by Tessa Teevan
He looks as if he wants to protest, but then he thinks better of it. His jaw tightens, and he swallows hard. After what feels like an eternity, he only nods. I hold in my sigh, knowing I should’ve seen this coming. I try to hide my disappointment.
“Okay. So friends it is,” I say, offering him a smile as I push myself up out of my chair and head to the back door to slide it open. “Call me when you want to hang, buddy.”
Then, I turn to leave. And he lets me go.
“DAD! WAKE up!”
I groan when Lily’s cheerful voice breaks through my dreams. She starts shaking me, and I turn, pulling my pillow back over my head.
“Go away, Lil. Ten more minutes,” I tell her, which earns me a soft giggle.
It’s the opposite of our usual routine. I’m usually the one struggling to get her to wake up. But after the late night last night, all I want to do is sleep in. I’m not sure how long I sat out on the deck after Kalli left, but I had a lot to think about. It was nice having an adult conversation with her, letting her know my fears, and the fact that she understood means more to me than she’ll ever know. And then she surprised the hell out of me when she alluded to the possibility of her dating other guys. Hadn’t she just told me that I’m the one who’s been making her heart flutter for the past ten years?
“Dad!” Lily climbs up onto my bed and pulls the pillow off my head. “We have to go pick up Grandma!”
Turning, I wrap my arm around her waist and pull her down on the bed for a hug. “She’s been gone for weeks. She can wait an extra twenty minutes.”
Lily scoffs and puts her fingers over my eyes, lifting my lids. “Daaaaaaaad. We can’t leave Grandma waiting. School starts soon, and we have to go back-to-school shopping. I want to redecorate my room, too. It’s way too young for me,” she says, sounding way too much like a teenager and not my ten-year-old little girl.
“Redecorate, huh?”
She nods profusely. “Yeah. I think it’s about time. I asked Aunt Kalli if she’d help me, but she thought it would be something fun for Grandma and me to do together since we’ve been apart all summer. Now hurry up and get ready or else we’re going to be late!”
Kalli. Of course, she would. Shaking my head, I rise from the bed and head to the shower, wondering just how different things around here are going to be now.
It’s no secret. Kalli’s inserted herself into our lives, burrowed in deep, and changed the Cruz family forever.
There’s just one question left to answer. What am I going to do about it?
“GRANDMA!” LILY’S running across the airport with a look of excitement on her face.
I don’t even have the heart to tell her to slow down as she heads straight towards Ma, who seems equally as happy. I stride towards them, wrapping them both up in a hug when I reach them.
“Welcome home, Ma,” I tell her, giving her a kiss on her head.
She pulls away, and I frown when I see her. Instead of looking refreshed, like she’d just spent the entire summer on the beach, she looks worn out. She has bags under her eyes, and she’s pale. I don’t say a word until we’ve made our way to baggage claim.
“Lil, why don’t you go get a luggage cart? You know how many bags your grandma packed, and even a man as strong as am can’t carry them all.”
Lily nods and skips off in the direction of the carts. I immediately turn to my mother.
“What’s going on, Ma? Are you okay?”
She waves me off, but I notice she doesn’t look me in the eyes. Worry seeps in.
“I’m fine, honey. I came down with something this past week and I’ve been a little under the weather. That’s all.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I promise. I had a wonderful time this summer with Ginger, but I missed you and Lily. I just need to catch up on some sleep and then I’ll be brand new.”
I spot Lily walking back towards us and drop the subject for now.
The entire way home, Lily monopolizes the conversation, giving Ma a very detailed rundown of her summer with Kalli. Some of the things she mentions, I didn’t even know they did, and I smile at the pure joy in Lily’s voice.
“Wow. It sounds like I could’ve stayed in Alabama,” Mom remarks as soon as Lily’s out of the room.
“Ma, you know she missed you and would be devastated if you moved away.”
