by Peiri Ann
“Yeah, I just need Nathan to come back.” Now I feel bad. How bad is it supposed to be? He said he was just going to talk to him. “I think I’m going to go sit in the living room. Let me know when the food is ready.”
“Okay, Tracey,” Taylor says, still with an ‘I’m sorry’ face. I wish I never asked the question.
“Hey, you want me to come with you?” Glen says, now at my side.
“No, stay here and get to know Taylor and Justin.” I put on a plastered smile. “They’re awesome.” Not that I don’t mean it; I’ve just lost my happy disposition. “Where’s Nathan?” I ask Taylor.
“He’s gone. You just said that,” Glen answers factually, like I asked a stupid question.
“No—” I shake my head. “Nathan is Nathan’s brother,” I say with a jumbled smile.
“Wait—so your parents named two of their children ‘Nathan’?” Glen asks, looking at Taylor.
She doesn’t even remember Little Nathan. This cannot be good for her hippocampus. Tomorrow, she’s not going to know her name.
“Yes, they really like the name,” Taylor answers, pulling pans from the cabinet.
I leave the kitchen while Glen goes on about both boys being named Nathan.
Nathan, I call in my head softly, not wanting to call my Nathan or disturb him.
Me? I hear Little Nathan’s voice.
Yeah, where are you?
Reading in the living room.
Mind if I keep you company?
Sure.
I travel down the long hall to the living room. Little Nathan is laid across the couch with the biggest book in his face. I plop onto the loveseat across from him.
He closes the book, placing it on his chest. “You feel okay?” he asks.
“Not really. But I’ll be fine. How are you?” I ask, watching his eyebrows scrunch, then loosen.
“Fine, for now. I have a few things going on. I’m going through a few changes.”
“Like what?”
“My new defense shield is coming in. Hopefully this one is permanent.”
“It changes?” I ask curiously.
He cringes, gritting his teeth. It takes him a few seconds to pull himself together. I wait.
“Yeah, until you’re finished growing. It’s like, going through a painful puberty—over and over.” He cringes again. “But, at least I’m not burdened. It would be so much worse.” He exaggerates his last sentence.
“You okay about earlier?”
“I am, but I think Nathan still thinks I had something to do with it. He’s funny like that.”
I lean forward. “How do you mean?”
“He’s really hard to read. I’m sure you’ve figured that out.” He half chuckles—it sounds like it hurt. “He’ll tell you one thing, making it seem like he’s cool with it—or your answer. But really, he’s not. He’ll test you for weeks or months after it happened—after you’ve forgotten about it—just to see, or make sure, you aren’t out to betray him.” He grabs his forehead while taking a breath.
His eyes widen then lower, and he rubs his hand down his face. “And with the stuff that just happened with my dad and my sister, I’m sure he’s going to come after me.”
“Come after you?”
He sits up, wrapping his arms around his legs. The book falls to the floor with a hard thud. “Yes, we’ll fight, he’ll interrogate me, and then he’ll try to get in my head. Try to read me—to get the truth.” He shrugs one shoulder, as if it’s something he’s accustomed to.
“That’s harsh,” I say halfheartedly.
“No, that’s Nathan.” He looks at me. “I can’t say that I blame him, with everything that he has been through.” He turns his full body towards me, placing his feet on the ground. Concern in his eyes. “But I’m his brother. I’d never do anything to hurt him—or you.”
He shakes his head. As it falls forward, he says, “But words are words to Nathan—nothing more.”
“Yeah, that sounds like Nathan. Maybe I could talk to him for you.”
He shakes his head. “Nah, don’t do that. I may just be over-thinking it. And you talking to him won’t do anything but make things worse—like I tried to get to you, change your thinking of me.” His face turns serious and his eyes meet mine. They swirl from brown to a radiant blue. “Do you think I would try to hurt you?”
Honestly, I don’t know. Little Nathan seems okay. He doesn’t seem like he would, but who can be sure? “I don’t know, Nathan.”
