by Rachel Jonas
Hazel eyes were trained on me as Liam explained himself. “There’s a chance your friend may come to you tonight. He’ll expect you to be alone, unprotected, so I’m staying.”
His response made me pause with a notebook in my hand halfway to my desk where I was headed to put it away.
He was planning to stay? As in, all night?
It wasn’t until I moved one foot in front of the other again that I responded. “You’re both worried for nothing. You and Nick. He won’t hurt me.”
And so what if he did try to visit me tonight? It’d be a relief to know he was okay. It wasn’t lost on me that Nick had only run off because he thought there was truth to Liam’s claim. It wasn’t fear of what Liam might do to him—although I had a feeling another run-in between the two wouldn’t go well.
I moved to the window to shut it, but paused as I gazed across the yard, toward Nick’s house. Most of the lights were on, but there was a dark bedroom that held my attention for a long time—his. I’d gotten used to seeing the dim light behind his blinds while we talked on the phone or texted. He was on his own, probably scared out of his mind, and I couldn’t do anything about it.
Standing there, I typed out another message, begging him to let me know he was all right. After hitting send, I locked the window and drew the curtains.
According to the legend, his destiny was to end my life. He was nature’s kill-switch because, apparently, a long time ago, I was powerful enough to warrant such a thing. Meanwhile, present-day me had trouble getting more than four bags of groceries inside the house at once, and often had to call on my father to open particularly stubborn jars.
I guess Mother Nature missed the memo. She didn’t need to create an entire supernatural being to keep me in check. A flyswatter probably would’ve done the trick.
“You’re too trusting,” was Liam’s observation. “All it takes is him being triggered.”
That word stood out to me and I paused again. “Well, what is it that triggers him?”
Liam let out a long breath. “I wish I knew. Could be random, but if it isn’t, if I’d known back then …”
His voice trailed off, but his words were heavy on my heart. We hadn’t discussed the circumstances that led to my death, nor whether the first Liberator actually played a part in it. Hearing the truth today, seeing the heightened emotion brewing inside Liam as he addressed Nick, I assumed so, but hadn’t yet asked Liam to confirm. Until now.
I pulled out the chair at my desk and sat backwards with my arms resting across the top, facing him. “Can you tell me what happened?”
There was a chance he’d say he didn’t want to discuss it, which would mean I’d have to continue guessing, but he didn’t. His eyes closed for a few, and then they opened again, casting a solemn look my way.
“When your father first got word of that thing lurking outside the walls, he consulted Hilda in hopes of finding out what it was,” he began, stating a name I’d never heard before.
“Hilda? Who’s that?”
“She’s part of the coven paired with your father’s kingdom. They were some of the most powerful witches in the world, with Hilda being more powerful still,” Liam added. “She sent him away, told him to return in three days and she’d have an answer for him. All he knew was it looked like a lycan, but much bigger. And its silvery fur was like nothing he’d ever seen. Like nothing any of us had ever seen.”
Liam’s retelling reminded me of what I observed in the woods as the six of us fought off the mutts. Nick was significantly larger than his brothers and he, too, had silvery-gray fur that stood out next to the others.
My gaze lowered as I listened.
“He went back in three days, like they discussed, and Hilda explained that she consulted their oracles. That’s how we first came to know everything we do about the Liberator. Everything except why he showed up when he did.”
I breathed steadily, but my heart raced as vivid images flashed in my head. It felt like I remembered, but couldn’t link the pieces together. It was disorienting.
“They attempted to cover you with magic to hide you, but, just like the oracle said, there was no hiding,” Liam explained. “Because that … thing … could hear you, your heartbeat, everywhere. Always.”
I wasn’t sure I wanted the rest of the details, but I asked anyway. “How did it happen?”
There was a long, loaded silence in the room. Liam lie there staring at the ceiling. I couldn’t imagine what this felt like for him, reliving something I guessed to be one of the most tragic events of his life. Assuming we truly once loved each other the way I kept feeling we did. Right in the center of my chest. Heavy. Stifling.
“It took you while we were sleeping,” he muttered. “Right out of my arms.”
A chill ran down my back as his words evoked a sensation I couldn’t control, causing my body to remember the way that felt. One second, being locked in the safety of a warm embrace, and then the next, being ripped away from him by a set of dreadful claws.
“I chased it,” he sighed, sounding defeated. “For miles, I chased it. You shifted while it carried you away and I could see you fighting, but … it wasn’t enough.” His eyes slammed shut and I wondered what he saw behind his closed lids.
“I searched for you until the sun came up, until my voice failed me from yelling your name, until I felt our tie sever. I knew the moment I was no longer searching for you, but … remains,” he added somberly. “Something to bring back to your family. Something to make me believe that, after centuries, it was really over.” He drifted away then, back to that day, I imagined. “Your necklace and bracelet,” he added in a daze. “That was all he left, all he couldn’t consume.”
My mouth was dry. My throat burned with emotion. I stood from my seat and the room went dark when I flipped the switch. Liam watched me approach the bed and there was a distant look in his eyes. I could see it even with the light off, like he wasn’t sure I was real.
