Sweet Deception (Truth)

by Grace Henderson

  I sniffed and nodded my head in agreement. "Yeah I know. Sorry I don't want to make things awkward, he just wouldn't tell me anything." I tried to keep my voice free of frustration but the words came out with a bite to them.

  "He hasn't told anybody, it's nothing personal. He's not even told me and I'm his best mate, bros before hoes and all that!"

  I chuckled, and then feigned annoyance. "What are you trying to say about me?!"

  He laughed and held up his hands in mock surrender. "I wouldn't dream of it, you're a feisty little thing."

  I swatted his arm playfully. "Damn right." He placed the pink gerbera on the mound of soil and we walked slowly back onto the main path. "What are the other flowers for?" I asked.

  "Oh just another grave he visits too. I think they are family friends or something." He shrugged it off and looked around to find the right one.

  "My parents are just over there so not far." I pointed to our left and James followed my hands with his eyes. He stopped and his whole body went taut.

  "Wait, what are their names?" He was holding his breath whilst I slowly replied.

  "Kirsty and Robert Mallory. Why?" I frowned, wishing I knew what his trail of thought was.

  "So why do you have a different surname?" He wasn't giving anything away, just struggling to make sense of what I was saying.

  "My biological dad was in the army. He was shot dead when I was two. My mum met Robert and then remarried when I was seven. I grew up with him as my dad, after all he loved me and treated me as his own, but I wanted to remain a Wilson in memory of my real dad.” I explained.

  He rolled his eyes and rubbed the back of his neck hard in frustration. "Oh shit."

  I was getting impatient now. "Tell me what's wrong. James? Please. Is this to do with the people you are giving those flowers to?"

  "Yes." He turned to look at me, and I could see him struggling.

  "Just say it. I’m sick of people keeping things from me." I replied abruptly.

  "The flowers are for your parent’s grave." He dropped his bomb then paused waiting for my reaction.

  I felt like I'd been hit over the head with a baseball bat.

  "What?" I cried.

  "I swear I had no idea they were your parents. I've been here before with him, it was a while ago though. He just didn't want to talk about it and changed the subject. When I met you it didn't click because of the names." He took my hands in his and pleaded, "Cassie, talk to me?"

  I stood for a second, stunned into silence. There were pieces of a jigsaw swimming round my head but I couldn't find the correct fit for them all. They were just fragmented, and Blake was the only one that could join them together.

  James pulled me close, and wrapped his arms around the back of my neck, my head tucked tightly against his chest.

  "Hey, I know him Cassie and he must really be hurting right now to have not told you any of this. Look, I need to talk to him. I want the truth once and for all and he needs to know he's the biggest idiot in the world for what he's done to you.”

  "No don't James.” I begged. “Do what you've got to do for yourself but please don't talk about me. We're over and I don't want to keep dragging it out." He nodded an agreement.

  "Can I take these?" I gestured to the roses and he handed them over. I split the bouquet up equally and settled the flowers over the grave. "Let's go, please." I pleaded linking my arm through his and pulling him away.

  James

  I was getting to the bottom of this and he was going to tell me exactly what happened even if I had to beat it out of him. I looked over at Cassie in the car, my heart beat faster and I felt my throat close up, struggling to swallow

  . She looked so beautiful, so innocent, and I swore then that I would stay close and protect her. I couldn't see her hurt again.

  "Thank you for taking me with you today. I'm glad I got to see their graves briefly. I feel more connected with them now."

  She looked up at me and smiled sweetly. I covered her hand with mine.

  "No problem, I'll take you anytime. Just let me know."

  When we first met I struggled with how attracted to her I felt, but I knew she had belonged to Blake. I wouldn't have stood in their way. Now, after getting to know her, she was becoming more like a little sister who I would do anything for. After dropping her off at home, I drove like a maniac to Blake's house and pounded on his door.

  I had half a mind not to even bother knocking. The door swung open and he stepped out slowly, shock and confusion swept quickly over his face. "What the hell is wrong with you, man? I have a doorbell!"

  "You son of a bitch," I yelled as I lunged and my fist connected with his face.

  Chapter 18

  Cassie

  Gran let me have a day off today as business was slowing. I had planned to go along and help her anyway but she wouldn't let me. She said I needed a break and I should do something that would make me happy. I decided that I would bake a cake for James to say thank you. I followed a recipe that I found in my Gran's cookbook methodically, and set it in the oven to bake. I gave myself a mental pat on the back for effort even if it turned out inedible. My gaze drifted round the mess I had made in the kitchen. There was flour and sugar all over the worktops and I had bowls and cutlery scattered across the room. It didn't take long to clear up, and just as I flopped down on the sofa, the doorbell rang. It made me jump and I quickly adjusted my clothes and hair before answering.

  I grabbed the handle and pulled only to straighten and raise my head as my eyes settled on Blake's. I frowned and put my hands on my hips. "What the hell happened to your face?"

  "Hi to you too," he mumbled. I raised my eyebrows so he could see I was not impressed. "Can I come in? Please?" He asked. "I really need to talk to you."

