by Rachel Jonas
I could see that part was hard for him to hear, so I waited a few seconds before going on.
“It’s a dragon thing, and … it’s um … it’s hard to explain.” There was more I was going to add, but I felt myself beginning to cower.
“So, you two were together,” he said matter-of-factly. “Like … you loved him?”
A knot in my throat made it difficult to swallow or speak. However, I nodded, confirming what he already suspected. Admitting that was harder than I thought it would be, but I didn’t have a choice. Guarding each other’s feelings was what had gotten us in this mess to begin with.
Nick nodded too, as this new information sank in.
“And what you sensed with us is nothing more than the residue of what was,” I explained. “Not what is.”
His eyes narrowed and I wasn’t sure what he was thinking. The uncertainty made me sick to my stomach.
“Is there ever really any separating the two?” he asked.
The question hit me right in the gut, knocking the wind out of me.
“Feelings like that don’t just … get erased, Evie.”
Based on all I knew, I disagreed with that. I’d seen for myself how easily things could be erased—memories, emotions, pasts, people.
Nick turned away from me and I panicked at the sight of how quickly he lessened the distance between himself and the door. It made me feel like I was out of time, like nothing I said would slow him down. I was right; telling him the truth did do more harm than good. But how were we ever supposed to be better if we couldn’t be honest?
Maybe that was part of the point he was trying to make, and … I was just now getting it.
There was something else he needed to know, and I felt obligated to tell him now rather than letting him see for himself. While I fully believed it would hurt my argument, I didn’t want to be responsible for him being caught off guard.
“Wait,” I called out, feeling my stomach sink when he paused at the sound of my voice. “I just thought you should know, he’s … here,” I forced out, clarifying right after by stating plainly who I spoke of. “Liam.”
The words halted Nick and I breathed harder, watching the back of his head while he stood in silence. The locking mechanism on my door disengaged and I took several steps to follow him. I don’t know, maybe I thought there was still something I could say or do to fix it despite knowing it was hopeless.
“Good to know,” he concluded, his statement brimming over with dark sarcasm. Before I reached him, the door slammed shut, and just like that, it was over. If I thought we were in the thorns before, this was the next worst thing.
Rock bottom.
—Chapter Eight—
Nick
There were so many of us here we had to be fed in shifts. From the looks of things, they grouped us by school because there was an equal amount of familiar faces mixed in with the unfamiliar. I believed their goal was to surround us with people we knew so the change would be less jarring.
I was probably the only one wishing they hadn’t.
Some new faces would’ve been a bonus. Especially with my current view across the dining hall being of Evie. I kept catching her eyes and couldn’t stop myself. Apparently, she was having the same problem. What I had to do today nearly killed me inside, but if given the chance to take it back, I wouldn’t. I walked into her room thinking what I had planned might have been the wrong thing, but, after the explanation about her link to Liam, I walked out positive I made the right decision.
We were no good for each other. At least not right now. For a number of reasons.
Tethered … that’s what she called it. I believed her when she said she didn’t understand much about how it worked. Where it got murky was when she tried to convince me that all I sensed between her and Liam were remnants of old feelings. Without question, I knew she cared about me. Whether it was more or less than she cared about him I wasn’t sure. Either way, I couldn’t handle the idea of knowing I didn’t have her whole heart.
Couldn’t handle the idea of him being in the equation.
Yeah, Evie and I had our own issues, but … Liam was the biggest complication of them all, the one I was least sure we could overcome. The one I couldn’t get past. This thing between the three of us was complex, and as much as I wanted to blame her, I couldn’t. Something in me wouldn’t let that happen. As counterintuitive as it seemed, I believed her when she said it was all out of her control. The idea of it wasn’t the strangest thing I’d heard lately. Not by far. But this still didn’t change the fact that I thought space would be best.
For her.
For me.
At least until we both sorted through our baggage.
From across the table, Roz stared and so did Chris and Lucas. I hadn’t given any explanation as to why I’d been incognito for a few days, but I knew they sensed something was up. I didn’t intend to share any of it right now, though—not the stuff with Evie, not the stuff about being the Liberator. It all required me to explain things I couldn’t, so I looked away from their probing eyes and scanned the dining hall instead.
This place was state of the art. At every turn, there were high-tech gadgets mounted on walls and in the hands of staff members. Several of them monitored us now as we ate. I got the distinct feeling they didn’t trust us. I imagined news of how haphazardly most of our first shifts had gone was the reason. It was true that, as a clan, Seaton Falls was a mess—secretive, unprepared, disorganized—but it seemed that was more of a generational thing and not a regional thing. The few new kids sitting around our table were sharing some of their experiences and they mirrored ours to a tee.
The staff had traded in the skirts and pant suits they wore when I first arrived on a late bus for stragglers. They switched to a more relaxed look—black cargo pants tucked into dark boots, black t-shirts with the facility logo in the center. I showed up later than everyone else, but got the feeling this crew ran a tight ship. Most of the authority figures were lycans but I spotted a few dragons too. Four so far. It was my understanding they were rare to come across these days, so I guessed those who were here took some effort to find and convince to join forces.