“Oh, Xavier, you misunderstand me. I’m not upset. She’s ten years old. Of course she had a great summer with Kalli. I missed her just as much and still had a blast with Ginger. It’s not a competition. Plus, I do believe I told you Kalli would be good for her before I left. And that she’d be good for you, too.” She raises an eyebrow in my direction, just waiting for the juicy gossip.
“I know what you’re thinking, but there’s nothing to report on that front, Ma,” I tell her—much to her obvious disappointment.
“My sweet son, what am I going to do with you? You had the perfect opportunity with her being here every day, and you blew it? Ginger and I were hoping you two were just trying to keep things hush-hush.”
It’s my turn to raise an eyebrow as I lean back in my chair. “So, is that what this summer was about? A matchmaking adventure?”
“No, nothing like that.”
I give her a disbelieving look.
She has the decency to blush. “Okay, so maybe we had hoped. When Kalli decided to move here, it presented the perfect opportunity for me to go there for the summer and for her to watch Lily. Can you blame two old ladies for hoping that their children might actually fall in love, especially when we know they’re perfect for each other?”
“You’re not old, Ma.”
“Sometimes, I feel like it. I just want you to be happy, Xavier.”
“Look, this needs to stay between you and me. I don’t want Lily to know until I’m ready. And I don’t want Ginger to know, either, unless Kalli says something to her.”
Ma’s eyes widen, and she leans in close. “My lips are sealed.”
Running a hand through my hair, I wonder why I’m about to admit this. “Don’t get too excited. I meant it when I said nothing happened while you were gone. However, I wanted something to.”
A huge grin spreads over her face, and I hold up a hand so she’ll let me continue.
“It just didn’t feel right to start dating while she was watching Lily. We both agreed for things to go slow, so don’t start sending out wedding invitations with Ginger.”
“Oh, honey, I won’t. I’m happy for you. I really do think she’s good for you. Heck, you already look more content than I’ve ever seen you, and if that’s just from spending the summer with her platonically, I can’t imagine how being in a relationship with her will make you feel. What exactly are you going to do?”
“Well, now that you’re back, I’m going to pursue her.”
There. I said it.
I’m going to pursue Kalli Montgomery.
Saying it out loud actually feels pretty damn good.
Now I just have to figure out where to start.
AS LUCK would have it—my luck, anyway—Xavier was sent to some training exercise shortly after his mom got home, so we still haven’t had a chance to spend time together. Even though I should be disappointed, I’ve been so busy with school that I don’t actually mind. I think he might actually have been onto something when he said that he needed to separate his feelings for me and how Lily cares about me. I needed to do the same.
A little bit of space has been helpful, and now that I’m not spending every day at his home, cooking his meals, waiting for him to get home from work, I feel a bit more grounded. Don’t get me wrong. I miss seeing him on a daily basis. But I’m no longer craving that domesticity I felt over the summer.
Okay, I’m lying, but I’m trying my hardest to enjoy my independence. I may end up over at Kale and Lucy’s a couple of times a week to combat the loneliness, but I’m getting by. I’ve also made friends with some the faculty members, thanks to Lucy’s back-to-school meet a
nd greet. I’m proud to announce that I’ve even been asked out a couple of times. I claimed I was busy, but the more weekends I sit at home alone, the more I’m inclined to agree.
At first¸ I used Xavier’s absence as an excuse. Sure, I told him that I wouldn’t wait around forever. It wasn’t his fault he was called away, though, and it seemed unfair not to at least give him the chance to fill up my time. However, I know he’s been back for nearly a week—thanks to Lily’s daily updates when I see her in the hall—and I haven’t heard a word from him. I’ve been holding out, waiting for him to contact me, but the longer his silence stretches, the more anxious I’ve become. It’s only a matter of time before I break down.
“This week has been exhausting.”
I look up to see Lucy walking into my classroom before she plops down in one of the desks in the front row.
“I’m glad I caught you before you left for the day.”
“Barely. I was just about to pack up and leave. My week’s been equally exhausting, and I am more than ready to throw on my pajamas, grab a beer, and set my ass on the couch to watch reality television.”
