What he'd made her ask for…
A hot flush flowed up her cheeks as she remembered the way he had made her say yes. He hadn't even left her the comfort of blaming him. He'd made her admit she was willing. More than willing. He'd made her admit she wanted it. Bad.
"Matt." She spoke softly, her teeth firmly gritted.
He didn't answer, didn't turn his head her way, didn't even open his eyes.
She got up on an elbow and gave his shoulder a gentle shake. "Matt."
That was when he started snoring. A soft, contented sort of snore. And he was still smiling.
She watched in outrage as he turned to his side facing the far wall. He tugged the covers up under his chin with a happy little sigh. Oh, how she longed to shake him some more. And not gently this time. The least he could do was to stay awake and talk to her about the whopper of a mistake the two of them had just made.
But no. He was sleeping peacefully. And she was left to stew on her own.
She pushed back the blankets and jumped to her feet. He didn't move—and she hadn't left the bed all that carefully, either. She stood there naked, glaring down at him, thinking about how much she longed to wake him up and tell him what a total jerk he was for kissing her in the first place when he knew damn well that she was an engaged woman. And not only for kissing her, but for not simply stopping when she said no. For kissing her long and hard, until she was willing to say anything to get him to keep kissing her.
And then, most of all, for the rest of it. Which had been fabulous. Damn it.
Corrine put her hands to her burning cheeks. Somehow, that was the worst of it, that she had liked it so much. That she'd pulled him back down on top of her and started ripping off his clothes. That when he was inside her, she had sunk her teeth into his shoulder and cried out at how good it felt.
That she had come.
Twice.
No. She wasn't going to wake him up. If she did, she would definitely end up yelling at him. And that would wake Kira and that wouldn't be good.
So she scrambled around gathering up her clothes, which strangely had ended up flung into all four corners of the room. Her panties were out in the upstairs hall, for crying out loud. One of them must have thrown them there. The door was wide open, the overhead light still on.
God. Kira. She could have so easily gotten up and come down the hall and seen them. Corrine covered her face and whimpered in self-disgust at the very idea. But only for a moment. Whimpering, after all, wasn't going to do any good. She'd done what she'd done and now she was going to have to figure out what to do next.
She thought of her mom, her stomach knotting in sadness and longing. Kathleen Lonnigan had been the soul of practicality. If she was there now, she'd probably say something like, Well, baby. That was stupid. But time only moves forward and there's no one yet that can change the past. Right now, you just put one foot in front of the other. Keep moving forward and do what needs doing.
So all right. It was one-foot-in-front-of-the-other time. She went and got the panties and put them on and then put on everything else. She turned off the light and closed the door quietly as she left the room. On tiptoe, she went down the hall and checked on Kira, who was sound asleep. The sight of that—of her daughter sleeping—made her feel marginally better. No kid who had just seen her parents naked could sleep so peacefully, smiling like a little angel.
Corrine went downstairs. She cleared away the mess from the wine-tasting party. By the time she finished that, it was after four. She trudged up the stairs again to her own room, shed her clothes for the second time that night, pulled on her favorite sleep shirt and dropped into bed. Lucky for her she was really, really tired. Too tired, even, to stare at the ceiling and think about how much she despised herself.
She rolled to her side, tucked her hands under her head and slept.
* * *
When she woke, it was daylight. Matt was standing over her, wearing the khaki trousers and wool sweater she'd ripped off of him the night before, looking worried. At least he was holding out her favorite mug and a delicious trail of coffee-scented steam was curling upward from it.
Corrine started to reach for the mug, but then she looked at the clock. It was nine forty-five. She let out a screech and threw back the covers.
"Relax." He steadied the mug with his free hand. "I gave her breakfast and took her to school."
She blinked. "You did?"
The worried look became a sheepish one. "I figured it was the least I could do."
"You're late for work."
"Yeah."
"You're never late for work."
He shrugged. "I called the office. They'll get along without me until lunch time."
Corrine flipped the covers back over her bare legs and plumped the pillows so she could lean against them. "Give me that coffee."
"You promise not to throw it in my face?"
"Don't tempt me. The coffee. Now." With care, he handed it over. "Thanks," she said grudgingly.
He backed up and sat in the chair in the corner. For a minute or two, they just stared at each other. He seemed to have no more idea of what to say than she did.
But in the end, he spoke first. "Look, as far as I'm concerned, it was the wine, that's all."
She wanted to believe him. She wanted that so badly. And hey, it probably was just the wine as far as he was concerned. Something he could blow off as lowered inhibitions and bad judgment.
For her, well, it was much worse. What they'd done called everything into question. It made her a liar on too many levels. To Bob—and somehow even worse than that, to herself.
