by Erin Wright
Sugar
Sugar shifted from one foot to the other, smiling gamely at Mrs. Gehring as the elderly lady dithered over the choices. “Well now, I just don’t know if I want another jelly donut or a cinnamon-and-sugar donut,” she said, patting at her perfectly coiffed gray hair in distress. “They’re both so good.”
“You could always get one of each,” Sugar suggested, putting a little extra oomph into her smile. It was either that, or jump over the counter and strangle the genteel older woman.
“Oh no, I couldn’t do that,” Mrs. Gehring protested. “I’ve got to watch my figure, you know.” She patted her painfully thin waist with a little smile. “A girl can’t lose her figure. Why, the men stop paying attention to you then!” She let out a cackling laugh, which made Sugar snort with laughter. Mrs. Gehring had to be pushing 90. Her husband had died years ago, and Mrs. Gehring had made it clear after his passing that she wasn’t going to settle down with just one man after that. She was happy to play the field, and she played it well.
Just then, Sugar felt the hair on the back of her neck prickle. Like what happened when she was scared and creeped out while watching a horror flick, but this time, it was a good prickle. Which she didn’t even know could happen, but there it was all the same. Her eyes shot up as the doorbell jingled and her gaze caught Jaxson’s as he walked in. Like touching a live wire, her whole body lit up and her breath caught in her throat.
“Like that new fire chief fella that you’ve been kissing,” Mrs. Gehring continued on, still studying the donuts in front of her intently. “He’s a handsome one.”
Sugar flushed a brilliant red as her gaze volleyed back and forth between Mrs. Gehring and Jaxson. Please, don’t let him know what she’s saying. Please, let him be suddenly deaf and dumb.
As she watched, a laughing grin spread over Jaxson’s face.
He had not, in fact, gone deaf or dumb in the last 20 minutes.
Argh!
Sugar’s face flamed an even more brilliant red, which she also didn’t know could happen. Dammit all to hell and back. He probably thought that she’d been the one to bring his name up with Mrs. Gehring and had been drooling all over him while doing it (figuratively speaking, of course), and how exactly was she supposed to explain to him that she hadn’t done any of that, without being inexcusably rude in the process?
“A maple bar,” Mrs. Gehring said decisively. “I’ll take a maple bar.”
Sugar quickly bagged the donut, deciding to ignore the fact that a maple bar hadn’t even been one of the choices Mrs. Gehring had been debating. She’d finally chosen something, and for that, Sugar was grateful. Maybe Mrs. Gehring would leave, the earth would open up and swallow the city of Sawyer whole, and then Sugar wouldn’t have to talk to Jaxson ever again.
It could happen. It could totally happen.
Mrs. Gehring slid the money across the counter to her. “Good luck with your beau,” she said in a stage whisper, loud enough for someone in the next county over to hear.
“Ummm…thanks,” Sugar whispered back, a painful smile glued to her face.
She was pretty sure that the space under the counter wasn’t big enough to actually crawl into and die, but that didn’t keep her from wanting to try.
Mrs. Gehring turned to head out, cane in one hand and her donut in the other, when she spotted Jaxson. Her spine stiffened in surprise with a crack of old bones that made Sugar wince in sympathy, and then she began slowly making her way towards the door as if nothing had happened. She nodded her head regally in greeting as she passed Jaxson, and then ruined the effect by leaning over and whispering conspiratorially, “Good luck with your sweetheart.” That time, Sugar would swear she was loud enough for all the world to hear.
Both of them watched Mrs. Gehring walk out the door, the bell jingling merrily behind her. Sugar hoisted a smile back onto her face. “How are you this morning?” she asked Jaxson casually. Yeah, she was cool. No awkwardness here.
None whatsoever.
Jaxson’s smile for Mrs. Gehring slipped into a scowl as he stared at Sugar. “So I was down at the police station and talking to the chief about Angus setting fire to the mill.”
Sugar nodded as she listened, a bit confused about where this was going. He seemed agitated, angry even, but it seemed directed at her, and that just did not make sense. She’d had nothing to do with that fire. He knew that.
