A tear trails down her cheek, dripping off her chin. I watch as it falls, reveling in the show of emotion. My soul craves to dig deeper and draw out more. To prove that she actually gives a damn.
“I can’t do this,” she chokes.
My grip slackens, and she rips her wrists from my grasp, spinning around and flying through the door before I can stop her.
My heart pummels my chest.
I don’t fucking think so.
I stalk after her, following her into the closest room off the hallway.
Grabbing the door before it closes, I step into the space and glance around. Other than a desk at the front and a few chairs pushed against the wall, it’s empty.
Becca’s standing in front of the desk, gripping the edge, her shoulders hunched and her breathing heavy.
“Still running, I see.” My voice cuts through the air.
She shakes her head, her fingers flexing against the wood, making her knuckles turn white.
“Why did you leave, Rebecca?”
Silence.
Years of repressed anger rupture inside my chest and I twist, slamming the door closed. “God dammit! Stop bein’ a selfish bitch and just tell me.”
She spins to face me. “Because I loved you!”
My lungs collapse as her words slam into my chest, cracking it open and throttling my heart.
“What?” I gasp.
Her posture softens, her jade eyes glistening as they meet mine. “I loved you, alright? I still love you.”
She moves forward and I step back.
I don’t want her close.
I don’t believe a word she says.
Bitterness rolls through me and I huff out a laugh. “You don’t love me. You don’t love anyone but yourself.”
She tilts her face to the ceiling. “God, you have no idea how much I wish that were true. Do you think I like knowin’ I lost you before I ever had the chance to really have you?”
“You didn’t lose me.” The audacity of her words pumps rage through my veins and propels me toward her. “You threw me away. I was yours.” My fist beats my chest. “Every inch of me was yours.”
“Yeah. Well… now it’s Sarah’s,” she hisses.
My brows shoot to my hairline, a spike of satisfaction worming its way in, mixing with my anger. Her jealousy makes me feel like she actually gives a damn. Like I’m not the only one who feels this goddamn crazy.
I shrug. “Yeah, well… one woman’s trash is another woman’s treasure, I guess.”
“You’re right.” She nods. “I mean… you’re right that I didn’t treasure you. There’s nothin’ I can do to change that. But you’re asking me why and that’s the reason.” She blows out a breath. “I love you, and that terrifies me, Eli. I don’t know how to love. I don’t know what it’s supposed to be. I never have.”
My heart kicks my sternum, and I step closer. “Bullshit. It was supposed to be us.”
She stumbles at my advance, the back of her legs pressing against the desk. Her necklace jostles from under her shirt, catching my eye as it glimmers against her collarbone.
#1 Player.
My heart kicks into overdrive.
“I was scared,” she whispers. “I don’t know what else you want me to say.”
I’m on her now, her breasts heaving against my chest with every inhale. My mind screams to back away. But I can’t.
“You’re a coward,” I spit.
She nods, her eyes holding my gaze, causing heat to flare low in my gut.
Her tongue jets out to wet her lips and my eyes track the movement, my body coiling tighter with each passing second.
She sucks in a breath, her eyes dilating as she watches me war against my emotions.
I lose the battle.
My head drops, my nose skimming along the length of her throat, inhaling her scent. My tongue darts out because I can’t be this close and not taste her, so I torture myself, my cock thickening from the tease of her flavor.
I rest my forehead in the junction of her neck, my teeth clenching against the urge to sink into her skin, my fingers coming up to tangle in the chain of the necklace I bought her when she was mine.
“If you loved me…” My voice breaks. “How could you leave?”
Her breath hitches. “I’m a fool.”
My heart stutters, aching at the memory of how she broke me.
I lift my head, synapses firing from the heat of her gaze.
The silky fabric of her blouse bunches under my palm as I glide my hand up her side. My eyes trail over every single freckle until I finally meet her stare, searching for verity in her eyes.
I cup her face. “I don’t believe you,” I breathe.
And then I give in to the pull.
Fireworks burst in my chest when our lips collide. She moans, her hands gripping my shirt, dragging me into her. My cock jumps, straining against my zipper, desperate to dip into her after going so long without.
My hands leave her face, sliding back down her curves and pushing up her skirt, kneading the flesh of her ass.
I groan into her mouth. She feels so fucking good in my hands.
She nips at my bottom lip and I hoist her onto the desk, spreading her legs, and glancing at the thin scrap of lace between her thighs.
Goddamn.
My dick pulses, my mouth watering at the sight. I surge forward, trailing my tongue along her collarbone.
She leans on her elbows, her head falling back. Want spirals through my insides, making me dizzy.
Working my way back up, my tongue tangles with hers, trying to savor every moment, not knowing which one will be our last. I push her back with my body until she’s splayed on top of the desk, my lips attached to hers and my cock weeping for the same.
She moans into my mouth when I dip my fingers inside her, pumping them twice.
“So wet for me, baby girl,” I growl.
“Eli,” she breathes.
A zing of anticipation shoots through me and I push my fingers farther, curling them forward until her back bows.
