“What?” Realization dawned; it was like watching a movie on his face as it happened. “Oh. Oh, fuck.” He let go of her hand and stood.
“It’s okay, Badge. I’m okay. I’d just like to slow down a little. Please don’t be mad.”
Standing in front of her, he looked down. “Mad? I’m not mad—not at you. I’m mad at me. I told you I wouldn’t hurt you. Fuck, I’m sorry.”
When he started to walk away, she reached out quickly and grabbed his hand. “Sit down, Badger. It’s okay. This is why I didn’t say something sooner. I didn’t want you to get upset.”
He sat, but he looked distraught. “Sooner? How long have you been hurting?”
Since they’d started, but she didn’t want to say that. Her silence, though, said it for her.
“Fuck.”
“I love what we do. Really love it. And it stops hurting in the middle, when…you know. But it’s a lot, and it’s new. I just need like a day off or something. But I want you with me. Is that okay? Would you stay even if we didn’t…?”
He nodded and pulled her close. “God, yes. I love you. I’m so sorry.” But she’d seen something in his eyes before he’d tucked her under his chin.
“Can I ask you something?”
His chin rubbed against her head as he nodded. “Sure.”
“Does sex help you?”
He went still for a couple of seconds before he responded. “What?”
There was some kind of danger in pursuing this topic, she knew. Not that he’d hurt her, but that he might pull away. But they had to talk. He was so tormented. Even though what they had was new, they had to talk about this. In fact, they had to talk because what they had was new. She didn’t want to start off by hiding and burying things. So she pushed gently on his chest and sat up.
“Does having sex help you not think about whatever you were on?”
“OxyContin is what I was on.”
She’d heard of it. “Okay. Does it help?”
“Are you asking me if I’m using you?”
“No, Badge. I don’t think that. I’m asking if it helps.”
“Yeah. It does. With you, it does. I don’t think about it as much when I’m with you. I don’t think about it at all when I’m inside you.” He slid his hand over her cheek and into her hair, and she leaned into his touch. “It’s just you. Being with you. What I did before, in the clubhouse, didn’t make me need it less. Only you do. But I don’t want you to think I’m using you.”
She kissed the heel of his hand. “I don’t. I want to help you.” Feeling herself blush again, she bent forward, nestling again on his chest, her hand resting at the top of his thigh. She could feel his erection against the side of her hand. “We could do other stuff until I feel better.” They hadn’t done any other stuff yet—just their intense coupling, over and over.
He cupped her face in his hands and lifted her head so he could look into her eyes. For the gajillionth time since the day she’d met him, she marveled at the beauty of his eyes—that ethereal pale green, with rays of blue and light gold from the pupil, and a thin rim of blue at the edge. They hardly looked real.
“I don’t want to do anything you don’t want to do, Adrienne.”
“I want to do everything.”
He laughed at that, his face finally relaxing. “Careful, babe. There’s a lot to do. Some of it’s pretty wild. I don’t even want to do everything.”
“Okay, well. I want to do a lot. I want to touch you and taste you all over.”
His smile faded right away, but his mouth stayed open. “Jesus.” He kissed her, and it was softer and less demanding than his kiss when he’d first come in. But it was deeper and more arousing to her, too. Because she wasn’t afraid. She put her hands on his belt buckle, and he groaned.
Just as she had his belt open and was working the button of his jeans, she felt a buzz under her arm, on his thigh. A second later, his phone rang.
He dropped his head. “Fuck. That’s the burner.” With obvious reluctance, he released her and pulled the offending device out of his pocket. She knew he had to answer; he’d been pulled away from her more than once over the years. Never in this particular situation, though.
“It’s Badge…yeah…on my way.” He ended the call and put his phone away. “I gotta go, babe. I’ll be back, though. Definitely.”
“Okay.” But she was worried about him. “Are you okay?”
“I am. You make me okay.”
CHAPTER EIGHT
Len parked the club van in front of the high school. He and Badger got out, leaving their kuttes in the van, and walked through the front doors. Badger hadn’t been in this building since he’d graduated, but he still had the same kind of feeling, heavy in his gut, as they turned right and went into the administrative offices. Not that he’d gotten in much trouble—a couple of fights, and an incident with fireworks that had gotten his ass suspended—but still. The office. He didn’t think anyone who’d ever been to high school didn’t understand that weird clench he was feeling.
