Aunt Bea’s house was always neat and clean. She had plenty of food, and it was peaceful and quiet. He found himself going there almost every day. He made sure that he didn’t have any drugs on him when he was there. He couldn’t disappoint Aunt Bea anymore than he already had. He knew she only wanted the best for him. That’s why she kept on him about the drug dealing. He wanted to stop, but he didn’t want to be considered a punk.
He gazed around Raymond’s place, frowning. Well, maybe he’d be a punk. He needed to take a shower, eat, and get some real sleep. If he could go to Aunt Bea’s and do that, he wasn’t worried about what the next common thug thought. All he cared about was getting off the streets. He was so tired of selling drugs anyway. It didn’t take a genius to slang crack cocaine. Some of the so-called ballers that he hung with had dropped out of high school, too. Now, selling drugs was all they had to fall back on. Some of the ones who still had a heart advised him to get back in school. They told him that he didn’t want to be selling drugs for the rest of his life.
“Man, you still young. You ain’t got no felonies. Go back to school. This ain’t no kinda life fuh you, dawg,” a guy named Black advised.
“Black tellin’ you the truth,” Big Rob stated. “It’s hard out here. You don’t hafta do this shit tho’ ‘cause you still got a future. Me and most of these cats out here slangin’, this all we got to fall back on. But you can be betta than this. You are betta than this. Get it together, partner, this ain’t the life fuh you.”
At the time, he hadn’t been trying to hear what Black and Big Rob had been saying. But now he knew they were right. He felt so frustrated about his situation. But, he had a way out. Aunt Bea would help if he would just let her. Could he just walk away from the easy money?
A roach crawled across his arm, and he flicked it off in disgust. His mind was made up. Toby got up from the chair and headed for the door.
“Where you off to, man?” someone asked. Toby wasn’t sure who the person was. So many different people crashed at Raymond’s place.
“I’m out,” he said.
“You got somethin’, dawg?” The man stared at him with a desperate look in his eyes. Toby shook his head. He should have known it was a bass head. If Raymond wasn’t careful, he was going to end up getting jacked. Trusting a crack head in your house was like trusting a hungry dog with a T-bone steak.
“Nah. You have to get up with Ray or somebody else.”
“You got some weed? Anything?” he said through cracked, parched lips.
“Nah.”
“A cigarette? Don’t leave me hangin’. I need somethin’ bad.”
“Didn’t I just tell ya fuck ass I ain’t got nothing on me?” Toby said in frustration. “You need to leave that shit alone and straighten up ya life anyway.”
“Fuck you.” The junkie curled up on the couch. “All you had to do was say no, nigga.” Toby couldn’t believe how smoking crack could make a person look so rough. The man was shaking like he was freezing, and it had to be at least eighty degrees outside. If Toby’s mind hadn’t been made up before about leaving it all alone, it was made up now. He couldn’t stand to see anybody looking so pitiful. The man’s hair was matted. His clothes were filthy with dirt. He wore shoes that were caked with slime, and Toby could see his toes peering out. He smelled horrible, too. From the looks of it, he couldn’t be more than a hundred pounds. If he kept smoking crack, he would eventually disappear.
“Don’t die like this, man.” Toby said, touching the guy on his thin shoulder. “Don’t you have family- anybody, you can ask for help?”
“No.” The man’s tearful eyes met his. “Do you?” he asked through his cracked lips.
“Yeah, man. I do. And I want to thank you for helping me realize it.” He released the man and walked out of Raymond’s house.
* * *
Shae drove to the address she’d circled in the classifieds. A middle-aged gentleman was outside in the front yard painting the picket fence. He gazed up from what he was doing when he heard her car.
“Excuse me. Are you the owner?” Shae asked as she walked up.
“Yes. Did you come to look at the apartment?” He stopped painting and gazed up at her.
