by Tessa Teevan
He clears his throat and fidgets, rocking back and forth on his heels. “Well, I guess that’ll be nice for you. You won’t have to be like the new kid at school on the first day. You’ll already know people.”
“Yep,” I agree simply, because what else can I say? “I’m not used to being the new kid, so it’ll be an adjustment, that’s for sure, but I’m up for it. Lily’s already promised to say hi to me in the halls, and Lucy will be there, so I’m sure it won’t be too bad. It’ll just be nice to see familiar faces.”
“Huh,” is all he says.
I hide my smile. He doesn’t want to share. That much is obvious to me. Now if only I could get him to say the words out loud. Because I think he needs to hear them more than I do.
I KNOW what Kalli wants me to say, but I just can’t yet. I’m not even sure why I’m being such a chickenshit, either. This has slowly, but pretty freaking surely, become one of the best summers of my life. She’s ingrained herself into my life, into my family, and I should be grateful for that. Hell, I am grateful beyond belief. I’m also scared shitless.
Just as quickly as my infatuation with her has grown, so has Lily’s. I don’t miss the way her eyes brighten when Kalli walks in the door. Or at bedtime when it’s, “Kalli this” or “Kalli that,” as she fills me in on all the cool things they did together.
That’s why I haven’t made a move. As much as I want to, I have to think of Lily and how dating would affect her. I think she’d be okay with my dating Kalli. Hell, she’d be ecstatic. But what if it doesn’t work out and things get too awkward for us to be around each other? That’s what scares me the most.
I know it’s not fair to Kalli, and I’m grateful that she hasn’t pushed me yet. I know, though, that things are going to change. They have to. As soon as she starts working and not spending nearly all her free time at my place, she’s going to meet people. She’s going to find someone who can give her what she wants, and as much as I want that guy to be me, I need to be careful. A girl like Kalli doesn’t have a cautious bone in her body, and I’m afraid the longer I wait, the less interested she’ll become.
That’s why, as much as I’ve loved every second of this summer, I’m more than ready for Ma to come back. It’s not enough to only see Kalli at my place with my daughter around all the time. We need to be able to get to know each other outside of this environment. It probably sounds stupid because she already feels like an important part of the family, but I need to separate my home life from my dating life. That’s the only way I’ll be able to start seeing someone again. And the person I want to see is Kalli. But I want to do so without complications. Lily? She’s the biggest complication of all, and until I know if we’re going to work out, I don’t want her having any idea there’s even a chance for Kalli and me.
I think Kalli gets it, which makes it even harder to resist her. She’s so in tune with not only my needs, but Lily’s as well.
Two more weeks. Just two more weeks until everything can return to normal.
But the more I think about it, the more I’m not sure I want them to, and I have no idea what to do about it.
Because at this point, this is my normal and I don’t want it to change.
THIS DAY came way too quickly, and as the clock gets closer to four p.m., the more miserable I feel. I continue to plaster on a smile, though, not wanting Lily to sense my melancholy.
“This blows,” she finally says after we take the last batch of cookies out of the oven.
I turn and look at her, placing a hand on my hip. “Hey. I may not be the world’s greatest cook, but I can bake darn good cookies! You keep saying, ‘This blows’ and I’m going to get a complex.”
She rolls her eyes in my direction. Oh, I’m going to miss this girl. Her personality has blossomed over the course of the summer, and it’s as if she’s turning into a teenager right before my eyes. I can already tell that Xavier’s going to have his hands full in the years to come. It’s going to be so fun to watch, too. I just hope I get the chance.
“Not that, Aunt Kalli. This,” she responds, holding her arms out and twirling dramatically. “I’m happy Grandma’s coming back and all, but she doesn’t do all the fun stuff like you do with me.”
I smile at the memory of her wanting to binge-watch the entire Harry Potter collection, taking pride in the fact that she loved them so much she even asked if we could go to the library so she could read the books to compare them.
