by Tessa Teevan
His behavior was strange, and it bothered the hell out of me until Kaylie brought it up later that night before she headed back to the city. Apparently, she had made sure the window was open and she had known that Lily and I were right outside when she started that conversation with Xavier. According to her, she’s tired of me wasting my life away with useless men in relationships that go nowhere. And Xavier’s going to be old and gray and die of blue balls if he doesn’t start dating again. Preferably me.
God love my twin.
That’s how the whole thing started. Part of me did decide to move to be closer to Kale, Lucy, and Jacob, but it’d be lying if I said that Xavier had nothing to do with it. After years of wanting him from afar, my sister and Lily helped plant the seed that pushed me to finally do something about it. Instead of waiting on the sidelines, I got slapped on the ass and put in the game.
Okay, so I put myself in the game all on my own. I just hope he’s a willing participant. Otherwise, this whole thing is going to fail miserably.
But where’s the fun in life if you’re not willing to take risks?
This may just be the biggest one of my life.
“MA!” I yell as I check my watch for the fifth time. “We need to go!”
I’m pacing the living room, waiting to take my mom to the airport. It’s bad enough that she dropped this on me at the last second, but she didn’t even let me pick my own damn nanny. Okay, so it’s not the end of the world that she set it all up, and if I’m honest with myself, she took all the stress off by finding a summer babysitter, but did she have to choose her?
A knock sounds at the door, and speak of the devil, my new summer nanny has arrived in the form of Kalli Montgomery. I yell for Ma one more time before moving to the door to open it.
Standing there is Kalli, looking beautiful as ever, the very sight of her causing my groin to stir. Her long, auburn hair is pulled up in a ponytail, her face fresh and tan from spending her days at the beach. Since she’s makeup free, I’m reminded of how innocent she looked as a teenager, but as my eyes sweep down her body, all the evidence that she’s a woman now comes into view. Long legs, lean muscles from her yoga sessions, and breasts that are begging for me to see just how well they’d fit in my hands. Because right now, I’m pretty sure they’d be a perfect fit.
She clears her throat. When I look up to see a smile playing on her face, I know she caught me checking her out.
“Are you going to invite me in or keep pretending you weren’t just looking at my rack?” she asks.
“What? I wasn’t . . . You don’t have . . . Shit . . . Come on in, Kalli.” I sputter, sounding like an idiot as I open the door wider so she can enter.
As she moves to walk past me, she pats me on the cheek and gives me a saucy wink. “It’s fine, Cruz. I’ve been waiting years for you to check out the girls. Don’t let me stop you.”
For a split second, I can’t help the way my eyes wander back down to the tight tank top she’s wearing. After all, I did just get permission, right? Her laugh pulls my gaze up again, and I shake myself out of it.
“So, uhh, how was the drive?” I sound like a complete tool, but she lets me off the hook for “checking out the girls.”
She tells me all about it, and then I give her the grand tour even though she’s been here several times when she’s visited her brother.
Once in the dining room, we go over the ground rules for Lily—not that it’s anything Kalli doesn’t already know. It’s pretty simple, really, and if Kalli can handle twenty-plus six-year-olds, I know she won’t have any problems. Finally, my mom and Lily emerge from the back of the house. My daughter’s eyes light up when she sees Kalli, and she runs and gives her a tackle hug. Ma greets her as well and then says her goodbyes.
Just as I’m about to follow Ma out the door, I hear my name and turn to see Kalli looking at me. She’s biting her lower lip, and I have the sudden urge to cross the room and kiss the nervous expression off her lips. What the hell? I have no idea what I’m doing or where this is coming from. Actually, that’s a lie. Thoughts of kissing her have been on my mind since Kaylie planted them in my head the last time we were down at her mom’s place.
“Yeah?” I ask a little more gruffly than I meant to.
Her cheeks flush. It’s a look I’m not used to on Kalli Montgomery, but it’s one I wouldn’t mind making happen more often.
“I just . . . I just wanted to say I’m glad I’m here,” she says, twisting her hands together nervously.
