by Bianca Vix
Claire disappeared in the direction of the kitchen just as Reid slid his arm around Miles’ waist. He tried his best not to flinch away. He was used to sexual contact from men, but not this kind of gesture.
Not something that was actually affectionate.
“Good practice?” Reid asked when they were settled in the living room.
“Oh, yeah. Pretty rough. They usually are, but they’re always good. It’s a great workout.” They kept up the small talk and fortunately Claire arrived with the wine before too long.
“Miles,” she said after they’d had a couple sips. “I want to talk to you about something. I mean, we both want to talk to you.”
“Yeah?” Miles swallowed some more of his wine. This was so not what he was here for. Conversation? That’s the last thing he wanted right now. Getting naked? Now that would’ve been more like it. He held back a sigh. But if that’s what Claire wanted to do, he’d do it. “Sure. What’s up?”
“It’s about us.” Claire glanced at Reid. “The three of us.”
“Yeah? What about us?”
“Well, I don’t want what we have between us to be just about sex,” Claire said. “Neither does Reid.”
Miles glanced at Reid, surprised. He seemed fine with it being all about the sex before.
“I mean, the sex is great, don’t get me wrong. I want to keep having lots of that,” Claire said. Miles brightened up at hearing that. He was about to suggest they start right now, but Claire continued. “What I want is a relationship. And I’m willing to try to have one with all three of us. What do you think?”
Miles turned to look at Reid again. “I’m with Claire. I’d like to give it a shot too.”
Miles took a thoughtful drink, trying to delay the inevitable. He didn’t want to end things so soon. But they were waiting expectantly for his answer, and Miles couldn’t put it off.
“I can appreciate that,” he began. “But I see us as having a mainly sexual thing. Nothing more. I mean, I’m sure we’ll get to know each other a little better as time goes on. But I don’t do relationships.”
Like he was afraid it would, Claire’s expression changed. “You don’t do relationships? What does that mean? You don’t want a relationship? Not ever?”
Miles shrugged. “No, I don’t.” Both Claire and Reid waited for him to say more. But that was all there was to it. Nothing more to say. And if this was the end of them, then so be it. He was disappointed, sure, but there it was. Nothing much more to say about it.
“What about giving it a chance? See where this goes,” Claire said. “I mean, it wouldn’t be an insta-relationship. We could get to know each other and spend time together.”
Miles shook his head. “Yeah, I don’t think that’ll work.”
“Why not?” Reid asked, gazing at him steadily.
“It’s just not something I want to get into. That’s all, really.”
“But why won’t you try?” Claire persisted. “I think we could get something really great going. We definitely click in the bedroom. Besides,” she said carefully. “You didn’t answer Reid’s question.”
“Look. It’s not personal, really. I simply just don’t do relationships. Not with anyone.”
“But how would you know if you don’t want one, if you’ve never tried before?”
“I have tried. A long time ago.” The memory that flashed through his mind made him wince, even then. “It was years ago. It didn’t work out.”
“Well, they don’t usually work out the first time,” Claire said. “Maybe it’s time to try again, especially if it was years ago. I mean, I’m not trying to talk you into something you don’t want to do. But it just seems a little early to decide that, and to be so definite about it.”
Miles’ jaw clenched. “Yeah, well. They don’t work for me. People leave you. Always. So what’s the point?” He flinched at the unwanted memories that were flooding back, trying to stamp them down.
Why did this even have to come up at all? He barely knew these people. There was no way he was going to open up to them, and why should he have to?
He didn’t have to. He downed the rest of his wine.
But Reid knew what he was up to. “Don’t leave. Not yet,” he said.
“Was your last relationship really so bad?” Claire said.
“No. It wasn’t bad in any way. In fact, it was great. Just didn’t end so well.”
“What happened?” Reid asked. “Did she cheat on you?”
Miles set his empty glass down on the table. “No. He died.”
Chapter 13
“What?” Claire sounded horrified. Reid’s eyes went wide.
“It was back when we were teenagers,” Miles said slowly. He didn’t know why he was continuing, but he couldn’t seem to stop even as his throat tightened up. He’d never told this story before, not to anyone. And this was why. It was like he was back there reliving it. Like it was all happening again, and he couldn’t stop it. Just like he couldn’t back then.
Just exactly like a crash you can see coming and are powerless to stop.
“Evan and I had been going out for a long time. We’d been friends forever, since I can remember, and everyone who knew us just assumed that’s all we were. When we got to be teenagers, it turned into something more. Way beyond friendship. We were on the same hockey team, and we did everything else together too. It couldn’t have been better. Our real relationship was a secret but we were just about to tell everyone about us.”
Miles didn’t know why he was still talking but once he started, it all kept pouring out of him.
“Everything was going great. One night, he and I were out playing hockey on the lake with a bunch of friends. It was a really good time.”
Miles had never forgotten anything about that night. Not one single detail. It had been perfect, right up until it all went sideways.