She sipped the coffee. "Yeah. A big mistake, all that wine."
He raked his fingers back through his spiky brown hair. "Stupid."
She sipped again. "Beyond dumb."
Another silence. Then he said, "And no one has to know about it. We can agree that it never happened."
Easy enough for him to say. He wasn't the one with an engagement ring on his finger. The closest he'd ever come to an engagement was his on-again, off-again relationship with Tabby Ellison, the daughter of one of Aleta's Phi Beta Something-or-Other girlfriends from college. Tabby was beautiful and rich and traveled in the same social circle as the Bravos. She would have made Matt a very suitable wife. If only Matt wanted to settle down.
But he didn't. Never had. Matt wasn't a ladykiller type or anything. He just didn't particularly want to get married. He wasn't ready for that, he said, seeming to mean that he would be. Eventually. Maybe that was true. And in four or five years, whenever that "right" time finally came around, he and Tabby would have a country club wedding and then Tabby would produce a couple of little darlings destined to grow up rich and very spoiled.
"Corrie, did you hear me?"
She puffed out her cheeks as she sighed. "Yeah. I heard you. And I can't do it. I can't pretend it didn't happen. Bob has to know."
"I was afraid you'd say that." He made a low, pained sound in his throat and rubbed at his temples.
She felt a certain…tenderness toward him. Okay, he'd started it last night. And he'd been more than happy to finish it after he got that yes out of her. Then he'd dropped off to sleep instead of staying awake so she could yell at him.
But this morning, he'd fed their daughter and driven her to school. And then he'd come in here to deal face-to-face with the mess they'd just made. He hadn't tried to slink away. She had to give him credit for that at least.
Softly, she offered, "There's aspirin in the kitchen cabinet, on top, to the right of the sink."
He let his hands drop. "I know, thanks."
"Did you take some?"
"I'm fine, damn it." He hung his head. He looked so forlorn, she could almost feel sorry for him—and did that make her a total sucker or what? She leaned back into the pillows and concentrated on getting more caffeine down. Several minutes passed. He slumped in the chair, looking at the floor, and she finished up the big mug of coffee. She was about to tell hi
m they'd said all there was to say and he could go when he lifted his head and said, "I have to ask this."
What now? She set the mug on the night stand.
"I don't suppose you're on the pill or anything?"
On the pill…
Corrine's stomach did the strangest thing. It lurched, hard. As if the bottom had just dropped out of her world. She carefully smoothed the edge of the sheet over the blankets. Until he'd asked that question, she'd thought things couldn't get much worse.
Wrong.
She'd not only had sex with him when she was engaged to someone else, she'd had unprotected sex with him.
"Corrie, did you hear me?"
"Of course I heard you."
"Well?"
"No," she made herself admit. "I'm not on the pill. Or anything."
Matt said some swearwords. Several. "It's déjà vu all over again."
"What are you talking about?" She demanded, as if she didn't know.
"It's how you got pregnant with Kira."
She wanted to throw something at him, just for saying that out loud. "I'm not pregnant."
"How can you be sure? What about that Plan B thing they have now? Maybe you should—"
"Take my word for it. I don't need to load my body up with a bunch of hormones."
"Corrie…"
"It's the wrong time of the month, okay?" And, oh, she was so very glad about that. Her cycles had always been regular, her period right on time, every twenty-eight days. Her period had ended Saturday. Last time, with Kira, it had been the right time of the month. And there had been no Plan B back then. This time, there was nothing to worry about—except for how rotten, disloyal and irresponsible she'd been.
"You do seem certain." He looked relieved.
She nodded. Firmly. "I promise you, Matt. I'm not pregnant."
* * *
Armadillo Rose was closed Sundays and Mondays. But there were bills to pay, orders to make and deliveries to take. Corrine went to the bar at eleven that morning and stayed till three. While she worked, she kept seeing Bob's kind face, those soft brown eyes of his, his warm, generous smile that could light up a dark room, his gentle voice, the way he always knew to say just the right thing.
She called Matt on his cell before she left the Rose. "I kept Kira in day care today. Can you pick her up at five at the school? I would ask Sandra to do an extra night, but she's in Dallas visiting her mom until tomorrow." Sandra Yee sat with Kira four nights a week while Corrine worked and was usually willing to take an extra night now and then.
"No problem." He didn't even ask what was going on. He'd probably already guessed. "You want me to keep her overnight?"
"No. I'll come and get her later, by nine or so at the latest. If that's okay?"
"I'm on it. No worries."
No worries. She wished.
