by Karen Einsel
Brandon’s professor must have been long winded tonight, because Brandon hasn’t gotten here to help her close yet. Looking up at the clock Chris sees its 11:45 p.m. and there’s no way his professor could be talking that much. His class ended at 10:30 p.m. and normally it only takes him half an hour to get here. Even if he stayed after she would have thought he’d be here by now. Trying not to panic and wanting to keep busy, Chris starts stocking items on one of the shelves when two men enter the store. Looking up towards the counter Chris wonders where they went. Turning around she comes face to face with them. She jumps and puts her hand on her chest laughing, “I’m sorry, you scared me.” One of the men points a gun at her. Chris closes her eyes and tries to swallow the lump in her throat while trying not to cry. She puts her hands up in front of her and clenches and unclenches them softly before she opens her eyes. “What do you want?”
The guy holding the gun tells her, “Just stay calm and you won’t get hurt, now we are going to walk up to the register…”
Everything happened so fast and yet Chris watched it all play out in slow motion from the moment Brandon came rushing towards them. “Noooo…Chris Move!” Chris sees the flash of the gun as Brandon shoves his way in between them and feels the impact of Brandon slamming into her, knocking them both backwards. Losing her balance Chris falls against the shelves and hears the cans rattle on the shelf before they fall off and roll across the floor. The shelves tip with their weight and crash to the floor with Chris and Brandon landing on top of them. Chris looks down at the dime size hole in Brandon’s shirt and the spot of blood that begins to spread. Chris screams. “You shot Him!” As the gun blast echoes in her ears.
“Oh shit! Man what did you do?”
“It just went off. I didn’t mean to shoot him. I’m sorry lady. I didn’t mean to shoot him!”
The other guy is grabbing him by his jacket, pulling him towards the door. “Come on we got to get out of here! Come on!” Chris starts to cry as she wraps her arms protectively around Brandon.
The men run out of the store and Chris hears tires squealing, just as another customer walks in and sees her and Brandon. “Oh my God, are you okay?”
He starts running towards them. Chris glances up at him and waves him off towards the counter. “Call an ambulance…. Please hurry!” Brandon is trying to tell her something. Sobbing, with tears running down her cheeks, Chris hushes him, “Shh” Looking towards the counter Chris cries out to the man, “Get something to stop the bleeding. Paper towels, napkins something!” Chris kisses Brandon on the forehead, trying to comfort him. “It’s going to be okay.”
“Chris”
Chris hears a rattling noise as Brandon breathes in and out and once again she tells him, “Shh” Before yelling out to the man again. “Will you please hurry.”
“Chris, what time is it?” Looking up at the clock through her tears, Chris whispers 12:01 a.m.
Brandon reaches up feebly, tugs on her hair and with a raspy whisper he tells her, “Good morning beautiful” Chris watches as Brandon sucks in another rattling breath before closing his eyes. Chris wraps her arms tighter around him, kisses his forehead and cries. “Don’t you die on me. Everything’s going to be okay.”
Startled out of her dream Barb sits up. Her sudden movement
awakens Brad.
“Barb honey, what’s wrong?”
“Sirens, do you hear the sirens?”
“Honey, Chris is fine. Brandon’s with her and if anything was wrong, they’d call. Now lay back down.”
Brad pulls her down next to him and puts his arms around her. Rolling over onto her side Barb hears Brad’s breathing become deep and even and knows he’s gone back to sleep. She lays there listening for a few minutes longer before dozing off. Startled by the ringing phone, Barb sits bolt upright in bed and looks at the clock. It’s 1 a.m.
Waking up Chris feels like she can’t breathe, like there’s a heavy weight on her chest. At first she can’t figure out where she is, she must have been having a bad dream and then it all comes flooding back to her. She remembers hearing the sirens and the police officers and paramedics coming in. She remembers them trying to pry her arms from around Brandon and her screaming at them to help him when they were asking her if she was hurt. She also remembers the paramedic telling her he was sorry but there was nothing they could do Brandon was dead. She remembers them pulling Brandon off of her and laying him down on the floor so they could help her up and the cramping pains in her abdomen and the blood that came gushing out of her, running down her legs as she whispered to them “our baby” She remembers hearing Brent yelling, “What the hell happened?” She doesn’t know who he was yelling at, because they had her on a gurney in the ambulance by that time. They were putting an I.V. in her arm when she heard Brent ask where she was and where was the guy that drives that car over there? She remembers closing her eyes as the sobs took over her body. Shaking and letting the tears run down her face and she remembers the last thing Brandon said to her, “Good morning beautiful.” And she starts crying again.
