by Susan Illene
She shivered. “You brought me outside?”
“My apologies. I forget humans are more susceptible to the cold.” His silver eyes lit up and a moment later a bubble of heat enveloped them.
It startled her. This man packed some serious kinds of powers. It was scary and yet thrilling at the same time. Brandi took a cautious step back, grateful when the magical heat didn’t leave her. She took in her surroundings. She knew right away where he’d brought her. She’d visited this place enough times, especially as a child during the holidays.
Ice sculptures surrounded them in all sorts of shapes and sizes. There were reindeer, nativity scenes, polar bears, Christmas trees, and all sorts of other creations. Each of them was lit up with lights in various colors to make them appear almost mystical. She used to love this place. Had Kerbasi pulled those memories from her head, too?
“You brought us to the ice park in North Pole?” she asked incredulously. It wasn’t The North Pole, but rather a town near Fairbanks.
His lips lifted into a half-smile. “I discovered this place recently. No one else knows I come here at night after it is closed.”
She knitted her brows. “Why would you hide it?”
“I may have cultivated the impression among those who know me that I do not like Christmas—or its strange traditions.” He stopped before an ice castle, studying it. “I wouldn’t want to ruin that image.”
She followed him as he moved on to the next sculpture of a unicorn. “They think you’re a scrooge.”
Brandi could relate to that. She’d pretty much ignored all things Christmas since her parents died. Whenever people discussed it at work, she usually changed the subject or walked away. Even Christmas music was enough to make her want to run screaming. It was all she could do to survive working at the mall. If there’d been any other job available, she would have taken it. That was what she got for wrecking her old life.
“I suppose that is one way of putting it,” he replied. “We did not celebrate holidays in Purgatory. I had some difficulty adjusting when I first came here.”
They continued through the park, pausing before each ice carving. Neither of them spoke for a while. They just soaked in the peace and quiet that the night had to offer. She studied Kerbasi’s profile, noting a slight softening of his features as he took in a group of sculptures with children playing. There was something tragic about him. Even back in the bar where it was crowded with people he’d seemed so completely alone. Had he ever experienced love or true friendship?
“What was it like for you as a child?”
“Me? A child?” He let out a bark of laughter. “I came into the world exactly as you see me now. There is no childhood for guardians or angels.”
“That’s…sad.” She didn’t know what else to say. It wasn’t something Brandi had ever considered before.
His shoulders stiffened. “Do not pity me. I cannot miss what I’ve never had. You are the one who has suffered true loss. It is worse to have something precious taken from you.”
She thought of her family and her eyes moistened. “Maybe, but at least I know how good life can be. There’s a chance I can find something like that again.”
“You’d have to forgive yourself first.”
Brandi couldn’t argue with him there. She had no idea if she could ever get past her parents’ deaths. “So what is your excuse? What is stopping you from having a life now?”
“My time on Earth is finite.” He expelled a heavy breath, fogging the air. “There is little point in getting attached to anyone.”
“Why did they send you here?”
The minutes stretched into an uncomfortable silence before he finally spoke. “To find my humanity.”
Brandi’s feet crunched in the snow as she moved closer to him. “Have you found it yet?”
“How would I know?” he asked, exasperation in his voice.
“When you don’t feel lonely anymore and find peace within yourself.”
His gaze met hers. “I suppose we are two of a kind after all.”
She didn’t know this man well, but she felt a kinship with him. Two lost souls trying to find their way in a world where they didn’t quite fit. Maybe it was crazy. Maybe it was wishful thinking. Yet Brandi couldn’t help wondering if she was meant to meet Kerbasi now, in this time and place.
“I’ll help you if you help me,” she said, taking his hand.
He gazed down at their linked hands and then up to her face. Was he searching her mind to see if her offer was genuine? Could he learn to trust her? Could she learn to trust him? Brandi was frightened by the prospect of what she’d just suggested, but it was also the first time she’d truly felt alive in a long time. If she could help him heal, maybe she could heal, too.
“I shall consider it,” he answered.
She ducked her head, feeling embarrassed. He probably thought she was crazy and he’d be right. It had been so long since she’d talked to anyone that she wasn’t thinking straight. The loneliness had finally gotten to her so that even a supernatural known for torture didn’t seem that bad. Yet she truly felt there was a good man underneath the hardened exterior. She hoped he could see that in her mind.
“Don’t.” Kerbasi took hold of her chin. “You do not know me well enough to make any opinion.”
