by Sadie Moss
“Oh, Jesus fuck.”
We turn as Roman and Dmitri careen into the waiting area, both of them breathing hard.
“The fuck?” Dmitri spits. “I go to the lab for two hours, and what the fuck happens—”
“We heard the scream,” Roman explains, as Dmitri collapses into a chair, breathing heavily. “I was advising Dmitri on his final project, and my windows were open.”
“I knew it was Cam,” the dark-haired mage croaks. It’s the first time I’ve seen him look this off-kilter. Not just angry or upset, but seriously knocked off his axis. “I recognized his voice. I’ve never heard it like that…”
“He was attacked,” I say, and now I’m really starting to cry. My vision blurs and my eyes sting. “We were investigating—goddamn it, I know it’s stupid. I’m sorry, it’s my fault—”
“No.” Roman’s voice is rough, definitive. He strides over to me and kneels so we’re at eye level before he takes my hands, squeezing them. “Elliot, no. Listen to me. You didn’t do this. The bastard who’s been going after people’s magic did this. It wasn’t your fault. You wouldn’t have been safe anywhere on campus.”
“We went up into the tower…”
“Yeah, we know. We saw the door hanging open.” Dmitri runs a hand through his almost-black hair. “We ran partway up, realized Cam must’ve had one or two of you with him, and ran for the infirmary.”
“You weren’t alone, and that’s what’s important,” Roman affirms. Then his brows draw together. “What made you want to go up to the tower?”
“We were looking for—I thought… I wanted to find out who was doing this,” I finish lamely.
We were looking for a stupid fucking bird. That’s why I put Cam at risk?
Roman might say we wouldn’t have been safe anywhere, but I can’t quite make myself believe that. If we’d been back in our dorm room, if I hadn’t diverted our course, maybe none of this would’ve happened.
The doors to the back open, and a healer steps out.
“Do any of you know the emergency contact for this young man?” she asks.
Asher stands up, letting go of me. “I am. Me and my parents.”
Of course. Cam doesn’t have any family, and Asher’s his best friend—Cam’s spent most holidays with Asher’s family since they met.
“I’ll need you to come with me, then,” the healer says.
Asher kisses the top of my head. I catch his hand and squeeze it hard, then he’s through the doors and gone.
Roman sighs, standing. “I knew Hardwick should’ve evacuated the school. How many of us are going to lose our fucking magic before he listens?”
“He’s worried about the school closing permanently,” I say dully, trying to muster some sympathy for Hardwick. This school is the only one of its kind in the country, and the administrators have had to fight for its very existence every step of the way. And for the past year and a half, it’s just been one thing after another. Raul, the Trials, now this…
The universe really must have it in for us, huh?
“It will close permanently,” Roman growls, “if this person isn’t stopped.”
I wipe the back of my hand over my eyes, an ache spreading through my chest. “Yeah.”
He swoops down and kisses me swiftly. “Stay safe, Reckless. I’m going to talk to Hardwick.”
Then he turns, nods at Dmitri, and storms out.
I suck in a breath as my tears finally start to slow.
Fuck. I would not want to be Hardwick right now. The only time I’ve even gotten close to seeing Roman’s full wrath was when he protected me from the other students in fight class, and even then, I don’t think that was all of it. He was angry but also disappointed, and he knew the students were scared. And he’s a professor—as angry as he might get, he knows there are some lines he has to maintain.
But right now, he’s pissed as shit, and I doubt he’ll hold back on Hardwick; no way would I want to be on the receiving end of that.
Once he’s gone, silence falls.
I want to go into the back, to see how Cam’s doing, to hold his hand, but I’m guessing they’re not even letting Asher do that right now.
Poor Asher. His best friend just got attacked, and he has to fill out all this paperwork and stuff, and he’s all alone.
Drawing in a deep breath, I look over at Dmitri… only to find him glaring at the wall like he’s trying to melt it.
What the hell?
