Anna laughed. “You’re very pretty, even with the bruise. Do you want me to show you to your room now?”
Emily shook her head. “No, I need to go speak with my father. My time in the bath helped me to think through some things.”
She’d given a lot of thought to what she needed to do. There wasn’t any work available in town for her. Reverend Morgan had already spent some time asking around. Utica and Yogo City would be the same, but if she returned to their place, she could sell the animals and see if Millie would buy back the mining claim.
Anna finished gathering the towels. “I’ll have your key at the desk downstairs. When you get back, just ask for it and we’ll show you to your room.”
Emily started to leave, then paused. “If Mr. Thibault returns before I do, would you tell him I won’t be long?”
“Of course.” Anna picked up Emily’s wool shawl. “Here. You’ll need this.”
Emily wrapped the shawl around her shoulders as she made her way downstairs. She knew it wasn’t going to be easy to confront her father about what needed to be done, but she had to try. Hopefully, he would see reason and understand her plan.
“You’ll do no such thing. I’m still in charge, and I forbid it.”
Emily looked at her father with great frustration. “Pa, we have to have money. There isn’t any work here in Lewistown and it’s much larger than Utica, so I most likely won’t find anything there either. If we don’t sell out, we’ll have nothing.”
“And if you do sell our animals and mine—we’ll have nothing.” His brows came together and he frowned. “Not that we have much, but it’s somethin’. I won’t have you takin’ that away from us.”
Emily hated that she’d upset him. With great resignation, she sighed. “All right, Pa. I won’t sell things, but I am going back to Utica to confront the marshal about Kirk Davies. Caeden Thibault is back in town, and I know he will tell the marshal all that he observed.”
“Caeden was here earlier. Told the doc to spare no expense in fixin’ me up. I protested, but he wouldn’t hear it. Said that I’d helped him out and now he was returnin’ the favor. Seems to me all that boy does is return favors.”
Emily thought of all that Caeden had already done for her and all that he promised to do. “Sometimes we have to take a helping hand. It’s not always comfortable, but sometimes it is necessary. You need to rest now and let the doctors do what they can to see you on the mend.”
Emily leaned down and kissed his forehead. “I love you, Pa. Try not to worry about anything. I promise I won’t sell the mine or the animals. I don’t know what I will do, but I’ll make arrangements as I go.”
But in truth, short of letting Caeden pick up the cost of everything, Emily had no idea how she could arrange anything.
18
Upon her return to the hotel, Emily learned that Caeden had left her a note telling her he would be back to take her to lunch at exactly twelve. She looked at the large grandfather clock in the lobby and saw that was still another hour away. Something the pastor had said that morning continued to haunt her, and she longed to ask him to explain it.
“I wonder if you could direct me to Reverend Morgan’s church,” she said to Anna. “I’d like to speak to him about something.”
Anna gave her the directions, then promised to tell Caeden where she’d gone if Emily wasn’t back in time.
Making her way down the street, Emily wrestled with her father’s wishes. The doctor said he would be months recovering. Even so, her father refused to allow her to sell the animals and the claim. No one would be there to protect their interests, however. Surely he could understand that this was a problem. Perhaps the answer was for Emily to return and work the claim as best she could. After all, if Millie could work claims by herself, Emily could surely do the same. Not only that, but she knew the people of Yogo City wouldn’t let her starve or go without.
Caeden had already helped them lay in a good supply of wood, so Emily felt certain she could cook and keep warm. Perhaps she would ask Caeden to help her get a few supplies. She hated to further burden him, but he was the only one she could turn to. At least the only one with any real financial ability to help. She could promise to pay him back a little at a time.
At the church Emily climbed the steps and hesitated at the door. Should she knock? It wasn’t Sunday, so perhaps the reverend wasn’t even there. She tried the door and it opened. Peering into the dimly lit foyer she called out.
“Reverend Morgan?”
To her surprise the man appeared almost immediately. He beamed her a smile and motioned her to enter. “You mustn’t stand out in the cold, child.”
Emily entered the church, letting the door close behind her. “I hope you don’t mind the intrusion.”
He laughed. “There’s no such thing as an intrusion when it comes to God’s house.”
The minister led Emily to a small office just off the sanctuary. The room held numerous shelves of books, a large desk, and several chairs. Positioning one chair to face the center of the room, Reverend Morgan motioned Emily to take a seat. Then rather than sit behind the desk, Reverend Morgan pulled up another chair and sat facing her.
“Now tell me why you’ve come.”
Emily twisted her hands together. “I . . . well . . . something you said got me to wondering.”
He smiled. “And what was that?”
“You said something about me coming to a place where I couldn’t rely on my parents’ faith—that I needed to accept salvation for myself.”
“And now you’re wondering how you do that?” His question was matter-of-fact, but it hit Emily like a blow.
“I always thought I had accepted salvation. I mean, my mother always taught me to fear and believe in God. She always told me Bible stories and I believed them. I knew about Jesus coming to save us from our sins. So, well . . . did I miss something?” She looked at him with an earnest desire to understand.