I guess I kind of looked at him the same way.
“I’ll take the floor,” he offered, swinging his long legs over the edge of the mattress.
However, the sound of my voice halted him. “It’s fine,” I breathed. “…You can stay there.”
I had no idea what made me say it. The only explanation I came up with was … my shifter … sometimes she had more control over my actions than I did. I was beginning to believe she still loved him, remembered all the things about him that I couldn’t. It was clear she didn’t care that I had only fleeting flashbacks of a life with Liam. Apparently, what we shared in the past had left one heck of a lasting impression.
Something Liam once said was never far from my thoughts. He said I should stop thinking of myself and my shifter as two separate beings. So, I suppose her feelings, whether I understood them or not, were mine too.
Without a word, Liam scooted to the other side of the bed, taking the spot near the window for obvious reasons, being the protector he was. I laid in the warm space he left, easing beneath the comforter while he rested on top of it. My bed was small—bigger than a twin, smaller than a queen. But with him taking up so much space, there wasn’t anywhere I could move where some part of me wasn’t touching some part of him.
It was comforting for many reasons. Today had brought so much with it, so much loss in many different forms. While I didn’t believe I needed him here for protection—from Nick or otherwise—I was grateful not to be alone. My next thought was what it felt like waking up in his bed the first time I shifted. Yes, I was confused and afraid I’d get grounded until the next ice age for being out all night, but I never questioned being well-looked after when he was around.
“Thank you,” I said quietly. “For being here tonight.”
“Of course.”
It meant a lot that he cared enough to show up regardless of his motive, thinking I needed looking after.
Silence hung between us again. He was so, so close. Both our eyes were locked on the ceiling, but I was afraid to mo
ve. I needed to say something to break up the heated tension between us, something to take my mind off Nick missing, off the stuff with my parents.
“What about me is different?” I asked. “Do I look and act the same?”
Beside me, Liam turned his head and I felt his stare tracing the side of my face.
“You look exactly like I remember.” There was a tone to his voice I couldn’t place, but it made me breathe differently. “Except you mostly wear your hair straight now. Back then, it was always curly, of course.”
Subconsciously, I reached for the bun on top of my head, feeling the loosely coiled strands. When I did, Liam took my arm, letting his fingertips slowly wander over my skin until he had my wrist.
“I will admit; it’s a little strange seeing you without all the tattoos, though.”
I turned toward him, confused. “Like, how many?”
“Thirty-seven,”
“You counted?” I asked, laughing a bit. It wasn’t lost on me that he still remembered the exact number.
“Didn’t have to count them,” he replied. “I’m the one who did them.”
The smile on my face faded a bit and I felt my eyes flicker to his mouth, staring as I asked my next question.
“Where’d I have them?”
He wet his lips and I took note of their slight curve. I couldn’t blink as he took me on a tour, mapping my skin with his fingertip.
“Here,” he breathed, touching the back of my hand. “And here,” he went on, turning it over to graze the sensitive flesh beneath my forearm, concluding, “Pretty much … everywhere.”
Heat swept me away, filling me and overflowing until I began to sweat a bit beneath the comforter. Liam said nothing when I slowly pulled my arm from his grasp and kicked the blanket off my legs.
From the corner of my eye, I glanced at the many symbols and words on his arms. “Assuming it’s impossible to draw your own, who did yours?”
That distant gaze was back again when Liam answered. “Your brother, Ivan, was the only other person in the kingdom who knew how. We were taught the technique together.” That answer enlivened me right away.
Ivan…
He mentioned before that I had brothers, but I never asked about them. Not even their names. Certain aspects of my past seemed more difficult for Liam to discuss than others. Particularly, when it came to my family because, from what he shared, they were his family as well.
The bed shifted and, startled, I held my breath when Liam suddenly sat up. He gathered the back of his t-shirt to the nape of his neck, revealing the moon phase tattoo down his spine. I’d seen it the day before, when I skipped the last half of school in search of refuge from all the confusion. Then, when I noticed the art, I forced myself to look away. Tonight was different, though. I stared unapologetically at both works of art—the tattoo and him.
“We all had the same one; you, your brothers and I,” he clarified. “I’m not part lycan, of course, so the phases didn’t mean to me what they meant to you all, but I was considered part of the pack. So, they insisted I have one too.”
I smiled at the memory he shared, secretly wanting to reach out and let my finger run the length of his spine, from waxing crescent to waning.
However, I knew better.
“How many brothers did I have?” I asked out of curiosity, but also as a distraction.
Liam lowered his shirt again and returned to his spot beside me on the mattress.
“Six,” he answered. “You were the seventh and last child.”
“What were their names?” As soon as the words left my mouth, I remembered that pained look and wished I hadn’t been so thoughtless. “I mean … if you don’t mind sharing.”
Liam turned his head and I felt the intensity of his stare again. “You can ask me anything. Always,” he added. “The oldest was Declan. Then Josiah, Tobias, Ethan, Ivan, and Caleb. And then there was you. Evangeline.”
