by Joan Jonker
‘Perhaps this love potion isn’t a good idea after all, queen,’ Kitty said. ‘I mean, it’s like putting arsenic in a steak and kidney pie, isn’t it? There’s only one person yer want to kill, but yer end up having to kill the lot.’
Now this is something I can understand, thought Jessie, feeling very pleased with herself. ‘Kitty, yer could always make a small pie for the person yer wanted to kill, and the others wouldn’t come to no harm eating the big one.’
Kitty met Agnes’s eyes across the table and they silently agreed they wouldn’t embarrass the girl by laughing out loud, they’d wait until later. ‘Yer’ve got a point there, queen, but don’t yer think the one what got the small pie put in front of him would be suspicious?’
Her pretty face was set in concentration for a few seconds while Jessie gave this some thought. Then she said, ‘I don’t think so, Kitty. If I got a small pie all to meself, I’d think I was very lucky.’
‘Yer wouldn’t be very lucky if it had arsenic in it, would yer, sunshine?’ When Agnes glanced at the clock and saw their break had stretched to half an hour she jumped to her feet. ‘Oh, my God, will yer just look at the time! Today of all days, when I’ve got so much to do.’
Three chairs were scraped back sharply, and Pete was out of the back door before they knew it. ‘We’ll get cracking on the dining room, queen, and we’ll give it such a good going-over it’ll think it must be its birthday.’
‘All right, sunshine, I’ll get going in here. I want everything ready early, so I’m not running round like a blue-arsed fly at the last minute.’
‘Have yer made up yer mind about the truffles, yet?’
‘No, I’m still thinking about it.’ The housekeeper hadn’t made up her mind, but she was weakening. After all, her reputation was at stake and she wanted to prove she was still the best cook in Liverpool.
‘Had a busy day, have you, Agnes?’ Robert was pulling his gloves off as he came through the side door. ‘You look quite flustered.’
‘Yer could say I’ve been busy, Mr Robert, yeah. And it’ll get a damn sight busier before the day’s over. Still, it doesn’t happen often, thank God.’
‘Have you had any help?’
‘Kitty and Jessie have been brilliant. The house is shining from top to bottom.’ She gave him a broad grin. ‘If yer see any guests flicking their cigar ash on the floor, or leaving glasses on a polished surface, give them a go-along for me, will yer?’
‘That’s one way of livening up a dull party. To tell you the truth, Agnes, I can’t stand these stuffy dinner parties, they bore me stiff.’ He glanced into the larder. ‘Where are Kitty and Jessie?’
‘Jessie’s up in my room putting on her best uniform. Honest, Mr Robert, she’s so excited about getting dolled up, she’s like a child with a new toy. And as for Kitty, well she offered to stay on until after the party so she could wash the dishes after each course. But I was frightened Alf would worry about her, so I sent her home to let him know. She should be back any minute.’
‘She’s a good mate, isn’t she?’
‘The best, Mr Robert, the best. And I’ll be glad of her help tonight, ’cos it’ll be hard going with just Jessie to help. She a willing girl, and she’s quick, but she’s not used to waiting on and I’ll need eyes in the back of me head watching her. Still, yer can’t put an old head on young shoulders, can yer? Miss Victoria seems keen for this party to be extra special, so we’ll all do the best we can.’
Robert could see the beads of sweat on the housekeeper’s forehead, and couldn’t help thinking that this woman would flog herself to death tonight, while the one who was keen for the party to be extra special, would sit back and be waited on. And at the end of it, there wouldn’t even be a thank you. ‘I’d better go and bathe, or I’ll not be ready when the guests arrive.’ He put his hand on Agnes’s arm and squeezed. ‘You can only do so much, remember that. It’s no good killing yourself for a stupid party.’
The housekeeper was watching his retreating back when the side door opened and Kitty skipped in. ‘Permission granted and I’m reporting for duty.’ She rubbed her thin hands together. ‘Alf said to keep him one of yer famous truffles if there’s any over.’
‘I’ve already put a couple away for you, and for Jessie. There wouldn’t be any over, no matter how many I put out. I’ve even known people to put them in their bag to take home with them.’
‘Go ’way! That’s something I’d expect from the likes of me, queen, but not from toffs. They’ve got plenty of money, why can’t they buy their own instead of pinching?’