With the voice of a gentle father, Reverend Morgan began. “Perhaps you didn’t miss something, as much as you didn’t realize something. You see, it is important to know and fear God. It’s important to believe in what the Bible says and to believe in God. Believing is the start of understanding. However, repentance is the beginning of the eternal.”
She looked at him without fully understanding. “Repentance of sin, correct?”
He nodded. “What do you know of it?”
“I know that I am a sinner and that I am sorry for the wrong I have done.” Emily considered the matter a moment longer. “Is there more to this?”
“True repentance comes from the heart . . . from a deep understanding that we are hopelessly flawed and full of deception and sin. In the Old Testament you can read of God’s requirements for His people when they sinned. Great offerings with the shedding of blood were demanded. It is because life was in the blood, and therefore the shedding of such was required to save people from death due to sin.”
“Must I sacrifice an animal for my sins?” Emily couldn’t keep the distaste from her voice.
Reverend Morgan smiled and shook his head. “No, my dear child. That has already been done—once for all. Jesus came to this world to act as a final sacrifice—to bear the sins of the world. It is through Him and Him alone that we come to God. In the book of John, Jesus tells us that He is the only way to God—the way, the truth, and the life. Before Jesus came, we were at the mercy of God through our own sacrifices, none of which could offer a permanent solution to our sin. Only Jesus could do that.
“In our confession of sin, we acknowledge our hopeless separation from God, and in our belief that Jesus died for those sins, we acknowledge our salvation as well as our reconciliation to God. Then we must live the life of the saved and redeemed. After all, what good is confession of sin if we simply turn right around and do the same things over and over? We must turn away from sin and strive to be like Jesus, who was perfect and knew no sin until He bore ours on the cross.”
“That so
unds impossible.” Emily felt a deep sorrow overtake her. “I could never be good enough.”
“No, nor I. It is impossible for us, but not for Christ. We must put our faith in Him to help us live a life that would be pleasing to God.”
“But what if I’ve been too great a disappointment to God?”
“A disappointment?” he questioned.
She nodded. “For all my doubts and my anger. Oh, and my grumbling. What if God is so disappointed in me and my failings that He . . . well . . . that He doesn’t want me?”
“Child, do you believe God is all-powerful?”
“Of course.”
The minister smiled. “And all-knowing?”
Emily nodded. “He is God. He surely knows everything there is to know.”
“So can you allow that God knew the doubts you would have? Can you believe that God knew long before this time of your life that you would make choices and decisions that were other than He wanted you to make?”
“I suppose I can.”
“Then how can He be disappointed in you? Disappointment suggests an unrealized expectation, and if God knows all, then how can He be disappointed?”
“But I’ve made mistakes.”
“And no doubt they gave God sorrow. He grieves for His children, but I find it impossible to believe He is disappointed in them.”
The regret ebbed away as Emily began to see the truth. It all made so much sense. God truly loved her, just as He had loved her mother. She looked at the old man and nodded. “I understand. It all seems so simple, and yet I have made it quite difficult in my ignorance. Thank you for helping me to see the truth.”
Reverend Morgan reached out and took hold of her hands. “That is the calling of God upon my life. That is why I am here—and why God brought you here as well. Maybe you would like me to pray with you?”
Emily smiled. “I’d like that very much.”
After praying with Reverend Morgan, Emily felt as though a weight had been lifted. All of her childhood she had listened to her mother speak of faith in God, and through her, Emily felt she had that faith—that understanding. But in losing her mother, Emily also lost her connection to God. Now that loss was no more. She finally understood what her mother had spent a lifetime trying to teach her.
The wind whipped around her small frame, but Emily hardly felt it. She looked upon the world with new eyes and a new hope. No matter what happened with her father’s recovery, Emily knew without a doubt that God would provide and that she and her father would be all right.
Caeden was waiting for her at the hotel when she returned. He held out a brown wool coat. “I thought you might need this. Anna told me she’d loaned you some clothes, but I have purchased some things for you. They’re in your room. You will have to see them later, however, because I’m famished and want to go have lunch.”
Emily set the shawl aside and then let him help her into the coat. “This is lovely, Caeden.” She ran her fingers over the black cording that trimmed the sleeves. “Thank you.” She looked into his face but left her thoughts unspoken. There was so much she wanted to tell him, but now didn’t seem like the right time.
“There’s something very different about you.” Caeden looked at Emily as if seeing her for the first time. “I’ve never seen you like this.”
“Like what?” she asked.
He shook his head. “I’m not quite sure. You’re lovely, that much is certain.”
Emily laughed. “Maybe it’s just that I’m cleaned up. And not just on the outside.”
“Meaning what exactly?”
“One of the local pastors here helped me to realize how I needed to make my faith in God all my own. I think for most of my life, my faith was tied to my mother’s.”
Caeden could have said the same thing for his own life. He knew, however, that Emily had something more to say, and so he waited.
“Reverend Morgan—he’s the man I’m speaking of—he spoke in such a way that I could clearly see what was required of me and what was not. I’ve had such anger at what happened and why God allowed it. My doubts seemed numerous and I feared that God was greatly disappointed in me. But Reverend Morgan reminded me that God knows all and knew the choices and doubts I would have. He told me that God might be sad at me having such thoughts or sins, but that He wasn’t disappointed in me, because He already knew ahead of time all about my anger and doubts. And because He knew about them—about the way all of us would make bad choices—He sent Jesus.”
