by Raven Dark
I blow out a breath. Thank the Lord.
Relieved and approving calls rise up throughout the room. Monica and Pip squeeze each other close and kiss. Dragon claps Spider on the back. Then he grabs Tequila’s wrist and pulls her down a hall. They disappear into a room at the end of the passage and the door shuts. I hear Tequila squeal in delight from behind the door.
“Did you get enough to eat?” Spider asks, sitting on the couch beside me and nodding to my empty plate. He rests his big palm on my back, and the heat of it soothes the shock of all that’s happened.
I nod. “You need to eat, too, though.”
“Are you fretting over me again?” The corners of his lips curve up.
“If I have to eat, so do you. Besides, a big boy like you can’t survive on cigarettes and beer.”
He chuckles, a beautiful sound that makes my veins quiver. “That’s not how it works, Wildcat. And bikers have been doing exactly that for years.”
His sense of humor is such a pleasant surprise that I grin from ear to ear. I lean back on the couch, unable to help letting my fingernails gently scritch at his chest, bare since I’m still wearing his shirt.
“So, let me get this straight. You can tell me what to do, and I have to do it, but you can do whatever you want?”
“Exactly.” His eyes gleam wickedly.
“That’s…” I grope for a word.
He cocks his head, waiting.
“That’s rather dark ages of you.”
“It’s just how—”
“How things are,” I drawl. “Yeah, yeah.”
It also reminds me way too much of the Colony. I worked far too hard to get away from a world that operated on such misogynistic thinking only to end up in another one. Except, for some reason, while the men’s sexism in the church always made me feel trapped and oppressed, Spider makes the double standard feel right somehow. He makes me feel cared for, protected. It’s annoying. I feel as if I’m undoing everything I’ve worked so hard for, taking some unwanted evolutionary step backward.
Uncertainty sends my thoughts spinning and I stare at the TV screen without really seeing it. There’s a movie of some sort playing on it, what looks like a car chase. The soft clink of billiard balls reaches my ears, along with laughter from men who are playing cards and smoking cigars over at one of the tables. Sassy walks over and sits on one of the men’s laps.
It really is like a family here, and yet the knowledge that I don’t fit in imprints itself indelibly on my thoughts, larger than life.
“Come’ere,” Spider says, drawing me close against his side with his arm around my shoulders. His warm breath fans my forehead.
I snuggle close without even considering what I’m doing, resting my head on his shoulder.
“Spider?” I glance up at him.
“Hmm?” His lips brush over my forehead, leaving a warm tingle.
“Why did those men shoot at us? Why were they after you?”
“Payback,” he rumbles softly.
I draw back, worry for him furrowing my brow. “For what? What did you do?”
Spider’s teeth flash at the halfhearted accusation in my tone. Then he draws back a little and scowls, searching my face. Considering how much to tell me.
I lean my head back against the couch, keeping my eyes on his. “I want to understand your life, Spider. I want to be there with you.”
He licks his lips, twining my fingers with his. Surprise flickers in his eyes, along with what looks like appreciation.
“The shooters were Satan’s Bastards MC. Almost two weeks ago, there was a deal that went down. Things went sideways, and one of them tried to blow my brains out.”
My eyes go huge, fear for him causing me to grip his cut. I loosen my hold, and say nothing, listening, wanting him to believe I can handle what he tells me.
This is that club business Monica was talking about. If he thinks I can’t handle it, he’ll shut me out of his world, and I’ll never earn anyone’s trust.
“So, what happened?”
He looks at me, and I can see it in his eyes. He killed them.
“You did what you had to,” I say for him softly.
He nods.
“So you dealt with them, and now they want revenge. An eye for an eye.”
“Does that scare you?”
Again, I’m not about to lie to him. “Yes. Does that sort of thing happen a lot?”
“Sometimes. One of the men I took out tonight was the brother of the Bastard’s Prez, so things are going to get a lot worse from here on out.”