After crossing the room, I pull her in for a big hug and place a kiss on the top of her head. “Lilypad, I’m not going anywhere. I promise,” I reassure her. “It’s like any summer vacation. We knew it had to end. But look on the bright side. Instead of me going back to Alabama, I’m only a few minutes away. And we’ll see each other at school, too.”
She nods into my embrace, squeezing me tight. “Promise?” she asks, sounding nearly on the verge of tears.
My own eyes start to water, and I quickly blink to get rid of them before pulling back and squatting down in front of her to give her a reassuring smile.
“Hey,” I begin, but she doesn’t look at me. Taking my thumb and forefinger, I lift her chin until her eyes meet mine. “I said I promise, and I mean it, Lily. I’m here for the long haul. My number will still be on the fridge, and if you need anything, anything at all, I’ll always be there for you.”
“No matter what?”
I nod. “No matter what. Cross my heart and all that jazz.”
“Okay,” she whispers almost as if she’s not sure whether to believe it or not.
If I could find Angela whatever-the-hell-her-name-is and choke her, I would. How could you have a little girl and just walk away? It breaks my heart, and I’m worried that that’s part of the reason Lily’s so hesitant to believe I’m sticking around. I’m not Angela, though, and I’m never walking away. Ever.
In order to lighten the mood, I tousle her hair. “Besides, everyone needs a crazy aunt, and you’re never going to get rid of me. Got that?”
Finally, a smile breaks out across her face. “You are kinda crazy,” she agrees with a giggle.
“Hey!” I protest, scooping her up and carrying her into the living room, where I plop down on the couch with her in my lap, tickling her. “Take that back!”
Her laughter echoes throughout the house, and I finally stop so she can catch her breath.
“You said it first!” she exclaims.
“Touché, Lily. Touché.”
She surprises me as she sits up and throws her arms around my neck, squeezing tight. “I love you, Aunt Kalli,” she whispers.
Hot tears prick my eyes as I bring a hand up to stroke her hair. “I love you, too, Lilypad. Always have, always will,” I echo, a sentiment my own mom has used my entire life.
And when Xavier comes home from work, that’s how he finds us—cuddling and curling up on the couch with Harry Potter on the television. It’s a moment I wouldn’t change for the world, and I silently pray that the rest of my life will be filled with ones just like this.
IT’S FINALLY here, and it came all too soon—the last day that Kalli will be Lily’s sitter. And I’m even more confused than before.
As I make the drive home, a part of me hates knowing that this is the last time I’ll walk into my house and find my two favorite girls together, more than likely in the kitchen, where Kalli’s making whatever new recipe she found on Pinterest to try. Ever since Lucy introduced her to the website, Lily and I have become her guinea pigs. Not that I’m complaining. Hell no, you won’t hear a complaint out of me.
Is it completely wrong that I love the idea of Kalli Montgomery in my kitchen, and if she decided she never wanted to leave, I’d have half a mind to agree? She spoils Lily and me, and it’s going to take some time getting used to having Ma back in the house. Don’t get me wrong. I love my mother. But for the first time in my adult life, I wonder what life would be like if things stayed the same way they’ve been all summer. If Ma had decided to remain in Gulf Shores permanentl
y and Kalli took over. At the same time, I’ll have my live-in babysitter back, and I will finally be able to properly date Kalli if I want to, which I know I do.
As I pull into the drive, I push those thoughts out of my mind, knowing I need to get my head on straight.
When I walk into the house, I freeze as I see my future.
Correction. I see what I want my future to be. What my future could be.
Because my two favorite girls? They’re snuggled up on the couch, their eyes fixated on the television screen. I have no idea what they’re even watching, because my eyes? They’re fixated on them. Kalli’s lying down on the couch on her side, her back resting against the cushions. Lily’s in front of her, her body curled up against Kalli, who has an arm protectively wrapped around her.
Life isn’t fucking fair, and for a split second, all of my unresolved anger towards Angela rises to the surface. How could she have left her daughter? This is the life Lily should have. This is the life I want Lily to have. This is the life Lily could have if I’d just get over my shit and finally let someone in. And hell, don’t I deserve this, too? It’s not just Lily who could have this life. I want it, too. Possibly with Kalli. If I’m honest with myself, she’s already dug in so deep that, no matter what happens, I won’t ever be able to extract her, no matter how hard I try. And I don’t know why I’d even want to.
