Burdened (A Burdened Novel)

by Peiri Ann

  Almost had me. “Nathan.” I push him back. “You did not do that to your mother.”

  “Baby, I have been doing that since I found out I had the ability to. It keeps her happy. No one in this house likes to see my mother upset—believe me. Everyone else has me do it too.”

  I punch his arm. “That is not okay.”

  “If you knew what she was saying to me, you would agree with me. Plus, if she knew the truth, she would really blast me into the front yard. She was getting ready to.”

  “She has done that before?”

  “Yes. To me, Taylor, Nathan, and Roseland.” He shrugs. “It’s not like spanking us would do her, or us, any good, so at some point—with Roseland—she found out it was the next best thing. We’ve had these walls fixed many times.”

  “Which is why you don’t want her upset. What did she say to you?”

  He calms. “She said I was not performing as I was raised to with my mate. I was taking advantage of you, not providing you with the full understanding of what you are getting into. I should have waited until we were ‘made,’ which means married.”

  He half-rolls his eyes. “I’m supposed to show you respect, and if I loved you, I wouldn’t have taken you so quickly, and doing so shows my lack of love and my instinct for lust. What made it worse was the tone she was using. She was hurt and disappointed in me. I couldn’t take that.” He pushes his hair back. “But, the killer part of it was, she had it all wrong. See, I was the victim in the situation.”

  I hold my smile. “So what did you replace her thoughts with?” I push him back.

  “I already told you. She also doesn’t want us doing that because of what it can lead to—children. Can you stop pushing me away? Please? I think I had enough of that last night.”

  “I’m sorry about that, but if you hadn’t blown me off because I lost it with Pepper, I wouldn’t have been alone; hence, I wouldn’t have gone for a run; hence, you wouldn’t have tricked me into making me think you were you when you were really someone else. Then, the ‘you who wasn’t you’ using me to get to you. But I still don’t know how I couldn’t remember you or how I couldn’t want you. So really, this whole thing is your fault.”

  “Wait, I heard everything you said, but my focus fell on this information that you didn’t include me on. I made you think I was me, to trick you, to get to me?” He squints, then stops. “Can I look in your head? I just want to see the face you saw.”

  “When did you start asking?”

  “Tracey—”

  “Go ahead, Nathan. Just know, you still owe me for leaving me alone when I needed you.”

  “I already made up for that.” He focuses, until recognition crosses his face, then a flash of anger. “I’ll be right back.”

  “No, Nathan, wait!” I side-step him when he tries to walk around me “What happened?”

  He stops. “I really need to handle something right now.”

  “Okay, tell me.” I grab his hand and he relaxes.

  “I know who it was, and I know he hypnotized you. He’s a full-blooded Sephlem. His name is Eddlen. It looks like he can hypnotize with the swirl of his eyes—it may be his ability. He can also take on images of others. His abilities seem pretty powerful, considering I almost had to fu—”

  “Don’t say it.” I cut him off.

  He laughs. “What I did was nothing serious, but a kiss wasn’t enough. That was the next step.”

  “You kissed me?” I don’t remember any of it.

  “Yes.” He looks down at me through his lashes.

  “Hmm, I don’t recall. Maybe you can come show me what it was like.” I pull his shirt.

  “I think you are using yourself as a distraction.” He comes to me reluctantly.

  “You have all day tomorrow and Friday to do whatever you want.” He’s right in front of me now. “You can give me today, and take care of whatever you need to do then.” I rise on my tip-toes to kiss the bottom of his chin. It’s as far as I can reach.

  “I don’t know, Tracey. Dinner will be ready soon.”

  I push him and he quickly grabs my hands forcefully, not moving. I ignore it. “You are right, babe, and considering how I take advantage of you, I don’t want you to be the victim.”

