by Peiri Ann
He stares back for a moment. “I promise—” he continues, “you will always be safe with me. And just as I can touch you and change your emotions, you can do the same to me. I’m not going to lie and say this is going to be easy, and I’m not going to say that there isn’t a risk, because there is.”
He lets go of my chin and moves us so that he can grab both of my hands with his. “But I am going to tell you that I will do everything in my power to protect you and keep you safe, even if that means protecting you from me. I have a lot of power, but my will to have you, and my desire for you to be happy and safe, is greater.”
“What happens if I choose not to stay?”
“I don’t know.” He sits back.
“Has everyone who has been confronted with this situation chosen love, even if that means it could lead to death?” I ask.
“Choosing love always leads to death, whether if it’s with a Sephlem, demon, vampire, dragon, or human. You’re either going to be happy in love and give your life to someone else, because giving up your life is death—you’re just replacing your life with the other person’s, like what has happened with us—or,” he continues, “you’re miserable in love and you all kill each other—he kills her, she kills him, the jealous mistress or man on the side kills the mate they’re jealous of, or they both commit suicide because they can’t have each other.” He looks away from me.
“If I choose not to stay, do you think that’s what will happen? We’ll commit suicide because we cannot stand to not be around each other?” I ask, only out of curiosity.
“If one of us dies, we both die,” he says in the calmest tone I’ve ever heard anyone speak before. “For me anyway.”
My eyes go wide. I know what I want to do, and something tells me everything is going to be fine. But then, something else screams ‘you don’t know him.’ And I don’t, but I also don’t care. I know that sounds bad, but I know what he does to me and how I feel around him. I know I can trust him, and I know I would do anything to make sure nothing bad happens to him.
He waits patiently as I work through my thoughts. It must be three in the morning by now. I’m getting tired and this conversation really didn’t change how I feel, only show me how negligent I am because it didn’t change my mind, and if he asked again, I would still say the same thing I said on the deck.
So I say it. “I want you.” I speak softly, and he turns to me. “I trust you.” He looks at me deeply. He doesn’t smile, and his expression doesn’t change. He moves towards me, quicker than usual. I write it off as his abilities, which I plan to ask about on another day.
He gets so close I have to lean back on the seat of the chaise. Hovering his upper-body over me, he smiles. “I’ll tell you anything you want to know.”
I raise my left eyebrow. “You’re going to have to stop doing that.”
“What?” He kisses me before I can answer.
A kiss that starts off soft and thankful. One hand holds on to the right side of my waist tightly, and his grip becomes tighter as his kiss gets deeper. My legs bend on both sides of him. His other hand is pressed against the seat of the chaise next to my head, supporting his upper-body weight.
I rub my hands up his neck and through his hair. It is soft and covers my fingers. He pulls back and looks at me. His eyes swirl to the color of ocean-blue. I’d never seen this color before; it hypnotizes me.
I grasp his shirt in the back and push it up enough so I can touch his skin directly. His eyes close as he lets out a quiet breath. His body is smooth and strong as it tenses under my touch. My hands explore him for my eyes. They roll over every muscle and dip in his back. I pull his head down to kiss me again, and this kiss is more aggressive.
He moves his hand under my shirt, and it is warm and soft against my skin. He lifts my back up into an arch. I wrap my leg around his and move my hand to his shoulder, pulling him down so his body is pressed firmly against mine. My hips move upward so they are in place with his. He lets out a deep, throaty sound to my motion and I love it.
I move my hands to his sides, feeling the tightness of his skin and muscles. When he stops kissing me, I trail kisses to his neck. He has a soft, earthy scent mixed with some type of cologne that sends my senses rapid. He doesn’t taste salty, just a smooth, hairless neck that I kiss with the pallet of my tongue, making contact with his skin before my lips. His arm, helping to support his weight, starts to weaken.
He stops me by moving to kiss me softly. He’s calming me down—I can feel my mood change. I let out a relaxing breath. The kiss grows more intense. His hand moves to my thigh. My thighs—they’re my lose-control spot.