“I can understand that. But know that I love my family, and Nathan has saved my life on many counts, and you’re my sister now.” He sits back against the couch. “So I love you too.”
I smile at him. “Thanks.”
“Of course.” He picks up his book. “So what’s up with Scott’s girl? She seems out of tune with everything.”
“She is, believe it or not. I’m not really sure how much she knows or doesn’t know. It really makes my head hurt—her and Scott.”
“Why doesn’t he just tell her everything?”
“I don’t know.” I lean back into the loveseat, looking around the living room. There’s a bookcase that covers one of the walls from the floor to the ceiling. How do they even reach the books at the top? I get up and walk over to it. They have all types of books: geography, biology, astronomy, fiction novels—anything you can think of.
I become aware of a change that comes over me, like when you walk from the cold into a hot house and the heat covers you. It makes me aware that someone else is in the room. I turn around, seeing Glen.
I roll my shoulders, trying to adjust to my new ability. Usually, the only person’s presence I’m aware of is Nathan. I don’t like it.
Little Nathan gets up, pulling me back to the world. “I’ll talk to you later, sis.” He leaves the room, not speaking to Glen. He doesn’t even look at her.
She watches him leave and sits on the loveseat. “Who was that?”
“Nathan. He doesn’t do a lot of talking.”
She shrugs. “So, you ready to go back to school?”
Oh my gosh, freaking school. “No.” Thinking about going back to school makes me think about my dad and moving, then brings me to think about Nathan and missing him—now and later.
“Well, we only have a few months left. I’m ready to get it over with,” she says, like it’s no big deal.
Yeah, because your guy goes to school with us, and you can see him any damn time you feel like it. “I know,” I say, walking to the couch that Little Nathan got up from. Glen comes and sits next to me. “Why didn’t you tell me that you gave it up to Scott in the photo lab?” I have been wanting to ask her since Scott said it.
She bursts into laughter. I half-smile at her, with raised eyebrows, waiting for her to answer. “Tracey!” she half-shouts.
“What?” I really want to know. Glen is loose, yeah, but not that loose. “Tell me.”
“I did do that,” she says, still smiling. “But I couldn’t help myself. I needed to have him. I wasn’t sure he was going to go for it. But when he did, I kept going.” She zones out for a moment, and I know she is about to get into the whole story.
I don’t want to hear it. “So why didn’t you tell me?”
“Why didn’t you tell me that Nathan was sleeping over your house?”
“I would have, but you were already sleeping with Scott.” She punches my arm extremely hard. “Ouch!” I screech. She has really picked up strength.
I rub my arm, looking up. The entire house is standing in the living room, before I can blink. “What’s going on? Tracey, are you okay?” multiple voices ask at the same time.
Uh? I look around at everyone, and Glen sobers—eyes wide, also taking in the many people.
Tracey!? What the hell is going on? Nathan is loud in my head.
I’m okay. Glen just punched me. But she didn’t mean to. Well, she meant to, but didn’t mean to hurt me.
Please stop letting that girl touch you.
Okay.
You okay? he asks quickly.
Yes.
Good. I’ll see you later.
Short and sweet: Okay.
I look back to patient faces. They probably knew Nathan would check and I would answer him first. “I’m sorry—I’m fine. Glen just punched me, not knowing her own strength.” They all relax and leave the room, no one saying anything.
“Wow, what was all that about?” Glen asks, scooting back on the couch.
I shrug. “You really hit me hard.”
“I’m sorry. I guess I don’t know my own strength.”
“Clearly!” We both laugh.
“Anyway, I wanted to tell you, Cey, but you were always with Nathan. And I didn’t want you to think I was a rapist.”
My head turns to her too quickly. “What do you mean?”
“Why are you moving so fast?”
“You first.”
She rolls her eyes. “I kind of, like, forced him into it. I mean he didn’t not want it. But he didn’t want it either.”
I smile at her. “Don’t feel bad. I forced Nathan into it too.”
Her eyes widen and we both laugh at the same time. We sit in the living room, laughing and talking, enjoying each other’s missed company.