Which begged the question: Why would someone go to the trouble?
“So, are we just gonna ignore the fact that you’ve been M.I.A. for days and haven’t called or texted any of us, or…?” Roz was the one who asked, but I was sure she spoke on behalf of the others.
My shoulders rose and fell with a deep breath. “Leave it alone.”
She picked at the roll on her plate and continued to watch me. “Fair enough.”
I looked away again, thinking over how the last few days had changed me. It started with the shift when we took on the mutts. More specifically, when I took the life of one. It felt like some of that power, the rage, stayed with me long after I was just me again.
I wasn’t sure it was supposed to happen that way.
If so, my brothers failed to mention it. But, then again, I was also sure that night was the first they’d ever killed too. It left me with a sense of … darkness. I couldn’t quite explain it, but, in short, my fuse was shorter, my thoughts were sometimes too gruesome to share, and I even blacked out a couple times without any recollection of what happened leading up to it.
All I wanted was to feel like me again, but it seemed that was too much to ask.
Scanning the perimeter of the room while my friends’ conversation picked back up, I panned past the doorway. The instant I did, the rage I still harbored spread from the center of my chest until it filled me completely. All because of who just strolled in.
On sight, my entire body tensed.
Evie warned me he was here, but I don’t think it really sunk in until I saw him. He was dressed in the same gear the rest of the staff wore, so I guessed he had some kind of authoritative role. But I couldn’t have cared less. I was positive he was here for one reason and one reason only.
Evie.
When I stood and
pushed away from the table, mumbling to myself, Roz was up on her feet the next instant, hawking every step I took. From the sound of it, there were several others too, which meant Chris and Lucas had also followed.
Roz grabbed at my arm, but she couldn’t slow me down.
“What are you doing?” she asked, clueless as to who I spotted or why he even mattered.
But he did.
Liam was the cement wall between me and Evie, the one factor that wouldn’t eventually work itself out with time.
“Nick.” Roz’s voice was like an echo as I kept my eyes trained across the room on my target.
Liam’s steps slowed when he sensed me, and my eyes were already set on his when he turned. Just like before, he seemed unfazed at the sight of me. Like, I was one on a long list of things and people he considered insignificant. Maybe he did think that, but a spark within me ignited a thought. One that was heavy and sinister. One I couldn’t say out loud.
… I wanted him dead.
Locking both arms over his chest as I drew closer, the smug grin on his face made me charge toward him double-time. I don’t know what I planned to do exactly, but I knew it involved my fists being covered in his blood. Just thinking about it, I could feel the warm slickness of it covering my hands and I craved it more and more by the second.
Another surge of rage rolled through me and I felt the muscles in my back thickening with each step. My vision was suddenly clearer, my sense of smell suddenly keener. My body was preparing itself to shift, and I gave little thought for who might notice or what the repercussions might be.
“Nick, stop!”
A small hand pressed firm into the center of my chest. Those seated at the few tables closest to us went completely silent at the sound of Evie’s voice. It was hers, but stronger; carrying with it a sharp, brassy undertone when it hit my ears. My guess was, she sensed where this was headed and saw fit to intervene.
To protect him?
The thought of that being what drove her to stand in my path made it hard to breathe.
I was aware of her, but only looked at him. He was what I wanted right now; to tear him limb from limb. More than anything, I wanted to be the one to put him in his place.
The day he broke down what it meant to be the Liberator, he enjoyed it, reveled in what it could potentially do to me and Evie. I could smell the satisfaction on him.
Then.
Now.
I believed he also knew it wouldn’t be Evie who’d end things. Because I felt something for her, it was only right that I back off rather than put her in danger. And, if you ask me, he expected that.
My fists clinched when he took several steps in my direction—brow tense, shoulders squared, ready. However, a hard glare from Evie stopped him dead in his tracks. They stared at one another for several seconds before his expression softened.
It was almost like … communication? Like, he’d been told to stand down. But I had to have imagined it.
Her warm brown eyes came back to me, sweeping up to meet my gaze. Her expression was filled with worry and so much more. A few of the monitors watched, but none moved toward me. With them unaware of where or how I’d strike, it would have been so easy to push past Evie’s arm and finish the job.
But, for some reason, I didn’t, and neither did he. Evie clearly had a hold on us both.
A reality that made heat spike in my veins.
Roz stepped up from behind me and I could tell she had so many questions. Quiet conversation picked up around us again as those who witnessed the brief power struggle lost interest. Liam continued past, and when he came close, I heard the distinct rumble when Chris and Lucas growled, aware of the threat.
Each step Liam took was slow—flared nostrils, eyes hidden beneath hooded lids. He hated me and the feeling was mutual. It was also clear he wasn’t afraid of me, and that feeling was mutual too. If he was hoping I’d break free from Evie to come after him, he’d get his wish soon enough.
And I’d make sure it was someplace no one could intervene.
“What was that about?” Roz asked with wild eyes.
“Everything cool?” I could hear the concern in Chris’s voice, too. I didn’t answer either question, just stared down on Evie again.