I heave a shaky sigh. “So, you take them out because you have to defend your club, which means they have to take you out to defend theirs. Then you have to defend yourself, so you take them out. And so begins the cycle.”
“That’s MC life, sweetheart.”
“But when does it end?”
“Sometimes it doesn’t.”
I stare. “But why would anyone want to be part of that life if all there is, is death and violence? If all you do is live in fear that those you care about will end up dead or worse?”
After what happened to his friend, how can he want anything to do with the club?
“Because, MC life isn’t only death and violence.” He sits up a little and tugs on the front of his cut. “You see this?”
I nod.
“When a man wears the cut of an outlaw club, he frees himself of all those god damned social mores you cling so tightly to. He molds the law to his will. There is a freedom in the club you don’t get anywhere else. The world is our oyster, ours for the taking.”
Listening to him, for the first time, I can hear the love he has for his club. I don’t fully understand it, but there is a wildness, a lawlessness in his eyes that draws me in like a moth to a flame. A flame that will burn hot enough to incinerate if I get too close.
“There’s so much more to an outlaw club than the danger,” he adds now. “An MC also means family. The bond between a man and his club brothers is unequalled to anything else. No one ever defends their own or rallies around those who need us the way the MC does. The club is danger, but it’s also safety and survival. A lot of the authorities in Nevada have been corrupt for years. No one trusts the fucking shields here anymore. When the boys in blue get too big for their britches and start making up their own fucking laws, that’s when we step in.
“So you protect the people in a way that law enforcement can’t.”
“Absolutely.”
I stare at his knees, trying to take all this in. How close had I come to losing him today? Less than two weeks ago, I would have rejoiced in the chance to get away from him, but now the thought of never seeing him again fills me with a bone-chilling dread. I run my hands up his chest, savoring the heated muscles under my fingers, trying to chase away the chill of fear with his warmth.
“Hey.” Spider tips my chin up with his fingers, a touch as tender as his voice. “You sure you’re okay?” His fingers massage my nape.
This gentleness from him makes me feel tearful. I can’t bring myself to lie to him, and I know he can see me struggling to deal with everything he’s said, everything that’s happened, so I shake my head, hoping the price for such an admission won’t break me.
He stands and holds out his hand. “Come on. Let’s get out of here,” he rasps.
I stare at his outstretched fingers, covered in rings with their hedonistic symbols. All of which serve to remind me that we’re worlds apart. All of which, not so long ago, would have made the idea of even touching him feel as if I was dipping my toe into hell.
There’s no question as to where he wants to go, but he isn’t forcing me, isn’t carting me off like a caveman or threatening to do things to me if I don’t fall into his arms. His words are a statement, but when I look into his eyes, they’re warm and tender. Telling me that he wants me with him. Maybe he’s not really giving me the choice, but it feels like he is.
I don’t belong with him, but suddenly it’s there pla
in as day; I want to be with him. No, after everything that’s happened, I need to be. The idea of being away from him is almost physically painful. The urge to lose myself in whatever he does to me, to just forget about what’s happened is too strong to ignore.
I slip my hand into his palm and he pulls me to my feet.
Spider squeezes my fingers and then pulls me close to his side again, his big arm around my shoulders. We stroll to his room in silence, but it’s a companionable, warm silence that’s unlike anything I’ve ever felt with him, or any man.
Spider unlocks his door and guides me inside. As soon as he steps in after and shuts the door, his hands slip around my waist from behind, palms splaying over my stomach. His hot breath fans my neck.
My muscles coil, the dark memories of tonight’s near miss choking in their rawness. The world is suddenly a cold and desolate and dangerous place, and Spider is heat and safety, and salvation.
I turn in his arms meaning to ask him to hold me tonight, but when I lift my head, his lips are inches from mine.
I’m not sure who made the first move, but the next instant, our lips collide and then we’re kissing, a long, wet, hot mating of lips and tongues. At first, I grip the front of his cut, but when he hauls me against him and deepens the kiss with an approving groan, my arms wrap around his neck and I’m pulling him desperately against me.