30: Veracity
We gather around the kitchen table eating Taylor’s dinner. It’s good. Nathan’s cooking is better, of course. They talk, and I frequently wander off, thinking about him and when he will be back.
Talking shouldn’t take this long. He should be heading back by now, or be here already.
“So you and Scott are living here now?” Little Nathan asks Glen, with a mouth-full of food.
“Eww, Nathan. You don’t want to wait until your mouth is empty?” says Taylor, with a disgusted expression. I laugh at his twisted look.
“No. If I did, I may have forgotten my question,” he responds, jokingly, putting his glass of water to his mouth.
“It is that bad?” Taylor asks, with a softer expression. Her voice is sorry.
“Yeah,” he answers sarcastically, finishing his plate. He looks back at Glen for her answer.
Glen looks like she isn’t sure if she can answer him. She’s never talked to Little Nathan before—in her mind. And Scott isn’t here to tell her it is okay. She looks around the table at all the faces staring at her.
Her breathing picks up as her eyes widen. Her hands shake, then the table starts to raddle. Everyone, except Glen, slowly starts backing away.
“Umm, Glen, everything is okay,” I say, getting up from my seat, walking over to her, and reaching out to touch her back.
She looks at me with a face from hell, and I instantly fly backwards from a rib-crushing force that she applies without touching me.
In the air, feet off the ground, I feel glass shatter behind me and pieces cutting into my skin. I hit the ground on my back and flip onto my front, all while skidding across the grass.
Everything hurts. I lay on the grass in the backyard, unable to move. I’m unable to process what just happened. Little Nathan is kneeling at my side within seconds. There is yelling and banging going on in the house.
“Tracey, are you okay? Should I help you?” He looks like he wants to help, but doesn’t know if touching me is a good idea.
I can’t speak; I just feel pain. I try to lift my head but can’t—not even an inch. My breaths are quick and my lungs feel constricted.
That demanding presence is all around me. “What the hell happened?” it says. “What the fuck is going on, Nathan?” Little Nathan jumps to his feet, faster than my eyes can see.
He goes right into explaining. “Glen lost it.” Warm hands are suddenly on me; the pain starts to subside. “I asked her a question and she started to panic and shake, then the table started shaking. Tracey got up to check on her, and Glen threw her through a window.”
Nathan turns me over, after he pulls the glass from my back. I watch his eyes study me, before he presses his hand against my chest and the other against my neck. My breathing is now easier and I no longer hurt.
“Thank you,” I say softly, grateful the pain is gone.
He helps me to my feet. “What he said was true? That’s what happened?”
“Yes,” I answer, looking myself over.
Nathan looks at the ground. “Okay.” He nods, then stalks toward the house quickly.
Oh shit. Little Nathan and I run after him.
The moment Nathan makes it to the doorway, Scott is in front of him. “Look Nathan, I’m sorry. It was an accident.”
Nathan shoves Scott to the side. “Move, Scott.”
Nathan gets a foot in the door and Scott is behind him, grabbing him by the shoulder, throwing him backwards into the yard. I watch as Nathan flies backwards through the air, flips, and lands on his feet.
“Don’t, Nathan.” Scott squares off. “I said it was an accident.”
“Scott, this has gone too far. Did you see Tracey? Did you see what she did to her? And you want me to stop?!” Nathan stalks towards Scott. “Or, do I need to go through you to get to her? Because I’ve warned you.” His voice is threatening and full of anger.
“Nathan, calm down. Let me handle it. This is my fault. I’ll get it right.”
Nathan is a foot away from Scott. “Damn right. This is your entire fault.” He closes the distance, pushing Scott violently. Scott slides backwards into the brick of the house.
Little Nathan runs to Scott, and I to Nathan.
I grab his hands. “Baby, wait. Calm down.” He looks at me and his night-blue eyes swirl brown.
“She hurt you,” he half-growls.
“It was an accident. Let me explain further what happened.” I look behind me to make sure Scott isn’t about to try to attack. He isn’t; he’s talking to Little Nathan.