Just as I’m about to take out my phone to snap a picture, Kalli turns to look at me, her eyes widening. “Oh crap!” she says, looking from me to the clock and then back to me. “Sorry, Xavier. We turned on Harry Potter and completely checked out. I had no idea what time it was. I’ll start dinner right now.” She begins to rise up from the couch, much to Lily’s chagrin.
“Don’t worry about it, Kalli. In fact, I’m actually glad you haven’t started it. I thought we could go out.”
I was?
“You were?” she asks, wrinkling her nose, almost as if she’s reading my mind.
“Well, yeah. You were never supposed to take over the dinner duties anyway, so I figured it’d only be fair if I took you out on your last night.” The words sound so final as they come out of my mouth, but I try to ignore it.
She smiles in my direction. “I haven’t minded cooking. You know that. But going out sounds like a great idea. Why don’t you go change and we’ll figure out where to go.”
“Sounds perfect,” I tell her. Then I make my way down the hall to change, wondering, if—and how—I can get her to break her “no staying after Lily goes to sleep” rule.
EVEN THOUGH we were going to dinner for Kalli, she allowed Lily to decide where we were going—something that had Lily beaming from ear to ear. Throughout the meal, however, she kept dropping hints about Kalli staying at the house after dinner for one last Friday movie night—even though it’s technically Thursday. Since I have to pick Ma up from the airport, I already have tomorrow off, so I saw no problem at all with Lily staying up late and Kalli sticking around. More time with her before this whole arrangement ends? Fine by me.
It didn’t take much begging from Lily before Kalli agreed, but only on the condition that she got to pick the movie. Lily readily agreed, and the look of satisfaction on Kalli’s face had me worried about what she had in store for us.
As soon as we get back to the house, Kalli hops out of my truck and runs over to her car, leaning into the back seat in search of something. I try to avert my eyes, but her ass is practically beckoning me in those tight jeans, which are showcasing one of her best assets. My mouth waters as my thoughts turn south. The past two months have only caused my want for her to grow exponentially. I’ve jacked off more than I did when I was a damn teenager, and if I don’t find some way to be with her soon, my dick’s going to be rubbed raw.
“Ahem.”
A throat clearing jolts me out of my thoughts, and I realize she caught me checking her out. Wasn’t the first time. She gives me a wink then holds a DVD case to her chest as if she cherishes whatever movie she’s about to make us watch.
“I’ve been waiting all summer for this,” she says, grinning mischievously.
Lily and I glance at each other, wondering what the heck we’re in for.
Kalli starts walking up the porch to the house, still not showing us whatever she’s holding. “This was one of my favorite movies growing up—heck, it’s probably one of my all-time favorite movies. I watched it over and over and over again. Kale even tried hiding it from me because I watched it so much.”
I know exactly where this is headed, and I can’t help the groan that escapes my lips. “God, no. Please tell me you’re not holding what I think you’re holding.”
Kalli laughs as we make our way inside, and Lily runs to the kitchen to make popcorn, apparently not caring what the movie is.
Kalli shuts the door behind us and leans against it, one eyebrow raised in my direction. “You think you know what I’m talking about, Cruz?”
“Well, if Kale’s to be believed, I’m about to be tortured with a hip-gyrating John Travolta.”
Her eyes light up. “How could I have forgotten about that?! Next time I come over, I’m bringing Grease,” she says dreamily.
Next time. I’m a little too excited at the prospect of the next time. “Don’t you think she’s a bit too young for Grease?”
Kalli waves me off. “Maybe, maybe not, but that’s up to you, not me. It’s why I haven’t brought The Princess Bride over. I didn’t want to step on your toes by introducing her to older movies. I, however, was watching them by the time I was eight. I’m sure you’re not surprised, though.”