Jaxson continued, “So while I’m there, the chief tells me that I’m making an ass out of myself by hitting on a girl who’s already dating someone else. Is that true? Are you and Gage dating?”
Sugar’s mouth gaped open in shock. “Now hold on a moment here, how did he know you were hitting on me?” she demanded. Which now that she thought about it, how did Mrs. Gehring know they’d been kissing? She’d been so embarrassed while Mrs. Gehring had been talking, it hadn’t occurred to her to ask, but she was asking now.
“That was my question, too,” Jaxson said, disgruntled. “Apparently, the next time we choose to make out, the bakery is not the place to do it.”
At that, their gazes shot over to the huge plate glass windows lining the front of the bakery, and then back to each other.
Whoops. Well, shit. That was stupid, Sugar.
Dammit all, she could berate herself on the intricacies of dating – or not, as the case may be – in a small town later. For now, she was crossing her arms and glaring at Jaxson. She wasn’t about to give an inch. “Well, I’m not dating Gage,” she informed him tartly. “He’s my boss, and he’s my best friend’s older brother, and he’s even my friend, but he’s not my boyfriend.”
“Shit, Sugar!” Jaxson growled. “The police chief was real sure about this. Why would he lie?”
“Because the police chief is a gossiping old man who has nothing better to do with his time,” Sugar shot back, “since he sure as hell isn’t arresting people who’re burning down old mills!”
“And he’s prone to seeing things, too?” Jaxson retorted. “He said he watched you two make out plenty of times as he’s driven by on patrol. He doesn’t strike me as someone who sees shit that plain isn’t there.”
Sugar felt Gage at her elbow just as he spoke up quietly but forcefully. “Sugar and I aren’t dating, Jaxson. We never have, and we sure as hell haven’t kissed. I think that rumor is the product of the fevered imagination of a whole lot of people in this town. People just don’t seem to believe that you can be simply friends with a member of the opposite sex.”
Jaxson and Gage stared at each other for a few long moments, and then Jaxson slowly nodded. “I haven’t been here very long and I can already see that,” he acknowledged grudgingly.
“Now hold on just a moment here!” Sugar exclaimed, jamming her hands onto her hips and glaring up at Jaxson. “I tell you something and you don’t believe me, and then Gage here tells you the exact same thing and finally, it’s true? What, you only believe people with dicks?” That last part may or may not have come out in a half-shout. Sugar felt the color rising in her cheeks again, but this time, it was from anger, not embarrassment.
“I—” Jaxson started when Gage interrupted them with a fierce whisper.
“I think you two outta take this outside to discuss it further. In fact, Sugar, go home for the night. It’s close to closing time anyway. You two need to discuss things, minus an attentive audience.”
Sugar looked up to find half the bakery quickly looking away guiltily, while the other half were still openly staring at them, not embarrassed at all to be caught in the act. The bakery was quiet enough to hear a pin drop.
This discussion of theirs was gonna be all over town by morning, and it’d only take that long because of the shitty weather.
Sugar groaned, burying her face in her hands. She contemplated crawling under the counter again. It was stuffed full of straws, to-go boxes, and napkins, but right then, Sugar didn’t care. She wanted to be anywhere but there. With a sigh, she jerked her head once in acknowledgment of Gage’s advice, spun on her hee
l, and headed to the back to grab her jacket.
She jerked it on angrily, storming back up to the front as she announced to Gage, “I’m leaving. I’ll be back tomorrow.” She wasn’t quite sure why she felt compelled to tell him that, other than to feel like she had some semblance of control over the situation.
She stalked out past the counter and the gawking stares, and through the front door. Jaxson followed on her heels and they stomped down the sidewalk, side by side, both angry, and neither one saying a word.
“I—” they both said at the same time. Sugar blew out a breath in frustration.
“You go first,” Jaxson said graciously.
Sugar wasn’t about to lose her chance to talk, and let loose on him. “Why is it that you believed Gage and not me? I’ve had it up to here—” she gestured above her head, “—with men only listening to other men, like women don’t matter.” She folded her arms defiantly across her chest as she waited for his response, stomping down the street through the snow.