He moves from my lips and kisses along my neck to my collarbone. Soft kisses linger after his lips are gone. His lower-body firmly presses against mine and I moan out for the spasm it makes my body feel. And that’s it—everything is gone.
He pulls back, looking me over as he moves away. I’m filled with cold and confusion.
He sits on the far-end of the chaise, staring at me with those bright, ocean-blue eyes that I can’t look away from. I have nothing to say, not knowing what made him stop. I do, however, know it felt good and I am not ready for it to end.
“Okay, Tracey. I’m a really strong person,” he starts, “and I have a lot of control. It’s not time for us to start doing a lot of things yet, and we may have taken it too far tonight.” I inch towards him. “But with you touching me like that and making those noises.” He looks away from me, shaking his head.
I wasn’t expecting him to say that. “Definitely your fault.”
“These feelings for you are like none other. It’s a little harder to control some urges. But anger and going full-demon, I have fully under-control. It’s never going to happen.” He rubs his hand over his head. “But my desire to have you…not so much.”
I smile. “So are you saying I can’t touch you?” I ask softly, not caring what challenge he loses against himself with his control of desire for me. I think I’m tipsy from him. I’ve never felt like this before. So much want and need.
He grabs me by my shoulders, not pushing me back. “And that is something you have to control.”
“What?” I ask, my body still craving his.
“Your desire.” Closing the distance to him, he doesn’t stop me, but his hands remain on my shoulders.
“No!” I’m stern, and close enough now to sit on his lap. Keeping his eye-contact, I throw my leg over him so that I can. Once seated, I move his hands from my shoulders to my waist, over my hips, to my thighs and squeeze his hands so they squeeze my thighs. He does, then lets go, saying, “Don’t Tracey.” Not this again. Anger blooms. I can’t understand why he doesn’t want me. He moves his hand under my shirt. My anger fades. “Tracey, listen. We can become overwhelmed by each other and give in to each other’s needs. You need to control yourself before we end up doing something we aren’t ready to do yet.”
I’m calm, though my hormones are raging out of control. “Okay,” I say, reluctantly. Knowing these feeling aren’t coming from me, I wouldn’t give in this soon.
He chuckles, quietly, as he shakes his head. “Come on, Tracey. Let me put you to bed.”
“You’re leaving?” I ask as he turns me around, lifting me in his arms.
Shaking his head, he says, “Nah, I told you that’s not happening anymore.” He lays me down on my bed. My eyes grow heavy as I watch him walk back over to the chaise.
“What are you doing?”
“Getting your cover.”
“Oh.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know.” I can’t figure out what’s wrong with me—I’m antsy and calm at the same time.
He walks back over and lays the comforter beside me. “It’s okay. Like you said, you’re just a little tipsy right now. We’ll work on controlling it. Can I lay with you?”
Did he really have to ask? “Yes,” I answer softly. “Your cousin was wrong about you.”
“Yes, somewhat. Go to sleep
, Tracey.” He takes off my shoes and his, then lays the comforter over me. He climbs over me, lays on top of the cover, and wraps his arms around me. It is the best thing I’ve ever felt. I turn into him and fall asleep to his scent that oddly relaxes every bone and muscle in my body.
He kisses my forehead and whispers something in a language I’d never heard but once in my dreams.
7: Denial
“Tracey.” I’m kissed. “Tracey.” Kissed again. It feels nice and the voice saying my name is so enchanting. It laughs. “Tracey, wake up.”
I open my eyes and there he is, still there looking down at me. He smiles. I snuggle closer to him.
“Tracey, someone is at your window.” My eyes shoot open.
“What?”
“And if it’s a guy, the next time he throws a rock at a window, it’s going to be with his feet.” He is serious.
“Umm…o-kay…” That sounded harsh. I don’t know who it could be. The only guy that had done that was my first—really the only guy I’ve ever been with in that nature. And the only reason he came tapping on my window around this time was for that purpose—sometimes.