“With Ginger? Absolutely not. Kale told me about her taking the three of you to see Titanic in the movie theater. First set of tits he ever saw.”
Her shoulders shake with laughter. “I still remember the look on his face when they showed Kate Winslet naked. He asked Mom to go see it every weekend after that for a month. But that’s Ginger. She raised us that the naked body is beautiful and is to be celebrated and not to be seen as something taboo or wrong. But don’t worry. I have no plans on showing Lily Titanic for years.”
“Preferably never,” I respond. “She’s already growing up too quickly.
“What is it?” Lily asks, reentering the room, getting the conversation back on topic.
“Yeah, Kalliope. If it’s not Grease, what other movie was your favorite as a kid?”
A breathtaking smile forms on her face, and she bounces up and down on her toes with excitement. Clearly, she really loves whatever it is. Not making us wait any longer, she holds out the DVD.
“Little Women!” she exclaims, looking back and forth at both of us, waiting for a reaction.
“Little Women? What’s that? I’ve never heard of it,” Lily says, wrinkling her nose.
“Little Women is based on one of my favorite books, and this film adaptation is incredible,” Kalli gushes. Then she laughs when Lily wrinkles her nose again. “Don’t worry, Lilypad. Just because it’s a book doesn’t mean it’s not good. Some of my favorite movies used to be books.”
“I don’t know . . .” Lily responds, to which Kalli just shakes her head.
“You know what, Lily? We spent the summer watching your movies. Now it’s time for me to introduce you to my world of movies. Did I steer you wrong with Harry Potter? Those were books first.” Kalli asks, cocking an eyebrow.
Lily smiles sheepishly. “No, I guess not.”
Kalli places an arm around her shoulder and gives her a squeeze. “Exactly! See? I know what I’m talking about. You just have to trust me. So, maybe we can keep up our Friday tradition,” she says.
Both girls look up at me, with matching hopeful expressions on their faces as Kalli continues.
“Maybe not every Friday, but once a month or something. We can always do it at my place, too.”
A smile at the idea of continuing Friday Movie Night tugs at my lips. “I’m in if Lily’s in.”
“Score!” Lily exclaims, causing us all to laugh.
Kalli grins down at her. “Just remember what I said, though. The next few movies nights, I get to pick.” She gets a dreamy look on her face at the prospect of introducing Lily to more adult films, and I trust that she’ll make sure they’re appropriate. She starts ticking off movies on her fingers. “Let’s see. We can watch Pride and Prejudice, The Secret Garden, The Chronicles of Narnia. Ahh, the list is endless! This is going to be like going back to my own preteen years. I may even have to pull out Spice World.”
I choke out a laugh. “Being the father of a ten-year-old girl, I was okay with that list. You, however, lost me at Spice World.”
“What?! You know you want to watch. ‘If you wanna be my lover’,” she starts to sing, shimmying back and forth as she does her best rendition of one of the Spice Girls’ most popular songs, causing me to laugh even harder.
“Are we going to watch the movie or what?” Lily’s standing next to the television with her hands on her hips, watching us with sheer annoyance.
“Okay, okay. I’ll save my trip down memory lane for another time,” Kalli says and walks towards Lily to set up the show.
Leaving them to it, I head to the kitchen and grab the popcorn and a soda for Lily. They’re already watching the previews when I reenter the room and set the snacks down.
“You do know you can skip to the menu, right?” I ask.
Kalli shushes me. “The previews are the best part, Cruz,” she whisper-hisses, not even looking at me.
Shaking my head, I go back to the kitchen and take a moment to stare at the bottle of wine I impulsively picked up on the way home from work today. It’s a special occasion, right? With that thought, I uncork the bottle and pour us each a glass.
“Here,” I whisper to Kalli, her eyes widening when she hears my voice. I set my glass down on the end table and hold hers out to her.
She takes it, and I plop down onto the couch beside her in my usual spot. I’m on the edge, she’s in the middle, and Lily’s lounging on the other edge.
She looks over at Lily, who’s already fixated on the screen, then back at me. “What’s this?” she asks.