And this was weird—coming to the high school to pick up Nolan. He’d been shocked to his boots when he’d gotten to the clubhouse and Len had said they were headed to spring Nolan out of the vice-principal’s office. Even in their heyday, he didn’t think the Horde was usually the first call the high school made, especially for a kid who wasn’t officially related.
But he was Havoc’s stepson, and it turned out that Mr. Parks, who’d been the vice-principal in Badger’s day and still was, had been a Horde hangaround years back. He still knew enough to know what had happened in the fall and that maybe Nolan’s mom didn’t need this stress right now. So, ignoring protocols (and, for all Badger knew, law) he’d called Len. And Len had called Badger, who hung out with Nolan a fair amount.
Because Nolan was drunk out of his head. At school. And he’d started a fight in the lunchroom. All he needed now was to be caught with contraband, and he’d get all three strikes on the first go.
There was an older woman, with the sort of grey, puffy hair that Badger thought of as ‘old lady hair,’ behind the tall, wide desk. He didn’t recognize her. She looked up and took in Len, with his eye patch and nearly-full coverage of ink, and Badger, with his long ponytail and full beard, and blinked. Then her mouth pinched just a little.
Len smiled and said, “Afternoon. We’re here to see Andy Parks.”
Grey-Hair picked up a phone and pressed a button. “Mr. Parks, I think Nolan’s guardians are here.” She said the word ‘guardians’ as though she most emphatically was not buying what they were selling. Then she hung up and said, “Behind the desk, second door on the left.”
“Thank you, ma’am,” Badger supplied. She didn’t respond. They walked past the desk in the direction she’d pointed them.
As they approached the door, it opened, and Mr. Parks took a step out. He was a short, heavyset man with short, balding brown hair and a neatly trimmed Van Dyke beard. He didn’t look like much, really, but he was a badass. Badger had seen him break up wild fights among boys bigger than him without breaking a sweat. He had a way of speaking that was short and sharp, and when he thought you were talking bullshit, he’d laugh in a way that was almost a bark. It wasn’t cool to get called to his office.
He held out his hand to Len and they shook. “Len. How you doin’?”
“We’re okay, Andy. Got some trouble today, I guess, huh?”
“Yeah, a little.” He turned to Badger. “Justin. Good to see you.”
They shook hands. “Hi, Mr. Parks.”
“Just ‘Andy’ now. And I guess you’re ‘Badger’ now, that right?”
“Yes, sir.” He felt kind of stupid adding the ‘sir,’ but it wouldn’t stay in his mouth.
“Heyyyy, Badge. How’s it hangin’, my man?” That was Nolan. Badger looked over Mr. Parks’—Andy’s—shoulder and saw Nolan hanging his head backward over a chair in front of Mr. Parks’—Andy’s—desk, looking at them upside down. His nose and mouth showed signs o
f having been recently punched.
Andy sighed. “Yeah. Come in, and we’ll try to get this settled without causing anybody any more trouble.” He stepped back, and Len and Badger went into his office.
Andy pulled up another chair so that there was a row of three in front of his desk, and Len and Badger sat down next to Nolan. On closer inspection, Badger saw that Nolan’s t-shirt was torn, his nose had obviously been bleeding, and his eye was swelling. But he was grinning like a dork. Hammered in every way.
As the vice-principal sat in his own chair behind his desk, Len leaned forward. “Thanks for callin’ us, Andy. I know it’s not kosher, but Nolan’s mom has a lot to deal with these days, and it’s better if we handle this one.”
Andy nodded. “That’s what I thought. I don’t figure Nolan’s mom for filing a complaint, so we’re okay. Nolan, take a seat outside for a few minutes. Mrs. Grenell will get you some water.” He picked up his phone and asked Mrs. Grenell to do exactly that.
“Okey dokey, Smokey.” Nolan stood, rocked a little, then climbed over Badger’s and Len’s legs and went out.