He grabbed her arm and spun her to a stop. “I – I’m sorry,” he said softly. “It wasn’t the fact that Gage owns a dick that made me listen to him.”
The edges of Sugar’s lips turned up momentarily at that. She was pretty sure the people of Sawyer were not going to let her forget that particular turn of phrase anytime soon.
“It was just…I guess it was hearing it from a second person, owner of a dick or not.” They began to wander again down the street, this time at a more leisurely pace. “I know I have no right to say anything at all. We had agreed to just be friends with benefits, although, I’m putting this out there – one kiss does not equal a true ahem benefit in my mind.” She laughed a bit at that as he continued, “Anyway, I don’t know what came over me, honestly.”
He heaved a sigh, and she could tell he was debating what to say, and what to leave out. She kept quiet, giving him the space to think things through.
Finally, he said quietly, “I should probably tell you that Kendra and I got a divorce because…” He sighed and then plunged in, “I came home early one day and found her in bed with our neighbor, Ivan. I’d thought something was going on between them for months, but she’d always denied it so believably, she made me feel like I was just seeing things; making up stories to make her feel bad. That is, until I caught them, of course. There wasn’t much point in denials then. I guess I’m just a bit more touchy on that topic than I realized I would be. Even if I have no right to be when it comes to you.”
They stopped for a moment in front of the hardware store and Sugar stared sightlessly at the display in the window as she said softly, “That makes sense. People have been thinking for a long time that Gage and I have been dating, so I shouldn’t have been surprised that the rumor made its way to you. Honestly, his sister pushed it more than anyone else. She had me convinced that Gage was desperately in love with me, and I was damn worried that she was right. I just don’t see him that way,” she said with a shrug. “I’ve tried, but…he’s like the older brother I never had, you know?”
They began to wander down the street again when Sugar blurted out, “It’s the flour.”
“Flour?” Jaxson repeated blankly.
“I was thinking about it the other day and realized that it was the flour,” she said with a firm nod. “He’s the messiest baker I know. He spreads flour around like he’s a damn fairy with fairy dust or something. It’s hard to be attracted to someone who perpetually has a streak of white across his nose.”
“What about charcoal from a fire?” Gage asked her softly as they came to a stop in front of her apartment.
“Well, I just don’t know,” she said teasingly. “I guess I’ll just have to find out, won’t I?” She opened up her front door to the joyous greeting of Hamlet.
Jaxson looked around, surprised. “Hold on, we’re at your apartment?” he asked.
“Where did you think we were going?” Sugar asked, laughing, as she knelt to give Hamlet a big belly rub and chin scratch. He rolled over onto his back, growling in pleasure.
“Your car? I guess? I wasn’t paying much attention, I suppose. Did we leave your car back at the bakery?”
Sugar shot him a grin as she continued to love on Hamlet. It was her favorite time of the day, and she was pretty sure it was Hamlet’s, also. “No. I walk to work.”
“Even in a blizzard?”
“Especially in a blizzard. Driving on snow and ice is a real pain, even more so because I only have to go a few blocks. It’s easier to walk than it is to scrape off a car every morning, especially as early as I have to leave.”
She got to her feet and Hamlet sprung up beside her and headed over to Jaxson for some lovin’. Traitor. She ignored that for a moment. “It’s dog walking time. Want to head out with me?”
He hesitated for a long moment, and she started to panic. After the disaster that was their bakery discussion, he probably wanted nothing more to do with her. She hurried on before he could bluntly tell her that. “You don’t have to, actually. It’s pretty cold out there. I just thought I’d ask. No worries, truly. I’m just gonna bundle up a little more and then head out, so I guess I’ll just see you arou—”
“It’s all right!” he exclaimed with a small laugh. She sputtered to a stop. “Really, I’d love to. I was just trying to decide if I’m dressed warm enough or not. I got pretty cold just walking from the bakery to here.”
“Oh. Right. Of course.” She shot him a smile, trying to hide her unease.