“No hot plans tonight?” she asks, cocking up an eyebrow. “I overheard Justin talking about seeing if you were available in the teachers’ lounge earlier.”
I bow my head and give it a shake before looking back up at her with a grimace at the memory of the last time Justin, the physical education teacher, asked me out. “I may have avoided him every time I saw him in the hallway today.”
She lets out a deep groan. “Kalli . . . Seriously. I know you have a thing for Xavier, but come on. You spent all summer together and what do you have to show for it? A used-up vibrator and long, lonely weekends.”
I look at her curiously. “I thought you were Team Kalli and Xavier?”
“I was.” She amends her statement when I narrow my eyebrows at her. “I mean, I am. Look, I think you two are perfect together, and honestly, I know I’d have a lot of fun watching Kale give him shit for dating his sister, but you have to draw the line somewhere. You can’t keep sitting at home all weekend, wondering if today is going to be the day he calls. He’ll call. I’m sure of it. I just think you should be out when he does. Give that Cruz Control a little test.”
Cruz Control? There isn’t a term more apt for what he’s putting me through. I love how Lucy Dawson’s mind works. “You want me to make him jealous.”
“No, it’s not that,” she says, grinning mischievously. “I just think he needs to know that it’s time to shit or get off the pot.”
“But Lily—” I start to protest, but she waves me off.
“Lily schmlily. She’s one of the most well-adjusted kids I know. It’s time Xavier stops using the fact that he has a daughter as an excuse for having an abysmal dating life. And if he can’t, then you need to move on. Once and for all. No more back and forth.”
She makes a good point. “Yeah, I get what you’re saying, Luce, but I agreed to this. He asked for time, to go slow, and I said I’d go along with it. How can I back out now? Then again, I did tell him I wasn’t going to wait at home every night.”
“Are you listening? You’re not actually going to back out. You’re just going to show him that you can. And if it comes down to it, you will. I get he’s been out of town, but the man has a phone. It’s 2014. You say you want to get to know someone, you call them. You don’t say, ‘Hey, I like you,’ and then disappear.”
I sigh. “You’re right. I’ll give him another week. If Justin asks me out again, I’ll say yes.” Even as I say the words, I know my heart’s not in it. There’s no way I’ll actually agree to a date with someone I have no interest in, but it appeases Lucy.
She grins and rises from the chair in order to leave. “That’s all I wanted to hear. Now, instead of sitting on your couch, come hang out with me for the night. Kale’s working late and now that Charlie’s expecting, she wants experience with a baby and asked to take Jacob for the night. I need to unwind probably as much as you do.”
“I’m in. Let me go home and change. Then I’ll be over. And, Luce?”
She turns back to look at me.
“Thank you. For understanding and everything. And please, for my sake, hold off on telling Kale about any of this.”
“Not my story to tell, Kalli. See you in a bit.”
SEVERAL HOURS, too many margaritas, and a drinking game involving how many times Gordon Ramsay curses during Kitchen Nightmares leads to a very intoxicated me and an equally lit Lucy. Tiring of the bloody-angry Brit, we flip through the channels and find nothing worth watching. Lucy’s bright idea is to turn music on, and we spend the next hour trying to remember various line dances we’ve learned over the years. Neither of us can remember all the moves, and I’m sure we look like idiots. That doesn’t ruin our good time, though, and it’s not long before we’re making up some weird hybrid of the Macarena and the Dougie.
Our legs get tangled on our latest move, tripping us up. We collapse into a fit of giggles, the alcohol making us both think we’re funnier than we actually are, have more rhythm than either of us possesses. As I try to catch my breath, I think about how nice this is. Letting loose, having fun, not having a care in the world. It’s been too damn long since I’ve done this.
Lucy’s right. My weekends have been long and lonely, and suddenly, I no longer want to turn Justin down. Just because I accept a date doesn’t mean anything. I’m a twenty-seven-year-old single, sexy, confident female. Why shouldn’t I go out?
Because he’s not who you want to go out with.
Ugh. Even drunk, I can’t stop thinking about him.