Something tells me that she doesn’t just mean with Lily or here in Clarksville to be near her brother and nephew. And that something causes my heart to tighten, because deep down, I know I feel the same and it kinda scares the shit out of me. Before, I could resist my attraction because she was hours away. Now, though? She’s about five minutes down the road. Instead of brushing it off, I decide to bite the bullet and be honest with her for once. I have to start somewhere, and it might as well be now.
“I’m glad you’re here, too. I’m looking forward to this summer.”
Her cheeks flush again, but before she can say anything—and before I can make more of a fool of myself—I slip out the door, wondering what Ma has gotten me in to.
“THAT KALLIOPE gets prettier every time I see her. Don’t you think so, Xavier?” Ma asks me in the car.
I know what she’s doing. She always told me that I need to get out more, but ever since I returned from my last deployment, she’s been much pushier about my needing a girlfriend. A life. Lately, I’ve tended to agree with her. Going out to play pool with the guys a couple of times a month is nice and all, but now that everyone seems to be pairing up, it’s getting a bit lonely.
“Yeah, Ma. She’s beautiful,” I respond, wishing traffic would clear up so I could drop her off at the airport as quickly as possible to end this conversation.
“She’s always been great with Lily, too. And Lily loves her. She raves about her whenever you come home from Alabama. I’m so glad she decided to move here. I think this summer will be good for all of you.”
“Ma, I don’t think—”
She waves me off before I can even finish my thought. “Don’t ‘Ma’ me, Xavier Cruz. You’re stubborn, just like your father. I’ve seen the way you look at her. You like her, and I’m tired of watching you waste your life away. All you do is work and come home. That’s no way to live. You need more than to just hang out with an old woman and a little girl. Before you know it, Lily’s going to be graduating and moving on with your life, and where will you be? Alone.”
“She’s ten. She’s not moving away any time soon,” I respond, ignoring her comment about my liking Kalli. She’s not off base, but that doesn’t mean I’m jumping into a summer fling with my best friend’s sister.
“I just feel like it’s my fault. After your father died, God rest his soul, I threw myself into raising you and then into helping with Lily. I was a bad example, and I don’t want you to follow in my footsteps. Life goes by too quickly, and I’ve been blessed, but sometimes, I wish I had someone to spend these years with.”
“Ma, are you okay?” I ask hesitantly, sensing something in her tone that worries me.
“I’m all right, baby. It’s just . . . I’m not going to be around forever, and Lily needs a womanly influence. Not her grandma. She needs a mom.”
As much as I want to argue with her, telling her that I’m enough, that I can take on both parental roles, I know she’s right. The older Lily gets, the more questions she has, the more guidance she’s going to need. I’m afraid I won’t be able to give the same type of advice a mom could. It sucks growing up with one parent, and I hate that she has to.
“I get it, and I know you’re right. But I’m not jumping into something with Kalli because Lily needs a mother. If and when I do decide to settle down, it’ll be for love. Will I find someone compatible with both me and Lily? Of course, but I won’t actively seek someone out just so Lily has a female figure in her life.” I lean over an
d give her a kiss on the cheek. “Plus, you’re still young, Ma, and you’re the best influence Lily could have.”
She smiles wistfully. “Just promise me to keep an open mind. Sometimes, the best things are right in front of us, and as much as you may want to fight it, for once in your life, do something for you. You might just find what you’ve been looking for.”
“I’m not looking for anything, but I hear you. Now go have the time of your life with Ginger. We’ll miss you, but we’ll be okay here.”
AFTER DROPPING Ma off and then spending the rest of the day at work, I’m still too restless to go home. To be honest, after that conversation with my meddling mother, I’m not sure I’m ready to face Kalli just yet. I know Ma’s right. It’s been a damn decade since Angela left. I’m not harboring lingering feelings or anything. It’s just that I threw myself into raising Lily, and any sort of social life became nonexistent. Sure, I’ve gone on dates here and there. I haven’t been a saint. A man does have needs. But there’s never been anyone I’d even consider bringing home to meet Ma or Lily. No one’s been worth it.