“Chris” Turning her head Chris sees Barb sitting in the chair. Barb gets up and walks over to her and holds her hand. “Are you okay?” Chris closes her eyes, slowly shakes her head back and forth, while biting her lower lip until she can taste blood. Opening her eyes she thinks mom probably slept in the chair all night and by the look of her puffy eyes, she spent a good part of the night crying. “Your dad and Brent are out in the waiting room. They’ve been waiting to see you.”
“Mom, can you help me sit up?” Chris can see Barb fighting back the tears and Chris squeezes her hand. “Mom, I don’t know what the reason is, but remember you told me, “Everything happens for a reason?” Did they catch them? The guys that shot Brandon that is?” Barb can’t hold back the tears any longer as she hugs Chris. Chris clenches and unclenches her hands. “Let them come in.”
Brent knocks on the door and walks in. Still clenching and unclenching her hands, trying not to cry Chris looks at him and gives him a tight lipped smile. She sees he’s been crying too as he bends down to kiss her on the cheek. She doesn’t know what to say and she’s afraid of opening her mouth to speak, she knows she’s going to break down again. Brent pulls the chair closer to the bed, sits down and holds her hand.
“Hi Chris.”
“Where’s my dad?”
Brent looks down at their hands and squeezes hers a little tighter.
“He couldn’t come in right now Chris. He was going to take your mom home.”
Chris nods her head and sighs. “Okay”
“Chris, I’m so sorry, but I have to know.” And the tears roll down his cheeks. Without looking at him Chris tells him everything she can remember, but doesn’t tell him about Brandon asking her what time it was, or about him tugging on her hair and telling her, “Good morning Beautiful” That was for her ears only.
Finally looking at him through her tears Chris asks, “Did they catch them?”
“I don’t know, Chris. I’ve been here all night. I do know that the man that called the police and helped you, gave the police a description of the men and their car.”
“Did you go tell his mom?”
“No, the police went over to her house to tell her.”
While they are talking a man in a suit walks in. “Chris Reed?”
Brent looks at him, “Can we help you?”
“I’m Mrs. Richard Reed’s attorney and I have some papers that I need Chris to sign.”
“Excuse me? She has just been through a traumatic experience. Do you really have to do this now?”
“I’m really sorry, but yes, I do need to get her to sign these.”
Chris holds out her hand to him, “What are these papers for?”
He hands her the first one, “This is for the annulment of your marriage to Brandon Reed.” Chris bites her lip, and through her tears she signs it.
“Chris!” Brent exc
laims.
She picks it up and before handing it back to the attorney Chris tears it down the middle and hands him both pieces. “I’d like a copy of that please.” She tells him as he hands her another piece of paper. “And what, may I ask, is this one for?”
He smiles a sad smile at her, hating his job at this very moment. “This is a court order that I have the right to remove all of Brandon Reed’s property from your apartment and that the manager of the apartment complex has your permission to open the door for me.” She signs it and once again tears it in half before handing it back to him. “I’m so sorry.” He tells her as he hands her the last sheet.
“And this one?” She asks.
He won’t even look at her as he tells her, “It is a restraining order saying you are not allowed within 500 feet of Brandon Reed’s funeral.”
Chris bites her quivering lip and looks around the room telling herself “you will not cry.”
Brent looks at him, “You can’t do this!”
Chris reaches over and squeezes Brent’s hand as she signs the last one. Looking down at it a tear falls on her signature. She lets go of Brent’s hand, picks up the paper and tears it down the middle and hands it to the attorney. “Please make sure I get a copy of all three, please.” Looking at Brent she tells him, “If my purse is here somewhere, my keys for my apartment are in it. Would you please follow him over there and let him in?”
“Chris! Are you out of your mind?”