  I shook my head. "There's nothing we have to say to each other." His fists tightened and his whole body went rigid. "Well there is plenty I have to say so you will just have to listen. I'm not leaving here until you hear me out." He barrelled through the door pushing past me and went straight through to the kitchen. I closed the door and followed behind.

  "You are making this even harder, Blake. I can't be around you. I've been doing really well at trying to forget this whole ordeal ever happened."

  His eyes found mine and he stepped closer to me. His presence was making my body alert and I swallowed hard. He spoke softly as if he was worried I was going to run.

  "You know that you can try all you want to forget about me, about us, but it will never work. How you feel about me will always catch up with you." He circled me as I stood still and I sucked in a deep breath. The only sound was my heart hammering against my chest.

  If I had any chance of fighting this I had to think. And I couldn't do that with him standing so close. I stepped back.

  "I don't feel a-anything for you anymore." I stuttered.

  He stepped forward. If I wasn't careful we were going to be playing cat and mouse and the look in his eyes told me I wouldn't win.

  "You know that's not true," he whispered. "Your whole body is giving you away." He leaned closer so I could feel his breath against my ear.

  "You're breathing heavily." He placed a large hand over my chest, where my heart was jumping out to meet it. "Your heart is beating faster. You're stuttering. You shiver at the thought of my touch." A shiver swept through me right on cue, and I heard his smile as he trailed his finger lightly down my arm. If I turned a few inches my lips would meet his and I wanted it so much. But my head was screaming stop. This had to stop now before it got out of hand. I raised my hands to push at his chest.

  "This isn't going to work. All you proved is that I'm still attracted to you. Which I won't deny. But there's a lot more to a relationship like trust and honesty. Telling each other the bad stuff and then knowing you can rely on the other person to catch you when you feel yourself falling. We don't have any of that so it can't and won't work. I think you should go." I blew out a frustrated breath and watched him walk over to the ki
tchen table and slump back in a seat.

  "How are you finding this so easy? I can't stop thinking about you. When I close my eyes you're all I see. I don't want anyone or anything else."

  I joined him at the table. "This is in no way easy! But I'm not enough for you." As much as the words hurt I had to get them out.

  "What? What do you mean not enough?" His mouth was wide open in shock.

  "If I was all you had ever wanted, you'd fight for me. You would tell me everything and trust that I will be there for you. You can't just lie to me because you think I won't be able to handle the truth. I don't want a relationship based on deception. I want truth."

  Up close I took the time to study his face. He looked worn down, worn out, his eyes were sunken in and his stubble looked days old. He closed his mouth and brought his head up to look in my eyes. "You're right."

  "Excuse me?" I asked, wondering which part he thought I was right about.

  "I want you and I will fight for you. I had a much needed wakeup call." He pointed to his eye which was all shades of purple and blue. "It was from a certain big brother type that you have been hanging out in graveyards with. Ring any bells?"

  "I did ask him not to talk about me but obviously he didn't listen." I rolled my eyes and looked at the time; Gran would be getting back soon.

  Blake took my hand in his. Although I wasn't quite comfortable with him doing it, I didn't want to pull away. "Cassie, I want to tell you. And then you can decide whether we are over completely. If you say we are after you hear, then I will go and I won't bother you again. Please, just say you'll listen?" His eyes were begging me. I looked at him intently and saw a broken man looking back at me. He wasn’t the man I met a few months ago. Was that the consequence of having to tell someone you love the honest truth about you?

  Did I even want to hear now? It was too late and nothing would change. How could I trust him again? If what he told me was worse than I had been imagining, would I be able to recover? My heart was already broken, what if this made it irreparable? So many questions and I wouldn't get any answers unless I heard him out. I nodded once and took in a few short breaths to try and control my heart which was frantically pounding against my chest.

  Blake

  She looked scared. She was probably imagining the very worst thing possible and I'm sure I was about to confirm her fears. I was getting choked up just thinking about saying the actual words. Her hand was still in mine and I'd be damned if I was letting it go. I gripped it like it was my lifeline. I traced my thumb slowly over her fingers and cleared my throat.

  "My sister was a good girl when she was young. She had fantastic grades at school. Wanted to be a doctor. My parents divorced when she was fifteen and it was then that she turned. She started cutting class, smoking, possibly even drugs. We were quite close, she confided in me sometimes. She had her own room at mine as you saw. We would sit on her bed watching movies and eating ice-cream. She'd tell me how unhappy she was. That her friends didn't want to hang out with her anymore. She fell in with the wrong crowd and got carried away. She behaved like a brat, really gave my parents reason to worry. It also included a boy, her first boyfriend. He was heavily into drugs by the sound of it. I met him once briefly and instantly disliked him."

  I sighed heavily, and struggled to find the words to say what happened next. My eyes were glassy and I shook my head to make sure no tears fell. I couldn't fall apart right now. I had to get it all out. It was my one last chance to get Cassie back. My eyes fell to our entwined hands and she gave me a gentle squeeze to urge me to continue.

