by Heather Rae
Seems Like You’re Ready
By: HeatherRae
I want to take a moment to say…Thank You!!!!
For the opportunity, support, love, and encouragement.
I can’t begin to tell you how much I appreciate All of you!!!
Xoxo HeatherRae
“Trust is earned…Respect is given…loyalty is demonstrated. Betrayal of any one of those is to lose all three”…….. Ziad Abdelnour
~~1~~
CURRENT SITUATION…shit is so damn messed up. A bottle of wine sat to my left, opened and more than half consumed. I reached for it and poured the remainder into the wide crystal goblet. My best friend Shaylah, home-girl since high school, sat to my right. I could feel her watching me closely.
“What?” I wrinkled my forehead at her as I set the empty bottle down next to the manila folder.
“How much have you had to drink, Kia?” She frowned.
“This is my second bottle, and I might just have one more before the evening is over with.” I raised the glass to my lips and shot her a cold stare. “Don’t judge me.”
“Oh, I’m not. I’m just waiting for you to tell me what the hell the matter is.” Shaylah leaned back in the chair and crossed her arms over her chest.
After accidentally finding the folder, I did what any female would do…call up my best girlfriend for moral support. Then I placed a call to my mother. She was more than happy to swing by and pick up the kids for the weekend considering there was a time we were not on the best of terms. I readied their bag for the weekend and sent them on with Grammy G. Immediately I pulled the cork on a bottle of sweet red while I waited.
“Even the best laid plans don’t always happen the way you think. You could have a clear concise map of your life set out before you, yet still manage to veer off course,” I explained, as I sipped my wine.
“Okay. I can agree with that.”
“A major roadblock will have you detouring; hafta double back after a few wrong turns. Ya hit a few pot holes and then you’re back on track again.” Unshed tears began to fill my eyes. “I thought everything was perfect…”
“C’mon now, Kia…” Shaylah sucked her teeth. “You’re talking nonsense right now.”
“No, I know exactly what I am saying. And that is I am done.” I raised my chin at her.
“Done with what?” she laughed. “Whatever is bothering you, I’d wish you’d just spill it already! I’m sure it is NOT that bad.”
“Oh yes! Yes it is! This shit here tops everything!”
“Heffah, you’re in the middle of planning a wedding! Stop stressing over seating and whether to serve chicken or fish!”
I shook my head as I angrily swiped the falling tears away.
“There isn’t going to be a wedding, Shay. I’m calling it off.” I swallowed what was left of my glass of wine.
“And why in the hell would you do that? I mean, nobody really cares that Matt’s white. You do know that, right?”
“He is nothing but a liar!” I slapped my hand down on the table top. “I can’t believe a word he has ever said!”
“Um, I’m confused. You have this gorgeous man that is absolutely crazy about you, he practically worships the ground you walk on; he’s stupidly in love with you and your kids. And now he is a liar?”
“Every single bit of it has been a lie, Shay! I doubt EVERYTHING!” I snapped at her.
“Matt adores you, Nikkia! Lies?! What the hell happened?”
“I have proof!! How could he do this to me?” I screamed.
“Babe? What’s going on? Everything okay?” Matt asked with a voice full of concern, as he entered the kitchen through the back door.
Matt Collins was my fiancé; the man who had brought joy and happiness into my life again. My eyes narrowed as I looked up at him in disgust. The shock he felt at seeing me obviously upset and drunk was evident on his face.
“You tell me, Matt.” I placed emphasis on his name.
“I’m not exactly sure what is wrong aside from you being angry.”
“No clue, huh? That’s what you’re going with?” I goaded.
“Right now, yeah. Whatever you’re upset about, I apologize. I really don’t like seeing you this way, babe,” Matt said, sliding his fingers through his hair.
“And I don’t like being lied to,” I fired at him.
“I lied to you? Is that what you are trying to insinuate, Nikkia?” Matt shot back.
“Don’t fucking patronize me! But just so we are clear, YES you lied to me!”
“About WHAT?! Shay, what is she talking about?”
Shay shook her head and said nothing.
“Do you love me?!” I shouted and rose to my feet.
“Of course I’m in love with you! Nikkia baby, why are you questioning that and me?”
I stared through the puddles of tears and shook my head at him. His expression was one of emotional pain and confusion, but it could never equal the hurt I felt.
“Maybe I should go.” Shay pushed her chair away from the table.
“Oh no, please stay! You don’t love me, Matt. You can’t possibly love me! You lie!”
“Nikkia, what in the HELL are you talking about? I’ve been nothing but truthful since the day we met. I have never lied to you!” He slammed his fist onto the marbled countertop as he defended himself, or at least tried to.
Without thinking, I gripped my wineglass and launched it across the room. The fragile stemware shattered against the wall next to his head. Matt hadn’t even flinched or made any move to dodge the missile.
“Even now, you lie,” I choked.
I felt bile rise in my throat, could almost taste it upon my tongue. The longer I looked at him, the sicker I became. I glanced down at the folder as my tears rained down freely.
“Baby, I think maybe you need to take a minute. Breathe. Get yourself under control so we can discuss whatever has you upset.” Matt spoke calmly as he side-stepped the shards of glass at his feet.
