by Rachel Jonas
And Elise, too.
I was still in the ‘warming up’ phase with her, despite several weeks passing. According to Liam, I was even hard to get close to in my first life, so my reluctance with Elise hadn’t taken him by surprise.
But when it came to softening up toward him, there was definitely progress.
From the outside looking in, I’m sure it still seemed like I kept him locked out. In some ways, I suppose I did, but only while I got used to the new me. That’s what it felt like—being reborn for a third time as I found my way back to things that felt familiar, including him. Despite my seeming distant and guarded, there was a very different story being told within me.
Liam wasn’t as far on the outside as he may have thought. In fact, he was the most trusted person in my life.
Hands down.
Small, festive, artificial trees lined the hallway and I struggled not to kick each one over as I passed by, imagining myself punting them clean to the other side of Gold Sector. Would’ve been so freakin’ fun to watch them soar. Their glowing, white lights, red bows, and mini pinecones were yet another reminder that Christmas was right around the corner and I wouldn’t be celebrating with my parents.
Hardly anyone lingered in the dining hall when I passed through. Most had been in their rooms the last hour or two, packing for their soon-coming departure. I, on the other hand, was headed to the gym—a sparring session I purposely scheduled for this time. I didn’t want to sit around watching Beth prepare for her trip home. Not only did she get frequent phone calls from her parents, checking in, but now she was on her way to see them, too. Yeah, that made me a bit of a hater, but I was too deep in my feelings to care.
It was easy to convince her I was okay. She’d gotten used to my weekly sparring sessions with Liam, so she didn’t question it when I gave her a quick goodbye hug before leaving. She’d be long gone when I got back and I’d have our room to myself to sulk in silence.
I was nearly to the gym and felt Liam already. I’d learned to recognize the tingling in the center of my chest as one of many supernatural alerts that existed between us. This one simply meant he was close.
Waiting.
After several weeks of getting tossed around, gently swept off my feet and onto my back, I was beginning to find my mojo. Now, not only did I keep showing up because I enjoyed the time we got to hang out together; I showed up because I was starting to retain some of what he taught me.
Shifting on my own was so simple I couldn’t understand why it’d ever been an issue. He also talked me through how to ‘burn blue’—the not-so-creative term my brothers had coined centuries ago for the strange flames only the original dragon and her descendants could achieve. I was a long way from holding my own in combat, but, thanks to Liam, I was getting close.
I even felt stronger. Physically. Emotionally. There was something empowering about knowing how to wield even a few of my supernatural abilities. It made me feel untouchable some days. I wasn’t foolish enough to think it was more than an illusion, but it was my brain’s way of faking it ‘til I made it, I guess.
‘Think you’re untouchable and you’ll be untouchable.’
So far, it was working.
I burst through the doors of the gym with a smile, ready to pretend I could kick Liam’s butt, knowing I wasn’t really any match for him. Tightening my ponytail as I approached, he smiled back.
I didn’t miss how his eyes slipped from mine, deliberately scanning my figure. There was no shame or embarrassment when he stared. The look brought with it a feeling. It was like I could hear his thoughts loud and clear, how he believed I was his to look at whenever he desired to do so. The intensity of it breathed heat across my cheeks and I was sure they were red now.
He’d done that a lot lately, stared in that unapologetic way. I guessed it had something to do with the walls between us coming down. Or he may have felt comfortable checking me out because … I’d also gotten caught looking at him in the same way on more than one occasion.
Sue me.
I couldn’t help myself, though. With all the time we spent together, it was hard not getting sucked in. Not only was he more than easy to look at, he was sweet and fun, and just … everything I needed him to be. Genuinely. As time passed, I felt less uncomfortable with how much he was starting to mean to me. By this point, it’d just become fact:
I needed him.
“Ready?” he asked behind a perfect grin of soft lips and white teeth.
I nodded and adjusted the hem of my tank top over the waistband of my shorts.
“I was born ready,” I joked.
He laughed and gestured for me to come closer. I did, stopping about a foot away from him. His hands dwarfed mine when he took them, lifted them into the air and formed both into fists. When he let go, his brow quirked and I was given my first order.
“Hit me.”
My expression went from blank to an incredulous smile. “As in … with my fist?”
He nodded. “Don’t hold back.”
I’d learned to question him less over these past weeks. Mostly because his methods always yielded favorable results. Because of him, I was making progress. So, with that in mind, I squared my shoulders and swung to hit my target—his bicep.
He didn’t even flinch, glancing down at the spot where my knuckles made contact. Then, his eyes were on me again and I could tell by the look he gave I’d done something wrong.
“What?”
He was trying to hold in a laugh and I watched as he took my fists again, re-forming both, starting with untucking my thumbs from inside them.
“Like this,” he said gently. I was sure that, if I’d been anyone else, he would’ve lost patience a long time ago. But whenever he gave me instructions or corrected me in some way, he was always understanding.
We both knew I had no clue what I was doing, but he had the advantage of recalling a time when I did. The challenge was getting me back there.
I studied how he repositioned my arms, with my elbows close to my body, fists guarding my face while I was in resting position.