Hearing her words, Caeden felt as if his mother were speaking. Many had been the time she had told Caeden that God knew well in advance how things would be in their household. That had only served to make Caeden all the angrier. After all, if God knew, then in Caeden’s mind that somehow equated with His approving of it as well.
“I feel such a sense of relief,” Emily said, bringing Caeden back to the present.
“I have to say your words strike a chord in me. I too have wrestled with doubt and anger toward God. I might have to go visit your reverend.” He looked at her and smiled. “I know I am not the man God would have me to be.”
Emily surprised him when she reached out to cover his hand with her own. “It’s never too late to be reconciled.”
He nodded. “No, I suppose it is not.”
After lunch Caeden insisted that they go speak with the doctor. He had wired to New York, asking his uncle to consult with physicians in the area. He wanted to let the doctor know what he had done and that they could anticipate a response soon.
They visited with the doctor and then with Emily’s father. Henry Carver was delighted to see that Caeden had returned and was even happier to know he was helping Emily. He assured Caeden that once he got back on his feet he would repay anything Caeden spent. Caeden didn’t have the heart to tell Carver he would never pan enough out of the Yogo claim to cover even a portion of what Caeden had spent, but he did assure the man that repayment wasn’t his desire, nor was it his motivation in helping them.
Seeing Emily yawn, Caeden realized she must be exhausted. He felt bad for having kept her from resting. Not only that, but she was still recovering. She should have been put in bed and waited on.
As they made their way from the poorhouse, he apologized. “I am sorry for keeping you out. You should be resting. You aren’t even healed yet yourself. I will walk you back to your room, and after you have a long rest we can make plans for the evening. As I mentioned earlier, there are quite a few new articles of clothing awaiting you upstairs. There is a nightgown among those things.” He felt a moment’s embarrassment and looked off down the street. “It should help you rest easier.”
“You are too kind. Really, I’m fine. I’ve been working at the poorhouse helping with the cleaning and cooking. Tomorrow I’ll be helping with the laundry.”
Caeden stopped her just before they came to the hotel’s door. “No. I won’t have it. You need to rest. You haven’t even had the stitches removed from your head. If you won’t take care of yourself, then I will.”
She looked at him strangely for a moment, her face scrunching up just a bit. He thought she might chastise him, but instead she looked away and yawned. “I am very tired, and I suppose there is some truth to what you say.”
“You must be ill—you aren’t arguing with me.” Caeden took hold of her arm. “Come on. Do you have your room key?”
“Anna told me to pick it up at the front counter when I got back.”
They entered the hotel, and Caeden had Emily retrieve the key before ushering her up the stairs. He worried only momentarily that the manager and other patrons might wonder at him attending to Emily, but they would simply have to wonder. He knew his motives were pure. Not that he wouldn’t like to kiss her and hold her for a time before letting her retire.
They paused at her door, and Caeden motioned across the hall. “My room is just there. If you need me, don’t hesitate to knock. I’ll be attending to some business while you nap, but I’ll be nearby. You can always s
end someone for me.”
“I’ll be fine.” Emily unlocked the door and opened it. For a moment all she did was stare into the room.
“Is something wrong?” Caeden asked, almost pushing her out of the way to see.
She shook her head. “Nothing’s wrong. I just was thinking, other than at the hospital, I’ve never slept in a real bed.”
Caeden looked at the metal-framed bed. It wasn’t anything special, but Emily was looking at it in awe. He felt a sense of disgust at himself and all the wasted privileges he’d known. He had taken so much for granted, never giving them a second thought.
“You’ve never slept in a real bed?” He felt a surge of protectiveness for her, along with a desire to lavish upon her the finest bed that money could buy.
She turned to him and smiled. Her cherry-red lips drew his eyes as she spoke. “I probably won’t be able to sleep for all its comfort and softness.”
Caeden lost himself momentarily in thoughts of kissing her. He started to reach out and pull her into his arms when he heard footsteps on the stairs down the hall.
“I’d better go.” He all but pushed her through the door and pulled it closed. He was still fumbling to unlock his own door when an older man appeared at the top of the steps and went down the hall in the opposite direction.
Emily had no idea what had gotten into Caeden. Had she done or said something wrong? His abrupt retreat seemed completely out of character.
She didn’t concern herself for long on that matter, however. Her gaze fell on the far end of the room, where a small table stood. Atop this were several store boxes and parcels. Emily knew she should lie down, but she went to explore the contents instead. She gasped at the riches found inside. Caeden had bought her a nightgown, as he’d mentioned, as well as an entire ensemble. There were stockings, a new corset, petticoats—one very plain and one quite lacy—as well as a new gown and hat. The final package contained a pair of beautiful lace-trimmed drawers.
She blushed to think of him shopping for her in such an intimate fashion. Perhaps it wouldn’t have bothered her quite so much if she didn’t have such deep and growing feelings for him.
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