“You’re kidding.” He laughed.
“Oh I’m serious,” I said, “it’s blue with yellow daisies and it even comes with a bonnet. I’m sure Luna will hate it.”
“I’m sure,” he said. He reached for my hand again, lacing his fingers with mine. It was amazing to me that such basic human interaction could feel this good. I gazed down at our intertwined hands, hoping he’d never let go. I didn’t understand how I’d gone through life without ever knowing I could feel this way. No one had ever made me feel this way before.
“I missed you this week,” he said. He’d been so busy studying for exams that he didn’t come out to the farm on Tuesday, and I had been a little preoccupied with my mom returning as well.
“You did?” I asked.
“You’re easy to miss,” he said, reaching up to brush a piece of stray hair out of my face. His touch seemed to pull the air from my lips, and I liked that he was finding reasons to touch me.
The sky was growing darker; the pastel colors of the afternoon light had faded, and were being replaced by deep indigo hues. The wind rustled the string of decorative bulbs, and with it carried the serene scent of the ocean below. On the beach, people were lining up on the dance floor.
“Come on,” he said, tilting his head toward the music.
“What?”
“Dance with me,” he pleaded.
“I can’t really. Dance, that is.”
“You’re wearing Converse,” he stated, eyes flicking toward my white shoes, “which is incredibly endearing, by the way.”
“The fact that you even used that word in a sentence is kind of endearing,” I replied. “I’ll never be able to wear heels; I couldn’t wear them before the accident either though. I’m kind of clumsy. So dancing, not really a good idea.”
“One slow song,” he said in a tone that was serious yet entirely dulcet sounding at the same time. God, his voice was my weakness.
“One,” I agreed.
He led me toward the beach, hand-in-hand as we started for the dance floor. As the song was coming to an end, Liam leaned in and asked the DJ to play a slower song, and then I couldn’t make out what he asked for next, but the DJ seemed agreeable. He started sifting through his collection and then found what he was looking for.
“What did you ask for?” I said to him.
“An excuse to hold you close,” he replied and navigated a path to the center of the dance floor. My insides were quivering, so I was glad for an excuse to lean against him when the music started.
Heat swelled in my abdomen when I felt his palm press against the small of my back. I pressed my head to his chest, listening to Brad Paisley’s “Perfect Storm” lyrics and closed my eyes. I was sure that not a single moment in my life could top how I was feeling right now. I knew there was something to be said for beginnings; the heightened, saccharine emotions, and the desire to explore the undiscovered. If this was how being in love was supposed to feel, then I never wanted it to end.
After the song was over, Liam led us off the dance floor as a more upbeat song replaced our slow one. I was feeling a thousand different things and none of them could be formed into the adequate words.
Beck and Luke were making their way through the crowd, running in sort of a zigzag pattern through the sand. I spotted her butterfly dress shimmering in the dim light before I knew it was her. “Hey,” she said, nearly bumping into me. She was holding two Solo cups of what appeared to be beer; frothy liquid sloshed over the side. “What are you lovebirds doing?”
“Nothing, Beck, what are you doing?”
“She stole my beer,” Luke said, reaching over to take his cup out of her hands.
Beck giggled, draining the rest of her cup. “This beer is really good,” she said. “Oh hi Liam, you know, I’m not always like this.” She slurred her words. “I’m sober most of the time; just not when you see me for some reason.”
“Maybe you should eat something,” I suggested.
“Pizza!” Her eyes went wide and childlike. “Oh–and fries.” She gripped my arms tightly. “We have to get more fries.”
“Okay, sure,” I said.
She turned and started marching across the beach toward the concession stands. Luke started after her, and I turned to Liam. “Hungry?”
He laughed. “I could eat.”
***
Beck and I were sitting on a bench finishing off our food while we watched the guys compete in a beach volleyball game. I had lost track of the score, but I was sure the team Luke and Liam were playing for was winning. I was just glad that they were getting along.
“Pass the Coke,” Beck said, holding out her hand. I lifted it from beside me, and felt the condensation from the outside of the cup drip over my fingertips as I handed it to her.
“Feeling any better?” I asked after she had finished, wiping my hands on a napkin.
“Yes,” she said. “I’m just a lightweight. Luke was making me so nervous; I thought if I drank a little it might help ease the anxiety.”
“How’s that going, by the way?” I asked.
“Wonderful,” she said, “I mean, God, he’s wonderful.”
“Yeah,” I agreed, “he is.”
“And Liam?” she asked.
“There aren’t enough adjectives in my vocabulary to efficiently describe how he makes me feel,” I answered gleefully.
Beck rolled her eyes, and scolded me, “Enough with the melodramatics, Shakespeare.”
I chuckled. “I’m serious though. This is the first time in such a long time that things have been normal… whatever that means, anyway.”
“Being normal is overrated,” she said. “But, I’m glad you’re happy.”
