“You’re working in unity helping each other grow—that’s what life is all about. It’s surprising how some people go through life never growing—could be 80 and still have a child’s view of life—never changing, like they’re 5. The Pyramid Lady, you, Gloria’s Helper, Gloria, and myself. We five people can get a lot more done than one alone, yet we’re responsible for our own little area. If she had four personalities, they wouldn’t be working for something common. Each personality would be working for its own advantage. By helping others we grow. You know, what I think helps you most in your work is your sensitivity. You feel for them. Takes a lot out of you sometimes. Takes a lot of energy.”
“Understand my work is important; but if the person I am sent to help refuses to acknowledge me, or to help themselves, I eventually withdraw. However, I do not intrude nor pose a threat. I only come when a person is open for help. For example, I have another mission I am working on—a desperate man who called out for help. Regrettably, he’s a stubborn old alcoholic who has thrown his good life away and now resists my guidance, love, and blessings. My power to help is limited by what a human being is willing to give me. I am afraid in this case I might fail. A pity.”
“I wanted to get things straightened out with you. When I said I wasn’t a part of Gloria’s personality, I meant she’s a good carrier, like a pigeon carrier—a channel for communication. Gloria spoke in tongues to the Holy Spirit for help—she didn’t care what kind of help—and then asked for me to come, and I came just like that. I was with her two years before she came to see you. The Holy Spirit led her here to see you; I am not the Holy Spirit. I was already doing my work, some other work. I am a part of her like you are—more like a guide than anything else. Not a guide either. I would say I come higher than a guide. I will always be with Gloria, and I won’t leave her after her work is done. Whenever she gets into trouble, I will help her out. I will be of help so as not to back her up. This is why I get so happy and triumphant when you have improvement with her. Feel! I share in it. I was going along helping someone else when it was almost decided I was to help Gloria, even before she asked for help. I had thought of coming to help her, but I hadn’t lived long enough, or I should say hadn’t been gone long enough. It was then suggested to me, and someone else took over for me, and I came over here. I told you in one of my letters my job is to leave you with faith and hope. I thought I hadn’t left you with that, to leave you with belief, because that could throw your work all off helter-skelter.”
“In Gloria’s case the power of healing comes from itself, outside of her conscious awareness. It is more spiritual than anything else. Unlike people who have ‘God experience,’ it is not a fake. Only the person’s selves, the conscious person and unconscious, are really able to heal the person. The Helper, unconscious, helps by healing internally. The self-helper is guided by God, really God helping a person through the self-helper. It’s hard to understand, hard to believe. You have to take it on by belief. Psychologists have it wrong in some ways. A person would talk to a fantasy figure when they’re alone, not even aware I am there, although she senses something. I couldn’t come and help you with other clients only in a broad general field. Send you blessings, but can’t help you with your other clients. That way, psychiatrists might say she built up a fantasy figure, but she hasn’t. I think psychiatrists have set patterns of rules. I think you have to have all the facts before making conclusions. This is where psychiatrists make mistakes and fail their patients. They dismiss anything outside their rules and conscious awareness. That is the difference between modern science and a shaman. If Gloria had built up a fantasy figure, me, I would be able to talk to her, but not to you. The same is true for the Pyramid Lady. I look at her as a symbol, a guide, rather than a fantasy figure. If she were a fantasy figure, Gloria would know all she says. You know how often the Pyramid Lady appears in her dreams and gives her advice; the unconscious could not do that. What we’re talking about is different ranges of hierarchy, different levels of awareness working together. We are part of a team—our ways, our manner of doing things. We have our own way of doing it. The Pyramid Lady guides Gloria’s Helper through her dreams. I guide her through my communication with you; and I guide you through our communication, while the Pyramid Lady stays back. Dissociation can be right in some cases, but is not true in this case. Now that I know what you’re trying to figure out I can give you some ideas; of course, they’re only opinions.”
“The Internal Self-Helper wouldn’t be a dissociation. It would be an awareness to help the person achieve their goal. We’re all working for the same purpose. One is not going off to the side. For example, the Pyramid Lady is helping Gloria’s Helper, and Gloria’s Helper is helping Gloria. Call it more like resources, if they’re not blind to them—if they want to open their eyes to it. Most people have a Guardian Angel and two or three guides. It’s a rare person to be in touch with their unconscious to see them, hear them, or know that they’re here. To converse with you, that’s untold of. If psychiatrists or psychologists stop at Freud’s system, or more modern scientific systems they employ, it couldn’t happen. It’s happening between you and me, and you’re not hypnotized—Gloria is, you’re not. So I’ve reached you; but when I first talked to you, if you would have laughed it off, thought it was hocus-pocus, I would have withdrawn. That would have been the end of it. It could have changed things where you would have remained blind to me. If the members of your profession would only have faith that it is possible, that it can happen without seeing, resources would appear. They must have faith of believing; that takes a lot of faith. Sometimes a person’s internal helper will withdraw or get angry and will bring in an entity who’s very mischievous to make trouble, but rarely is allowed to. Mostly the person isn’t allowed to get that angry, because it would cause too much trouble in a situation like this. It would back off people—back up their help, take away from what they’re doing. It would just be silliness—no purpose, just trouble making—because people take their faults with them when they die. It’s just conceit because they haven’t been believed. They get conceited and jealous like little children. It doesn’t remain or last, may keep it up for a month or so; then the internal helper gives up and says, ‘the person doesn’t believe’ so they go on their way. It’s vitally important for the therapist to be open. It’s critical they believe and have faith. Open mindedness, that’s the key. If you can open up your mind to many possibilities, it can lead to many fascinating facts and results. Some day you will believe this is not just a mental suggestion.”