Working her hard, my thumb circles her clit. My palm is drenched from her juices, and I swear to God if I don’t get inside her soon I think I might die.
I back away from our kiss, needing to see her come apart beneath me, needing to know if the reality is still as good as my dreams.
Her legs tremble as I finger fuck her into euphoria.
Christ, she’s beautiful.
Suddenly, it’s not enough to have her this way. I pull my fingers from her core and rip off my belt, frenzied in my need to dive deep inside her and drown in her crazy.
Becca bites her lip as she watches. “God, Eli, hurry up.”
I quirk a brow as I pull out my cock, stroking it from base to tip. Precum drips from the head and lands on her thigh. A sick, possessive pleasure flares in my chest at the sight.
Becca groans, her hands grappling to pull me back, her eyes wild. “Eli, please.”
I smirk. “You know I love it when you beg.”
She fists my shirt and pulls me close, rising up until her mouth brushes mine. “Shut up and fuck me already.”
Her words blaze through me, capsizing my control in their fever.
My hand grips her jaw tightly. “That fuckin’ mouth.”
She grins. My fingers squeeze tighter as I bury myself inside her and steal her gasp with my tongue, my eyes rolling back at the sensation.
And then I hear another gasp.
One that isn’t from Becca.
My head snaps up and my stomach drops to the floor.
45
Becca
My heart hasn’t beat since Eli snapped his head up, leaving space for me to lock eyes with my best friend.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, holy crap. I’m sorry.” Lee’s voice floats through the air, her hands covering her face. “I’m not leavin’ this room, so y’all do what you need to do and get decent quick. Let me know when it’s safe to uncover my eyes. Oh my God.”
Eli’s still inside me, his body pressed to mine so close I feel his heart beating against my chest. His hand comes up to touch my face, his mouth parting as if he’s about to speak. But he doesn’t. Instead, he just stares, his piercing blue gaze chipping away at what’s left of my sanity.
I can’t think with him looking at me like that.
I turn my head away, my eyes landing on Lee’s back. Reason slices through the fog of my brain, banging against my skull.
What did I just do?
Eli slips out of me, his hands moving to my hips and I tense under the heat of his touch. His eyes are wide and cautious, cataloging every inch of my face, his jaw clenching.
I should move. I should be grappling to push him off me so I can try to salvage this completely screwed up situation, but I’m too busy being torn in two over my actions and it makes my movements sluggish. Half of me is desperate to keep Eli here, worried that once his weight isn’t pressed against me, I’ll unravel completely. The other part is disgusted at how easily I let go of my morals.
Less than fifteen minutes.
That’s all it took to throw everything I thought I knew about myself out the window.
Eli lowers my skirt and straightens my top with one hand, the palm of his other caressing my hair, smoothing down the flyaways. He’s touching me like I’m the finest jewel from the rarest treasure. Like now that he has me in his hands, he’s afraid of having me stolen away.
I swallow around the swelling of my throat, my eyes stuck on his, wanting to prolong the moment even though I shouldn’t. Even though his sister is standing less than five feet away.
The current of our connection sparks off his fingers, tingling my skin, and I want more than anything to lean into his touch. To breathe in his scent and wrap myself around his passion, letting it infuse me with its strength. I want to pretend he believes me.
That he’ll teach me how to love him right.
That he still loves me too.
I jerk away from his touch instead.
His chin juts out and his eyes gain a sheen, but after a moment he nods his head and backs away, clearing his throat. With one last glance my way, he turns his attention to Lee. “Lee, it’s all good.”
She scoffs, spinning around and dropping her hands. “We must have different definitions of that phrase, Eli.”
The sharpness in her voice shoots through the air, piercing my chest and nailing my heart through the hole. She’ll hate me now. Honestly, I can’t blame her. I would hate me too.
My brain is confused. My soul is lost.
And I think I’m going to be sick.
I told Eli I loved him and this is where we end up. With me laid out on a desk, while my best friend watches from the doorway—Eli’s fiancée none the wiser in a room down the hall.
Oh, God.
My hand curls around my stomach, pressing deeply, hoping the pressure is enough to keep me from spewing all over the tile floor.
What have I done?
Realization drops heavy in my gut and my stomach revolts, teasing the back of my throat with the tang of hypocrisy.
I am my father.
I move from the desk, toward Lee. I’m careful in my steps, afraid she’s going to lash out and strike. She’s radiating animosity, her stature cutting through my skin and bleeding my guilt into the space between us.
I should have told her.
I suppose hindsight is twenty-twenty.
“Lee, this isn’t what it looks like.” I’m not sure why I phrase it that way, because it is what it looks like. But it’s also so much more.
“If I had a nickel for every time I’ve heard that phrase tonight.” She laughs. “No. I think this is exactly what it looks like. And besides the fact Eli’s engaged to be freakin’ married, I probably wouldn’t have cared. But I asked you, Becca.” Her voice breaks.
Shame twists my stomach. It’s always slinked around in the background, but over the years I’ve been a master of repression—able to ignore the fact I’ve been keeping something gigantic from her.
Something that changes her perception of reality.
