by Kiki Swinson
“To us and the fact that we constantly land on our feet when it comes to these come-ups,” I made a toast, handing Matt a special glass of coconut Cîroc and pineapple juice—the ghetto champagne. He was amused. He took his glass and held it up.
“Word. To having the smartest chick in the game and the most loyal chick in the game. To the good life to come and to watching a nigga get back on his feet,” Matt professed, raising his glass and clinking it against mine. We smiled at each other. I guess you could say we were smiling for different reasons. Matt, because he thought shit was perfect and me, because I knew my plan was perfect. So far, things had played out just like I thought they would.
I took a little sip of my drink but Matt downed his with one gulp. I gladly poured him about three more and watched him take all of them to the head. A woman who didn’t know their man’s favorite drink was useless.
“C’mere, girl. I fucking missed you. We been so focused on making money I ain’t been giving you this good ol’ dick,” Matt slurred, grabbing me and pulling me into him. At first I felt funny letting him, but I had to remember to put my actress hat on. This is all for the bigger picture, Lauren. In a few hours none of this shit won’t even matter when you’re counting that paper, I told myself. I guess that was how prostitutes got through the agony of fucking tricks.
Matt couldn’t keep his hands off of me. That’s how it used to be for us back in the days. Matt and I would spend three and four days straight in the house just fucking, sleeping, eating, and fucking some more.
“Damn. Where you been, girl?” Matt whispered into the skin of my neck. “You been hiding this pussy from Daddy, huh? Where you been hiding this pussy at?” Matt garbled his words.
A cold feeling shot down my spine. No, nigga, where you been? Up in Yancy’s pussy, that’s where! I screamed in my head. I let out a phony giggle to keep from saying what I was thinking. The thoughts were keeping me from getting into the act of having sex with him. But, just like that, the scent of Matt’s cologne, the heat of his breath on my neck, and the yearning in between my legs helped me decide that since I knew this was the last piece of dick I might get for a while I was going to enjoy it. Besides, I still felt like Matt’s dick belonged to me.
“You ready for this shit,” Matt panted as he pulled the crotch of my panties to the side. His touch was like electricity against my skin.
“Mmm. Hmmm,” I moaned as Matt’s fingers began exploring the soft folds of my pussy. I shifted my waist until I felt his fingers dip inside of me. He finger-fucked me until I was begging him for more. Matt moved lower and lower. I was ready for the real deal.
“Give it to me,” I panted gruffly.
“You sure,” Matt whispered. He moved his hot breath over my mound, which sent a shockwave of sparks down my spine.
I placed one of my hands on each side of his head and guided his face. Matt took the hint and buried his face between my legs. I moved my ass to the very edge of our bed until it was almost suspended in the air. I wanted to make sure nothing came between my pussy and Matt’s mouth.
“Yeah, that’s what I’m talking about. Feed it to me,” Matt wheezed as I gyrated my hips slightly. I had my legs bent but was standing on my tiptoes so the muscles in my calves were burning but I would not let him stop. Matt took great care slowly and gently parting my labia with his hands first, then with his warm, wet, lizard-long tongue.
“Sllll. Yes. Oh yes. Lick it. Right there,” I hissed, throwing my head back and closing my eyes. My head was spinning with all sorts of thoughts. Maybe I didn’t want to leave Matt after all. Maybe I could forgive him again for the one hundredth time. Maybe he did love me. Maybe it was only one time with Yancy. Good loving could make a woman forget a lot of shit. I had forgotten how well Matt ate pussy. I could barely keep my composure, it felt so good.
Matt blew on my wet clit, then flicked his tongue over it roughly, then blew on it again. “Oh God!” I huffed, grabbing on to his ears. I was moving my pussy over his face and the pressure on my clit was driving me wild.
Matt began flicking his tongue and using it to put pressure on my love button. Short bursts of electricity traveled from my clit to my ass. I knew what that meant.
“Oh shit!” I screamed out. I was on the brink. That shit drove me wild and made me thrust my pelvis forward toward Matt’s mouth even harder and faster. When I did that Matt took that as his signal that I wanted to be tongue-fucked. He extended that God-given thick, long tongue and darted it in and out of my dripping wet hole. My legs trembled so fiercely it rocked my entire body.