‘You cheeky beggar! Yer can’t buy truffles as good as the ones I make. They’re in a class of their own, even though I do say so meself. Just place them in the middle of yer tongue, close yer mouth, and after two seconds yer’ll think ye’re floating on a cloud.’
‘Ye’re a clever bugger, Aggie, I’ll say that for yer. On top of all yer scullery skills, ye’re a ruddy poet!’
Agnes bit on her bottom lip. Here she was, with so many things on her mind, like making sure the meat was cooking as it should, the vegetables were simmering on a low light, the salmon was ready to poach while the guests were on their starters, and the fresh cream had to be whipped for the cakes and trifles. Yet in the midst of all this, little Kitty had the knack of making her smile. ‘What did yer say I was, sunshine, besides being a poet?’
‘Well, I said yer were a clever bugger, queen. Then I said yer were known all over for yer scullery skills.’ The cleaner narrowed her eyes. ‘It was a compliment, in case yer don’t know.’
‘I’d take it as one if I knew what it meant. Yer wouldn’t by any chance mean me culinary skills, would yer?’
‘That’s what I said, queen!’
‘Yer did not! Yer said scullery skills!’
‘You fussy bugger! I was near enough, wasn’t I?’
They both turned when a quiet voice asked, ‘Do I look all right?’
The young girl was a picture of innocence and beauty. Her blonde hair had been combed upwards and held in place with hair grips so it wouldn’t slip down under the white lace cap. Her blue eyes were like a summer sky, and her skin flawless. ‘All right doesn’t do yer justice, sunshine, yer look beautiful.’
‘Yer certainly do, queen, like a film star. Yer’ll have all the men flirting with yer.’
Jessie was clasping and unclasping her hands. She was really looking forward to tonight because she’d never seen a dinner party. But there was one blot on her horizon. ‘Aggie, yer won’t let me be on me own with Mr Charles, will yer?’
‘There’s no way yer’ll be on yer own with him, there’ll be too many other people there. And I’ll keep me eyes open, don’t you worry. I can’t see how it would happen, but if it did, tonight or any other time, then all yer’ve got to do is open yer mouth and scream yer head off.’
‘That’s good advice, queen, and you remember it.’ Kitty raised a questioning brow at Agnes. ‘Isn’t it time yer were getting yerself ready, queen? Just tell me what to keep me eye on and go and titivate yerself up.’
‘All the time and titivating in the world wouldn’t make me look like Jessie here,’ Agnes muttered as her wide hips swayed towards the door. ‘Only a miracle would do that.’
‘Aren’t yer forgetting something?’ Kitty called after her. ‘Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, queen, and yer’ll always look beautiful to me.’
‘How’s it going in there?’ Kitty, her sleeves rolled up to her elbows, was standing on a milking stool in front of the sink, her arms covered in soap suds. They were in her hair, too, where she’d rubbed an arm over her forehead which was dripping with sweat. ‘Are they enjoying themselves?’
‘They seem to be. As yer can see, all the plates are as clean as a whistle so the food is going down well. And I’m beginning to think Miss Victoria painted that smile on her face ’cos it’s been there since the Chisholms arrived.’
‘They don’t half use plenty of dishes, don’t they?’ Kitty looked comi
cal standing on the stool slaving away at the stack of dishes that seemed neverending. She no sooner got one stack out of the way than another took its place. She reminded the housekeeper of a small Cinderella who wasn’t allowed to go to the ball. ‘What the bleedin’ hell do they do with them all? Me and my Alf use one each, why can’t they?’
‘Ah, well, we’re dealing with monied people here, yer see, sunshine. They need a side plate with each course and special knives and forks for everything. None of yer common as muck carry-on here!’
Kitty chuckled. ‘They can’t lick their plates, eh?’
Agnes threw her hands in the air. ‘Lick their plates! Oh, horror of horrors!’
‘They don’t know what they’re missing, queen. Then again, I don’t think the toffs enjoy life as much as us common-as-muck folk.’
‘Ye’re right there, sunshine. If yer heard the way they talk, it’s enough to make yer sick. All la-de-dah, like. That Thompson-Browne is the funniest, with the side of his face all skew-whiff trying to keep the monocle in place. And every now and again this horse laugh comes, followed by his loud voice, “Oh, I say, old chap.” I think he’s bleedin’ hilarious.’