She grabs Brent’s arm, pulls him close to her, and pleads, “Don’t let him take my camera or my pictures, please? “They are all I have left” and she finally lets the tears fall.
Holding her hand Brent leans down and kisses her on the forehead. “I’ll come back right after he leaves.”
Chris shakes her head no. “If you want, you can crash on my couch. You need to get some sleep and they will probably be releasing me soon, so I’ll have them call my mom to come pick me up.”
“Are you going to go stay at your mom’s?”
Sucking in short, deep breathes Chris shakes her head. “No, I’m going to come home.”
Brent wants to tell her that she really should stay at her mom’s, but he knows it won’t do any good. Letting go of her hand he walks out, followed by the attorney.
Barb brought her a pair of her sweats and a shirt to change into. Coming out of the bathroom Chris sees the nurse standing there with the discharge papers that she needs to sign and prescriptions the doctor wrote out that they need to get filled. Chris takes the clipboard from the nurse, signs the discharge order and looks at the three prescriptions. There’s an antibiotic, a pain killer, and a sleeping pill. Chris holds the sleeping pill prescription out to the nurse. “I don’t need this.”
Barb looks at her, “Chris,” and she sighs, “You probably will need it, at least for a few days.”
Chris continues to hold it out to the nurse. “No. It doesn’t matter if I take it for one night, or for the rest of my life. When I wake up in the morning, Brandon still won’t be there. I don’t need it, thank you anyways.”
Barb sighs again and takes the prescription from Chris. “I’ll hold on to it just in case you change your mind.” But Barb knows there is no way in hell Chris will change her mind.
Getting in the car Barb tells her, “I put clean sheets on your bed and aired out your room, so it’s all ready for you.”
Chris shakes her head and stares straight ahead, “I’m not going there. I’m going home to my apartment.”
“Chris it’s not a good idea for you to stay at your apartment by yourself right now.”
Chris clenches and unclenches her hands. “I won’t be there by myself, Brent’s there.” Mom takes a deep breath and tells her okay and wonders, why is Brent there? but doesn’t ask. She figures Chris has her reasons.
Hearing the key in the door brings Brent out of his troubled sleep. As he sits up, Chris and Barb walk in. Chris takes a quick glance around the room and walks into her bedroom shutting the door behind her. Brent looks at Barb, sighs and then puts his head in his hands. Barb sits down on the couch next to him and puts her arm around his shoulders. “Are you doing okay?”
“Not really. Did she tell you?”
“Tell me what?” Barb asks.
“About the attorney and the papers she signed?” Barb shakes her head and Brent proceeds to tell her, and then asks, “What would make Chris do that?”
“I don’t know Brent but I’m sure Chris has her reasons. Have you eaten anything?” Brent shakes his head. “Come on into the kitchen and I’ll make you and Chris something to eat. God knows she’s probably starving. They said she refused to eat at the hospital”
Chris walks into the kitchen as Barb and Brent are talking about Chris staying at the apartment. Chris sits down at the table and Barb places a plate in front of her. Chris pushes the plate away and places her hands on the table. Looking down at them, she clenches and unclenches, closed fist, fingers to palm, before turning her wedding rings around and around on her finger.
“It doesn’t matter where I stay, or who stays with me. Either you two, dad, half the school, or even Brandon’s Mom herself, when I close my eyes, I see every little detail and when I open my eyes, I go over every little detail in my mind. It’s happened, there’s nothing any of us can do about it. You can blame me for it, or the guy who shot him, who told me he didn’t mean to, the gun just went off, or we can blame Brandon’s mom for disowning him, but what good will it do? Will any of it bring him back? How are you supposed to make my pain go away? I know I’m being selfish and difficult. I know you are hurting too. You can even say that I’m being a bitch, but I don’t know right now any other way to be. I’m sorry. And Brent as for me signing the papers, Brandon’s mom can have the marriage annulled, in my heart Brandon will always be my husband, as for his possessions, they are just clothes and shoes, something neither of us needs anymore, and the part about the funeral, his mom has enough pain right now and the guilt she must be going through for pushing him away has got to be gnawing at her heart and will for the rest of her life, she doesn’t need me there to remind her, besides he’ll know that even if I’m not there, doesn’t mean that I don’t love him, right?” Chris lays her head down on her arms and sobs.