“Again,” he insisted. “And this time, aim for my face.”
The power I’d let fill my limbs drained immediately. Not that I thought I could do a whole lot of damage, I didn’t even want to try. When my posture shifted, Liam questioned me with his stare.
“I’m not gonna hit you in the face.”
Now he was smiling. “Evangeline, this mug has been slapped, punched, kicked, and stomped more times than I can count.” At his words, I studied the perfection standing before me, finding it hard to imagine it’d ever undergone the violence I was sure it endured over the years. Supernatural healing had, clearly, been at work.
“Once, decades ago, a lycan even took a rock to my jaw,” he went on. How he was laughing about this, I would never understand, but he was. “Trust me, I can take one of your punches.”
At first, I thought I mistook the undertone of an insult, but then he full-on laughed at me, adding, “You know … assuming you can land it.”
Holding in a smile of my own, I decided to give him what he wanted. The energy I let dissipate a moment ago returned. I blew out a breath through my mouth and then fired quickly, aiming for the left side of his face with a right hook.
He ducked, of course, but he seemed proud that I took the shot.
“Good. Now this time, when you release, keep your swing tighter. That way, if you miss again, you’re not wasting energy trying to recoil.”
I took the stance he showed me and went at him. I missed again, but his advice about recoiling stuck with me and I felt the difference.
“Much better.” He paused to make a minor adjustment to my wrist and then looked me in my eyes. “Again.”
We went back and forth like this for at least ten minutes; long enough that I worked up a sweat. He just had that glowy-sheen thing going on, making his exposed arms glisten like he’d been oiled up for a photoshoot. He was such a distraction.
&nbs
p; The best kind.
“Again,” he beckoned.
I was aware of my shoulders feeling fatigued, but pushed past it. That was the only way to build up endurance and stamina. I kept at it, swinging and missing over and over again until, finally, frustration caught up with me.
I stepped back, bracing my palms on my knees, struggling to catch my breath. “I need a break.”
I stared at the blue mat, and then Liam’s boot-clad feet when they came into view. He stood there a moment, watching me as I heaved and panted, feeling like I was inches from death.
“What are you doing?”
I didn’t understand the question at first because I thought it should have been clear. I was giving up. No, not for good, but definitely for today. My emotions were running high and I wasn’t as good at ignoring them as I thought. It got to me that I’d be stuck here; got to me that I’d miss out on spending the holiday with my family. It wasn’t fair.
“I just … I can’t do this today,” I sighed. “There’s too much going on and I’m having a hard time concentrating.”
Pity, coddling … those were things I expected to get when Liam spoke; those were things I believed I needed. However, when he opened his mouth, I got neither.
“Stand up.”
My heart skipped a beat at the sound of his voice. It was hard and stern, unlike I’d ever heard it when addressing me. Still, despite being startled, I did as I was told, straightening my posture when my gaze met his. He stared and I braced myself for whatever he’d say next, feeling he was unpredictable in this moment.
“You’re not tired,” he asserted, walking a slow circle around me as my eyes followed until they couldn’t anymore. “The problem is you don’t believe you’re capable.”
With each breath moving my shoulders up and down rapidly, I listened to every word that left his mouth.
“You don’t believe you can; therefore, your body keeps capping you at what it believes to be your limit,” he went on. “You’ve got to learn to push past that, learn that you’re more than this.”
My breathing slowed and I caught sight of him in my peripheral when he came back around. He stopped in front of me and a hard stare came my way. The rims of his nostrils flared, and then a tug in the center of my chest alerted me when his presence had awakened my dragon. That side of me loved this side of him—the harsh, abrasiveness that tripped every physiological alarm inside my body. It fed something primal within me.
With a quick burst of energy that started in his hands, Liam’s entire body went up in flames and he didn’t move. My breathing picked up again, but this time it wasn’t fatigue.
It was adrenaline.
His eyes burned white as he captured me with a look. He was beautiful this way, in his true form, the outlines of his formidable frame still visible beneath the glow of bright orange flames. I never forgot his explanation of how our flesh was merely a container for what lie within.
My body shuddered when he took a step closer. So close a flame or two kissed my skin, the heat warming me, but never burning. I didn’t turn away when he asked a question that continued to ring inside my head several seconds later.
“Do you believe in what you are?”
I couldn’t put my finger on what about the question made me sad, but it was impossible to deny the way my heart lurched when asked.
Lately, although I thought I’d begun to come into my own, I was still painfully aware of not fully realizing my potential. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to, I thought it was simply that I didn’t know how to. But now … after Liam made me think deeper, I wondered if there was more to it.
Yes, I’d seen my body catch fire and not be consumed.
Yes, I felt stronger.
Yes, I believed in my connection to Liam, but … maybe I didn’t quite believe in myself.
Liam didn’t back down. He held his ground despite the single tear that fell from my eye.
“I want to,” I stammered.
He came even closer and I wondered if it was to force me into letting him see the truth, everything I tried to hide behind a smile and false confidence.
