14. Kathy felt really good about herself when Howard Stern told her on his show that he’d bang her. Who makes you feel positive and uplifted by declaring they’d like to nip/fuck you every which way?
15. Kathy has been banned from many talk shows. How do you feel Barbara Walters has managed to hide her pain about dealing with life without Kathy day in and day out? Have you seen Barbara send secret messages to Kathy over the airwaves, begging her to come back on The View? And even go so far as to signal Kathy through various hand gesticulations, hoping that Kathy will come to Barbara’s apartment one evening and spoon together in her big bed?
16. While many reality stars complain that they were “edited” to come off like horrible people, Kathy maintains that she has been edited on My Life on the D-List to look nicer than she is. Can you imagine what a bitch she must be in real life? Have you ever known such a big old bitch as Kathy Griffin?
17. Kathy coined the phrase “the D-list,” and happily claims it’s where she resides. What lists are you on and why? Are you honest about it? Come on, girl. Are you happy with your list? Do you really want to be on the A-list? Because if you do, Kathy can send someone over to rifle through your trash, take a picture of you with no makeup on, and videotape you banging the nanny. How do you like your A-list now?
18. Kathy has vigorously campaigned for the right for gay people to be married. However, since her own divorce, she is vehemently against heterosexual marriage, and feels it should be made illegal. Do you think these two beliefs are at odds?
19. When Kathy told everyone that Dakota Fanning was in rehab, she sparked a shitstorm, even though she was making a joke. When will it be okay to say that the Octomom’s children are in rehab? Soon? Please? Do you know someone who you’d like to be in rehab whether they need it or not just because they annoy you?
20. When Kathy says she doesn’t drink, she’s fucking serious. She doesn’t drink, so quit offering her one. What do you avoid because it tastes disgusting, ruins lives, and turns loved ones into raving lunatics? But also, what do you abuse? Because nobody’s perfect. Have you seen Kathy with a cake?
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
KATHY GRIFFIN, a multi–Emmy Award–winning and Grammy-nominated comedian and actress, is best known for her Bravo television reality show Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List, her multiple stand-up comedy specials on HBO, Comedy Central, and Bravo, and her four-year stint on the NBC sitcom Suddenly Susan. She has hosted several award shows and appeared on numerous talk shows including Late Night with David Letterman, The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, and The View. She has been nominated for a Grammy for her comedy CD, For Your Consideration, and performs to sold-out audiences at venues worldwide.
www.kathygriffin.net
Copyright © 2009 by Kathy Griffin
All rights reserved.
Published in the United States by Ballantine Books, an imprint of The Random House Publishing Group, a division of Random House, Inc., New York.
BALLANTINE and colophon are registered trademarks of Random House, Inc.
All photographs courtesy of the author unless otherwise noted.
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Griffin, Kathy.
Official book club selection: a memoir according to Kathy Griffin.
p. cm.
eISBN: 978-0-345-51857-6
1. Griffin, Kathy, 2. Comedians—United States—Biography. 3. Actors— United States—Biography. I. Title.
PN2287.G6955A3 2009
792.7′6028092—dc22
[B] 2009029845
www.ballantinebooks.com
v3.0
Official Book Club Selection Page 31