‘Is Mr Robert enjoying himself ?’
‘It’s hard to tell, sunshine. He gets on well with old Mr Chisholm, and I’d say they were the only two normal people in that room. Mr Charles will never be half the man his father is.’
‘How’s Jessie making out?’
‘All right, so far. I don’t think she can believe her eyes, or her ears. I’ll send her down with the next lot of dishes and she can tell yer herself. What she won’t tell yer, though, is that for all their finery, she knocks the other women into a cocked hat for looks.’ Agnes touched the lace cap to make sure it was straight, then smoothed down her apron. ‘I’ll see yer later, sunshine.’
Ten minutes later Jessie came in bearing a tray laden with dirty dishes. After laying the tray down carefully on the table, she turned to face Kitty, and her whole being was alive with excitement. ‘Oh, yer should see them, Kitty, they look like film stars. I’ve never seen nothing like their dresses in all me life. And they’ve got their hair all done fancy, and bands around their foreheads with little feathers sticking up at the side.’
Kitty gaped. ‘Not Miss Edwina, surely?’
‘No, not her or Mrs Chisholm. They’ve both got beautiful dresses on and yer can’t see their necks for jewellery, but they haven’t got no bands around their heads. They’d look a bit daft at their age, wouldn’t they?’
‘Yeah, I suppose ye’re right, queen.’ Kitty stepped down from the stool and wiped her hands on her pinny. ‘I’m going to sit for five minutes ’cos me feet are killing me. So come on, what else are the ladies wearing?’
‘They could open a shop with all the necklaces, bracelets and rings they’ve got on. Oh, and their shoes, Kitty, they’ve got very thin straps and great big high heels.’ Jessie closed her eyes. ‘What else is there now? Oh yeah, their faces are painted with rouge, powder and thick lipstick. And they’ve got that much scent on, yer can smell it all over the house.’
‘And what about the men?’ Kitty asked, trying to get a picture of it all in her mind. ‘What are they wearing?’
‘I think Aggie said they were dinner suits, with white shirts and bow ties. Mr Robert looks very handsome, and although I don’t like Mr Charles, he looks handsome, as well. Miss Victoria is all over him, touching his arm and smiling up into his face. She’s not half throwing herself at him, and my mam has told me a girl should never run after a feller ’cos he won’t think much of her if she does.’
‘Your mam is right, queen, no self-respecting girl would chase after a feller. But for all our sakes, I hope Miss Victoria catches him.’ Kitty sighed as she got to her feet. ‘I’ll make a start on these dishes and you’d better go and see if Aggie needs yer for anything.’
‘She’ll be pleased, will Aggie, because everyone is saying how delicious the food is. Mrs Chisholm even said if she’s ever looking for a job, there’s one waiting for her in their house. She was smiling when she said it, but yer could tell she meant it.’
‘Aggie’s not leaving here,’ Kitty said, once again standing on top of the stool. ‘I won’t let her, ’cos she’s me mate and we’re sticking together.’
It was half-past ten when Agnes came to collect the coffee cups. These were the last of the dishes and the guests would now be retiring to the drawing room for brandy and liqueurs. Jessie came close on the housekeeper’s heels and Robert raised his brows in concern. ‘It’s very late for you, Jessie, your mother will be worrying. I’m sure Agnes can manage on her own now most of the dishes are washed, so I’ll run you home.’
‘There’s no need to disturb yourself, Robert,’ Charles said, rising from his chair. ‘I’ll gladly take the young lady home.’
‘No, Charles.’ Victoria laid a hand on his arm. ‘The girl gets a tram home every night, and tonight is no exception. She really is quite capable.’
‘I will run her and Kitty home.’ Robert waved a hand to silence any objection. ‘It’s late and I will not have them walking the streets in the dark.’
George Chisholm nodded in agreement. ‘Quite right, Robert, there’s some strange people around at this time of night.’ His smile covered the housekeeper and Jessie. ‘You have both served us well this evening and you have our thanks. And the food, Agnes, as my dear wife has said, was fit for a king.’
The Thompson-Brownes added their praise before Robert gestured to Jessie. ‘I’ll give you five minutes to change into your outdoor clothes, then I’ll take you and Kitty home.’