Just like my folks did with me.
My gut rolls with nausea.
Still, I have to try to salvage this. “I know, but—”
“Don’t,” she bites. “Don’t try to excuse this away. I don’t wanna hear it. I can’t even begin to process this right now. All I know is how much it hurts that you thought I wouldn’t understand.”
What’s left of my hope smashes into a thousand pieces, careening from my chest and mixing in the ruins of my soul.
Lee’s eyes look through me even though I’m standing right in front of her. “I need to speak to my brother, Becca. Alone.”
My breathing stutters. The reality of losing Lee is much worse than the fear. It’s an ache that penetrates my bones and settles in, spreading through every limb until it hurts to move. Even through the pain, it’s a struggle to keep from looking back at Eli—to make sure he knows that I meant what I said. That through all of this, I have always, irrevocably loved him.
But the truth is, sometimes love digs in deep and draws out the darkest parts of your soul. The pieces you don’t want to find, because of what you’ll face when you do—the worst version of yourself.
Sometimes love is greed.
It’s hurtful.
It’s selfish.
So even though this might be the last time I ever see him, and every single fiber of my being is begging for one last glance, I don’t turn around.
Instead, I walk out the door.
46
Eli
Perching on the desk, I watch my sister with wariness. The faint scent of Becca lingers, making my heart pound against my chest, begging with every beat to chase after her. We’re nowhere near done with our conversation. Still too many things that are left unsaid.
She doesn’t even know I broke off the engagement.
Lee’s voice cuts through the air. “While you were busy gettin’ your jollies with someone other than your fiancée, guess what you missed?”
I hate that she doesn’t use Becca’s name. Hate that she’s reducing her to a non-entity. My stomach twists in realization that this may have ruined their friendship. The one thing Becca was worried about all these years, and even though we aren’t together, it comes true.
I sigh. “What’s that, Lee?”
“I’ll tell you. Daddy gettin’ in a fight with the man of the hour, Sam. Bein’ a mess in front of the entire town and then stormin’ off drunk as a skunk. That’s what. Now he’s out there, drivin’, sloppy and upset.”
I jump up, the back of my legs stinging from where the desk pressed into them, but I’m too lost in visions of Pops behind the wheel to care. “What? Where’d he go?”
Before we left the house, I tried to talk him out of even coming to this party. It was a pathetic attempt, and I caved the second he raised his voice. I reasoned it wasn’t worth the fight—that I’d have my eyes on him the whole time anyway.
“How should I know, Eli? Hopefully home.” Lee shrugs.
My nerves are like ants, crawling through every cell, irritating me just enough to cause an itch. I pace back and forth, my jaw aching from the force of my gritted teeth. “Well, let’s go. We’ve gotta find him.”
Lee stiffens, her blue eyes piercing. “I’m not goin’. I just thought you should know.”
My arms fly out to the sides. “What do you mean you’re not going?”
She brushes a strand of hair from her face. “Look, if you wanna spend your time chasin’ after Daddy and the devil on his shoulder, be my guest. He’ll leave you in the dust, and all that’ll be left is you chasin’ your own tail.”
I can see the resolution in her stance, the strength in her stature. Meanwhile, here I am, breaths coming quick and my chest caving in at the mere thought of standing up to Pops.
Lee’s been taking care of him for years, shielding herself from weapons forged from the fire of his heartbreak.
> Shame floods my chest and sticks to my bones, seeping through in every action.
When I’ve thought of Lee, I’ve always imagined the fresh-faced, naive girl she was before. But she’s not. She’s a phoenix, burning on a pyre and rising from the ashes. She’s stronger than I’ll ever be.
“I shouldn’t have left you to deal with him alone,” I whisper. “I should have come back. Should have done more.”
Her nostrils flare. “Now’s not the time, Eli. Literally any other day you’ve been here would have worked. But tonight? I don’t wanna hear it.”
She turns to walk out the door and I rush after her, my stomach in knots from all the things I want to say. “Lee.”
She spins, her eyes icy.
My fingers tap against the outside of my thigh. “You don’t understand about Becca. It’s not… we aren’t… just go easy on her, okay? You’re the best thing in her life, and she’d be devastated to lose you.”
Lee cocks her head. “You sure seem to know an awful lot about my best friend, Eli.”
I blow out a breath, grief coating my heart, heavy and thick, making it sluggish.
I do know things about Becca.
I know about the spot behind her ear. The one I’d always kiss because I loved the way it made her moan. I know she has twenty-seven freckles along the bridge of her nose, and that I would have spent the rest of my life tracing every single one while she slept, in awe of her beauty.
I know that I have loved her—every day—even in the darkest moments of my pain.
But I don’t know this Becca. The one who’s so afraid of her shine that she cowers in her parents’ shade. I don’t know how, after all this time, she can claim to love me, to have always loved me, but still run away when things get hard.
I don’t know this woman, and maybe that means I never really did.
I shake my head. “No. I don’t know her at all.”
Beneath the Stands: An Enemies to Lovers, Best Friend's Brother Romance (Sugarlake Series, Book Two) Page 23