  "One night they thought it would be funny to steal my car. They were both too young to drive legally of course. Ben, her idiot boyfriend, had been drinking."

  I glanced up to see if she had figured out where I was going with the story but she still seemed oblivious which made it harder.

  "He was too far gone to realise he was driving down a one way street, and they hit another car. The impact sent the other car spiralling into a lamppost and the people in it were killed immediately."

  I heard her sharp intake of breath and her hands covered her mouth. She let out a soft cry and my heart felt like it was being ripped out again. Her body was shaking and tears were pouring down her face. I just wanted to hold her in my arms and whisper words of comfort to her but I wasn’t sure I’d ever get to do that again and it was enough to bring me knees.

  I had to continue.

  "He drove off and rang the police and ambulance anonymously. Abbey was still with him in the car. She only told me days later what had happened, and I managed to convince her to go to the police. She was going to confess everything. Ben had completely disappeared and she said she felt too much guilt to keep it in. The next day I went round to mum's to take her to the police station and..."

  I trailed off and bile rose in my throat. My own tears were falling, and I swiped them away fiercely but they just kept coming.

  "Blake, then what happened?” Her voice was small, barely a whisper but full of sadness.

  I shook my head.

  "Oh God, I...She...I found her Cassie and it was the worst day of my life." I blurted it out in between the heaving and stream of tears that I had given up trying to keep in.

  "She was lying on the bed, pale, curled up. I thought she was just sleeping so I shouted for her get her lazy arse up. She didn't move, or twitch. I went round to the side of the bed and realised she had an empty pill bottle in her hand. The rest of the day is a blur." I thumped my chest to try and suppress the emotion that was heavy on my heart and took a deep shaky breath in and out. Wiping my face with my sleeve I looked at her beautiful face that had gone from torn up to no reaction in a matter of seconds. "We tried to find him but it’s like he just disappeared. Or overdosed or something. The only reason I didn't tell anyone what happened was because she was gone and I didn't want anyone to think badly of her. I wanted to protect her memory. For people to look back and think what a great kid she was." I paused, looking for some kind of emotion I could work with.

  "What are you thinking?"

  Cassie

  Blake's question floored me. I was thinking a whole bunch of things and nothing all at the same time. I felt like I could finally close the door on what happened to my parents. Not knowing had definitely been worse than finding out the truth. I was angry at Ben, sad for Blake, and anxious about the future. He was just trying to protect his sister, the most important person in his life. But at the same time I was resentful that he hadn't told me the truth. I just wanted to curl up into a ball and switch off from the world.

  "To be honest, it's a lot to take in. I don't know what you expect from me but I can't give you anything at the moment. Hearing about the car crash has brought back a lot of memories and now I can finally mourn them the way I should have been able to three years ago."

  He looked so distraught. I knew how difficult this must have been. He had just bared to his soul to me. It was something he had been carrying on his own for such a long time, but I didn't know what to do to make him feel better. I just wasn't capable of anything at that moment and I had to use all my energy to take care of myself.

  I moved to stand and see him to the door but he grabbed my arm and tugged gently, turning me so I was facing him.

  "Blake..." I sighed, warning in my tone.

  "Cass, I get it. I just want you to read this."

  He reached into the inside pocket of his leather jacket and pulled out a folded piece of paper which looked like it had been thumbed a thousand times.

  "Please don't make any decisions about us until you have. I haven't shown it to anyone before, but, I think you need to see it. Give me a call when you're ready. I'll be waiting for you. I'll always wait for you."

  I nodded and he kissed the top of my forehead before leaving. I heard the car pull away and I sent a quick text to James. He needs you.

  I laid back on the sofa with my head resting on the back cushion. I needed sleep before I even thought about what came
next.

  Chapter 19

  Blake,

  If you're reading this then I finally took the coward's way out and ended it all. I hope that eventually you will stop being angry with me and realise that what I did was for the best.

  I heard that the people in the car had a daughter about your age. If I found out that mum and dad were killed in a hit and run I would despise the people that did it for the rest of my life. I would wish that they had died instead of my parents. I can't give her back her parents, but I can give myself what I deserve. I didn't control the car, but it was all my idea.

  I hope no-one blames you. I've written this to say goodbye, but also so you can show people and they will know that it was me and not you. You've been the best big brother I could ever wish for. You never judged me. You were always willing to listen to my stupid problems. Don't spend time mourning me. I just want you to be happy.

  Tell mum and dad I love them.

  Love ya more than ice-cream.

  Later, alligator.

  Abs

  Tears were falling so heavily I could barely read the writing on the page. The guilt and the anxiety that this little girl must have felt broke my heart. She took it all on herself when it wasn't her fault. And the little weasel Ben had just left her to deal with it on her own.

  My heart wrenched for Blake. He had done what he could to protect his little sister but in the end it just wasn't enough. I wanted to bring his heart to my chest, wrap my arms around it and protect it always. Could he get past this now he had let it all out? Would I be able to forgive her, forgive him and put it behind us? I thought about Blake's arms around me. His playful smile. The night he saved me from being attacked. The answer was, maybe.