“We were heading home. It was the middle of December, so the roads were pretty icy. We hit a patch of black ice and spun out. It was invisible, no-one could have seen it. Evan lost control of the car, just for a second, but that was all it took. We went off the road and slammed into a grove of trees. I walked away. And he didn’t.”
Evan hadn’t even made it to the hospital. Miles never even had a chance to say goodbye.
Claire looked devastated. “Oh, Miles. That’s awful. I can’t believe that happened to you. I’m so sorry.” She squeezed his hand, but he barely registered her touch.
The accident had happened a few years ago. Although sometimes, like right now, it felt like it was only yesterday.
The last time Miles had remembered it was the morning after the night he’d spent with Claire. He’d dreamt about it, and the memories were haunting him when he woke up. He couldn’t shake them for the longest time, and he ended up thinking about it for the rest of the day.
Even Reid looked stricken. “That’s really rough, man.”
“It really is. Just terrible,” Claire added. “I can understand how that would put you off getting involved again.”
“I don’t think you can. Evan and I were supposed to be together always. We had big plans. It was only a few months until we were supposed to graduate. We were going to move here to Chicago and join the NHL together. All we ever talked about was both of us playing in the big league, and we were getting so close to making it happen. Everything was falling into place. And it just ended, all in one night.”
Miles squeezed his eyes shut. Christ. Even now, every time he thought about Evan too much, it would tear his insides up. That’s why he never let himself think about him. It was all too real. That night. How cold it was. How alone in the world Miles had suddenly found himself.
“But you don’t have to be alone anymore,” Claire said as if she was reading his mind. “You can be with us. Both of us.”
“That’s right,” Reid said. “Maybe now’s the right time to give it a try with a couple of people.”
“Is that what you want to do?” Miles asked him.
&n
bsp; Reid met his gaze square on. “Yes, it is. I know for sure I want to be with Claire. And I’d like to give it a shot with you too.”
“I can imagine something like that would never leave you, of course. But maybe, like Reid said, it might be time to try it again. Things are different now. It sounds like it was a terrible accident. But that kind of thing…it doesn’t happen all the time. The chances are, it won’t happen again. Not to us.”
“Yeah, actually it does happen all the time. To me,” Miles said. He picked up his empty wine glass, twisting it between his fingers.
Reid disappeared into the kitchen, reappearing a moment later with a bottle of whiskey and new glasses. Pouring a round for everyone, he handed a glass to Miles, who accepted it gratefully.
“What do you mean?” Claire asked.
“It does happen to me.” Why was he even getting into this now? But he kept on. “It’s how I lost my mother too. She was in a car accident when I was little. Although it took her longer to go. My father and I got to visit her a few times at the hospital. They’d expected her to recover completely. We believed she was going to be coming home. It happened the day before she was going to be released. He and I went to visit her, just like we did every day. And when we got to the hospital, they told us she was gone.”
It had been so sudden and startling. Just like the way he lost Evan.
Claire seemed like she was about to burst into tears, but Miles ploughed on. He wanted to get this over with now and never talk about it with anyone, not ever again.
“I was eighteen when my father died. It was about a year after Evan did. I think he never recovered from the loss of my mother. I think he only stayed around for me. He never got remarried, never got involved with another woman again. So, yeah.” Miles knocked back the drink that Reid had poured for him in one quick gulp. “There’s no point in having relationships. People just leave you.”
Without a word, Reid took his glass and refilled it. “I don’t know what to say. That’s awful.” Miles gave him a brief nod. He actually preferred it when people didn’t say anything. Because what was there to say? Nothing could make it better.
Claire leaned into Miles, resting her head on his shoulder, circling her arms around him. “That’s unbelievable. I can’t even imagine.”
Miles swallowed more whiskey. Reid topped up his glass the moment he set it back down.
“I’m glad you told us,” Claire said. “That can’t have been easy.”
Miles shrugged. “It’s not something I tend to dwell on. But it’s why I don’t like getting involved with people.”
“Makes sense,” Claire said. “But are you really going to be that way for your whole life?”
Chapter 14
Reid downed his drink, lost in thought as the three of them sat in silence. That was one hell of a story Miles had just told them, and he could hardly take it all in.
After everything that had happened to Miles, Reid could hardly blame the guy for not being wanting to get attached to anyone, in any kind of relationship. His reasons were better than any Reid had ever heard before.
And yet. There was something else going on here. Miles hadn’t needed to tell them a thing, especially not like he’d ended up doing. He could’ve easily said ‘No deal, we’re through, see you later’ and walked out the door awhile ago.
But he didn’t. He stayed. And Miles had not only stayed, but he told them some things that were obviously very personal and difficult. Reid was pretty certain that Miles wasn’t the type of guy to reveal his past to everyone he met.
Reid knew he wasn’t much good at picking up on other people’s feelings. Claire had told him that often enough when they were together before. But in the time he’d been with her, he’d managed to learn a thing or two. He’d gotten to notice more, to be able to pick up on some things that weren’t spoken out loud.
