was Mutt.
I was sick of it.
Sick of everything. The idea she really didn’t want me. The idea she didn’t love me. The idea that it could really be over.
To put it mildly, I’d been in a mood.
“Why don’t you not call her Mutt. Shit. At least around me. Her name is Hannah.”
I didn’t care if I went too far. I didn’t give a fuck if he was her dad.
I’d hit my limit.
He’d popped the hood and took out the dead battery. I’d expected him to fire back at me, to be offended, but he kept his head down and continued working. A few minutes later he looked up as he pulled it out and set it on the driveway next to the new one.
Then he rose and I was sure he was going to deck me, his breathing heavy.
“Who in the hell do you think you are?” he asked his tone severe. He’d had a right to tell me off for how I’d said what I did, but he didn’t have a leg to stand on when it came to why I’d said it.
“I’m someone who loves your daughter, and I’m tired of everyone in this town treating her like she’s something she isn’t.”
“Well—if you know so much—what is she?”
I was getting even more riled up, instead of cooling down. It was damn time someone stood up for her.
“She’s a woman. A beautiful one. A hard working person who deserves better than what she gets. Her whole life she’s been reminded that she was left. It’s been rubbed in her face. And you know what? She can’t leave you. She can’t stay with me. All because she’s had to carry all of that shit around with her. She’s so damn tough, walking around like it doesn’t matter, because what can she do about it?”
I should have dialed it in, but I was done holding back.
“You think calling her Hannah would change anything?” he retorted.
“It would for her,” I deadpanned, not budging.
He took steps toward me, but I was far from backing down. Not on that. I stood my as he grew near.
His voice raising, he argued, “So then why is she out there by herself?”
He had me there.
If I only had a good answer for that.
I deflated some and answered, “I wish I knew. She told me to leave.”
His stance relaxed as he leaned against the radiator and took his hat off. “What did you do to piss her off?”
“I asked her to move in with me.”
His grey eyebrows rose almost like he’d been shocked to hear it.
“Guessin’ she said no,” he said, scratching the stubble on his chin. “Right?”
“She told me she can’t,” I replied, and leaned under the hood next to where he was staring at the engine for no reason that I could tell.
“Don’t you see how she feels so responsible to you? That name just reminds her of it. She’s never going to be my Hannah as long as she’s this town’s Mutt.”
“That’s bullshit. You probably just pissed her off,” he said. Then, like he was in a hurry to get out of there, he picked up the battery and set it in its place.
He quickly hooked it up and told me, “Start it up.”
I hopped in and turned the ignition, the Escalade started on command.
He slammed the hood and picked up the old battery, while I sat in the driver’s side with the door open.
“Want some advice?” he offered as he was passed.
I didn’t know what he could possibly tell me that I didn’t already know, but I was willing to do anything that might work. Might make her change her mind.
“Give her a little while. If she doesn’t come around, just let her be. Might take a day, maybe a month. Wait on her.”
Wait?
How was that going to ever get her back? What if she thought I didn’t want her?
I didn’t want to wait.
“I don’t know.”
“Just trust me,” he’d said before he walked away. “Wait for her.”
So, I did.
A day. A week. No Hannah.
I passed her on the road and she all but ran off the side to avoid me. Her number was dialed up in my phone and ready to go at all times.
By week two, I was losing my mind. I spent a lot of time in the garage. The house didn’t feel like my home without her in it.
I slept on the couch more nights than not, and that’s where I was when I decided I wasn’t going to wait any longer. The next day I was abandoning the wait for it plan and implementing the get her back plan.
I awoke to the sound of someone outside, and as soon as it registered, I kicked off the sleeping bag I’d been using and sprung from the couch.
I didn’t see anyone, but I knew I’d heard something. As I got closer to the window, I saw her truck.
She was there, and I prayed it wasn’t just for her things in the upstairs bathroom. I’d refused to move any of them.
I walked out on the porch, still only wearing my sweatpants.
“Hannah?” I called.
Then I heard her voice coming from near the garage. “I’m over here.”
My feet creaked across the old boards and I walked to the sound of her. My first glimpse of her after not laying eyes on her for the past few days was invigorating.
I hopped the railing and it took me no time to get to her.
Seeing her wasn’t enough. I needed to touch her. To hold her. To convince her that she was where she belonged.
She seemed startled by my rush, but didn’t back away. Her eyes landed on my chest and then my mouth, same as always, her lips parted in my nearness.
I stopped short of her, needing to know first, if this was really what I hoped it was.
“What are you doing here?”
“I’m ready to paint that porch,” she said and beamed.
Damn, how I’d missed that smile.
On one of those first nights I’d told her I’d wait until she was ready to paint it, not knowing then how much it would mean when it finally happened.
“I’m sorry, Vaughn. I was scared. I didn’t know what to do.” I didn’t have to grab her, because she came to me. Her arms wrapped around my back so fast, so tightly. “I didn’t mean those things I said. I freaked out and I was worried about my dad being alone. And you’re so good, I thought I’d never be enough.”
I pulled away a little so I could look into her eyes. I wanted her to know I meant every word I was about to say.
