by Ashley Ladd
Somewhere inside her shivering shell, there was a sliver of a human left who couldn’t bear another rejection.
Keeping her head low, she buried it in her scarf and pulled her hat lower to cover her ears and as much of her face as possible. Why had she ever thought she’d missed snow and cold weather? This was torture. If she didn’t find her way back to her car soon, she’d be an icicle.
Finally, she found the car and pulled into downtown traffic, getting lost again on the insane one-way streets until she found herself on the bridge heading over to Kentucky.
She was tempted to keep heading south and not look back, and her foot grew heavy on the accelerator. Then she remembered her mission and knew she’d never forgive herself and would always wonder what might have been if she didn’t try. If she crashed and burned, she’d head back to sunny Florida, drown her sorrows in the sunshine, and never venture this way again.
* * * *
Dax gave up on work. He couldn’t concentrate. He couldn’t think straight. He couldn’t stop thinking about Tiffany. He wondered what she’d been doing all these years. He wondered who she’d been with, if she had any kids, what she did for a living? For all he knew, she was a wanted criminal, a lady of the night or a druggie. Maybe she’d wanted to hit him up for a place to crash.
He wanted to think that so he would stop pining for her, but it didn’t work. She’d looked very healthy, very clean cut and very beautiful. If anything, she was more beautiful than the last time he’d seen her. Maturity fit her well.
He groaned, not so sure about himself. He had more than a few streaks of grey in his hair, and he had the wrinkles to match. He wasn’t as spry, and he was afraid he’d become an old grouch, married to his job. He hadn’t dated a woman in a couple years, at least not seriously, and he hadn’t really missed it.
“Why’d you have to come back and mess up my day?” he mumbled as he raked his fingers through his hair.
She messed up his night, too. He couldn’t sleep, just tossed and turned and kicked the bed. He was glad his pillow wasn’t alive as he beat it up several times.
Finally, as he was falling asleep his alarm buzzed. “Screw it.” He called his secretary to tell her he’d be late if he came in at all and closed his eyes.
* * * *
“I couldn’t stay away,” Tiffany murmured her lips warm and soft on his chest. “I never forgot you. No other man did it for me.”
Primitive growls rose from his groin. “Other men touched you?” The thought of another man’s hands on her about killed him, and he wanted to strangle all of them.
“We were apart a long time. I have needs…lots of needs. Don’t you?” Her fingertips feathered across his flesh then circled his nipples, driving him insane.
He gulped, and his cock flexed. A man was allowed to have needs. It was just sex, no emotions involved, but it was well known women didn’t permit intimacy unless they had deep feelings for the man. He couldn’t stand the thought of her having feelings for another man.
“Don’t you have needs?” Wantonly, she pulled off her blouse, shrugged out of her bra, and rubbed her naked breasts against him. “I have needs. Lots of needs,” she murmured huskily as her eyes smouldered with desire. “We could assuage each other’s needs.”
His gut clenched. “What about love? I don’t believe you came all this way to see me just because you’re horny? I’m sure there are plenty of men in Florida, who’d be happy to help you with your ‘needs’.”
A wicked smile curved her lips, and she slanted him a gaze overflowing with passion. “Can’t you tell? I’m so head over heels with you no one else would do.” Shyly, she lowered her lashes. “I waited for you. I’m yours. Only yours.”
The earth quaked beneath him, and he floated on the clouds. “Stay with me. Don’t ever leave me again.”
“I wouldn’t dream of it. Love me. Make me yours.”
He wished it was that easy. He bent and captured her raised nipple, loving the physical proof of her desire. Yearning for more, he slipped his hand into her pants and found her clit. She was wet for him.
His cock throbbed and quivered. It was cold and lonely, so he pushed down her clothing and insinuated himself between her legs. “Once I take you, you’re mine. All mine.”
She nodded as she gazed deeply into his eyes. “What are you waiting for? Put that big, juicy cock in me before I’m forced to sit on you.”