“Then what are you afraid of?” He couldn’t have known this, but that may have been the hardest question anyone had ever asked me. That list was long and seemed to grow and change every day.
“Life. Losing more than I’ve already lost. Failure. Being—”
“Wrong answer.”
I blinked, staring when he cut me off. My eyes slipped away from him so I could think harder, deeper.
“I’m afraid of not living up to—”
I was again interrupted by his deep voice and a sternly spoken, “Wrong answer.”
A breath hitched in my throat when I faced him again. I wasn’t sure what he wanted me to say. These things were true and I had nothing else to offer. Frustration brought on more tears and he remained unaffected by them.
“The next time I, or anyone else, asks you what you’re afraid of, you give one answer and one answer only.” He paused and I was panting again when he leaned in, letting the words caress my skin just like his flames.
“Nothing,” he breathed. “You. Fear. Nothing.”
My hands tingled when my dragon had the inkling to reach for him. Physical me was emotional and ready to cave, but she was strong and detached from every outside influence that wasn’t Liam.
“You’re ready for this, Evangeline,” he uttered with a kinder tone. “You’re ready and the only thing stopping you is you.”
Deep down in a place I rarely focused much attention, I knew he was right. Slowly but surely, that feeling became contagious. The rest of me started believing it, too.
“So, are you gonna try again or are you giving up?”
The easy thing to do would have been to walk away, to leave him and his lofty expectations right there on that mat, but he inspired me to abandon ‘easy’.
He seemed to take note of the determination I felt beaming through my expression and nodded, going back to his original position a couple feet away. As he walked, his flames dimmed and eventually burned out. Our eyes locked, and with one look, I was encouraged to give it my all.
That turned out to be just the push I needed, seeing that he believed I could get this right.
My fist breezed through the air and, finally, connected with the left side of Liam’s chin. Upon impact, I drew back, covering my mouth with a gasp.
“Oh my gosh! I’m so sorry!”
“Don’t be,” he reasoned, smiling as he worked his jaw. “You got it exactly right.”
I hadn’t moved my hands, biting my lips behind them. It shouldn’t have surprised me that he took so little time to recover, heading across the matt almost the next second. There, he lowered into stance as he braced himself.
“Now come at me.”
I didn’t think. Thinking tripped me up every time. Thinking made me second-guess myself and hesitate and there was no time for either in the heat of combat. So, I emptied my lungs and filled them with air again before launching toward him. I was suddenly so much faster, felt the power in my thighs as I moved in his direction; in my biceps as they pumped, propelling me. And this time, when I made it to Liam, I wasn’t scooped up and lightly manhandled like usual.
Nope. This time … I moved him.
It wasn’t far—only a few inches—but I knocked him off balance when my shoulder slammed the center of his chest. A strong set of hands caught my waist to steady us both. His lengthy fingers slipped beneath the material of my shirt, unintentionally pushing it up a bit. The warmth of his skin on mine jarred me out of my thoughts, making me forget to celebrate this small victory. Instead, my heart raced.
“Nice,” Liam crooned, seeming far less rattled than I was by the contact. “Next time, dip lower and lift upward when you lean in to take me down.”
His hands left me and I reminded myself to close my mouth as I nodded. “Okay.”
He glanced toward the mounted clock and seemed surprised we’d already been here an
hour. “I think that’s good for today. We should probably head back so we can shower before dinner.”
The last thing on my mind was food, but I kept that to myself, nodding again. “Sure. Sounds good.”
He smiled and we stopped at the bleachers where two towels and two bottles of water were waiting for us. One of each was placed in my hand and I thanked him. In every way, he was more prepared than I was, thinking one step ahead.
We walked the tensile-decorated halls and they were quiet, completely empty, meaning everyone was gone and all that remained were those of us who’d be holed up here alone for the next two weeks. We reached my door and I must not have hid my thoughts as well as I meant to. Liam gripped my chin lightly to get my attention and he had it. Totally.
“It won’t always be like this. You won’t always have to miss them.”
It was comforting to hear. A little reassurance goes a long way.
“Baz will see to it that his witches keep their word,” he added. “You’re kind of his new main priority.” The smile he gave when he finished speaking made me warm all over.
I was brought into his arms and had to admit that, secretly, I wanted to be in them since laying eyes on him in the gym. I lacked the courage to embrace him on my own today, but didn’t shy away from hugging him back when he initiated. My face fit into the crook of his neck just right and I stayed there, with my fingers resting at the nape of his neck, with his solid arms gripping me, with so many unspoken words hanging in the air. Holding him made home seem a little less far away.
Against my wishes, he let go and I saw a question in his eyes before he even asked.
“Elise had an idea and I’ve put off telling you because I know you’ve had a hard time lately.” He seemed to search my face for any indication that it was okay to continue. When I nodded, he went on. “She wants us to join her for Christmas dinner. It’d be lowkey and completely depends on if you’re ready or not, but … she hopes you’ll come.”
My heart lurched at the idea of fully acknowledging that Christmas was right around the corner. I’d actually planned to spend most of the break in my room reading, or doing anything to forget what time of year it was. But now Liam was asking me to face it head on.