I turn back to Nathan. He doesn’t look half-interested and his face is blank, but he doesn’t object. “Nathan asked her a question, and it seemed like she wasn’t sure if she could answer—like when I need for you to tell me it’s okay to speak to other guys.”
“Okay?” he says, mild-mannered.
“So she panicked, and I guess being able to throw people is an ability she has. I can’t explain her spazzing out. I don’t know why she threw me, but I do know that if it wasn’t for her being blind to everything, it may not have happened.”
“So that still brings me to Scott.”
“Nathan, if you have a problem with me, let’s handle it!” Scott shouts from by the house.
I turn, seeing Glen running from the house towards Scott. She wraps her arms around him, and he greets her. She turns to run to us, with a smile shoulder-wide, and Scott grabs her before she can. Good call, Scott.
“Scott, you know I have a problem, and to be honest, if it wasn’t for Tracey being here, I would have handled it already.”
I turn back to him. “Babe, that’s your family—your cousin. You don’t mean that.”
He acknowledges my statement but says nothing.
“I told you it was an accident,” Scott starts. “Let me handle it.”
“Handle it how!?” Nathan shouts in anger. “This shit has been going on for too long. It’s old and bound to get worse. As if it wasn’t bad enough this morning, and now this! She could have killed her. Then what? Oh well,” he says with a shrug. “Fuck Tracey and Nathan. Scott’s good!”
“No, it’s nothing like that, Nathan. But before you go spazzing out, let me do something about it,” Scott replies calmly.
I turn to Nathan before he can speak, reaching both of my hands around his neck. I pull him down to me. “Nathan, look at me.” He does. “Let’s go for a walk.”
“Tracey, n—”
“Let’s go for a walk now.”
He straightens and my arms lower. He looks back at Scott, gritting his teeth, and his jaw hardens, popping out his jaw bone. I wrap my arm around his back, and pull him to turn around and walk with me.
We walk out of the yard. He’s still tense. I move my arm and
hand under his shirt. “Hey.”
He smiles. “Hey, beautiful.”
“And how was your evening?”
“Tiring.”
“Did you find what you were looking for?”
“Yeah.”
“What happened with that?”
He takes a breath. “I didn’t kill him. He didn’t want to tell me what I wanted to hear. He smelled like you. I wanted to kill him, but couldn’t. He made his threats. I made a few promises.” He shrugs. “He’ll try to get you, take you—whatever—and when he does, I’ll do my part.”
“Doesn’t seem like you are angry about that.”
“I am,” he says, just as calm.
“Is it a good or bad thing that I can’t tell?”
“It’s good for you.”
“You want to talk about what just happened?”
“This Scott and Glen shit is really pissing me off. All in one day, Scott tries to kill us, and because he is too stupid or negligent to tell Glen what’s going on, she can’t control herself.”
He shakes his head and continues. “If Scott would have just been open with her, this likely wouldn’t have happened. Hell, they’re living here now—why wouldn’t he introduce her to everyone, knowing she may run into someone, considering it’s a house full of people—both men and women? It’s like he’s not thinking anymore.”
“What should we do?” I ask, rubbing his arm.
“It makes it hard, because Glen is your friend.”
“And if she wasn’t my friend?” What does that have to do with it?
“I’d kill both of them.”
I shoot him a look of disbelief. He’s serious. “Nathan, you cannot be serious. That’s your family.”
“My family, huh? Multiple times my family has tried to kill you—knowingly and unknowingly. And we removed two of the knowing ones. What do we do about the not-knowing ones?”
“Nathan, we have to get them to know. Scott needs to tell Glen everything. She needs to know, even if that means the four of us sit down and tell her. Scott is weaker than you, and you know that. You need to be there for him, help him through this. Glen hurting me was an accident. Scott hurting us was also an accident.”
I pull him to a stop so we can sit down in the sand with my back to his chest. I watch the moon dance in the water, holding Nathan’s hands in my lap until he’s fully calm.