Until now.
And she already knows—and loves—my daughter. That’s what worries me. Are my growing feelings for Kalli legit, or do I just love the way she is with Lily? It’s completely complicated, and that’s why I need to be cautious if—and it’s a big if—I decide to pursue anything with her.
So for now, I’ll just get used to having her around on a daily basis. We’ll form a friendship, and who knows where we’ll go from there?
A LONG run is exactly what I need to get my mind off things. I have a feeling I’m overthinking it, and after realizing that I’m acting like a thirteen-year-old boy with his first crush, I need to calm the hell down and let nature take its course. It’s been a long damn time since I’ve been on the dating circuit, and I don’t even know what I’m doing. Even though Kaylie was convinced that Kalli has a thing for me, I know I shouldn’t just assume that it’s true. Instead, I’ll play it cool. See what happens.
It’s later than I expected it to be when I finish at the gym, so I pick up dinner as sort of an apology for Kalli. Since everything was coordinated with my mom, I’m not exactly sure what hours they arranged, and I know we need to discuss how this summer is supposed to go.
“Daddy!” I hear just as I’m walking in the front door. Lily’s right there, throwing her arms around me.
Ever since her car accident earlier this year, she’s been a bit clingy, but I don’t mind one bit. She’s a daddy’s girl through and through. Kale was watching her when I got the call telling me that she was unconscious and being rushed to the hospital, something a father never wants to experience. It nearly wrecked him as much as it did me. They’d been playing soccer, and she’d run into the road before he’d been able to stop her. The driver didn’t see her, so he hit her before he could brake, knocking her unconscious.
When I made it to the hospital, the wait was agonizing. I’ve been on tours in Iraq, Afghanistan, and Africa. Through firefights and bombs exploding. And still, I’ve never been more terrified than I was while sitting in the waiting room, waiting to hear something, anything, about Lily. She was all I had, and I couldn’t fathom losing her.
Fortunately, she only had some cuts and bruises, minor injuries, and a concussion. The worst, according to her, was that the doctors had to shave the back of her head to stitch up the gash there. I know, though, that it scared her, and if she wants to be clingy, I’m all for it. I’d be lying if I said that it wasn’t hard to let her out of my sight for a while after that.
She tugs on my arm, bringing me back to the present. “Today was awesome! Kalli and I had so much fun. Do you know she didn’t even know who Olaf was? Can you believe it?!”
I laugh, knowing that my girl must’ve subjected Kalli to her current favorite Disney film, and I’m glad because that must mean I’m off the hook for at least one night. “Is that so? Well, I guess it’s a good thing you’re going to spend the summer together. You can introduce her to all your favorite things. I’d say Olaf was a good start.”
“That’s what I’m sayin’!” Lily exclaims, causing me to laugh again.
“Okay, baby. Go get cleaned up for dinner,” I tell her before turning to Kalli, who’s been watching us curiously. I lift up the takeout bags. “Wanna help?”
She nods and follows me into the kitchen, where I set the bags down and pull out a beer for her, assuming she needs it.
“It’s day one, Xavier. Day ONE! I already want to throw her Frozen DVD out the window and run over it a few times. Even if Olaf is a damn cute snowman! I don’t get it. How do kids watch the same show over and over again? I could’ve put it on mute and Lily would’ve known every single line. I swear the first thing I’ll do when I get home tonight is look up more age-appropriate movies for ten-year-olds and find all the ones that don’t have catchy songs.”
“Hey, at least you missed out on the Hannah Montana phase. I’d watch Frozen any day over that crap.”
“Touché,” she responds, shuddering at the thought of Miley Cyrus’s alter ego. “Don’t get me wrong. We had a great day, and I look forward to this summer. I don’t want you to think I’m already complaining.”
“That’s good because it’s too late for you to change your mind, Montgomery. You’re stuck with us for the summer,” I tell her as my eyes rest on her lips, which she’s using to suck from the bottle of beer.