I smiled at the sound of my name leaving his mouth. “You always call me that.”
“Because it’s your name,” he answered with a soft laugh, one that dotted my skin with goosebumps.
“I know that, but … everyone else calls me Evie. Everyone, but you and maybe a couple teachers.” I shrugged. “It’s just something I noticed.”
He was quiet for a moment while he thought. “Does it bother you? Would you prefer I call you Evie?”
In all other instances, I hated the formal sound of my full name. It seemed like it ought to belong to some old woman who’s befriended all the neighborhood squirrels and passes out sugar-free suckers on Halloween. However, when Liam said it … it never made me feel out of place. In a way, it was kind of fitting that only he could call me that without it getting under my skin.
“It’s fine,” I said casually, keeping the rest of my thoughts locked inside. “I don’t mind.”
He faced the ceiling again and asked a simple question as a smile touched his lips.
“Speaking of the way things were … still got a sweet tooth?”
I didn’t speak, just reached inside my nightstand drawer. When I pulled out three candy bars, the smile turned into a laugh.
“Never leave home without one,” I grinned.
“Some things never change, I guess.” The sound of his quiet laughter, the depth of his voice, made my stomach twist and turn.
On the other side of my door, my parents thumped up the stairs and I froze, shifting my eyes to the lock. I’d been smart enough to engage it, so my heart settled just a little.
That is, until someone knocked.
I motioned for Liam to stay quiet. With a smile, he pretended to zip his lips as I called out.
“Yes?”
“Just wanted to check on you before we go to bed,” Mom replied, trying the knob right after. Another wave of panic washed over me.
“Yeah, I’m good.”
“I brought the thermometer up with me just to be sure you don’t have a fever.”
“You felt my head, remember?” I replied, hoping to keep from having to open the door. She tried the knob again.
“I know, but … You’re being weird now, Evie. You sure you’re okay?”
She was right. I was being weird, but everything was weird. Not just me. All the changes—those that had already taken place, those yet to come—left me feeling undone.
“I’m good. I just don’t feel like getting up and unlocking the door.”
She laughed a bit. “Which is why you’re, generally, not supposed to lock yourself in when you don’t feel well, silly.”
Liam was still and quiet while my mother and I went back and forth.
“Seriously, I’m okay. If I need anything, I’ll just yell.”
“Sure … because that won’t give me a heart attack in the middle of the night,” she said with an air of sarcasm as she walked away.
I could finally breathe once I heard their bedroom door close. I hated lying to them. My hands covered my face and I stayed silent while the curtain I pulled to hide all my stuff behind—the worry, the guilt, the fear, the uncertainty—fell away and I had to acknowledge it all again. Like before, I was aware of everything; how the twenty or so phone calls and text messages to Nick had gone unanswered, how I’d be leaving soon, how I’d be forgotten soon. By my parents, my extended family, my friends in Chicago that I’d left behind when we moved away.
“You got quiet on me.”
I glanced over at Liam through parted fingers when he spoke, seeing him smile. I must have looked like a child. I pulled my hands away from my face before answering.
“Just … thinking. About everything.”
I didn’t have to go into detail about that. He already knew. Probably even that Nick missing was a large part of it.
Liam stared at me as I stared at the ceiling. “How’d it go tonight? With your parents, I mean.”
I breathed deep and shrugged. “For them, it was a normal dinner. But for me, it was … I don’t know … kind of like the beginning of the end.” I
placed a hand on my forehead and concentrated on the surge of air that filled my lungs.
“It just feels like I’m destined to be alone,” I shared.
Liam said nothing, but he kept his eyes trained on me when I went on.
“Even though I don’t remember the past, I’m still aware of it. I think I always was. There were no details, no recollection of having lived before, just this … hole,” I forced out. “This dark void I always felt, but could never place. And I’m starting to believe it’s just a part of me. Like, I’m meant to always feel broken.”
I was more aware of him beside me now than just a moment ago. It may have been because I was trying to convince myself I had no one, but his presence made that impossible. It was more than him just being here physically. Our link made it so one would never be without the other. Never again. I had no idea how that would play out, nor did I give much thought to it, but, for now, it was nice having a close connection with someone proving himself to be a good friend.
And I needed that right about now.
“I don’t want to talk about this anymore,” I said, breathing deep when emotion squeezed my throat.
“Then we don’t have to,” Liam said sweetly. “What do you want to talk about instead?”
“Anything. Tell me what it’ll be like at this facility they’re shipping us off to.”
He shifted a bit, getting comfortable. “It’s completely new. In fact, I don’t even think the whole thing is finished. Pretty sure they just moved up their grand opening, if that’s what you want to call it, because of how things have been going. They’re smart enough to realize the young shifters are anyone’s greatest resource. And the most important thing is protecting you all, training you to defend yourselves and the clans should it ever come to that.”
My brow quirked. “Now … when you say training, what does that mean exactly?” I pictured myself with sharp weapons, followed by a bloodbath at my feet when I accidentally sliced off my own arm.