She started to call Bob next. But she stopped mid-dial. Barring some emergency, he would be in his office at home, beginning work on his message for next Sunday's services. She decided she would just go to him.
In no time, it seemed, she was pulling into his street on the far west side, an area of starter homes not far from Lackland Air Force Base. She parked at the curb and went up the concrete walk, half hoping he wouldn't be home, that something might have come up to make him change his routine: a parishioner in need of counseling, an unexpected meeting of one committee or another. Which made her not only a cheater, but a coward as well, longing for any excuse to put off telling him what he needed to know.
But she got no reprieve. When she knocked, he answered, his face lighting up with a big smile of welcome. "Corrine. What a surprise."
She gulped. "If it's a bad time…"
"Are you kidding? I'm always happy to be interrupted by you. Especially today." Mondays were the worst for him, when he started on a new message for the next week.
"Having trouble with the sermon?"
"Yeah. I'm a little stuck, I confess. I get this feeling sometimes that I've already said all I have to say on a topic."
"You say that every week."
"And it's true every week."
"You'll think of something. You always do. Your sermons are wonderful."
He beamed. "How is it you always make me feel that I can do anything?"
She beamed back. Or she tried to. "What's the topic?"
"Sin and forgiveness."
She wanted to sink through the front step, just melt right down through the concrete all the way to the other side of the world. She babbled inanely, "Ah. Forgiveness. Well…"
"Come on in." He stepped back. Reluctantly, she moved forward. When he canted his face toward her for a kiss, she wanted to blurt it all out right then and there. But she said nothing, only brushed her lips against his, feeling like Judas at the Last Supper. Or maybe Cain stabbing Abel. He offered, "Want some coffee?"
"Uh, no. Thanks. I just, well, I needed to talk to you."
"Anytime. Always." He led her into the living room and sat next to her on the striped brown and tan couch. He took her hand between both of his. "Now. What's up?"
Gently, she pulled her hand free. "I…" God. Where to begin? How to tell this kind, gentle, trusting man that she'd gotten drunk last night and ended up in bed with Matt?
He touched her hair, one light stroke and then he pulled away. "Corrine. Are you all right?"
There was no use in stalling. It was cruel enough, what she'd done. This stuttering around over it was only compounding the awfulness.
She opened her mouth. "I…" And it came out all in a rush, one long ugly word. "IhadsexwithMattlastnight."
Bob said nothing. For the longest time he only stared at her, uncomprehending. Finally, he whispered, "No."
She bit her lip. Hard. And she nodded. "Yeah. I did. It was…" Excuses tumbled over themselves inside her head. I was drunk. I didn't know what I was doing. I don't know how it happened…
Corrine didn't say any of them. There was no excuse. She'd done wrong. Way wrong. Period.
Softly, he prompted, "It was what?"
She closed her eyes, shook her head. "All my fault. My…decision."
A long silence. At last he said, "I see."
She shook her head, hard. "No. No, I don't think you do. You're a wonderful man. A truly good man. You would never do something like that to me."
"Corrine…" His voice trailed off.
She watched his face, read his expression. He was trying to think of something gentle and wise to say. She spoke first. "It's not going to work with us, is it, Bob? We're not right for each other. You need a nicer girl than I'll ever be. And I need…oh, I'm not sure. But if what I needed was you, I would never have done what I did. I'm only sorry I couldn't have figured all this out in a more…dignified way." She took off her engagement ring and set it on the coffee table. And then she left.
He didn't try to stop her.
Outside, she got in her car and just sat for a while, staring blindly out the windshield at the pale blue sky. When she finally got around to starting up the engine and driving away, the dashboard clock said ten after four. She could have called Matt and told him he was off the hook, that she would pick up Kira after all.
But she didn't. She went home and made tea. Her mom had always loved a hot cup of tea. Earl Grey had been her mom's favorite, so Corrine had Earl Grey. She drizzled honey into it, just like Kathleen would have done. And then she sipped it slowly, staring at Kira's stick-figure drawings taped to the refrigerator, thinking of all the lovely single women at New Life Unification Church who would now get their chance at nice Pastor Bob.
It was the right thing to do, baby.
"I know it was, Mom."
You'll get over it.
Corrine held out her left hand, fingers spread, and stared at her empty ring finger. "I feel totally disgusted with myself. Worst of all, though, I feel relieved."
Almost, she could hear her mother's husky laughter. But only faintly, from far, far away.
* * *
Corrine
showed up at Matt's large, pricey house in Alamo Heights at a little after seven.
"You okay?" he asked at the front door.
She had time for a nod and a tight smile before Kira came flying in from the other room. "Mommy, where have you been?"
Christmas at Bravo Ridge Page 3