“Oh Matt. Don’t stop. Please, I need it. Don’t stop,” I pleaded. I knew I was about to bust all over Matt’s face and in his mouth.
“I’m about to . . .” I started but suddenly I lost my words.
“What?” Matt mumbled as he ate me out like I was his last meal.
“I . . . I . . . I’m . . .” I stuttered, unable to get the sentence out.
“Mmmm. Mmmmm.” My moans and groans seemed to make Matt more and more excited by the minute. He was going crazy now. He licked and sucked my pussy with the expertise of a porn star. I could feel the climax welling up in my loins. This was going to be one of the biggest cums I had ever experienced with Matt. It was a mixed bag of emotions for me. I let go of Matt’s ears and clutched two fistfuls of the bedsheets.
“Here it comes!” I yelled out. “Here it comes!”
“Ahhhhhh. Ahhhhhh,” I screamed as I busted my nut. I could feel my juices escaping my body onto Matt’s lips and chin. His face was soaking wet. I opened my eyes so I could look at him. He smiled at me and then licked all of my love juice off of his lips.
“Yeah, that’s what I’m talkin’ about. I love it when you cum right in my mouth,” he whispered. Then he put his fingers in his mouth and licked my juices off of them, too. That shit drove me wild. For a minute it was like old times between us. That seemingly symbiotic connection, the fidelity, the friendship, and just pure love that we used to share seemed to come back for one fleeting moment. I felt like I was in love with Matt all over again. I felt like I had never found out that he’d hurt me in the worst way. Suddenly, I was that little, naïve girl who had fallen for the bad-boy hustler all over again. Tears welled up in my eyes because although I was lost in ecstasy, reality was right at the corner of my mind telling me shit wasn’t ever going to be like it was back then.
“Now, let me get mine,” Matt said sweetly. He stood up in front of me and pulled out his thick, long, chocolate love tool. Damn! I cheered in my head. That thing was still as beautiful as ever. I licked my lips just looking at it. Then, like a jolt of lightning something hit me. Just that fast Yancy came into my mind. Yancy had enjoyed that fine specimen of a penis. It was supposed to be mine! Suddenly I grew angry. I turned my face to the side so Matt couldn’t see the tears draining from my eyes. I didn’t stop him, though.
Matt was oblivious as he climbed on top of me. I couldn’t connect with him anymore after my mind started playing tricks on me. I made noises but clearly I wasn’t into it. I just lay there stiff as a board and let him get his rocks off because I knew it wouldn’t be long before it was all finally over. Matt never noticed that I wasn’t into the sex or into him, for that matter. Like always, he was clueless to my feelings. Matt rolled off of me and flopped onto the bed on his back. He was mumbling something to me one minute, the next minute there was silence. The mixture of a good nut and the liquor he had consumed had Matt knocked out in no time. I lay there for a few minutes until I couldn’t fight my sleep any longer.
* * *
A few hours later, I shifted in our bed and moved my body away from Matt’s. I opened my eyes in the dark and squinted to see the cable box across the room. The bright red numbers read 3:30 AM. My head felt a little wavy from the drinks I’d had earlier. Plus, I was exhausted from everything that had happened.
I closed my eyes back for a few seconds trying to stave off the slight throbbing at my temples. Damn! I cursed to myself, openi
ng my eyes again. I had to get up now or else. I was slipping. I had definitely overslept. The music was still playing lightly in the background. The burnt smell of the faded candles Matt and I had lit during our lovemaking still lingered in the air. I told myself it was time. I knew it was now or never. There was no getting weak this time. I had to stay on track with my plan or else I’d never get another opportunity like this one.
I slowly slid up onto my elbow and peeked over at Matt again. That nigga wasn’t just asleep, he was in a dead sleep. I watched him for a few seconds to make one hundred percent sure.
I took a deep breath, swallowed hard, and said a quick silent prayer. I knew that I was taking a chance. I reached over and shook Matt gently at first. I told myself that the worst that could happen was he’d wake up and I’d lie and say I was waking him up for some more dick. He didn’t budge from the first shake. I shook him a second time, this time a little more vigorously. Matt didn’t move at all. I was confident then that he was truly out cold. Since the police raid Matt hadn’t really been a solid sleeper so any little thing would wake him up. He often awoke during the night to make sure the house was quiet and safe. Any little noise in the night would also wake him up and have him reaching for his gun. I would have to be careful now.