“But…”
“Come, I have one more place I would take you,” he interrupted.
Once again, bright light flashed around them and they traveled through the vortex. When her feet settled beneath her, she found herself standing on a porch in front of a familiar house. The curtains were partially open from the front window and she could see a family inside. They sat gathered together on their couch watching a movie. Between two parents there was a little girl with ringlets of blond hair surrounding her face. She was beautiful and perfect—even more so than Brandi had imagined.
A lump rose in her throat. “This is my sister’s house.”
“She’s in there thinking of you now. I can hear her thoughts.” Kerbasi gently rubbed Brandi’s cheek. “Don’t let another year go by without the people you love.”
She wrapped her arms around the guardian and hugged him tightly. “Thank you.”
“Show me how it is done and perhaps I’ll learn from you,” he said, breaking away from her and taking a step back.
“Will I see you again?” She could see it in his eyes that he’d resigned himself to letting her go. She was surprised by how much she didn’t want him to leave.
“Take care of yourself, Brandi.”
There was no flash of light this time. Kerbasi simply disappeared. He might not be an angel, but he’d been her guardian on Christmas Eve. She could only hope she’d see him again someday. He deserved to heal as much as her.
Brandi took a few moments to collect herself before knocking on the door. When her sister opened it, she knew everything was going to be alright. They were hugging and crying before either got a word out.
About Susan Illene
Instead of making the traditional post high school move and attending college, Susan joined the U.S. Army. She spent her eighteenth birthday in the gas chamber — an experience she is sure is best left for criminals. For eleven years she served first as a human resources specialist and later as an Arabic linguist (mostly in Airborne units). Though all her duty assignments were stateside, she did make two deployments to Iraq where her language skills were put to regular use.
After leaving the service in 2009, Susan returned to school to study history with a focus on the Middle East at the University of Oklahoma. She no longer finds many opportunities to test her fighting abilities in real life, unless her husband is demanding she cook him a real meal (macaroni and cheese apparently doesn’t count), but she’s found a new outlet in writing urban fantasy heroines who can.
For more information visit: http://www.susanillene.com/
You may also find her at:
Twitter- @susan_illene
Facebook- www.facebook.com/Su
sanIllene1
Goodreads- www.goodreads.com/author/show/6889690.Susan_Illene
Acknowledgments
There are so many people to thank, but I’d like to start off with my editor, Angela. She worked really hard to help me get this manuscript into shape. I also had more than a dozen beta readers who offered their time and thoughts to ensure this book turned out well. There are too many people to list, but I would like to give a special shout out to my Uncle Jerry. He spotted a typo in the first chapter that fourteen other people missed (including me, of course) despite the fact he is legally blind. There is a joke in there somewhere, but I’ll leave that alone. Also, to my Aunt Connie for letting me use her house when I needed a quiet place to work away from home.
I also appreciate my cover design team helpers (Sarah, Rachel, Kristy, and Heather) not just for the many hours we spend planning photo shoots for cover designs together, but also for being awesome beta readers.
Thanks to my family for their support. Especially my father who actually got stuck reading the whole book this time and helped me work out the plotting issues in the final chapters. There are probably some things he wishes he could un-read in this book (chapter 29), but he helped me anyway. I have to thank my grandfather, too. Though he passed a couple of months ago, he was a huge support to me all the way to his last day. I don’t know what I’ll do without him.
My husband doesn’t read my books. Actually, he doesn’t read any fiction so I’m not all that offended, but he does listen to me while I talk about my plot and character issues. I rarely ever take his suggestions because my readers would burn me at the stake if I did (such as he wanted me to cut off Lucas’ head), but it helps just to have someone listen. Oh, and he does have the good sense to laugh when I tell him the latest stunt Kerbasi has pulled.
A huge thanks to the other part of my cover design team (who also handles the promo material). Claudia at Phat Puppy art always makes my covers look amazing and gets them back to me fast, along with the help of Ashley who handles the typography. Teresa Yeh, who conducts the model photo shoots, is the absolute best to work with and does a fantastic job. Thanks also to Haley and Steve for all their hard work posing for the covers and promo materials. I couldn’t ask for a better model team.
The list goes on and I can’t possibly thank (or remember) everyone who has contributed in some way. There are so many of you, but that doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate your help.
And last but not least, thanks to all my readers. Your motivation and love for the series is what has helped keep me going even during the rough times. All the emails and messages of support were more than appreciated.