Spider’s arm crushes me to him, and then he lifts me up onto his hips with a soft grunt. My legs wrap around him with a will of their own. His hand delves into my hair, pushing it back, then molding my body to him, while his lips remain one with mine.
The room becomes a blur as he strides to his bed. Spider leans over, laying me across his mattress and covering me with his powerful frame. The hardened ridge of his manhood presses into my sex just right. Even through my jeans, I can feel every inch of his hardness and it instantly makes me ache.
With a will of their own, my legs bend up to his hips, knees spreading wider to accommodate his huge body, which seems at once made to fit perfectly with mine. Spider’s hands cup the top of my head, his mouth kissing mine long and hard.
At last, he draws back. A low hum of satisfaction leaves him, instantly making my sex burn. His palms brush my hair back from my forehead while he settles more comfortably between my legs.
The steely ridge of his shaft brushes against the denim covering my sex and I rub against him without thinking, loving the sensations.
“I’m not a safe man to be with right now,” he murmurs. “You shouldn’t be here.”
The pain in his voice and in his eyes floors me. He almost died today, but also almost lost a close friend. He needs to let go as much as me. The warning makes me shiver, but with excitement rather than fear.
“Then you shouldn’t have brought me here,” I purr, teasing.
“Listen to me,” he growls. “Cap is like a father to me. You saved his life. No woman has ever done something like that for me. I’m not sure what to do with it. You deserve a man who knows how to treat you right, but I only know how to be the monster. I’m not a good guy, Wildcat, but I will try to be a good man right now. For you.”
Oh, heaven help me. Who is this man and what has he done with Spider?
The promise in his words makes my throat constrict. There’s nothing but sincerity and tenderness in his voice. He means what he says. How it’s possible, I don’t know, but the words wipe away the past, undoing all the pain that’s lived between us since we met. Somehow, they are enough.
Spider might be a dangerous monster I have no idea how to deal with most of the time, but here and now, when I look into his perfect blue eyes, I know I’m looking into what’s underneath that deadly predator. I’m looking at the man inside the beast.
“Make me forget,” I whisper. “Please? Monster or man, all I want is you.”
Spider lets out a deep, guttural rumble, and it’s the sexiest sound I’ve ever heard in my life.
Oh, boy. I shiver with excitement, wondering exactly what kind of beast I just unleashed.
19
The Other Side of Darkness
The moment I tell Spider I want him and he lets out that throaty growl, I know I’m in trouble. Except that it’s the kind of trouble I want to be in. I’ve opened the gates of hell and my whole body is tingling with the need to be inside, to let it this sexy beast devour me, let his world swallow me whole.
His lips descend on mine, hard and hot and greedy. Helpless against his pull, I tilt my head back, my mouth opening for him hungrily. His tongue flicks over mine, teasing at first. I groan and devour the kiss, grasping at his shoulders and back. I’ll never get enough of him, never get close enough to him.
Old fears and doubts instilled in me by the Colony try to seep in, trying to drag me down with the reminder that everything we’re doing is a sin, but I quash them down hard.
The Colony is not my life. This, right here, however temporarily, is my life, and it’s what I need. Here, in this world of the MC, wild sex and enjoying each other is how things are, and I don’t care if I don’t belong here. For right now, with him, I do.
I clutch Spider tighter, losing myself in his kiss. He moans in approval and pushes his shirt up over my stomach, above my breasts, palming them. He rubs himself against me, sliding the ridge of his shaft over my sex, our clothes suddenly a flimsy barrier. My core tightens, aching for him. My hips wriggle, rubbing my core harder into him. His solid shaft strains inside his pants as if it’s trying to tear through them.
When his lips finally leave mine, Spider trails his mouth down along my jawline to my neck. “Jesus Christ, Wildcat.” He grips the pillow beside my head, his voice demonic in my ear. “You’re gonna drive me insane.”