“Matt,” I whispered his name softly, and shook him again for the last time. “You awake, baby?” Not a budge.
He was still but for his chest rising and falling. A wave of excitement mixed with the craziest dose of fear I’d ever felt came over me until I was shaking a little bit.
Yes! It fucking worked! I screamed in my head. I loved when a well-laid plan worked out for the good. I bit down into my bottom lip nervously and eased myself out of the bed. Now it was time for me to move swiftly and thoroughly. I didn’t trust a soul so I still couldn’t be sure whether or not Matt was playing like he was knocked out or if my cocktail of crushed Ambien and Cîroc had really worked like a charm. It seemed to be the latter because Matt was sprawled out on our bed, limp dick lying on his thigh, mouth hanging open, snoring like a bear. He looked so vulnerable at that moment. If I was a real vengeful bitch I could’ve caused him some bodily harm like slicing little cuts into his dick since he liked to share that shit with bitches all of the time. Or, I could’ve tied him to the bed so that when he woke up he’d be stuck there for days or even months before anyone could find him. It would take Yancy busting down the door like a superhero to save him. I mean that would be the only way someone would find him since we didn’t usually have visitors at our house and not too many people knew where we lived since Matt was paranoid about people knowing.
I had a million wicked thoughts going through my head, but I decided not to carry them out. What I was about to do was enough of a “fuck you” to send the message.
I crept over to my treadmill where I had laid my stuff out from the night before without Matt even noticing. That’s how stupid he was because if the tables were turned I would’ve noticed if he had an outfit perfectly laid out like he was planning on going somewhere. Not Matt, he was just so sure that the little dumb Lauren Kelly he had met back in the days would just always be here taking his bullshit.
I took one last look at him to make sure he was still knocked out. I shook my head in disgust. What a waste of a man. I thought you would always take care of me. You made so many promises that you couldn’t keep that I stopped counting. I hope you know that none of this is my fault; this is all your fault. Karma is a bitch, I said in my head as I shook it from side to side.
Matt had really turned into one big disappointment since he’d lost everything. I mean I had put up with a lot of shit from him when he had money, but I guess that came with the territory of having every material thing I could dream of including trips to several exotic places that I would have never been able to travel to on my own.
I guess I thought once I started being the fucking breadwinner this nigga Matt would have just chilled and been good to me. Nah, he was still the same ol’ ho-ass Matt Connors, minus the bankroll, cars, clothes, and expensive trips. I just couldn’t live with a nigga being broke and being a nasty cheater sharing his dick with the world. I deserved a better life and trust me I was about to buy a brand-new life.
I slid into my clothes as quietly as possible. Then, I tiptoed into our closet and opened the safe. I quickly stuffed all of the cash into a duffel bag that I had stashed on top of the safe earlier that night. Another thing that Matt hadn’t noticed. I think an empty duffel bag on top of a safe would be a red flag. But, once again, Matt had slept on me.
I raced over to the far corner of the closet and dug out the suitcase I had hiding behind some of my long coats. I’d packed the suitcase months ago right after finding out about Matt and Yancy. At first, I had packed it to leave right away but the more I thought about it, the more I began thinking with my head instead of my broken heart. I wanted to really exact revenge on the two of them. I just had no idea it was going to be with two point seven million dollars free and clear in my possession. That’s right. I was taking all of the money. I could’ve left Matt and Yancy a couple of hundred or even a couple of thousand dollars but I didn’t. Fuck them!
After I took out what I was to pay Ryan, which was three hundred thousand dollars for his work, I’d be left with the rest. The entire take was all mine. I wasn’t leaving Matt and Yancy a dime and they would never hear from me again.
My heart skipped several beats just thinking about that shit. Sweat was running a race down the sides of my face and my back. My legs shook with each step and my stomach was in knots. I took several deep breaths trying to keep it together but it was really hard to fathom. This was real. This was really happening. I was leaving Matt forever. I was never looking back. I had been with Matt since I was a teenager and now at thirty years old, I was finally breaking free. It was bittersweet to say the least. I had been through so much at his hands. Like a wimp, tears sprang to my eyes. I couldn’t believe it was coming down on me this hard.