“These three years have been nothing but lies.” I said quietly.
“Let’s sit and talk, baby.”
I closed my eyes for a moment and exhaled slowly. I felt my heart shatter into a thousand pieces, just as the wineglass had. When I met his gaze, I ignored the pain in the deep dark brown pools of his eyes. I picked up the folder and tossed it across the kitchen table.
“We didn’t meet by chance, DETECTIVE.” I hissed through my teeth.
The contents spilled across the table top. I heard Shaylah’s sharp gasp as photographs of Dre and Tavius lay strewn about. Official reports and documents stamped with a federal seal, bearing Matt’s signature, spoke of findings of his investigation; undercover investigation.
“Oh shit…” Shay whispered.
“Nikkia…” Matt dragged his hand through his hair in frustration. “Baby, I swear I can explain everything.”
“You used me!” My fist hit the table repeatedly. “You set me up!”
“You need to listen to me for a minute.”
“Oh I do?!” My voice rose. “Why?! For you to plead your case NOW?!”
“Nikkia…It was never my intention to…”
I threw the empty bottle of wine at Matt, cutting off whatever excuse he was about to speak.
“How could you do this to me?! To my kids?!” I screamed. “I trusted you!”
“Baby, I was working on this case long before you and I ever met!”
I stomped out of the kitchen not wanting to hear another lie from him. It was an accident that I had found the file earlier that day. I had a stack of receipts that I wanted to put in his desk drawer for wedding arrangements. The file, with its official seal on the front as wel
l as Dre and Tavius’ names, sat right there as I opened the drawer.
Two large duffle bags sat open on the top of the bed we shared. I had already stuffed them full of clothes and belongings. I angrily drew the zipper closed on each as I heard the floorboards creak behind me. Before I knew what happened, my hand slid into the depths of my handbag.
“Nikkia, give me five minutes to explain myself, please…”
I turned to face the man I had fallen in love with when I didn’t want to; the man who had sworn to protect me from ANY hurt and pain; the man whom I was to spend the rest of my life with…and I raised my pistol to him.
“Do not come any closer,” I warned. “I promise I won’t hesitate to shoot your ass.”
“You are not thinking clearly, Nikkia,” Matt said as he took two steps inside our bedroom.
“Oh yes, everything is crystal clear,” I replied evenly as my thumb cocked the hammer into place.
“Baby, the last thing you want to do right now is point a loaded gun at a federal agent. And you surely do not want to fire at me.” Matt spoke each word carefully.
Yeah, I wasn’t stupid. I knew exactly the point he was trying to make. But at that particular moment, I gave two fucks less about anything he had to say.
“You’ve already used me, lied to me, made me think you were EVERYTHING I wanted and needed! So why not just go ahead and arrest me, too?!” I raised my chin to him.
“It doesn’t have to come to this, Nikkia. Put the gun down. Let me talk, and then you can leave.” He threw his hands up in the air and took two more slow steps into the room. “Hell, I’ll leave if you want.”
“Don’t!” I cried and gripped the handle with both hands. “Don’t make me do this!”
“You fire that gun and you will be looking at twenty-five to life! Nikkia!” He growled. “Don’t make ME do this!”
“Fuck you, Matt!” I screamed as my finger squeezed the trigger.
Eyes closed, tears poured down my cheeks, hot tears that seemed to burn away my flesh. I sobbed uncontrollably as large strong fingers pried my own from the butt of the pistol. My eyes snapped open as cold metal encircled my wrist securely. Tightly.
“In less than five minutes our house will be crawling with agents. I need every second so shut the hell up and listen to me!” Matt wretched my arm behind my back and secured my wrists together.
“Go to hell!” I spat at him.
“If you don’t let me talk, we’ll both be in hell cuz we’ll be fucking dead!”
~~2~~
Never had I expected this was what my life would be like. I had come from a ‘normal’ family. My parents were high school sweethearts. My father, Nick, had joined the army. It was the thing to do back then. My mother, Grace, wrote him daily and anxiously awaited his return, while pursuing her degree in education. When he completed his bid, he returned home and secured a position with the local police department. He proceeded to court and woo my mother until they married a year later.
They lived in the city for some time until able to purchase a home of their own. A huge stone home housing four bedrooms, finally was bidden on. They were to live out the rest of their lives in the suburb of Fox Hill and fill their home with plenty of children. They were excited and thrilled beyond belief when two years later they became pregnant. Due to the difficulties of childbirth and pregnancy, they were blessed with only one child. A healthy baby girl with a head full of springy curls and huge ebony eyes came screaming into the world. They named her Nikkia Rose Miles. Yes…that would be me.
Growing up an only child wasn’t a bad thing. True, I had no one to play with at home; the large number of cousins I had made up for that. Besides, the way they fought with one another, I was glad that I didn’t have to deal with that. I wasn’t spoiled by any means. But Daddy doted on me and Momma made sure I always looked pretty. Life was good in my eyes.