Wow. His control is balanced on a knife’s edge. The sense of power I feel knowing I’m the one causing him to lose control is utterly thrilling, and I smile over his shoulder.
Spider grinds into me, and I swivel my hips experimentally, loving the feel of him sliding along my sex. He lets out a hungry moan.
“You want me to lose it?” he rumbles.
The warning in his voice is erotic. I nod, panting.
He shoves his hands between us and works open my skintight pants. I grope for his belt, hesitating when he lifts his head and smirks at me.
Have I overstepped? My cheeks heat, my inexperience rearing up. I’m way out of my depth here.
Spider pushes my hand against his shaft, directing me to cup him.
Apparently not.
I bite my lip as he helps me free his shaft, pulling his pants to his hips and then shoving mine down to my thighs, then past my knees.
Our lips and tongues mate again, long, fierce kissing that serves to ratchet up our mutual need. Spider bends his head and laves one of my nipples with his tongue, tugging on it with his teeth, then doing the same with the other until I arch my back and moan. His fingers slide between my legs, teasing my wet sex until I rub against his touch.
He doesn’t bother to strip us both, instead teasing me with the head of his shaft until I feel like I’m going to lose my mind.
“Spider…”
He slides slowly into me, his eyes never leaving mine. I gasp, arching my hips for him. The stretch is indescribable, a sweet ache that at once soothes my need and intensifies it all at the same time.
Spider makes a satisfied sound and seats himself deep.
We fuck long and slow, grinding into each other with deep, wet strokes. I’ve never felt so connected to him, so one with him as I do in this moment. We clutch at each other, and the room fills with the sounds of our moans and our panting.
Spider slides in and out of me, and I rut against him, spreading my legs wider for him, needy.
“Shit, Stephanie,” he rasps, reaching under me, cupping my butt and squeezing. “I could fuck you like this all day.”
That’s the first time he’s used my name like that. It might even be the first time he’s said it at all. He didn’t call me Wildcat or thief, but by name. Maybe i
t’s crazy, but he says the name as if it’s special, as if it means something.
For the first time ever, I wish I could tell him my real name, hear him say it in that sexy, growled voice, but I know I can’t.
“Me too,” I murmur, running my hands over his hard face, into his thick, soft beard.
He thrusts in and out, riding me toward that slow, sweet explosive oblivion. My need mounts until my hips are gyrating against him. Without thinking, I turn my head and my lips latch onto his neck, sucking hard.
“Ah, shit.” He grips the pillow with one fist, squeezes my hip with the other and thrusts harder, faster, as if I’m driving him toward release. Spider’s bites my shoulder and then licks away the sting, pounding me into his bed savagely.
Whose control snaps first, I’m not sure, but suddenly our hips are slapping together wildly and I’m clawing at Spider’s sheets.
“Mm, fuck, you’re so damn perfect.” He hammers into me.
I cry out, flying over the edge in a wreathing, panting mess.
Spider growls and sits up, pulls out, and pumps his shaft until he spills hot jets of white seed across my bare stomach.
We lie together for a while, catching our breaths, a tangle of limbs and slicked with sweat. Eventually, we share a shower, taking our time washing off.
Back in bed, we kiss long and slow, working each other up again. Exploring each other’s bodies, learning how to please each other.
Spider licks me to an explosive climax, and I suck him, following his commands. He takes my mouth, pumping in and out viciously with his fist tangled in my hair.
After, he turns me on my side so that my back is to his chest, his arm crushing me against him. Lost in the warmth of this man, I tip my head back and to the side, and his tongue tangles with mine. His hand delves between my legs, teasing my soaking sex while he enters me from behind. When his lips leave mine, they trail down the side of my neck before sucking hard on the sensitive flesh between my neck and shoulder.
I cry out in pleasure. Spider’s fingers strum my clit faster, his thrusts speeding up, carrying me swiftly toward another sweet release. I claw at his hip and buck wildly, words of affirmation spilling from me of their own accord.