He started to roll her to her back but stopped and lay flat against the mattress. Roughly, he pulled her on top of him and murmured on the cusp of a ragged breath, “Mount me. Ride me hard.”
“No mercy,” she drawled as she swung her leg over him and impaled herself on his impatient cock.
She was so tight, so warm, and so very wet, it took all his strength not to come. “Ooh, baby. You feel so good. I’m in heaven.” He bucked beneath her, driving deep and hard into her softness.
“Fuck me hard. I’m almost there.”
“Wait for me!” From now on, he wanted to do everything together.
A phone blared nearby, and Tiffany disappeared. So did his euphoria.
With a wistful sigh he gazed around his very masculine room, full of browns and greens with no feminine influences, and he swore.
* * * *
Tiffany fell back and regrouped at her dad’s house. If there was one thing that had barely changed, it was the family homestead and the furnishings. Several of her mother’s and grandmothers’ pieces still graced the rooms and could probably qualify as antiques. They looked 1950s and uncomfortable except for her dad’s lounge chair, which he had recently bought with comfort in mind.
The kitchen contained memories of her mom. Her mom’s ceramic chicken rested on top of the new oven. Her mom’s curtains still hung on the window above the sink. Her dad had made a few upgrades but primarily technological ones like the new flattop stove and the big flat-screen TV. She could almost see her mother bustling about the kitchen like the old days. A tear came to her eye and, angrily, she wiped it away.
She’d made a lot of mistakes in the old days, and she’d rather not relive them. Why was she letting a ghost run her life? The only good thing about this situation was being with her father and his neighbours. The rest of the town felt as if it was a different place on a different planet. Only this house, this road, was still ‘home’.
Since her dad was napping, she took a drive past her grandmother’s old house. Nostalgic, she paused in front and took several photos, wondering what the new owners would think if they saw someone snapping pictures. It wasn’t the best neighbourhood anymore, so she quickly moved along. She missed her grandma’s Christmas décor. No longer was her house festively lit up. No longer did the ceramic church and Christmas tree dazzle the front window.
Tamping down her disappointment, she crept around the corner to the alley that separated her grandma’s house from Judy’s. A rickety wheelchair ramp led up to the door. Paint peeled from worn wood. The place looked dark and unkempt, and her heart lurched.
She circled Judy’s house trying to screw up the courage to go up to the door, but she quivered with fright. What if she got the same reception from Judy that she’d gotten from Dax? Or worse?
She parked in a parking lot across the street as she wrangled with her thoughts and felt like a stalker. How low had she sunk? Now, she was spying on people, people she’d once cared for more than any others just because a ghost had suggested her soul was in jeopardy.
Some Spirit of Christmas this was. She chewed her lower lip and put the car in gear. Maybe she should call ahead. Or perhaps she could talk her dad into coming with her for moral support. She knew her dad’s neighbour, Gillian, would probably come with her, but she hated to tell either of them about her ‘mission’ or that a ghost was directing her actions. She might just wind up in a straightjacket in a tiny rubber cell.
Deflated, she let out a long, simmering sigh and turned towards her dad’s house. She took the route down the main street of her grandma’s little tow
n and mourned the loss of its charm. She cursed the ghost for making her see this, for tainting her memories.
This wasn’t the way Scrooge’s story went. He’d awoken from his stupor to a better world and a happier self.
“Try harder,” flashed through her brain. “Don’t give up.”
She wasn’t sure if the voice was her conscience or the ghost, but she gripped the wheel tighter until her fingers ached.
On a sigh, she looked heavenward and moaned. “What more do you want from me? My soul? Aren’t you supposed to be helping me save it?”
* * * *
She was going nuts. She had to tell somebody about this business, so she called Terri from the sanctuary of her old bedroom. After she confided everything, she lay back on her bed and stared at the ceiling. “What do you think? Am I crazy? I mean Dax looked at me like I’m a frog, all warty and slimy.” She shivered and hugged herself.