  He blocks me with his arms, anticipating my exit plan of moving around him. “I was the victim, baby. You used those lips,” he brushes his thumb over my mouth and I kiss it, “and those touches. Then you would say those things that make me fall in love with you, and give you the world and the box it comes in. How could I tell you ‘no’ to anything?”

  “Considering you weren’t getting anything out of it,” I add.

  “So your antics were beneficial for both of us.” He bends down to kiss me, and I turn my head.

  “Are you leaving, or are you staying?” I’m serious.

  “Come on, Tracey,” he says, throwing his head back.

  “If you leave me, you are going to regret it.” He steps back. “Nathan, really!? We have today, and you have the next two days to do what you want. I’m not even asking to help you find him. So the least you can do is respect that.”

  He looks down at me again. “Okay, I’ll check on it tomorrow. And since you have spent all this time talking, it is now time for us to eat.” I laugh as he opens the door behind me.

  Everyone meets in this massive dining room that’s half the size of the great room. Everyone is here, except Nathan’s aunt—the school nurse—and his dad. We eat his mother’s food and thoughts about going back to school grind in my head. This test to see how long I can stay away from Nathan digs at me as well.

  He’s right—we can’t be around each other all the time, but how can we avoid that? I at least want to be around him the majority of the time.

  “So, Tracey, how is the school hunt going? I see you all have been working on it all day,” Little Nathan starts. “No downtime?” he asks with a smirk. My eyes widen.

  His head whips back quickly—as if he was smacked—and he holds it there momentarily. “Not cool,” He says, as he moves his head back forward.

  “Shut up and eat your food,” Nathan says to him.

  The two of them go back and forth, slapping each other without actually hitting one another. Everyone laughs. It’s pretty fascinating for me to see and equally entertaining.

  Everyone calms as Nathan’s dad walks in the room and sits down at the table.

  “Excuse my late arrival.” He picks up his fork.

  He is back being standoffish. What is up with this man? Watching him, he takes frequent looks of repugnance at Nathan and Taylor. I can’t figure him out. I know he’s tried to kill them, and they have tried to kill him, but it’s like he has a personal vendetta against them.

  There has to be more to it than what Nathan had told me. The look in his eyes, as he stares at them, holds regret, revenge, and resentment. He genuinely loo—

  “So, Tracey!” I jump in my seat at the sound of his voice.

  It scared me; it was dark and deceiving. I hate the way my name sounds coming from him. Nathan looks at me—his cheerful expression gone serious.

  “Have you decided if you will join our lovely family?” I look back at Mr. Newcomb, wearing a plastered smile as he awaits my answer to his question.

  I cough, trying to clear my throat, caught off-guard by his unexpected question.

  Nathan speaks for me. “She doesn’t have to make a decision right now. There is no rush.”

  “There isn’t?” he asks sarcastically.

  “Father, this is not your concern, Tracey’s and my decisions are just that. They are not to be discussed with the family, just to be updated to the family,” Nathan states sternly.

  “Well, son, I’m sure we are all just a little curious to know what you two plan to do. Tracey is such a lovely girl and we are happy that you have her. We just want you to be happy, and we know that you will be, with Tracey at your side.”

  It all sounds scripted. I look around the table, feeling uncomfort
able. Everyone is looking at him with scolding expressions. I look at Nathan. He is staring at his father like he wants to turn him to dust.

  I reach over, touching his hand, and he gives me a crooked smile. He shakes his head and uses his other hand to rub his chin. I look back to his dad and he is smiling a wicked smile—as if he has something planned.

  “Tracey!” I jump again, his voice is traitorous. “Aren’t you interested in my son’s happiness?”

  “Excuse me?” I say with aggression. Is he really asking me that?

  His eyes buck. “Did I offend you, Tracey? My apologies.” His words say nothing behind them. I wish he would stop saying my name.