My boxers tighten a bit in the groin area, and I have to look away before I embarrass us both, knowing that my basketball shorts will do little to hide any arousal. Doing the math in my head, I realize that it’s been nearly a year since I’ve gotten any action, and I wonder if that’s why I’m reacting to her presence so quickly.
“Don’t worry, Cruz. There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.”
The air in the room swirls as Lily flounces back in. “I’m famished!” she declares, causing Kalli to grin.
She moves to give her a hug and then a kiss on her head. “Okay, you two. I’ll leave you to eat your dinner. Same time tomorrow?” she asks as she scoops her purse up from the kitchen counter.
A frown crosses my face. “You aren’t staying?”
Kalli looks briefly taken aback before she straightens up and slings her purse over her shoulder. “Oh, um, sorry. I wasn’t aware the invitation was on the table.”
“Woman, sit your ass down and eat dinner. I got enough for the three of us. I promise no Frozen talk at the table.”
“Daddy, you can’t say ass!” Lily exclaims, resulting in a smirk to form on Kalli’s face.
I wait to see what she’s going to do, and I can tell she’s considering her options. “Kalli, it’s just dinner.”
“It’s never just dinner, Xavier,” she whispers softly, almost so low that I barely hear her.
But I hear her. Loud and clear.
“Come on, Kalli! You even said earlier you were just going to eat a frozen pizza for dinner. Pleeeeeeeeeeeease?” Lily chimes in, and I smile at my girl. She may just prove to be a damn fine wingman.
“Okay, okay. I’ll stay. But like your dad said, no Frozen talk.”
Lily huffs. “Fiiiiiiiiiiiiine,” she reluctantly agrees and then she starts humming “Let It Go.”
Kalli runs across the kitchen and grabs her, tickling my daughter until she’s begging for mercy. They make a truce—no talking or humming anything Frozen—while I watch the whole exchange, feeling both sad and happy. Sad because Lily deserves a mom who loves her. She always has, and even though I want to be enough, I worry that I’m not. Happy, because . . . Well, I don’t even want to start down that rabbit hole right now. It’s way too damn soon, and I need to take a step back.
And it’s how our summer begins. Lily, Kalli, and me sitting around the dinner table. She’s only been here for one day and Kalli Montgomery already fits in perfectly.
I’m in trouble.
AFTER A fun, albeit long, day entertaining one of the most energetic ten-year-olds I’ve ever
met, I was ready to go back to my apartment, uncork a bottle of wine, and completely veg out of my couch. Lily had worn me out, and I was exhausted from the drive the day before. So when Xavier asked me to stay for dinner, I couldn’t help but be surprised.
Sure, I’d caught him checking out my chest earlier and it’d made me do a little inside cheer, but after he had left, I realized I was getting a little too excited. He’s a guy; I have boobs. It’s a natural thing for a man to do, and I really didn’t want to read into anything. Especially with the way my stomach fluttered when I saw him standing there, looking sexy as could be in his uniform. It was neat and orderly, showing off his lean form, but I knew that hard muscles were hiding beneath. The way his dark, soulful eyes raked over my body sent shivers up my spine. The only thing I wanted to do was push him back to his bedroom, strip off that uniform, and finally have my wicked way with the guy I’ve wanted for so dang long. But, since I’m supposed to be the nanny and not the creepy, lusting babysitter, I told my raging hormones to calm the hell down.
Due to my first reaction to seeing him again, I decided I needed to take a step back. I couldn’t just waltz into their lives and assume that sparks were going to fly and he was suddenly going to declare that he couldn’t live without me. For this reason, when he extended the dinner invitation, I kind of froze. Even though part of me wanted to spend every second I could with him, I really didn’t want to push him or seem entirely desperate for his attention.
First and foremost, I’m here for Lily, so I can’t let my mind get clouded no matter how much I want him or how he affects me. If anything does happen between us—and I do get that it’s a big if—it has to happen naturally. Then Lily said, “Please?” and I couldn’t say no. But I vowed that, as soon as dinner was over, I was getting out of there. At least that’s what I told myself.