I could feel my heart breaking as I hoisted my suitcase up and started walking out of our bedroom door for what I knew would be the last time. In the doorway I turned around and took one last look at Matt as he lay there helpless and in his most innocent state. I wished he was really all that innocent. Stay focused, Lauren. He is the same nigga. No matter how much you give of yourself, he will still be out there fucking other chicks. He will still be that same shiftless-ass nigga that won’t respect you. This is for the best, I said to myself in a stern pep talk.
It wasn’t that hard to remind myself that Matt was a disgusting, ungrateful, lying-ass cheater. I was fighting tears of anger, joy, hurt, and relief all in one. This wasn’t the first time I’d attempted to leave Matt but it was going to be the last time. Standing there I started thinking back to the first time....
November 2005
I had paced the floor of our apartment until the bottom of my feet ached. My fingers were raw, bloody, and sore. My eyes were red-rimmed and swollen. My voice was hoarse. My head pounded from a massive self-induced headache. I had no one else to blame but myself. I had trusted, believed, and loved Matt even when I knew he was a lying-ass bastard. But this latest thing was just too much. I looked down at the pictures that I had sprawled out on the floor in front of me. I bent over at my waist and dry-heaved. That’s how disgusted I was by what I was seeing. I stood up, closed my eyes for a few seconds, and began pacing again.
“Motherfucka. Wait until you get here,” I puffed. “You gon’ do this to me again? Not even six whole months later? Oh no. This is it, Matt! I am not a fucking doormat. You have fucked Lauren Kelly over for the last fucking time, you piece of shit,” I screamed out loud as if Matt was right in front of me and could hear me. I walked to the corner of our living room and wrapped my fingers around the handle of an autographed Louisville slugger Matt had gotten from a sports memorabilia auction. I gripped the baseball bat in my hand like I was about to hit a home run.
“Argh!” I shrieked as I hoisted the
bat in the air and swung it with all of my might into the center of the fifty-five-inch plasma TV that was hanging on the living room wall. “Argh!” I growled, hitting it again. Finally the screen shattered and glass rained down around my feet. I could feel several shards pierce the skin on the top of my left foot. I was probably bleeding but I didn’t care.
With my chest heaving up and down, I sniffled back the snot threatening to escape my nostrils.
“Stupid! You stupid for forgiving this nigga the first time,” I chastised myself cruelly. I threw the bat down and began sobbing harder. Just like earlier, each time I destroyed something an overwhelming feeling of guilt would seemingly choke me until I could barely breathe.
I stopped moving for a second and tried my best to take a deep breath. I raised my hands to either side of my head and tugged on my hair until it hurt my scalp.
“Why? Why, Matt? I’m not good enough?” I sobbed. “I have done everything to show you that I’m with you one hundred percent! Why?!” I screamed through wracking sobs. “You ain’t no better than my fucking grimy-ass mother! You never loved me just like she never loved me! Always picking people over me. She picked all her men and her fucking drugs over me. You picked bitches over me!” I cried out.
Through teary eyes, I looked around at the rest of the mess I had made just thirty minutes before. Suddenly I felt a mixture of fear and shame at what I had done. I cupped my hand over my mouth as I looked around. Matt was going to kill me when he found out.
“What did I do?” I said, whirling around to take in the mess.
A pile of Matt’s most expensive clothes were heaped in the middle of the floor. I coughed as I stepped closer to the at least two hundred thousand dollars’ worth of items that were now covered in every cleaning product I could find in the house—Clorox, 409, Pine Sol, Dawn, Soft Scrub—you name it, I had dumped it on Matt’s most treasured clothing items including a vintage Pelle Pelle jacket that had belonged to his uncle who’d been murdered. The mixture of all the chemicals had smoke rising from the clothes like they were about to make a bomb and explode. I could also see that most of the clothes had begun changing colors or the material had begun eroding into shreds right before my eyes. I made a ninety-degree turn and my eyes went wide. “Lauren,” I gasped. “What did you do?”