It wasn’t that she didn’t like being around Jaxson. Quite the opposite, and that was the cause of her distress. The last time she’d liked being around a guy – well, she’d been branded as a whore and forced to marry him.
It did tend to make a person a little jumpy about trying it a second time, that was for sure. Even with someone as sexy-as-sin as Jaxson Anderson was.
Especially with someone as sexy-as-sin as Jaxson Anderson was.
Chapter 14
Jaxson
He walked next to Sugar as they headed for the city park again, her shoulders hunched against the biting wind as Hamlet trotted just ahead, his golden coat bright against the gray slushy snow and gray sky. His tail wagged with every step as he looked around, alert for any intruders into his domain.
Of course, Hamlet was so damn big, Jaxson wasn’t sure any intruders would dare challenge him. It was a good thing Hamlet had a gentle soul. He was so gigantic, Jaxson was pretty sure he’d get knocked flat on his back if Hamlet chose to jump up on him. Turns out, his first thought upon seeing Hamlet – that Sugar was walking a miniature horse – really wasn’t that far off the mark.
Jaxson’s mind wandered back to what he’d told Sugar on the way to her apartment. As much as he didn’t want to, he should tell her everything. He’d left out a few key details that she should know before she could make an informed decision about having a relationship with him of any kind, even the friendship kind.
It was only fair, even if the thought sort of – okay, totally and completely – terrified him.
They reached the edge of the park, lit up by street lamps and the fading sunlight from the setting sun. Sugar unclipped Hamlet’s leash, pulled the well-worn tennis ball out of her pocket, and threw it as hard as she could across the park. Hamlet went bounding after it, chunks of ice and snow flying as he ran. They both laughed quietly; Hamlet chasing a ball was the very textbook definition of excitement and happiness.
“Sugar…that wasn’t all that happened that night,” Jaxson said quietly into the still of the evening. A car passed the park, the headlights catching the auburn streaks in Sugar’s hair and then they were past and Sugar’s face was in shadows once again.
As Jaxson stared down at her, he realized that this somehow made it easier to talk to her. If he couldn’t see her huge brown eyes or the way she bit her full bottom lip when she was thinking, well then, he could pretend that he was just talking to a tree.
A very short tree.
A very short tree wearing t
he perfume of baked bread and glazed sugar.
Then she slipped her hand into his and squeezed, saying without words that she was listening, and that movement broke the short-tree illusion he’d been trying to sell himself on, but the comfort of her hand squeeze somehow made up for it anyway. She pulled her hand free to throw for Hamlet again, the dog’s huge body streaking away in the dim lighting, and Jaxson found himself wishing for her hand back.
Instead, he made himself talk. The sooner he told her everything, the sooner he could put this behind him and pretend it never happened.
“I’d known for a while that Kendra wasn’t happy,” he started. “She’s not exactly a subtle person, and she’d made it known that I wasn’t there for her the way she wanted me to be.”
He looked up into the dark blue sky, rolling his head from side to side as he studied the barren tree branches stretching up into the evening sky, trying to catch the sparkling stars but never reaching quite high enough.
“She wanted to date a fireman. That’s sexy and dangerous and exciting. We’d only dated three months before we decided to get married. I’d really thought she was the one for me. Now, I realize that it was just hormones talking. I’d never had someone in my bed who was quite as…adventurous as she was. I saw what I wanted to see, and she saw what she wanted to see.
“Neither of us saw the truth.
“We’d only been married a month and already, we’d begun fighting almost daily. She didn’t like me being on call all the time; being pulled away from date nights and family dinners on a moment’s notice. She didn’t like me sleeping at the firehouse for 24 hours at a time. She liked the danger I was in, in theory. Not so much in practice.”
The evening light was completely gone now, but along with its disappearance, the wind died away, too. Strangely, despite it being pitch black except for the street lamps lining the edge of the park, it felt warmer than it had all day. Sugar threw the ball again and then looked up at Jaxson quietly, waiting for him to talk it all out. He could hardly make out her face in the semi-darkness, and was glad for it.