  I let Nathan’s hand go, sitting forward in my seat. Everyone is quiet and I am about to let Papa Nathan have it. I push my plate forward and lean over the table. “Let me—”

  “Don’t, Tracey.” I look at Nathan, and he gives me a look like he knows what I was going to say. I sit back. “Nathan, this is inappropriate,” Nathan says to his father, his voice stern. “If you would like to speak with Tracey and me, we can talk after dinner. Nothing else needs to be said right now.”

  The amusement on his father’s face wipes away as he says, “Nathan, I—”

  “Nathan, that is enough. And nothing else needs to be said right now,” Natalia cuts him off.

  “Thank you, Mom,” Nathan states, as he rises from his seat, grabbing my hand. “Excuse us. Let me know when you are ready to talk.” He looks at his dad. I do the same, and his face is full of anger and disbelief.

  I get up and Nathan walks us from the room. Ciaos erupts after we leave the room.

  We walk out of the house to the backyard, and over to a gazebo that sits off to the side, equal distance from the house and the fence. There are cushioned benches and a beautiful water fountain surrounded by lilies. It’s dimly lit and the rest of the light comes from the remainder of the setting sun.

  “I’m sorry about him, Tracey.” He sits down, pulling me to sit across him.

  “No, it’s okay. There’s something off about him though. I know you know him better than I do—him being your dad and all. But there is something about him that doesn’t sit well with me. Why all the questions all of a sudden? Just the other day he was the least bit interested in us.”

  “He’s an ass. That is how he is. He is one way one day and a different way the next. Fortunately, you were not able to hear what he was really saying—only what came out of his mouth.”

  “And what was that?” I’m curious.

  “‘This isn’t about you. This is about Nathan.’” He points to himself.

  I tense, feeling a slight discomfort. That’s what the Nathan-look-alike said to me the other night, and in that same tone. “That sounds familiar.”

  “How so?”

  “You said that to me the day you tricked me.”

  “That wasn’t me, again, and what do you mean?”

  “That exact same tone, those words. When the guy—” I can’t recall his name. “—cut me, that’s what he said.” My hands start getting cold.

  Nathan thinks for a moment, or maybe looks in my head. I sit quiet until he says something. “We have today. I’ll worry about it tomorrow,” he responds, ten minutes later.

  I smile at him. Although, that really doesn’t give me much for whatever conclusion he came up with, or if he came up with a conclusion. We sit in silence. I try to wrap my head around Nathan’s father and his mixed personalities.

  “What is he going to try to talk to us about?” I ask.

  “He has no plans of talking with us. Rather, I have no intentions of speaking with him—not with you in the room anyway.”

  “Why not with me in the room?” The distant Nathan is back.

  “I would say things to him, and perform in a way, that I don’t want you to see.”

  “And what, by you doing so, will make me think differently of you?”

  “That’s not what I’m saying.”

  “So what are you saying?”

  “I have no respect for my father. I don’t care about hurting his feelings—if he had any. I also don’t use control when I deal with him.” He looks towards the yard.

  “What are you saying?” I probe.

  “Tracey, this is not a conversation I’m ready to have right now.”

  “Why do you hold things back from me?”

  “My life is difficult. My relationship with my father is not like others. How would it sound to you if I said I want to kill my father, and every time I try, the only thing that saves him is my mother? That I don’t mind losing control around him, in hopes that I would murder him—with no doubts or regrets.” He looks at me with no hurt in his eyes about his feelings.

  “But if you murder your father, wouldn’t you kill your mother as well?”

  “No, she will remain alive, but she will be miserable and out of character.”

  “Wait, I’m confused. I thought one could not live without the other?”

  “The female can live without the male, but not the other way around. Remember, your heart beats in replacement of mine. So if I die, your heart will still beat, but if you die, that’s it for the both of us.” That’s some crazy shit. “But if I’m hurt, you can always heal me, and I you. You may also be able to feel my hurt now.”

  I don’t respond, not comfortable with the feeling of him leaving me and me having to live without him. “Don’t leave me.”

  “Why would I?”

  “Just don’t.”