Out of nowhere, a throat clears, and I look up to see him standing there. Groaning to myself, I slap my hand on my forehead and blink twice, hoping to wipe his image away. It isn’t until I hear Lucy squeal and push up from the floor to tackle my now visible brother that I realize I’m not seeing things. He’s actually here. After I spent weeks of waiting and wishing for contact, he’s right in front of me.
Sober me knows he had work obligations that kept him from busy. Even Anna made sure to mention that he was out of cell range and he only had time to call and check in with Lily before bed.
Drunk me, however? Drunk me is a little peeved that I haven’t heard a word from him, and drunk me wants him to know it.
“Hey, look! He’s alive! It’s the elusive Xavier Cruz. I was beginning to think I dreamt that this summer happened,” I say, the tequila in my veins loosening my lips quite a bit. “How wonderful of you to grace us with your presence.”
He frowns at me, and I don’t miss the way Lucy and Kale exchange a glance. “Come on, crazy girl. I’ll give you a ride home,” Xavier says, offering me his hand.
I ignore it and try to stand on my own, wobbling just a little bit as I give him a glare. Did he just call me crazy? I’ll show him crazy. I try to move away from him, but he catches my arm and turns to look at my brother.
“Don’t worry about her. She’ll get home safe.”
I roll my eyes. “Yeah, Kale, you don’t have to worry about me. Knight In Shining Army—heh I said army! I mean armor. Knight in Shining Armor Cruz will make sure I get home and he won’t touch a single hair on my head.” I shake my head, leaning forward as if to whisper to my brother. “Trust me. I’ve tried to get him to, but he won’t bite. I wish he would. At this point, I’d even be satisfied with a little nibble.”
Kale just shakes his head, used to my drunken antics, and gives my hair a ruffle. “I know, Kalli. You’ve been trying to get into his pants for a long time. Don’t you think it’s about time to give up the chase?” He’s grinning at me.
I know he’s only kidding, but I tilt my head and look at him as if he’s just asked the world’s most existential question. “You know, Kale . . . I think you’re right.” I can hear the slurring of my words, but I don’t care. I’m too buzzed to care. “Lucy says shit or get off the pot. I think she’s onto something.”
“Hey! Don’t bring me into this,
Kalliope,” Lucy protests, narrowing her eyes at me.
“I’m just saying . . . you give good advice. I should listen to you more often.” I turn to look at Xavier. “In fact, I’m just going to stay here and get more advice from my awesome friend, Lucy. You can just go back to wherever you’ve been hiding.”
“Okay, we’re out of here,” Xavier says, throwing me over his shoulder and walking out the door.
I should protest, pound my fists on his back, and insist that he put me down. I don’t, however, because truth be told, I kind of like that he just manhandled me. Plus, I have a really nice view of his ass from this angle. I tilt my head to get a closer look and stretch my hands down, trying to cop a feel. It’s too much work to be mad, so I let him carry me out of the house and down the driveway. He deposits me into his truck with ease and then joins me moments later.
The drive to my apartment is relatively silent, and I feel a little foolish for my reaction at Kale’s house. I know I’ll probably regret it in the morning, and I should say something now, but my brain’s working overdrive, wondering where he’s been, what he’s been doing. More importantly, why did he show up tonight? Did he know I was there? Did he want to see me? Why do I let him affect me so?
Those are a lot of questions for a drunk person, and by the time we pull up to my apartment, I’m ready to escape. I need to put some distance between us before I start saying my thoughts out loud.
“You don’t have to come in,” I tell him when he starts to get out of the truck.
“Kalli, I’m coming in,” he insists.
I decide I don’t like his tone, and instead of being drunk and throwing myself at him, I get annoyed with his stupid chivalry. I don’t need him to walk me to the door, and I most certainly don’t need him to tuck me into bed.
“You’re not coming in.” With that, I slide out of his truck, slam my door, and stumble across the parking lot, not looking back until I get to my door. Just as I’m turning the key in my lock, Xavier’s at my back, pressing up against me.
“I’m coming in,” he says firmly.