“Sorry about that, Andy. Nolan’s having trouble, too.”
“I know, Len. I get it. It’s not the first time he’s been in my office, but it’s happening more. Kid’s got a helluva mouth on him. He was pretty quiet when he first got here—a loner, but not much trouble. This semester, though…I’ve been letting him sit it out here in the office, trying to keep it off the radar. I know some of what’s been going on with the club. You don’t need more trouble.”
“No, we don’t.”
“But he started a fucking riot in the lunchroom today. Really went after a couple of boys. They’re assholes, and I got no doubt he was provoked, but all witnesses say Nolan got physical first. And he used a lunch tray to beat the shit out of one of the boys.”
“Jesus.” That was all, so far, that Badger had added to the discussion. Andy turned to him and smiled grimly.
“Indeed. Guys, the kid he hurt looks a lot worse than Nolan. His folks aren’t here yet to collect him, but they’re gonna want it called in. And that’s Nolan going in the system.”
“Can we talk to the kid’s folks? Make it right?”
Andy nodded. “That’s what I was thinking. The kid is Hunter Benes.”
“Benes—that Darryl Benes’s boy?” When Andy nodded, Len smiled. “I know him. I’ve bred my mares with his stud a couple times. If it’s him picking up his boy, I think I can make it go away. Don’t know his old lady, though.”
“It’ll be Darryl. His wife works in Springfield, so it’s Darryl picks Hunter up. Not the first time the kid’s been in trouble.” Andy smirked. “First time he’s been on the receiving end, though.”
Badger realized they weren’t talking about part of the problem. “How’d he get drunk on school grounds, though?”
Andy leaned to the side and pulled up Nolan’s backpack—a tattered, black pack, over most of the surface of which Nolan had drawn with silver and gold Sharpies. He pulled a tall, plastic bottle from a side pocket. One of those refillable bottles, this one red and probably quart-size. It had about an inch of clear liquid in it. He passed it across the desk and Len took it, opened the cap and sniffed, and took a drink.
Then he laughed. “That little shit. That’s vodka.” His face went suddenly serious. “Are you saying he drank all of this at school today?”
Andy shrugged. “I don’t know how long it takes him to down a quart of vodka. But you saw him. Safe to say he’s taking hits off it throughout the day.”
“Okay. Two problems.” Len turned his head to the side and addressed Badger. “I’ll deal with the other kid and his parents, keep law off Nolan’s ass. You—you think you can handle him? Talk him down some? Cory doesn’t need him going off the rails. We just got her back on ‘em.”
“I don’t know, Len. I’m probably not the guy to—”
Len cut him off with a wave of his hand. “You’re exactly the guy, little brother.”
~oOo~
While Len and Andy went off to the nurse’s office, to deal with Hunter Benes and his father, Badger sat down next to Nolan, who looked like he was trying to decide whether to puke or pass out. He had an empty water bottle—the kind that came sealed, with the water already in it—in his slack hand. They were sitting on basic, waiting-room chairs in the main office area, and Mrs. Grenell, the grey-haired secretary, regularly cast them annoyed looks. Other than her, there were a couple of student workers, both of whom were eyeing him and Nolan openly, looking for the good gossip.
“You look like you’re gonna be sick, dude.”
Nolan blinked and focused. “Hey, Badge. Nope. Already was.”
Ah. Okay.
“I’m so busted, right? We waitin’ for the Sheriff or whoever? Five-O?”
“‘Five-O’? Seriously? You livin’ the thug life now?”
Nolan shrugged, his face shaped into a caricature of nonchalance. “M’I gettin’ busted?”
Now Badger shrugged. “Len’s trying to fix it. Let’s just wait and see. He knows that kid’s dad, so hopefully not.” He elbowed Nolan, who oofed and rubbed his arm. “What’s up, dumbass? Bringing vodka to school? You trying to get your ass expelled?”
“Been doing it all semester. Nobody noticed until today.”
“Why? What’s goin’ on?”
“You kiddin’?” Nolan’s head flopped toward him, and his face arranged itself into something like disbelief. In another setting, watching the kid try to make his facial muscles work would be funny.