“I believe I have said this before, but it’s worth repeating. The patient’s resources stop where the therapist’s beliefs stop. It is critical that the therapist have an open mind and complete faith in the patient’s deeper resources. The most formidable and potent resources must be approached with respect, taken seriously and accepted on faith. Understand the information and knowledge shared with the therapist is entirely dependent on his or her level of development, their ability to properly use what is communicated for the patient’s or therapist’s benefit and welfare, and the level of trust and belief the resource has in the therapist. The success of their bond and their mission is founded on mutual trust, respect, and faith in each other’s abilities and potentials. Remember this!”
“Already, Gloria’s case proves you can go farther and farther. It takes faith, trust, and love. Split personality is destructive; it would turn you around from what your objective is and wouldn’t be a helper. The internal self-helper is sometimes sent to help, but not always. It has to do more with the soul than the mind and brain. They’re all united, but the soul goes further and brings consciousness to higher things in life. The soul would be at peace and you would be able to love and love one’s self—like a creative act of love. Two most important things in life—Dissociation and expansion—all that makes sense too, but it goes further than that. There’s a creative self that asserts itself as a person gets stronger. Certain signals call on me tha
t I have to respond to, like one soul calling another soul. Each personality has its own signal to reach you. I guess it’s different for each one. We have our own. I am not a dissociation; there’s more to this than meets the eye. People like me can concentrate on helping one person at a time, like a team working together—like the Pyramid Lady, Gloria’s Helper, myself, you and Gloria. The five of us work together for the same purpose, to make a whole person out of this one being. I am an association to the soul, God, and I send forth love, love oneself, others, a creative act.”
“I would be creative on my own, but I have to take rules and orders from the Higher Self. I’m subjected to rules and also have to work in conjunction with you to leave you with feeling challenged and confident. That’s part of my job.”
“When you have resources you have options. You are facing the closed minds of a whole generation. When a doctor doesn’t have belief or hope, then the resources would not come out. That’s as far as the patient will go. The doctor wouldn’t be able to talk to the Helper because the Helper wouldn’t feel a bond. It would stop where he wants it to stop—not what he wants, but stop where his belief is. In other words this is not hocus-pocus. People have been taught for so many years not to believe in the supernatural. They just dismissed it. The belief and faith, itself, is what makes the progress. You hear a patient saying, ‘I wish I had another psychologist.’ Patients sense doctors’ beliefs, he isn’t going to get better. Faith and belief only progresses, advances the mind. If a person expects the best life, they can do better; changes attitude. You keep pushing on the attitude. Now, we wouldn’t have come; and the Pyramid Lady, her Guardian Angel, and I couldn’t have come, if you wouldn’t have been open minded, open in your belief. Gloria wouldn’t have believed in us. Psychiatrists damage people by labeling them. In so doing they put an artificial limit to what that person can experience. No matter what happens in life they think it’s a coincidence, chance, rather than their own resources that brought it about. It actually does damage to a person for psychiatrists to stop there. After the patient finishes they ask themselves a lot of questions. They don’t believe in themselves and go through life not really whole. For example, a psychiatrist might have blamed Gloria’s parents for her emotional state. Gloria would have gone away more depressed and damaged, while the psychiatrist thinks he’s done his job. It is interesting to talk to you because you have an open mind. Korea was the beginning of your life’s battles. Now you meet with all these characters, Gloria’s therapeutic selves, and never know what you’re going to come up against. See revelations every day. The unknown is frightening. People dismiss, ignore and write it off as weird, anything spiritual. It is not frightening when you begin to understand. People here are very blind—think they see, don’t see at all. They would get a shock if they opened their eyes. Anytime you need some help just call on me and I’ll be around; but with the progress you and Gloria are making, the end of your quest may be just around the next mystical corner.”
Annotation
The Guardian’s penetrating look into Gloria’s psyche and the enlightening guidance he gave me for my therapeutic work was haunting and humbling. He gave me encouragement when he sensed I was discouraged about Gloria’s progress. He lifted me up. He gently pointed out my mistakes so I could correct them and not get lost and wander down a dead end. His thoughtful observations about human psychology and the modern practice of psychiatry were biting but true; his sharp critique gave me and my profession a lot to envision—a gallant treatise that, if embraced, could change and better the lives of many:
“I believe I have said this before, but it’s worth repeating. The patient’s resources stop where the therapist’s beliefs stop. It is critical that the therapist have an open mind and complete faith in the patient’s deeper resources. The most formidable and potent resources must be approached with respect, taken seriously and accepted on faith. Understand the information and knowledge shared with the therapist is entirely dependent on his or her level of development, their ability to properly use what is communicated for the patient’s or therapist’s benefit and welfare, and the level of trust and belief the resource has in the therapist. The success of their bond and their mission is founded on mutual trust, respect, and faith in each other’s abilities and potentials. Remember this!”