Did she have any idea how much I hated this—knowing he mattered to her? Any clue how much it broke me up inside having to separate from her despite knowing it was best? I was the one who said the words, but it was both of us who ended this.
One secret at a time.
One distraction at a time.
“Can I help you with something?” The question came from a monitor—Mei, the one who’d shown me to my room after all the other students got settled.
I shook my head, feeling the rage subsiding only marginally. “I’m cool. Just need to walk it off,” I replied through clenched teeth.
“I’m coming with you,” Evie insisted.
“No.”
She and Roz both seemed shocked by my tone and how quickly I protested, but being around her was the last thing I needed right now. There was a long stint of silence and a noise sputtered from Roz’s throat as she stood with her mouth open, feeling every bit of awkward tension as the three of us stood there.
Water pooled in the corners of Evie’s eyes, but her expression was hard when she nodded, swallowing the rejection. “…If that’s how you want it.”
I was sure my response had put another nail in the coffin of the failed relationship which never even, technically, made it far enough to earn a title. Swiping at the one tear that fell, Evie disappeared in the dark corridor that led back toward the sleeping quarters. Beth was right behind her.
Bewildered, Roz’s stare volleyed back and forth between me and Evie until she disappeared around a corner. “I’m … clearly missing something.”
I headed for the corridor as well, but not to chase Evie. I just wanted to go back to my room.
“Don’t ask,” I warned. “I’m not in the mood.”
Roz put her hands up in surrender as she took quick steps to match my pace. “Hey, I’m just making sure you’re okay.”
“I freakin’ hate that guy!” My fist slammed into the wall as soon as we were no longer in the presence of the monitors. “I swear he thinks he owns her.”
Roz kept her word and didn’t ask questions, which I appreciated, although I’m sure my outburst raised more than a few.
We came to the blue hallway, passing beneath equally-spaced, fluorescent lights. My next thought was of how this area was dull and common compared to Evie’s, but I quickly dismissed it. I didn’t want to think about her right now. When I did, I saw him.
The I.D.s we were given also served as keycards. I used mine to open the door to the room I shared with Chris, Lucas, and one other teammate. A lineman, Theo. Inside, the space was riddled with bags of clothes and our personal belongings we’d ransacked before dinner and hadn’t yet had a chance to unpack. I pushed everything off my bed and sprawled out on top of it, staring at the ceiling.
Roz leaned against the empty dresser and I could feel her watching me. It was mildly annoying when she did things like this, tagged along at times I felt like being alone, but I knew she was only trying to be a good friend. I knew that was exactly what I needed right now, but it was hard to see the forest for the trees.
I owed her more than my silence. She’d been among the number of people I avoided while I was away. She, honestly, sent just as many texts as Evie—asking if I was okay, if I needed anything, and one was simply a picture of a pizza she ordered with a caption that read, ‘this could all be yours if you’d come out of hiding.’
Thinking about it, it was a little harder to sulk.
“Still can’t believe they stuck us here.”
Roz shifted from one foot to the other. “You and me both. Feels like we’re in The Twilight Zone. Makes my skin itch.”
Good ol’ Roz.
I smiled a bit.
“So, I know you don’t want to rehash it all, but ca
n I at least know where you’ve been?”
The question made me miss the solitude I’d carved out for myself before coming here. “My grandfather’s estate.”
She nodded. “Weren’t you bored?”
Keeping my eyes trained above, I shrugged. “Didn’t really get the chance. When I wasn’t contemplating the meaning of life,” I joked, “I was reading through some of his old journals.”
At the mention of the word ‘journals’, she perked up. “Find anything interesting in them?”
Truth be told, I didn’t understand most of what he rambled about in those things, but reading them made me feel close to him, considering we never had the chance to meet. From what I’d been told, he traveled more than he stayed home and was kind of eccentric, but otherwise, he was a bit of a mystery.
“In the earlier ones, he mostly chronicled his life abroad, places he visited with some woman named Opal. Seemed like he loved her, but I never heard my parents mention her. There’s some stuff in there about the adventures he took my dad on back in the day. But in the later volumes, he just went on and on about his quests to find these rings he was kind of obsessed with. Righting wrongs and crap like that.”
Roz laughed at my wording. “Wow … not much for sentiment, are you?”
I shrugged, smiling again. “It’s not that, I just think he was losing it. The earlier installments were definitely more heartfelt, more coherent. It’s the later ones that made it feel like I was reading some crazy old man’s memoir.”
She pulled a large, plastic container from against the wall and used it as a seat. “Rings, though? Like jewelry or something else?”
Recalling a sketch he’d drawn of one, I nodded. “There were either six or seven. He never seemed sure of the number. They all had dark stones in the middle, but he never says why he wanted them so badly. Just that he needed them in his possession.”
“Maybe they were for Opal? The woman you mentioned?”
I rolled over while Roz spoke, bringing the box beside my bed closer. In it, were four leather-bound books. I read the numbers embossed into the spines and pulled the third one out. Untying the strap around it, I turned the yellowing pages to the middle until I found what I was looking for. I handed the sketch I spoke of over to Roz.