The game ended, and both guys made their way back to where we were sitting. “Did you win?” I asked, handing Liam his button-up. He’d taken it off for the game, sporting a gray tank underneath.
“We definitely kicked some ass,” Luke interjected.
Liam shrugged. “No idea.”
I laughed.
“What time is it?” Beck asked.
“Just after eleven,” I answered, looking at the screen on my phone.
“I should probably get going, Layla has me opening in the morning since she has church,” she complained.
“I’ll walk you to your car,” Luke said. “See you guys later.”
“Bye,” I said, waving as they left.
“When did that happen?” Liam asked, thumbing over his shoulder. Luke had his arm around Beck.
“Tonight, I think.”
“Huh.” Liam nodded. “Would you like to take a walk with me?”
“Of course.” I smiled up at him, thinking to myself that I’d go anywhere he asked.
He took my hand in his, leading me across the moonlit beach. The silver light of the moon reflected on the ocean’s surface, pushing out a triangular light beam that followed us up the shoreline as we walked. Out in the distance, I could just make out the silhouette of a ship drifting across the water. The bonfire was well behind us now, the orange glow barely visible from where we were walking. I could feel the electricity resonating in the small distance between us.
“What are you thinking right now?” Liam asked me.
“You don’t want to know,” I said, turning my face to the ocean to hide my embarrassment.
“I do, though,” he said. He stopped walking, spinning me gently to face him. His hands were on my waist, pulling me toward him, closing the distance between us. I wondered if he could feel my heart pounding in my chest.
“What are you thinkin
g?” I asked him instead.
“I think that you’re beautiful,” he said, reaching out to touch my face. I could feel his fingertips at the nape of my neck as his thumb gently grazed my jaw. My pulse quickened. “And, I think that I’d like to kiss you now.” His eyes were on mine; steady, seeking permission.
I couldn’t move. I wasn’t even sure I was breathing. And then his mouth was on mine, breathing life back into me. I closed my eyes, and wrapped my arms around his neck because I could feel my legs giving way beneath me. The kiss deepened, and I could feel myself breathing in the familiar scent of his skin, mixing with the new taste of his lips.
Every cell in my body was on fire.
We broke apart, but I kept my eyes closed, afraid that if I opened them that the moment would disappear. I felt his lips brush against my forehead, the tip of my nose, and then once more–ever so lightly–against my lips.
“Are you still with me?” he asked, lifting my chin with his index finger to face him. I opened my eyes, finding that he was still there. God, his face was so lovely. I could hardly believe that such a beautiful creature would want anything to do with me. Where he seemed virtually flawless, I was flawed.
“I’m with you,” I said breathlessly.
“Good.” He smiled, and it was a heartbreaker’s smile. “We should probably get you back to the farm before your family thinks I’ve kidnapped you.”
“I would be okay with that,” I said, leaning in against his neck. I pressed my lips into the hollow place there, tasting the warmth of his skin.
“Don’t tempt me,” he said, kissing me once more on the lips.
Reluctantly, I took his outstretched hand and followed him across the beach toward the parking lot. We stayed silent, but I was reflecting on the evening, and wondered if my insides would ever feel normal again.
We found the truck in the parking lot, and Liam led me to the driver’s side door, opening it for me. “I’ll follow you back to the farm just to be sure you make it okay,” he said.
“You don’t need to do that,” I said, but I admired the chivalry and his desire to protect me.
“I know I don’t need to, but I want to,” he said.
“It’s out of the way,” I started to say, but he silenced my mouth with his. I could feel my pulse in my fingertips, and wondered if that was normal. I didn’t care, reaching up to loop my arms around his neck.
He stopped himself, pressing his forehead against mine. “You better go,” he said, “or I really will take you to my place. I don’t think I have much self-control when it comes to you.” He reached up, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, right?” I asked.
He answered me with a smile, and closed the door behind me. “Tomorrow,” he said.
Chapter Nineteen
My head was spinning when I climbed behind the wheel of Grandpa’s truck. The night had grown cool, but I cracked the window to feel the air on my skin as I started down the back country roads. I’d need the breeze to maintain a certain level of sanity. I could still feel the shape of Liam’s mouth on mine, and the notion was making me absolutely giddy.
I turned on the radio, listening to the music while staring out at the light beams on the road. And then something happened. I felt a small weight slip from my neck, and Gabriel’s ring tumbled down the front of my dress, and hit the floorboards.
“Ugh, no,” I groaned, reaching forward to collect the broken chain from my lap. I leaned forward, fingertips brushing against the gritty floorboard in search of his ring. Out of my peripheral vision, I saw an object–lightning fast–darting inches away from the front end of the bumper, its brown fur nearly white in the intensity of the headlights.
Instinctively, I slammed on the brakes, clipping the animal with the left front end of the truck. The truck lurched forward as I tried to correct the wheel, swerving sharply before coming to a complete stop. The engine had shut off, leaving me stranded in the darkness on the side of the road.