“Okay. Fair enough. But dude, you gettin’ expelled isn’t gonna make things easier. And shit, I guess you beat that other kid bad and started a riot. You could end up in juvie over shit like that. What’s your mom gonna do then?”
“Kinda wack that you’re lecturin’ me, dontcha think?” He was slurring his words, but not too bad. Maybe sobering up some.
“Maybe. Or maybe I know because I was hiding in junk, too. You drinking a lot?”
“Some.”
“Every day?”
“Yeah. Why’s that a big deal? All you guys drink ever’ day. Most of you get drunk ever’ day.”
“Yeah, but we’re not sixteen. And we don’t do it at work.” In Badger’s case, that wasn’t true, and Nolan gave him an exaggerated look that called the bullshit out for what it was. “Okay, yeah. But that was me bein’ fucked up. Fucking things up bad. Almost losing my patch because of it. Doin’ shit I regret more than anything. Maybe something like you starting a brawl that could get you locked up.”
“Hunter said somethin’ about Hav. S’why I got into it. Usually I ignore the asshats. They were givin’ me shit about bein’ Goth—which I’m so not—and talkin’ shit about my dead dad. I wish I’d killed that fucker. I was tryin’.”
“What did he say?”
Nolan shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. Deserved what he got.”
Badger didn’t push for details. “I believe you. Gotta pick your battles, though, and time your fights. Lunchroom? Probably not the best call.”
Nolan got serious. “You gonna tell my mom? She’s just gettin’ to be almost normal again.”
“Think we’ll have to if you get arrested, dumbass. Otherwise, we’ll talk to Len, get his take.”
Nolan nodded and slouched down in the chair.
“Nolan, what’s goin’ on?” He’d asked before and had gotten a flippant answer. But this time Nolan sighed and answered him straight.
“Lonely. I miss Hav. I miss the way my mom was. I miss you guys. Everybody’s different. Everything’s wrong since Hav left.”
“He didn’t ‘leave.’ He died. Not his fault.”
“Turns out the same way, though, doesn’t it? ‘Cept there’s no hope he’ll come back. Just gave me and my mom everything we ever wanted and then disappeared forever and took it all with him.”
~oOo~
A few hours later, Badger parked his bike at the B&B. The lot was fairly full. It was the start of the wee
kend, and the rooms were all booked. He sat in the saddle for a few minutes, thinking things through, and grappling with a need that was pulling hard on him. His chest ached, and his head buzzed. Not that he could do anything about it even if he folded. They’d taken his stash, and he’d have to go far—at least Springfield—to buy more. Or he’d have to break into Tasha’s clinic and steal it, and if he was ready to do that, he might as well put his gun in his mouth himself.
The other thing he could do was go to Adrienne, which always eased his body, mind, and soul, and that was his intention. But fuck, he’d been hurting her, again, with his need of her. He had to settle down and not be at her constantly like some kind of wild animal.
Len had worked things out with Darryl Benes, and they’d been able to take Nolan from the high school with only a ten-day suspension, which he was going to spend at the B&B with Badger, doing grunt work for free.
They’d dropped Badger off at the clubhouse, and Len took Nolan home on his own, planning to talk to Cory and ease Nolan’s way a little.
Every day, it seemed like something new got fucked up. Badger couldn’t see a bright side anywhere. The Horde were bent over to Julio Santaveria and his Perro Blanco cartel, doing their bidding even though he’d killed Havoc and had torn the ever-lovin’ shit out of Show, Len, and him. He was fucked up, Show literally wanted to kill him, the town was turning against the club, and now Nolan was fucked up, too. He was right. Everything was different. Everything was wrong.
Not everything. Inside the main house was his bright side—a girl he’d loved for a long time. A beautiful, bright, kind girl who loved him back. The only girl he’d ever felt comfortable with. And she honestly didn’t mind the way he looked, or even the way he was. He had to make sure he did everything he could to be right for her.
He dismounted and went into the barn, where Kenny was just starting the evening chores. They worked together until the animals were put up and fed and they’d gotten everything prepped for the next day.
Leave a Trail Page 13