“Well, I-”
“Come on. I’ll show it to you.” He placed the paintbrush in a bucket and straightened up. “Follow me.” His quick strides made Shae have to almost run to keep up. “It’s an upstairs apartment. Two bedrooms, but I’m offering it at a reasonable price,” he added. He fumbled with his key ring until he found the right one.
“How much are you renting it for?” Shae asked.
“Four hundred and fifty dollars per month.” He opened the door. “See it for yourself and tell me if that’s not reasonable.”
Shae looked around. The large living room had hardwood floors that shined. It smelled as though the walls had been recently painted. The kitchen looked cozy with a modern stove, refrigerator and other appliances. She checked out the bathroom and was satisfied that it had been renovated as well. The two bedrooms also met her approval.
“I’ll take it,” she told him.
“But I haven’t installed the washer and dryer yet.”
“I’ll take it anyway,” she said excitedly and laughed. “I love it already. I’ll take it.” The old man looked at her like she’d lost her mind, but he seemed pleased.
“All I’m asking for is a security deposit up front,” he told her. “You can pay the first month’s rent at your convenience.”
“It’s no problem. I can pay it all now.” She got the money from her purse, glad to be getting rid of it. One of the cops on the scene had gathered the money and put it in her purse on the night Dana almost killed her.
“Well, the place is yours.” The old man smiled. “It doesn’t matter to me what you do or who you have over, as long as you pay your rent on time. I’m a pretty fair judge of character and you seem to be a very respectable young lady. By the way, my name is Stanley O’Conner. Just let me know if you need help moving in. I have three, healthy sons. One of them is about your age. Dale, he’s eighteen. My other son, David, is twenty-one, and my oldest, Daniel, is twenty-three. They are all into that body-building thing,” he relayed. “Here’s your set of keys. I’ll go get your lease agreement then I’ll leave you alone.” Shae smiled as he closed the door. She couldn’t wait to tell Toby. He’d be so glad to have a permanent place to live.
Grateful that she had the use of her aunt’s car, Shae drove to a discount furniture store and spent some more of the money buying furniture for the apartment. The store promised to deliver everything before the close of business.
Thankfully, she didn’t have to go search for her brother. When she returned to Aunt Bea’s house, she found him sitting at the kitchen table eating.
“Toby, I got good news,” she said excitedly. He looked up from a bowl of cereal.
“What’s that?”
“I found us an apartment. I bought furniture and everything.”
“Us? You mean, I get to stay there?” he asked.
“Of course. Where else you gonna stay?”
“I don’t know. It’s just that- it’s like a dream. I’ve been from friend to friend. I was running out of places to spend the night. I’m so glad I don’t have go back to Raymond’s.” He looked relieved and happy. “When do we move in?” he asked.
“Real soon. I have to be there when the furniture truck shows up.”
“All right.” All the strain he’d been under for the past few months made him look older than fourteen. Shae noticed that he had grown a mustache and the beginnings of a beard. What had happened to the little boy she’d known as her brother? He’d grown up without her even noticing it.
“We’ll leave after I talk to Charles and Chris,” she told him.
“Okay.” He got up to place the empty bowl in the sink.
Shae explained to the twins why she couldn’t take them with her. Even though she wanted them to live in the same household, at that
time, it wasn’t possible. She promised to come by to see them every day.
She wasn’t concerned about Charles and Chris’s welfare, because Aunt Bea was a great caregiver. There certainly was a lot of love in that house, and the boys had blossomed since moving in. They constantly laughed aloud which was music to Shae’s ears. She realized that back in the projects Charles and Chris hadn’t been allowed to be little boys. They’d always been afraid that their mother would beat them if they made too much noise. Their innocence had been stifled. Now, they could just be kids without having to worry about anything. Their childhood wouldn’t be snatched away like hers had been.
She felt a sense of pride of having her own apartment. She decorated it nicely with a leather sofa and loveseat. A moderate sized coffee table set in the middle of a zebra print rug. Different colored, scented candles rested in candleholders on two end tables. She hung cheerful curtains and added decorative pillows to the sofa. She even put up family photos that reminded them of happier times.