When Terri didn’t answer right away, Tiffany wondered if her cousin was angry or thought she was a basket case. Finally, she spoke. “If that ghost, your conscience, or whatever it is, is what brought us back together, then I think it’s a good thing. You’re there, and you’ll never forgive yourself if you don’t give it your best try. At least, tell your friend you’re sorry. And remember, you’re only responsible for you and not for their reactions. By the way, I think you’re great. I always have. And I’ll always be here for you no matter what happens.”
Tiffany smiled heavenward. She mouthed, “Thank you,” to the ghost or whatever power it was that had led to this precious Christmas miracle. Maybe she was being greedy to expect more.
But the old Meatloaf song ran through her mind, Two Out Of Three Ain’t Bad. Would she be too selfish to ask for two out of three miracles? Was that too much to ask?
Terri went on, “Remember, Scrooge didn’t sit back and wait for forgiveness. He took action. He gave the Cratchet’s a raise, food, gifts and found a doctor for Timmy. Absolution means more than saying you’re sorry.”
Tiffany had an epiphany and slapped her forehead. “Of course! I’ve had it all wrong. I have to focus on them, not on me.” She felt so selfish she wanted to kick herself. This wasn’t about her, it was about them: Terri and Judy and Dax.
She sprang to her feet and paced the floor as she gazed out the window at the sparkling snow covering her dad’s front lawn. It looked like a million shimmering diamonds lined the way to the horizon. It had to be a sign.
“You’re the greatest.”
She’d have to think of a very special way to show her gratitude and appreciation to Terri and her family.
For now, however, Judy was her top priority.
How she could help her old friend, she didn’t yet know.
* * * *
Meanwhile, Tiffany enjoyed time with her dad, visiting museums, going to the library, dining out and just hanging out with him. They talked for hours about anything and everything except her visit from the ghost or her mission or Dax. Although her dad knew Terri and Judy, she’d never mentioned her ex-beau to him. At that time in her life, her dad had been edgy and protective, so she’d kept Dax to herself.
As it was cold and icy outdoors, they walked inside the mall that had been built when she was in second grade. Back then it had looked so shiny and new. Now, it looked dated, small and deserted compared to the malls in South Florida.
She went with her dad at the pizza parlour for lunch, and she sipped on a diet cola while they waited for their meal.
Mere moments later, a shadow loomed over them. She glanced up, expecting to see the waitress, but instead, she choked on her drink when the person turned out to be Dax.
Her blood drained from her face, and she froze, her breath sticking in her throat. Her gaze was caught to his. Her heart refused to pound, and she felt faint.
Her dad’s gaze ping-ponged from her to Dax and back. “Do you two know each other or something?”
She blinked, and her heart went into overdrive, threatening to burn out. Her throat felt dry, and her lips felt like they were filled with lead. She felt like an old Christmas bulb.
Dax dragged his gaze from her to her dad, as if he was seeing him for the first time, and his brows drew together. Finally, he cleared his throat and murmured, “Yes, if you’d excuse us, I’d like a moment with Tiffany.”
Tiffany’s heart raced faster, and she was sure she was about to hyperventilate. So he did remember her. She wondered if his memory had come back after the fact or if he’d been playing games with her the other day.
She tried to gather her wits and looked at her dad. “Dad, I’d like you to meet Dax DiCesare, an old acquaintance. Dax, this is my father, Ted.”
Her dad stood and shook Dax’s hand. He seemed to size up the younger man then slid back onto his bench seat.
“Nice to meet you, sir,” Dax said, shoving his hands deep in his pockets then rocking back on his worn heels.
“You, too,” her dad said but looked askance at her.
Since she’d never mentioned Dax to her father, she wasn’t sure how to do so now when confronted with the two of them together. She decided in public wasn’t the time, so she smiled at her dad apologetically. “Would you excuse us for a few minutes? I need to talk to Dax.”
Her dad shrugged and nodded. “I’ll wait here for the food.”