High school proved to be a bit difficult at times but not because of my classes. I was a straight 'A' student, in the gifted program and a member of the National Honor Society. Prior to the start of my freshman year, Daddy became the chief of police and Momma was the principal of my high school. In a way I was shunned by my peers because of my parents, but because of my bubbly personality and outgoing nature, I was eventually accepted. My classmates excused the fact that my parents kept us all out of trouble, or tried to.
Senior year was to be a busy and exciting time. So many things were to take place in the coming months; pictures, prom, a tea luncheon for the girls, stacks of college applications to fill out, with new ones arriving daily in the mail and of course, what could be more thrilling than graduation itself! My teachers had already written letters of recommendation on my behalf stating “a smart girl with a bright future ahead of her…”
I had big dreams and high hopes of saving the world one life at a time. A month into the school year, a new student transferred in named Dre Carter. Rumor was he had gotten into some trouble previously. We shared the same English class, as well as Physical Education. The moment his six-foot-four frame strolled into the classroom, he was all I saw. It was as if he had some type of internal magnet that I couldn’t help but be drawn to. I knew he was bad; it was evident in his walk and how he carried himself. Street smarts coupled with a bad attitude meant for nothing but trouble. I didn’t care. I had to get to know him and be his friend, if nothing else.
After daydreaming about Dre for several days, I mustered up the courage to talk to him. I approached him in a friendly way during lunch. Imagine me, captain of the cheerleading squad, anxious about talking to a boy!
“Do you mind if I sit here?” I stood in front of him holding my lunch tray and waited for his response.
“Um…” Hazel eyes met mine as his brow arched at me. “Knock yourself out.”
“Thanks!” I set my tray down then extended my hand to him. “I’m Nikkia.”
“’Sup.” He turned his attention to the rectangle that was supposed to be pizza.
And just what did you hope to achieve, I thought to myself.
“Right.” I sat down and jammed my straw into the carton of iced tea. “How do you like it here so far?”
“It’s school. I just want to get done and move on.”
“Do you have a college lined up? Decided on a major yet? I’d like to stay in the area. A few of the schools here have excellent pre-med programs.” I continued on with my chatter. “I haven’t visited any campuses yet.”
I found myself rambling to Dre. I was already nervous and the fact that he was not really participating in the conversation had me even more anxious.
“Are you always so rude?” I finally asked.
“I ain’t rude.”
“Ok. Whatever you say. I’m just trying to get to know you. You know, be your friend.”
“I got enough. Me, myself and I. That's all I need in life. You smoke?”
“Cigarettes are a nasty filthy habit and they can kill you,” I answered.
“Right…” He drew the word out. “I was talkin’ bout weed but I guess you answered that!” Dre laughed. “Miss Goodie Goodie.”
“You’re ridiculous and need to grow up!” I got up from the table, embarrassed with tears burning my eyes.
I decided then and there to not have anything more to do with Dre Carter. First impressions only happened once, as my Daddy would say; but of course none other than fate would interfere and steer me to places I’d never imagine I would go with Dre.
A week after I had attempted to befriend him, Dre started to show up when I least expected. I had stopped by my locker between classes. When I slammed it shut, he was there slouched against the wall of metal.
“Hey Miss Goodie.”
“Dre,” I replied absently as I spun the lock.
“You doing anything later?” He smiled cockily.
“It’s Friday. I’ll be at the game.”
“How about after?”
“I’m busy, and now I’m late for class.”
It pained me
to walk off, but I managed to keep my cool as I hurried off to class. That evening I saw Dre sitting in the bleachers at the football game. He nodded his head at me, acknowledging the fact that he had caught me watching him from the sidelines.
Several times in English class he would attempt to catch my attention. My response was flat-out ignoring. He tried passing a note or two my way but because I was a silly seventeen- year-old, I’d crumple the paper into a ball and toss it in the trash after class. I would rush out of the room as the bell rung so that he would not have the opportunity to speak with me.
After a few weeks, Dre switched up his game. He wasn’t in class one day, so there had been no need for me to avoid him. As I left heading in the direction of the stairs a large firm hand wrapped around my arm.
I was relieved to see that he was alright but hoped it didn’t show on my face.
“What is it you want, Dre?”
“You missed me today.” He grinned.
“Hardly.” I bit the inside of my lip.
“Front if you wanna.”
“Whatever, Dre. You’re gonna get in-school suspension for skipping.” I pursed my lips at him.
“It will be worth it,” he shrugged. “I got to finally talk to you.”
I shifted my books to the crook of my left arm.
“When I wanted to be your friend, you couldn't be bothered.” I said to him.
“What was I supposed to do? The prettiest girl in school wanted to sit with me.”
I didn’t know what to say then. Boys told me I was pretty all the time. It had never made a difference to me. Hearing those words from Dre, well, made me feel different.
“What do you want, Dre?”
“Why I gotta want something?” he asked, eyes staring down at me warmly.
“Because you’re talking to me, freely.”
“Okay.” He scratched his head. “I need your help.”
“Help with what?”
“Math. I’m failing, and I have no clue what that crazy lady be talking about.” His large hand rubbed the back of his head. “If I can’t get my grade up, I won’t graduate.”
“And just why would I want to help you?” I tilted my head and strained my neck to look up at him.