“What’s your problem?”
He barks out a harsh laugh. “My problem?” His dark gaze lands on me as his eyes narrow. “My problem. Wow. That’s rich, coming from you.”
I sit up straighter. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means you’re the one with a fucking problem.” He grips one of the armrests, glaring at me. “You couldn’t have left well enough alone, could you? You just had to investigate and see what you could find. And now you’ve gotten Cam hurt.”
“I didn’t cast that spell—”
“You put him in danger—”
“He chose to come with me!”
“Of course he did!” Dmitri snaps, standing up. “He’s in love with you! Of course he’s not going to let you do this alone.”
It’s true that I sought him and Asher out, asked them to join me. Maybe I should’ve been alone after all. Then I’d be the one without magic… All alone in the stairwell, in the tower, in too much pain to get up and get to the infirmary.
Jesus. I shudder involuntarily. Who knows what might’ve happened to me?
But I do wish it was me, if it has to be any of us. Not Cam. He’s already been through so much in his life, and he’s never let it beat him down. He’s always trying to make others smile, to brighten their days. Why should he have to be the one to suffer when all he wants to do is make other people happy?
“You should’ve left this to the authorities,” Dmitri continues, his voice sharp and stinging as a whip crack. “You should’ve let them handle this—the professors and the Circuit. This is their job, it’s what they’re supposed to do—”
“Well, they weren’t doing anything!” I snap, jumping to my feet as well. “Or not enough!”
“And you figured out all the puzzle pieces, did you?” Dmitri shoots back. “You figured out what everyone else couldn’t because you’re that special, is that what I’m understanding?”
“What? No, that’s—”
He steps up close to me, almost but not quite in my face. “You need to learn to mind your own damn business, Princess. First Raul and then the Trials and now this. You never leave well enough alone—you always have to get involved. Can’t you just cut it out and leave it alone? For two fucking seconds? Stop trying to save everyone!”
Before I can defend myself, or even fully process what he’s said, Dmitri turns on his heel and storms out.
Chapter 22
What. The. Fuck?
No way am I letting Dmitri just storm off like that.
We might be on the outs, but I’m not gonna let him fucking yell at me and stalk off like he’s got the high ground or something. I know dragging the guys up to the tower wasn’t the smartest thing, but I noticed something nobody else had, and I wanted to find out if it meant anything—and without any evidence of shady activity, what was I supposed to tell the Circuit anyway? Oh, hey, I saw a bird?
They’d have laughed their asses off.
And what right does Dmitri have to yell at me? It’s not like he offered to help me, the fuckhead. He doesn’t get to judge me, not him of all people, not after he’s spent half the semester pushing me away. Asking me to stop trying to save everyone? What does he care? What right does he have to act like he actually worries about my well-being when he’s made it perfectly clear he doesn’t want anything to do with me?
“Hey, Dmitri, wait!” I yell.
He doesn’t respond, though the angry line of his back speaks volumes.
I hurry after him and catch up with him pretty damn quickly, g
rabbing his forearm. “Oh, no, you fucking don’t.”
The dark-haired mage whirls around, whipping his arm away from me. “Leave me alone.”
“No, I won’t! Not until you explain to me what the fuck your problem is.” I spy a door and grab him by the wrist, yanking him through it.
It’s only once I get us inside that I realize this isn’t the exam room or office I assumed it was—it’s a storage closet.
Oops?
It’s cramped in here, the walls lined with shelves and boxes. Not exactly ideal for a confrontation—but who cares? I’m not about to go searching around in a rage, dragging Dmitri behind me, until I find the perfect room to yell at him in.
“God, I swear I’m going to strangle you someday,” I snap. “What the hell is your problem, huh? Would it kill you to just pick one program and stick with it?”