  “You love me, Tracey?”

  “Yes,” I answer softly.

  “If it wasn’t for us being mated, do you think you would feel the same?”

  I quickly want to say yes, but I take time thinking about his question. If we weren’t, I definitely would still give him a chance. He has an awesome personality; although, he tries to beat his away around things and information sometimes. But it’s cute. I can tell he cares about me, and if I was going to be with someone forever, I would want them to care more about me than they do themselves, because that’s how I would be. I would want them to cherish me, appreciate me, want me, and equally need me.

  My happiness makes Nathan happy. And beyond anything, no matter what is thrown our way, our love for each other will never change.

  “If it wasn’t for the mating and the bond, the reassurance wouldn’t be there, and the know wouldn’t be there. I may not have fallen in love with you so fast, but, then again, I may have. When I first saw you, I felt a connection to you. I know that I would have grown to love you, and nothing would be different. I’d still take you, no matter how you were sent to me.” I look at him.

  “I love you, Tracey. We will never change.” He takes a breath. “Yesterday, I left you after the fair, because you showed me that some of you is like me. I wasn’t sure if it was one of my traits that instilled itself in you due to the bond. But then I realized, like me, you have an anger problem, which was there before we bonded.

  “Like how you have to keep me leveled, I have to do the same for you. And like how you want me to understand and respect why you calm me down or keep me from some things, I need you to do the same for me. You didn’t listen to me, and that could have gone wrong—in all types of ways.”

  He brings my hand to his face. “You are going to start showing signs of strength and endurance. You may get some abilities, which is likely because of who and what I am.” That sounds cocky. “And you may be able to block me from your mind. I’m hoping that won’t happen.” He looks at me, and then looks away.

  “When you do decide to join my family, you will be able to be included in our internal conversations. But I wouldn’t look forward to that—if I were you.” His eyes swirl to full-brown. “Don’t let my father change your mind about me and my family.”

  “I like your family. They are all nice and welcoming, and I wouldn’t mind being with them. Your dad won’t change my mind about anything. I’ll treat him like Glen treats her step-dad. Simply ignore him.” Glen? “H
ave you talked to Scott lately?”

  “No, but I’m sure that probably means they are getting along. If not, they would be with us. You want to go inside and close my bedroom door?”

  I smile. “If we can avoid your little brother.”

  He shakes his head. “And what makes it so bad is, he has more girls in his room than I had when I was his age.”

  “And exactly how old is he, really?”

  “Sixty-five.”

  “O-Kay. Doesn’t it feel weird—you being old, talking to me, and me being decades younger than you?”

  “Umm, I’ve never thought about it.” We stand. “I hadn’t paid any attention to it. Probably because I’ve spent so much of my life adjusting to the age I portray and growing with it.”

  “When are you going to take me home?”

  “You ready to go?”

  “No. What are you going to do tomorrow—while you’re not spending your time with me?” We walk back towards the house.

  He pulls me in front of him. “I’m going to go to the office, check on things, put in some work. Then I’ll search for Eddlen, find out what his connection is to my father, then I’ll kill him. Then I’ll come back home, talk to my father about his performance tonight, tell him whatever Eddlen is going to tell me before he dies, and then probably fight with him and tell him I killed Eddlen. Then I’ll wrap up my night at your house after you come home from being out with your parents.”

  I’m shocked he didn’t hesitate to tell me. Although, my heart did skip a beat when he said ‘kill him.’ “I’m going to ask you the same question.” We walk back into the house, making no pit-stops, and go to his room.

  “And what’s that?” He closes the door behind him.

  “Do you love me only because we’re mated?”

  He walks over to his desk, and I follow, sitting on his bed. “No, and if it was up to me, we wouldn’t have moved as fast as we did—or as we are.” I look at him, shocked. “I’m not saying that I regret it, because I don’t. The way you make me feel, even before we met—when I tapped on your car window—makes me think I was meant to hit you.”