“And that better not be him tapping on the window this time.”
I look at him as I get out of the bed. “Umm, no, I don’t think it is. And stop doing that!”
“Go check the window, and make a mental note to talk about that later.” I watch him sit up in the bed, his eyes swirling to that hazel-brown I had seen the first time we met. That is going to take some getting used to.
I walk over to the window, not knowing what to expect. The sky is starting to lighten. I move the curtains to look out the window.
Scott is standing near Glen, but not next to her. Now, what has happened with these two?
See what they want.
“Whoa.” I jump, hearing his voice in my head. That is going to take some getting used to as well. I open the window, poking my head out, so they can see me.
Trying to look incredibly tired, “Yes?” My voice is low.
“Tracey, let me in,” Glen says quickly.
I smile. “Scott, I saw you all sleeping together. You can stop with the act.”
Don’t tease him, Tracey. I wave my hand to the side. Okay, okay.
This is going to be fun.
I look at Glen and she’s blushing. Scott is just staring at me. “Let Glen in, Tracey, so she can go back to sleep.” I don’t want to. I know she’s going to want to talk and tell me about her sleep with Scott—or whatever happened between them. I have my own thing going on. Well, nothing is going on, but I’m not ready for my company to leave.
Let her in, Tracey. She can sleep in the guestroom, unless you’re ready for me to go.
No! I look back at him.
“Tracey, come on, it’s cold. What’s taking you so long?”
I turn back to the window. “Glen, I’m really tired, is it okay if you sleep in the guestroom?”
Glen walks over to Scott, who is really standoffish. She reaches for his arm. He doesn’t let her take it at first but gives in after she touches him. She’s talking too low for me to hear. I can’t make out her facial expression through my sleepy eyes.
She wants Scott to come in with her. I look back at Nathan.
What?
She wants Scott to come in with her. Now that is going to come in handy. He doesn’t want to because of the hard time he gave you about me.
So he’s shamed. Well, come and show him you’re here too. Maybe it will make him feel better.
He looks at the window. I don’t think that would be a good idea.
I look back out the window at them and they are going back and forth, Glen begging and Scott shaking his head. She is trying to convince him that you would understand.
She is right. If Scott decided not to come up with her, will she be in pain?
Probably.
How much?
Depends on what they all did last night. It would probably be worse than what we have been going through, because they have allowed themselves to sleep through the night and wake up next to each other. Not breaking contact for hours. Their bodies would fight the separation.
So if we were to do that, and separate, it would be like that for us too?
Yes, but we wouldn’t separate. We would just do that. Scott is stubborn.
More reason why you should come over here and let him know it’s okay, that you gave in too.
I didn’t give in. I won, and the demon lost. I flinch away. He said that too harshly. I didn’t mean that as harsh as it sounded. But I chose to fight against what they say we can’t have, not give into it.
Getting up from the bed, he walks over to me. I move away from the window, meeting him a quarter of the way. He grabs my face between his big hands and places a gentle kiss on my lips. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.”
“I’ll talk to him.” He grabs my hand, pulling me back to the window. We bend over and out of it.
Glen and Scott are now looking in our direction. Glen squeals, and a smile the size of her shoulders spreads across her face. As quick as it appears, a frown replaces it. I’m not smiling, because I don’t know how this is about to play out. He grabs my hand a little tighter and my discomfort passes.
“Scott, let it go.” Scott looks at Nathan with an expression of pure shock. He doesn’t respond to him. I look at Nathan and his expression is calm—as if he is talking about something serious. They must be doing that mind-talking that he told me about. He nods at me in confirmation.
And he is multitalented. I smile to myself and he pinches my thigh. I shake my head at him. Glen is looking at Scott with an irritated look on her face. She punches his arm. “Don’t be rude, Scott. Talk back.”
Now, I’m shocked. She doesn’t know. He didn’t tell her. Scott looks at Glen with a ‘what the hell?’ look.