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
“I’m talking about you, you stuck-up moron!” I wave my hands in the air wildly, nearly knocking a stack of small boxes off a shelf. “Or is the stick so far up your ass it’s reached your head and is scrambling your brains? One minute you kiss me like you can’t live without me, the next you’re telling me to stay away. You fight with me, then you ignore me, then you yell at me about putting myself and the others in danger. You try to act like you blame me for what happened to Cam, but then you tell me to stop trying to save everyone like I’m the one you’re worried about.”
Dmitri’s lips are a thin line, his body tense and stiff. I have a feeling he’s trying to hold himself back from his own rant, but he’s gonna have to wait his damn turn, because I’m not done yet.
“You tell me your parents promised your hand in marriage when you were a baby like we’re in Fiddler on the Roof, but you don’t give me any clue what I’m supposed to do with this information—and I’m pretty damn sure I’m the only one who knows about it! You didn’t even tell Cam and Asher, so why tell me?”
I suck in another huge breath of air, chest heaving. “I’m sick of you playing hot and cold! You can’t just cry over someone’s sickbed and kiss them like that and then shove them away the next chance you get. That’s not how this works! If you don’t want anything to do with me, then fine, just tell me.”
I’ve really worked myself up into a lather now, practically yelling in Dmitri’s face. He’s trying to maintain this stone-like composure, but his jaw is twitching and there’s a light in his eyes he can’t suppress—one I can’t quite read. I don’t know what’s going on in his head, and I feel like I’m on a speeding train with no brakes, the words spilling out of me in a torrent. It’s too late for me to stop them, to slow down, to think. It’s just all bursting out of me.
“Whatever your choice is, I’ll respect it, okay? But you need to tell me what you want. You can’t yank people’s emotions around and think they’re going to be okay with it!”
Dmitri folds his arms, almost like he’s trying to protect himself. “Sorry I’m not fawning all over you, Princess.”
“Ohhh, no! Don’t you fucking play that card with me! We are not playing this game. I am not asking people to fawn over me and you know it, dickhead.”
“Wow, real original there. Nice insult. I’m deeply wounded.”
“Would you rather I called you a coward?” I snap. “Because that’s what you are! You’re a coward who won’t stand up to his parents and won’t even tell me what’s wrong with him, with us—”
“There is no us!”
“There is, whether you like it or not, genius! There is!” My voice cracks a little, but I keep glaring at him, my chest rising and falling fast. “Now tell me what the hell your problem is!”
“You are!” Dmitri yells, his arms dropping, his hands curled into fists. His whole body is taut, like he’s about to fall off a cliff and ropes are holding him back, just about ready to snap. “You’re my problem, just—you. You’ve been fucking with my head ever since we met!”
“How is that my fault?! I’m not trying to do anything. In fact, I’ve been trying to stay away from you—”
“Right. That’s why you keep getting in my face.”
“Yeah, because I can’t take your bullshit anymore. Half the time you act like you give a shit about me, before you do an abrupt about-face and give me the cold shoulder! What am I supposed to do with that, huh?” I shove him in the chest, and Dmitri, startled, stumbles back a step.
He glares at me. “You just can’t leave well enough alone, can you? Not with me, not with anyone. Always sticking your nose where it doesn’t belong.” He shoves at me, lightly, not nearly at his full strength, more to get back at me than to actually hurt me.
“Sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong is how Raul got apprehended.” I smack his hands away. “I didn’t see you complaining all that much then!”
“Oh, yes, when you got to be the hero.”
My nostrils flare.
That’s a low blow. Dmitri knows I didn’t want all the attention that came from stopping Raul and then from being in the Trials. I didn’t do it for attention, I did it because it was the right goddamn thing to do. I hate the notoriety I got because of it, the reputation, the way people stared at me at the beginning of the semester.
“At least I’m true to myself,” I snarl. “I do what I want. I’m not under Daddy’s thumb, just giving in and letting someone else rule my life. I’m not a damn coward.”
Dmitri’s face flushes. “And at least my father cares enough to be in my life.”