Dax put his hand at the small of her back when she stood and led her out of the restaurant to the quiet hall.
Her tongue thick, her blood icy cold, she didn’t know what to say, and she wondered what he was doing here and why he wanted to speak to her. Unable to take another minute of this torture, she whirled on him and faced off with her hands fisted on her hips. “What do you want?”
“So now I’m an acquaintance? I thought we meant more to each other than that.”
Her jaw slacked when surprise struck her. She gulped, and her forehead furrowed. “I thought you didn’t remember me…or us?”
Myriad emotions flashed across his eyes too fast for her to make sense of them before he turned away. Then he rubbed the back of his neck and spoke in a voice so low she had to move closer to catch his words. “I was in shock. All the old pain rushed back, and I lashed out. I didn’t know how to react.”
He was in pain? The old ache still made her feel raw. She wondered if it always would. “You left me. I waited for you…but you never came.”
He turned back to her, and this time, his face was ragged with emotion. “I had obligations. I never should have fallen in love with you. I felt guilty. I didn’t know what to do.”
She nodded. “I thought so.” But that didn’t erase or heal her hurt. “So I let you go. And you never came back.” Obviously, he’d never been hers. She had no rights to him, and she never had.
She didn’t want to overreact now, but she also didn’t want to humiliate herself. “So what did you want to talk about? I can’t leave Dad alone for too long.”
Curiosity ate at her. She chafed and wanted to drag the words from his mouth. She also wanted this moment to last forever, as she was pretty sure it was the last she’d ever be with him. But she also worried that her father would think she’d abandoned him.
Dax moved closer. “I’m sorry for the way I acted the other day. I was just in so much shock.”
“That’s okay.” She waved off his concern. “It’s been a long time. I shouldn’t have expected you to remember me.” Even if she’d never forget him.
“But I do remember you…very well.” His eyes glowed with a new emotion she was scared to name. “I’ve had time to think about it, and I wish I’d handled it differently.”
Did she dare hope? Her knees knocked and warmth melted the iciness freezing her veins. “How?”
“Like this.” He swooped in on her, dragged her into his arms and pulled her against his hard length. His lips captured hers in a searing kiss that made her blood boil and her toes curl.
Feeling like she was having an out-of-body experience, her soul floated, and she saw them as if from above
. Giddy, intoxicated, she wound her arms around him and pressed closer against his heart where she’d always belonged.
As if from a far distance, she heard someone clear their throat, then her dad said, “The pizza’s getting cold.”
With a thump, she crashed to earth, and reality snapped back. Embarrassed, she pulled away from Dax and stared into her dad’s amused face.
Dax caught her hand when she would have pulled away and prevented her from leaving his side.
She looked up at him with a frown and a shake of her head. She wasn’t ready to explain to her father even if she was thirty-something and ran her own life.
Dax whispered in her ear, “I’m not letting you get away that easily…again.”
Her heart did several flips, and she tingled all over. She feared she was dreaming, that Dax and his pretty words would go up in smoke, and she’d awake alone in her cold bed.
“Do you want to join us?” her dad asked, tilting his head at Dax.
Afraid he’d disappear if she let him go, she squeezed his hand and whispered, “Please.”
The sun dawned in his eyes. “I can’t. I’m here with somebody.”
“Oh.” Her heart fell to her feet, and she wondered who. She pictured a beautiful woman, and jealousy threatened to shred her heart again.
“My son,” he said.
Relief flooded her, then a new kind of dread set in. His son? She wasn’t ready to face Dax’s family. She wasn’t sure yet what to say to him.
“There’s room for him, too. Bring him along,” her dad said.
Tiffany held her breath. She wondered how old his son was, and how many other children he had.
“If you’re sure…” Dax looked at her hopefully.
Her heart pounded faster. As scared as she was, she couldn’t say no. “Please. We’d love it if both of you joined us.” When he turned to get his son, she swallowed hard.