A few weeks after they moved into their own place Toby surprised Shae with an announcement. She’d noticed that he hadn’t been hanging out late every night. He’d gotten rid of the gold-plated grill and didn’t wear his pants hanging off his butt anymore. He no longer associated with his old friends. She saw that as a good sign.
“Do you think it’s too late for me?” he asked. He leaned against the door jam and stared at her.
“Too late for what?” She stopped brushing her hair, which had grown long enough for her to pull back into a ponytail.
“To go back to school.” She turned from the mirror to stare at him in surprise. “I think I want to go back. I don’t want to sell drugs the rest of my life. I ain’t no dummy. I know I can finish school.”
“I’m glad you made up ya own mind. I wasn’t going to run my mouth, but I do think it’s a good idea. We’ll go to the school and check into getting you reenrolled.”
“Good. You know what? I might even go to college. I’m thinking ‘bout becoming a doctor, like Dr. Michaels.” His voice held conviction.
“I think you’ll be a fine doctor. One of the best,” she told him, and meant it.
The following day they went to Tyrone Middle School and completed the necessary paperwork to get Toby back in school. Since it was a different zone, Toby wouldn’t be returning to his old school, which was a good thing. It would be better for him to get a fresh, new start. He didn’t need to mix with his old friends and settle back into bad patterns.
It would be tough to fit in at a new school, but Toby was determined. Shae finished signing the papers and got up to leave.
“I’ll see you when you get home. Okay?” she told him. He nodded and she left him sitting in the office until classes started. He looked nervous, but when she caught his eye through the window, he smiled. She smiled back and waved at him.
She caught PSTA, the city’s bus transportation to downtown St. Petersburg. She wanted to put the rest of the money she had in a bank account. She got off the bus on Central Avenue and went inside Union First Bank. There seemed to be a shortage of tellers, so she asked if they needed help.
“As a matter of fact, we do,” the young woman behind the glass partition, told her. Shae asked for an application and sat down to complete it. When she handed it back to the young lady, she was asked to wait.
“I’ll see if you can be interviewed now.” The woman smiled and Shae smiled back. She picked up the phone and spoke briefly. “You can go through that door and turn left,” she informed. “Mrs. Watson will interview you today.”
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcomed and good luck!”
Shae went through the door that had been pointed out. Twenty minutes later, she walked out with a job. Now she would need new clothes. Being in no hurry to go back home, she decided to do some shopping. She’d get a chance to write her first check!
She felt happy as she crossed the street to go into a clothing store. She wasn’t paying attention to where she was walking and bumped into someone.
“Sorry,” she said quickly and looked up into the face of the woman she’d collided with. The woman stared back at her almost fearfully. Shae recognized that face. Before she could say anything, the lady hurried off.
“Vivian!” Shae called and ran to catch up with her. She pulled on her sleeve and the woman turned around. Her face was void of all emotion. “Vivian?” Shae asked, tentatively. “Is it you?”
“I’m sorry, but you have the wrong person.” She tried to pull away.
Shae knew that it was Vivian. It was her sister that she hadn’t seen for more than six years. She’d know her own sister anywhere. She couldn’t be mistaken, so she tried again.
“Vivian, it’s me- your sister Shae. Remember?” The lady stared at her for a moment.
“I’m sorry,” she repeated. “I don’t know anyone by that name.” She finally disengaged herself from Shae’s grip. “If you’ll excuse me, I have to be going now.”
“Vivian, wait!” The lady stepped into the crowd and Shae lost sight of her. Somehow, she knew that it had been her sister. Why had Vivian pretended not to know her? Could she really have forgotten her own sister?
Shae walked on. Maybe it hadn’t been Vivian after all. The woman didn’t have a scar where Vivian would have one from being shoved into the mirror. But the eyes had been the same as well as the rest of her features.