Chris is fidgety. Mom finally agreed to go home after Chris agreed to eat something. Brent went home to take a shower and get cleaned up, telling her as he left that he’d pick them up a pizza and that he’d be sleeping on her couch tonight, no matter what she says. She can’t sit down, she can’t stand still, going in the kitchen she looks at the coffee cup sitting on the sink and the clean dishes in the drainer. Clenching and unclenching her hands she has the urge to break something right now. Smash a glass on the floor or throw a chair through the kitchen window. Maybe if she just screamed, maybe the pain would go away or at least soften a bit. The emptiness, the hurt, the sadness, the pain is unbearable, she would cry if she had any tears left, but her eyes feel puffy and dry, she just feels drained as she goes back in and sits on the couch. She looks around the room and yet sees nothing. Brent finally gets back with the pizza and they eat. She didn’t think she could eat, but she finds that she really was hungry, even though after eating she feels sick to her stomach and is afraid she won’t be able to keep it down. She tells Brent goodnight and goes into her room. Shutting the door she reaches under her pillow and pulls out Brandon’s t-shirt. It’s the one he wore two nights ago after he took his shower and tossed on the floor before he climbed into bed and made love to her for the last time. It’s the same one she had picked up and tossed into her drawer and now she’s glad she did, because the attorney didn’t take it with him. That was the first thing she did when mom brought her home, she checked to make sure it was there and then folded it and stuck it under her pillow. Putting it on, she can smell his cologne on it. It’s just a plain white t-shirt, nothing fancy, but it’s the one he wore for P.E. and all of his practices
senior year. He told her it was his lucky shirt. Lifting the edge and looking at the underside of the hem, there are his initials in permanent marker. Climbing into their bed, Chris wraps her arms around herself, hugging her body tight. Lying in the center of the bed Chris uses his pillow, and even though she didn’t think she could, she cries herself to sleep.
The day before the funeral Barb and Chris are sitting at the table in Chris’ apartment. Barb reaches over and covers Chris’ hands with hers. “Where’s Brent?”
“I sent him home last night.”
“Would it be for the same reason he and Brandon got into that argument at the baseball field?”
“Yeah, something like that.”
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine mom. I like Brent. He’s been nothing but sweet, kind, and helpful, but…” Chris stops and thinks about what she wants to say and how she wants to say it. “I don’t want him to take advantage of me during a weak moment. No, that’s not quite right. I don’t think he would take advantage of me. He put his arm around me last night. We were sitting on the couch and I had started crying, so he put his arm around me to comfort me, but mom if I was weak and if he would have tried to kiss me…” Chris closes her eyes before going on. “If I were to just close my eyes and imagine Brandon holding me in his arms…” She shakes her head and opens her eyes. “Mom, I miss Brandon so much. I feel so empty inside. I don’t think I’ll ever understand the reason he’s gone. I do understand why I lost the baby though. Brandon knew I couldn’t take care of her by myself, so he took her with him. I think he was afraid his mom would have fought me for custody, so instead of making me have to go through that he took her. Well, that’s what I believe anyway.”
“Her?”
With a sad smile Chris tells her, “Brandon and I both felt we were going to have a little girl. We were going to name her, Sara Lynn.” Chris lays her head down on her folded arms and cries.
Chris finally agreed to stay at Barb and Brad’s. What with the viewing tonight and the funeral tomorrow, she doesn’t really want to be alone. Sitting at the table while mom does the dinner dishes, Chris is fidgety. It feels like the end is coming. Come tomorrow it will be over and done. Brad walks in, kneels down next to her and puts his arm around her shoulder. Chris can see the tears in his eyes as he hugs her close to him. “I’m going to go. Is there anything…?” Shaking her head she tells him no. Even though she has been ordered to stay away, Brandon’s mom never thought that Chris’ parents might attend, so Brad decided he would go to the viewing while Barb stays home with her. Chris has given up on trying not to cry as the tears fall. Wiping them off with her sleeve she looks up at Brad. He looks nice. He’s dressed in a suit, something she doesn’t remember ever seeing him in before.