And that was another thing. Claire was pushing Miles a bit, trying to change his mind as gently as she could about him not wanting to try out a relationship with them.
She wouldn’t be doing that if she didn’t think there was a real chance that he might change his mind. Claire hadn’t tried to stop Reid when they decided to break up. And with good reason.
Now that she was trying with Miles, that meant something. That Reid wasn’t alone in perceiving something about Miles too.
So it seemed like there was something here, or at least the possibility of something else happening. In spite of Miles’ determination not to get involved, something was keeping him here now, talking to them. And not just talking, but revealing some extremely personal and difficult childhood stuff.
And hell, Miles could have just tried to get them into bed for one last fuck and then taken off. Any of the other men Reid had slept with would have done just that in a hot minute.
Miles wasn’t like that at all, and Reid was glad for it.
There was something about Miles that he was really attracted to. Not just sexually, although Miles was a very handsome man. Definitely sexual attraction there. No question.
But whatever Reid felt, it was a lot more than just that. When Reid had first told Claire about discovering his bisexuality, he really thought that it was all just going to be about having sex with men. And after he’d had some experiences, he knew he loved it. The raw sexuality of two men together was something he could never give up now that he’d tasted it.
And up until recently, Reid had believed that’s all there would ever be for him. He’d missed having a connection with another person, the way he did with Claire. He never thought it would be possible with a man.
Until he’d met Miles, that first time at Oasis. Of course he’d wanted to sleep with him, from the moment he first saw him. Miles was by far the hottest man there, and that was saying something. It was a struggle just to keep his hands off him until they left the bar.
But even back then, there was something more. Reid was attracted to him as a person too. He wanted him. His feelings were growing stronger, way stronger than he’d ever expected. Especially this fast. But they were real.
And although he couldn’t explain how, Reid sensed that there was something in Miles that felt the same way about him. It was something about the way he was, that night they were together when it was just the two of them. Right from the beginning, Miles had acted differently than any other guy Reid had picked up.
With every man he been with, it was just a purely sexual experience. That’s all. There were even a couple that Reid had spent so little time speaking with, he couldn’t even remember their names. If he’d even known what they were in the first place.
And now, it wasn’t like that with Miles. The more Reid got to know about him, the more he wanted to be with him. Just as much as he couldn’t picture his life without Claire, he was increasingly unable to imagine it without Miles in it too.
Reid’s arm joined Claire’s around Miles’ back.
Absently, he rubbed at Miles’ shoulders as he tried to work out what to say. Reid had no idea how to express himself.
And then he nearly dropped his glass at what Miles said next.
“And what if I did? How would it even work.”
“If we gave it a try? All three of us?” Claire asked.
Miles gave a short nod, not speaking.
The glimmer of hope inside of Reid began to grow as Claire started speaking, slowly and carefully. Like she didn’t want to scare Miles off. He knew how she felt. It was like everything hinged on this one conversation. Their whole possible future together.
“It can work however we want to. The way I see it, is it would be like dating. Getting to know each other. Mostly us getting to know you,” she said. “Because Reid and I were together for awhile. You know, like dating except with both of us. And the three of us would spend time together outside of the bedroom. I mean, you could get to know us together, as well as each of us on our own too. We’d have our own relationships too, separately and together. But ultimately, we’d all be together. I know th
at sounds vague, but I’ve never done this before either.”
Reid ran his hands through Miles’ short hair. “We can set the rules ourselves,” he said. “If we need any.”
Miles turned to face him. Reid took the opportunity to cup his hand around the back of Miles’ head, just to see what Miles would do. He wanted so much to kiss him, but he knew that he shouldn’t push things too hard too soon.
That could come later. Rough, wild sex would hopefully come later too. Now wasn’t the time for it. Reid slid his palm across Miles’ cheek.
Miles grabbed at him, catching Reid off guard, pulling him in for a kiss so sudden, his teeth scraped against his lips. He kissed him hard, harder than he’d ever been kissed before. Reid’s heart pounded in his chest.
He hadn’t expected that.
Just as suddenly as he’d slammed his lips down on Reid’s, Miles pulled back, ending their kiss sharply.
Chapter 15
There were already other players coming in as Miles started to change for practice. He was usually the first one to arrive, which was how it was supposed to be. Part of his job was to set an example for the rest of the team, and he took his responsibilities seriously.
Today of all days, he sure would have liked to have a few minutes to himself. As he laced up his skates, he made an effort to get into the right mindset.
It wasn’t happening. Not matter how hard he tried, his thoughts kept drifting off to places they shouldn’t be.
He had to focus. Inspiring the team was what today had to be all about. And it was the last thing he felt up for doing.
His mind should be only on the upcoming practice, damn it. Their next game coming up was the big one. They had to win it in order to qualify for the playoffs. Miles intended to do everything he could to make sure they did.
The team had to pull it off somehow. All of their games lately had been really, really close. Way too close for comfort. Sure, the fans loved it when someone scored the game-winning goal with only moments to spare, but that was no way to play every single time if they were going to make it to the playoffs for the first time ever.