“I know what my sister looks like,” Shae said aloud. She was convinced that she’d seen Vivian and her gut feeling told her that it was true.
Shae had been to quite a few stores. For some unknown reason she decided to stop at the shop on the corner. Struggling with all of her packages, she pushed open the door and entered. Right away she spotted the woman behind the counter. Vivian.
Shae felt determined to get to the bottom of why her sister had acted like she didn’t know her. No matter how she had tried to convince herself that it hadn’t been Vivian, something within her told her that it was. She was going to find out for sure. She approached the counter.
“May I help-” The woman’s smile froze when she saw Shae, but she quickly composed herself. “May I help you?” she finished.
“I know you’re my sister,” Shae told her. “Why are you acting like you don’t know me, Vivian?”
“That is not my name,” the woman stated in a harsh tone. “My name is Vanessa. I don’t know anyone named Vivian. I told you that earlier. Why don’t you stop harassing me?” She turned away to wait on a customer. When she finished and the customer left the store, Shae tried again.
“Vivian- I mean, Vanessa. I don’t know why you’re acting like this, but I want to tell you that Mama’s in jail.” She watched the woman’s face. “She tried to poison the twins. And she killed Ma Violet.” She could see some reaction in the lady’s eyes. The woman looked away but Shae continued. “I was in the hospital for a while. I got involved with a drug dealer and he tried to kill me.” She touched her hair self-consciously. “That’s why my hair is shorter. He- he cut it off and he cut my face,” she added. The lady glanced at the tiny scar that was still visible then looked away again. “Toby had got into some trouble, quit school, and started selling drugs. But he straightened out.” She paused. “I got us a small apartment, and I even got a job today at the bank.” She waited for the woman to speak, but when she didn’t, Shae picked up her bags and began to back away. “I just thought I’d let you know. I’m glad I got a chance to see you again.” Her voice caught in her throat. “If you’re not Vivian, then I’m sorry I bothered you.” She turned to leave.
“Wait,” the lady called when Shae reached the door. Shae stopped and turned around to face her. “I am- Vivian,” she said softly. She looked at her younger sister with compassion. “Let’s go somewhere to talk. Wait one second.” She spoke briefly with another woman who was busy attaching price tags to clothes. The lady nodded and Vivian went to join Shae. “There’s a park not too far away,” Vivian told her. “Let’s go there
.”
As they walked, Shae told her about how she’d gotten involved with Dana, how he’d raped her, and then how he’d tried to kill her.
“Oh, how awful for you,” her sister sympathized.
“I was stupid,” Shae said. “Looking for an easy way out of the projects almost cost me my life and Toby’s.”
“How could you have known?” Vivian asked.
“I was just so desperate! Mama kept getting worse and worse. Sometimes, I wanted to hurt her!”
“It’s normal, under the circumstances, to have those types of feelings,” Vivian told her.
“I saw Dana as my way out. I should have concentrated on going back to school or on getting a job. I wish I could change things.”
“Thankfully, that’s all in the past now,” Vivian told her in a gentle tone. “It’s up to you to let go of all that and live your life as you please. Maybe you might need some help getting through the rough times. You’ll have the memories and the nightmares. If at times, it becomes overwhelming, I know of a counselor,” she suggested.
“A counselor? Well, I don’t know-” Shae hesitated. She wasn’t crazy, at least she didn’t think so.
“Just go once and if you don’t feel it’s helping, don’t go back. I’ve been undergoing counseling for the past three years. I needed help dealing with everything that I experienced growing up. I feel that I really need it now, especially since I have my own children. I don’t want to end up like her. I’d never want to mistreat, physically or mentally abuse my kids, ever!” Shae understood. “Just in case you change your mind, here’s a card.” She reached into her purse and handed Shae the business card she’d retrieved. “It really helps a lot,” she ended.
“Thank you. I have to think about it.”
“Well, take all the time you need.”
They reached the park. Vivian brushed off a space on a bench and sat down.
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