After seeing the guests were comfortably settled in the drawing room with full glasses, Robert made his way to the kitchen. There he was surprised to see Nigel and Abbie chatting away to the housekeeper and cleaners. ‘Where on earth have you two been?’
‘We thought Agnes would have enough to do without worrying about us, so we went for a meal after work,’ Nigel told him. ‘Then as you know, I was taking Bobby for a driving lesson.’
Robert gazed at his daughter. ‘And you, my dear, have you been to Milly’s?’
She grinned mischievously. ‘Yes, and we both sat in the back of the car while Bobby had his lesson. He wasn’t very keen on the idea, mind you, and me and Milly weren’t very popular to start with. But when he saw we weren’t going to budge out of the car, it was a case of either putting up with us or going without a lesson. We won in the end, because he really does want to be able to drive to enhance his job prospects. And he’s coming on well, isn’t he, Nigel?’
Her brother grinned. ‘He’s so good, I let him drive us to Grandma’s. And anyone would think he’d driven hundreds of miles, he was so pleased with himself.’
‘How are Ada and Joe?’
‘They’re fine. We stayed for a hour with them, then Bobby drove us back to Balfour Road. King of the Road, he calls himself now.’
‘Dad, we’ve done nothing but laugh the whole night,’ Abbie said. ‘Bobby had us in stitches he’s so funny. Grandma and Granda were doubled up, tears running down their cheeks. He doesn’t half cheer people up, and we’ve had a smashing night.’
I wish I could say the same thing, Robert thought but didn’t say. The empty chatter of the last three hours had really got on his nerves. Apart from George and Annabel Chisholm, not one of the others had an ounce of intelligent conversation in their heads. Fashion, hairstyles, shoes and the odd bit of bitchiness about some of their friends, that’s all they had in their empty heads. He actually felt pity for them because they missed so much in life.
Robert sighed. ‘Come on, I’ll get you and Jessie home, Kitty. And thanks for helping out tonight, I really do appreciate it.’
‘I’ll run them home, Dad,’ Nigel offered. ‘There’s no need for you to leave your guests.’
‘No thank you, son, I’ve had three hours of our guests, and that is enough for anyone who is of sound mind. I’ll be glad of the break and some fresh air.’
Agnes came through from the larder with two bags and a plate. She held the bags high. ‘Mr Robert, I’m giving Kitty and Jessie some of the left-overs. It’s only a few truffles and cakes for now, but I’ll be giving them some of the meat and what-not tomorrow night. That’s all right with you, isn’t it?’
‘Of course it is, you don’t need my permission. Now come along, Jessie, and you, Kitty, it’s been a long day for both of you.’
The housekeeper waited until they were out of the door before setting the plate on the table. She grinned when she saw the look of joy on the faces of Nigel and Abbie. ‘I’ve saved these truffles specially for you ’cos I know they’re yer favourites, and you’re my favourites.’
Chapter Twenty-One
‘Thank you for an enjoyable evening.’ Annabel Chisholm offered the tips of her fingers in a handshake. ‘We must have you over to ours some time.’ The words were spoken in a matter-of-fact voice that would have told most people they weren’t to be taken seriously. But as usual, Victoria heard what she wanted to hear.
‘Oh, you’re too kind,’ she gushed, as she had been doing all through the evening. ‘I’d be delighted and will look forward to it with great anticipation.’ Her eyes were bright as she watched Annabel rest a hand on her husband’s arm to help steady her as she negotiated the three deep steps in heels that were far too high for a woman of her age. She approves of me, Victoria told herself, her spirits soaring. Tonight has clinched it. The dinner party had been a huge success, with Agnes excelling herself with food so delicious it would have pleased the most discerning of palates.
Victoria was surprised to see Charles standing in front of her. ‘You’re not leaving yet, are you, darling? We haven’t had a minute to ourselves and I do so want to talk to you.’
‘I’m sorry, my sweet, but I have no choice. You see, Father thought it unnecessary to bring two cars, and as it is unwise to argue with him, I came in his. I am, therefore, forced to travel back with them.’ He pecked her cheek. ‘Anyway, I am feeling rather tired as last night was rather hectic, don’t you agree?’