“Hannah, I want all of you. Every. Single. Part. If you’re not ready to move in, fine. I’ll wait.”
Her mouth came up and met mine, and it felt like we hadn’t kissed for years. I was hungry for her, and I deepened it as she let me in.
I lifted her in my arms and knew I’d do whatever I had to do to keep her there.
“I love you, Vaughn,” she said when our kiss slowed after a few minutes. “I’m sorry I left. I won’t do that again.”
“It doesn’t matter, if you’re really back. None of that other stuff matters. I love you. We’ll figure it out as we go. No more pressure.”
I felt her hand come around to my chest.
“No. I need you to push me. I’ve been living in this town my whole life and I love it here, but it wasn’t until you came that I saw who I was. Who I wanted to be.”
Her hazel eyes were bright, so different from the last time I’d been that close to her, when she’d told me to leave on her dock. There was new clarity and the excitement I’d watched grow over the summer was back.
She said, her voice sure and proud, “I want to be with you—in this home. You’re what makes me better. Every now and again, I might need a little shove, but there is no Hannah without you.”
“This doesn’t feel like home when you’re not here.”
“Then I’ll stay.”
We didn’t get much of the porch done that morning. Our time was better spent in my bed making up for what lost time.
I showed her with my body how much I loved her, and she showed me with hers that she was mine completely.
I’d never spend another night without her, and I’d spend every day proving she was mine—and that was forever.
“You can put them on the porch, I’ll carry them upstairs in a minute. The burgers are just about done,” I said to Dean and my dad.
I slept there every night. We’d stay at the cabin, or he’d stay at my dad’s house, which wasn’t as awkward as you’d think. It took a few months—okay, three—but it was finally official moving day, and our family and friends were there helping us.
“You’ll have Vaughn carry them,” my Dad scolded.
Sunny was on her way back with more beer, and Aaron and Vaughn were in the garage setting up my new workstation for the online tackle shop. That old shed would always feel like mine, but Dad sold more than just the shop to Dean.
As of that week, he’d sold the business and the farm to him. Dad claimed he’d rather have Dean’s smaller house in town. He admitted to me he was ready to be somewhere new. Somewhere where he wasn’t waiting for my mom to always walk back through the door.
Secretly, I was glad he wasn’t going to be out there alone. Instead, he’d be living next door to Diana, who he’d invited over that evening to eat with us.
“Okay, where’s that blond with the beer? It’ll be Christmas before she finds her way back,” he teased, as Sunny walked up behind him carrying ice in one hand and a case in the other.
“Oh, I don’t know. The dumb heifer probably got lost,” she fired back.
He cackled as he took the things from her hands and headed around back.
“I never thought you’d do this, you know?” she said to me as she climbed the porch.
“Neither did I,” I admitted. Things were changing fast, and sometimes that still freaked me out, but overall I was the happiest I’d ever been.
“Those flats are cute, by the way. I might borrow them. I have a hot date next weekend.” Hell had frozen over and Sunny wanted to wear my shoes. Wonders really wouldn’t ever cease.
“I’ll think about it,” I joked, knowing I’d let her use whatever she wanted.
We walked through the house to get to the back, and Vau
ghn was at the sink washing up.
Sunny went ahead, but I stopped to steal a kiss and placed one on the side of his cheek.
“Everything ready, Momma?”
Yeah, you guess it, he knocked me right up. I was a stereotype, but didn’t give a shit.
After I initially freaked that morning at the cabin when we found out, it didn’t seem like the end of the world. We were in love and the news made Vaughn was so, so happy. It was hard be that happy, too.
For once, I wasn’t afraid of change anymore.
“Stop calling me that. My name is Hannah,” I argued, but secretly loved it.
“Now you protest nicknames? So unlike you,” he taunted as he spun around and wrapped his arms around me, pinning me to the counter, and kissing my neck.
“You know this is how that happened, right?”
“I’m sorry. I’m just hungry.” He playfully bit at my neck, and then kissed it some more.
“The food is ready. We’re just waiting on Diana,” I said, but what he was doing was already taking a toll on me, and I stretched my head to the side giving him more.
“Let’s tell them to leave.”
“I think you can wait a few more hours, Dr. Renfro.”
He grunted just like I knew he would. “God, I love it when you call me Doctor.”
“I’ve been a bad patient today. I crunched my way through a whole glass of ice earlier.”
“Stop, you’re killing me,” he said, and in his discomfort, backed up. I held tighter and went on.
“And I didn’t fucking floss. On purpose,” I added seductively.
His eyes flared. He took dental care seriously. Then he leaned in and whispered in my ear. “You know how I feel about that. I think you need another lesson. You and your dirty mouth.”
After dinner was over and everything was cleaned up, Vaughn carried all of my things up to my new half of the closet. Then, dutifully, he inspected my flossing technique and surprisingly approved, but he showed me he could deliver on his word, giving me two orgasms before I fell asleep.
A few days later, when I was unpacking my lure-making things and organizing them on the new workbench he’d built me, I heard him clear his throat behind me.