…oh, I’m gonna kill him.
“Maybe yours shouldn’t be in your life!” I shout. “Maybe then you’d have the backbone to go after what you want.”
“And maybe you’d understand that not everyone can have what they want,” he grits out. “Some of us have to make sacrifices. We can’t have it all.”
“I don’t need a life philosophy lesson from you—”
“No, you need to learn to back the fuck off—”
I shove at him again, but Dmitri’s ready for me this time. He grabs my wrists and twists, whipping me around and shoving me into a wall, pinning me between the shelves and his body.
“Princess,” he growls, his face only an inch from mine, “you need to learn when to stop.”
“You want me to stop? I’ll stop the second you tell me to! I’ll never fucking talk to you again if you ask,” I growl right back. The emotional strain of everything that’s happened in the past few hours makes me feel raw, like someone scrubbed my soul with a wire brush. Angry tears burn my eyes again, and I don’t even bother blinking them away. “But you have to tell me. Say it to my fucking face. Is that what you want? Huh?”
“I want you.” Dmitri’s voice is low, harsh, and dangerous. His breath whispers across my skin, and his eyes are so dark they’re almost black. “But I can’t. Fucking. Have. You.”
“Can’t or won’t? I’m right here, Dmitri. I’m right fucking here!” I push against his hold on me like I’m trying to shove our bodies together. My heart is racing, and I can feel myself flushing, hot all over. “Goddamn it! You drive me insane. You’re such an assholes sometimes, but I still want you so bad it fucking kills me. And if you really don’t want me, then just tell me, and I’ll leave you alone. I’ll get over it eventually—I’ll figure out some way to move on. But don’t tell me you want me and can’t have me, because that’s a load of bullshit, and you know it. I’m right here, and I want you! I want your heart. I want your mind. I want your crankiness and your moodiness and those little moments of sweetness that slip through and make me feel like I really am a goddamn princess. I want every single annoying, frustrating, irritating thing about y—”
I don’t get the rest of my sentence out, because before I can say anything else, Dmitri smashes his mouth against mine and kisses me.
I’m startled by the suddenness of it, and I nearly fall backward, wrapping my arms around him on instinct, and for a second, it’s all clashing lips and teeth like we’re at war. And then Dmitri hauls me to him
properly, gets his hand in my hair, tilts my head, and then—oh, then it’s good. It’s intense, chaotic, and deep, just like Dmitri, and I’m not surprised in the slightest, but it’s still so much that I have to cling to him for fear that I’ll melt.
Now that he’s started, it’s like all the ropes that have been holding him back are cut loose, and he’s free-falling. He’s pouring everything into this kiss, and I’m helpless, unable to do anything but try to keep up and go along for the ride.
Not that I’m complaining. Dmitri knows what he’s doing, and his dominance is hot as fuck.
He’s muttering into my mouth in between kisses, something that sounds like, “It’s you. It’s always been you.”
I feel those words down to the depths of my soul, feel them almost as much as his hot, demanding lips on mine, and they light me on fire.
It’s me.
It’s him.
It’s us.
This is happening.
Fucking finally.
He’s still kissing me like he’s trying to consume me alive, and he releases his grip on my hair so his hands can roam possessively over the rest of me. We keep banging up against the shelves, knocking things loose, moving around the little room erratically as we battle each other and the laws of physics that refuse to let our bodies meld into one.
When he fists the front of my shirt in both hands, I quickly grab the hem of the fabric. I have a feeling it’s going to be demolished if it doesn’t get out of his way in about point two seconds, and I don’t have a backup shirt with me. I’m fairly certain anybody walking by could make a good guess as to what’s going on in here, but if I walk out of this closet with my shirt shredded into a vest, they’ll know for sure.
He lets go of the fabric as I tug it from his hands and haul it over my head, and when his gaze drops to my chest, which is rising and falling fast as I try to get my breath back, the look on his face nearly makes me come on the spot.