I sat there in a dazed panic, hands glued to the steering wheel as I glared out the windshield into smoky haze of the light beams.
Pain slashed through the right side of my brow, and my vision went searing white, flashing like a bolt of lightning.
The rain was falling in thick, blinding sheets and then there was nothing but the high-pitched screeching of metal grating against metal. The white lights appeared out of nowhere, scathing across my vision as the truck slammed into my car from the driver’s side. I remembered the intensity of Gabriel’s eyes on mine, glowing like a beacon in the sheer darkness. The pure terror flashing across his irises was the last thing I saw before my car slid across the road, spinning, and smashing into a tree. My head slammed into the window with a force that felt like smacking into a brick wall, and I felt the icy pain of the memory burning through my eyebrow. My leg was pinned beneath the dash, shattered in pieces, and rain was falling through the broken glass window. And then there was nothing. The whole world slipped from underneath me.
Swallowed in shadow.
“Darcy!”
I didn’t move.
My knuckles had turned white from gripping the steering wheel so tightly. I was aware that someone was with me, pulling open the passenger’s side door. I turned my head, ever so slightly, watching as Liam swiftly climbed inside the cab, unbuckling my seat belt, and pulled me away from the steering wheel.
My face was pressed into his chest, and I was inhaling the scent of his skin as his arms circled around me, warming me. My lungs ballooned with oxygen, but the sound escaping me came out in a choking fit. Liam was rocking me gently, almost as if he could willingly shake the life back into me.
“You’re okay, you’re okay,” Liam was saying, over and over in a velvety mantra. “I’m here now.”
I felt him smoothing my hair with his hands, and I felt his mouth warm on my temple, and then the tears started streaming from my eyes.
“Thank God,” Liam breathed, kissing my face. “You were in shock; I was so afraid you weren’t going to come out of it.”
“I hit a deer,” I choked.
“I saw it. You just clipped him though, he ran off.”
“I had this terrible flashback,” I said. “I was reliving the accident.”
Liam’s arms tightened around me, pressing me deeper against his body.
“It was so real,” I breathed, reaching up to brush the tear marks from my face.
“It wasn’t though,” he said soothingly. “I’ve got you now. You’re here with me.”
I nodded, breathing in deeper the scent of him. I was glad for the darkness, and that my head was hidden beneath his chin. With his arms around me, I felt like his strength was the only thing keeping my bones in place. If he let go now, I knew I’d crumble and break into a thousand pieces before him.
We stayed like that for several minutes, until my breathing returned to normal.
“There’s something I need to tell you…” His voice had hardened, taking on a cold edge that sent a shiver, like cold fingertips, brushing down the length of my spine. “I’ve tried to tell you, so many times, but I could never find the right words or the right time.”
I pushed up from his embrace, needing to see his face. His features were lit only by the pale light of the moon bleeding in through the windshield. Angry shadows cut across his brows, solidifying his tortured expression.
“You’re scaring me,” I heard myself whisper.
He chuckled darkly, his eyes fixed on the dash. “Has there ever been a moment in your life that you regretted so much, knowing that if you had made a different decision that it could have changed everything?”
“You know I do,” I said meekly.
“What if those moments we wished we could change are actually one in the same?” He turned to me, his eyes cold and distant.
“What do you mean?”
“I was there the night of the accident, Darcy.”
My eyebrows shifted together, creating a deep contour between the crease of my eyes that in turn parted my lips. I gazed up at him, waiting for him to explain; my blood running cold.
“The man they put in prison, Thomas Redford… he’s my stepfather.”
I swallowed hard over the lump that had risen in my throat, tasting bile. A series of words flashed through the foreground of my mind: DUI. Vehicular manslaughter. Larceny. These were the facts that had been neatly laid out before me, criminal labels that I had accepted about the man who’d slammed his vehicle into us. I hadn’t given much thought to anything else about him. Why had he been driving under the influence? Where was he going? Whose truck had he stolen? At the time, these details didn’t seem important to me. They were trivial in comparison to the only thing that had mattered. Fact: my brother was dead.
“You… You said he was gone. After your mother…” I couldn’t remember how to form a coherent sentence. I felt like someone had snipped the cord in my brain that made my lips perform adequately.
“He was,” Liam said, shaking his head. “I never thought I’d have to see him again. He showed up the day before, a buddy had dropped him off, and he was sitting on my front porch when I got home from the clinic. He wanted to talk, said he wanted catch up and claimed that he’d left some things in the attic.
“I should have known that he’d be trouble. He’d been trouble all my life; I don’t know why I thought that he’d be any different then. There were boxes in the attic that belonged to him–clothes and things–old pictures books from he and my mother’s wedding. As he went through the contents, it stirred memories, and he just started talking about my mom–said he missed her.
Finding Goodbye Page 26