“He’s talking to you and you’re just being rude,” she says, irritated.
This is a good opportunity for me to be an ass. “Ooo, Scott. Shame on you,” I say with a mischievous smirk. Glen bickers at him quietly for a moment.
Nathan pinches my thigh again. He better stop pinching my thighs before my desire becomes what it was before.
He turns his head, slowly, to look at me. “What?” I say quietly, in a shocked voice. I’m serious.
He smiles that crooked smile and shakes his head. “You’re about to get in trouble.”
“Nathan, you come down. Glen, you go up. We need to talk—now!” Scott says with authority.
“No!” I interrupt. You are not going down. You all can talk tomorrow.
Calm down, Tracey.
“Don’t, Tracey,” says Scott.
Come on. Let’s go down and see what he wants. “Hold on, Scott,” Nathan says in a deeper voice than he uses with me. It is hot.
He moves us both back from the window, pulling it closed, followed by the curtains.
“Don’t say anything. He didn’t tell Glen about anything I told you.”
“Does he know that you told me?”
“Yes.”
“Why won’t he tell Glen?”
“That’s not my place to question or to judge.” Okay, that shut me up. “Each of us handles our own situation in our own way. Scott can be in Glen’s head the same way I’m in yours. She may not be the type to take well to a situation like ours. And he may have to warm her up to it before he gives it all to her, like I did with you.”
“Did you tell me everything?”
“Honestly? No, not everything.”
“Why not?”
“How do you feel?”
“I feel fine. A little tired.”
“You’re overwhelmed and share mixed emotions about it.” He looks back towards the window. “And that’s okay, you should.” His expression turns into worry. “Come on. Let’s go.”
“Okay, just be quiet as we walk.” It’s Saturday and my mom never wakes up early, and I do not want to do anything to make this Saturday special.
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br /> Scott is shaking his head and Glen is kind of mild-mannered. “Okay, Scott. Glen and I will walk over near the trees while you and Nathan talk,” I say as we approach.
“Uh, no.” Nathan looks at me, shaking his head. “Not happening. You and Glen will stay over here while Scott and I walk away.”
“Yeah, or that,” I say, agreeing.
Scott walks over, pushing Nathan away from me. My chest strokes and I drop to my knees. Everything goes black. Nathan, being forced away from me, hurt me beyond any pain imaginable.
“Scott!” I hear Nathan say angrily. “Calm down. That’s not cool and you know it.”
I feel hands on my shoulders, helping me from the ground, then hands in my hands, and lips on my forehead. The pain goes away and my sight returns with floaters and flashes in my vision. It was the worse feeling I’ve ever felt. My whole body was pained, and non-responsive.
“That will never happen again. I’m sorry you had to experience that.” His voice is soft.
“What was that?” I ask, still trying to understand.
“Just what you thought—forced separation.” The worst feeling. It affected me the same way it affected you. I just knew what to expect and I’m stronger than you.
I nod, not feeling like talking.
Go talk to Glen for a minute. It won’t take me long to talk to Scott. Plus, I need to point out a few things to him.
I nod again as we meet her. “Hi Glen.”
“Hi.” Glen returns with a smile. It makes me feel uncomfortable. I don’t like it. We look at each other.
“I’ll be back in a minute,” Nathan says.
“Okay,” I respond as he walks away.
“So I see things worked out for you in getting your guy. Maybe some guy should’ve grabbed my ass to fix Scott’s mixed feelings.” She jumps right into it. “I mean, when you left to go to the kitchen, I was still dancing with Eric. He was way too drunk and I told him I needed a break. I turned around to walk away and there was Scott—standing right behind me.”
She starts playing with her loose hair. “I said hi and we ended up talking about nothing at all. At some point, I started feeling dizzy and needed to lie down. Scott had walked away from me at that point, so I found Andrew and told him I needed to lie down. He offered me his room. It was crazy clean for a teenage boy, by the way.