The Guardian
Unfortunately, the contemporary trend to replace pricey psychotherapy with low-cost drug therapy in the treatment of mental disorders made his profound declaration and brilliant vision impossible.
The Guardian’s predictions were coming true. I was learning from Gloria more than I had in a lifetime of mastering the art of psychotherapy. I was seeing the true power of the mind to heal itself, the subtleties and complexities of healing the traumatized mind, and the abundant resources available to succeed. But only if the therapist had an open mind and heart and faith in strange resources would he or she be worthy of them. In an ideal world this story, with all humility, would be mandatory reading for psychology and psychiatry students to open their eyes to what is possible and to follow the physician maxim Primum non nocere, “first, do no harm.”
The Guardian suddenly vanished as he had once appeared, leaving me alone to my work and Gloria to realize her hero’s journey. I sensed his departure was a loving gift, that he wanted us to take full pleasure and glory in our hard-earned accomplishments and hopefully for our ultimate success. He asked nothing in return. Earthly goodbyes, I understood, were unnecessary between spiritual brothers.
Strangely, I felt the Guardian’s odd presence, one last time, when I had emergency heart bypass surgery. It felt, as though, he had guided me to a perfect heart surgeon who performed less invasive robotic heart surgery that saved my life. For this, I was forever grateful. Still, the fact that I felt his presence outside of Gloria’s body startled me. Yet, thrilled me.
PART THREE
THE WOUNDED CHILD
AUTOMATIC LETTER 123
Saturday night
Hi,
Cold! In Gloria’s dream tonight it was cold, cold all the way to the center of the earth – there’s a little girl in this dream and she’s watching a man with anger twisting his face – he’s cursing a little girl with braids, grabbing her, hitting her and there’s a storm coming, trees are snapping like glass beneath the wind – like her with the braids – she wasn’t strong enough – if he kept it up she would break and the pieces would be scattered all over the rocks – she’s running – scrambling her breath like a knife in her side, the storm is chasing her now – she’s found a shelter behind a huge rock and she’s thinking about trying to find someone – anyone who would understand what it was like to be scared every second of every day, to be scared to fight or not to fight and not to show it, to face each day knowing that it probably wouldn’t be better than yesterday and often would be worse. She knew what it was like to feel naked and helpless, hating yourself, feeling that everything you did made the snarl worse, not better – she was angry and disgusted with herself even if she was just a little girl – other little girls weren’t weak and hateful and they knew how to take care of their own person – then there he was, he’d found her and her throat screamed before she could stop it and he was chasing her, catching her, yanking her backwards while rocks like fists struck her and she screamed again but she was lifted high, helpless, nothing beneath her feet and she was falling – the feeling of falling didn’t stop as memory and nightmare and reality surrounded her – I awoke her and she tried to shake off the residue of another bad dream.
Gloria’s Helper
AUTOMATIC LETTER 124
Wednesday night
Dear Port In Many Storms,
Sleep came quickly tonight. So did dreams – dreams twisted into nightmares. When Gloria sleeps she’s like a frightened child – she’s either running from someone or is trapped by someone. In this dream she was an adult though – in one dream she was cold – too cold but there was no warmth, only fear, leaving her weak. She tried to sc
ream but no sound came – she tried to run but her feet weighed as much as big rocks deeply rooted into the earth. She had to try harder to move or she’d never get to you before the “Other” did.
She was broken and bleeding, screaming finally, reaching, stumbling but she had to get to you. The “Other” was laughing and the sound was colder than frigid wind. He said, “You didn’t know about Gloria’s amnesia – the nightmares that lapped over into nights triggered by a word – did you know that she was afraid of going crazy?”
Even in the dream Gloria was sure if she could reach you first you’d be a lifeline capable of pulling her beyond the reach of whatever terror stalked her. She had survived the deaths of many, now she was trying to survive a different kind of death – a shattering loss of belief in herself, in her own strength, her own mind. Now she was trying to ask herself if it was worth it, any of it, if there was no end to fear and loss and deaths. Then she remembered how you had survived also and how strong you were – it showed in your movements, in your laughter, in the clean male lines of your face – she wasn’t terrified of you like with others and yet you were strong in mind and body – you moved with the easy strength that always fascinated Gloria yet your voice was gentle and your hands were – beautiful – an odd way to describe anything so strong and quick as a man’s hands yet that is the word – not all hands had affected Gloria like that – sometimes she saw hands and terror was in her. But I’m getting away from the dream here (you’re not often in our dreams). I was telling you how Gloria was trying to reach you first before the “Other” so he wouldn’t be able to convince you that she was losing her mind and imagining the real fear and the pain and terror of death he gave her – but no matter how she tried she couldn’t get to you and when she woke up she was so happy it was just a dream.
Gloria Rising: A Story of Hope and Survival In Dark Evil Places Page 20