by Lucia Ashta
I pulled back a step to rake both hands through my hair at once. I caught myself doing it but didn’t stop. Did a sign of incertitude matter anymore?
I looked into her eyes again. “I’m perhaps more confused now than I’ve ever been in my life. I have no fucking clue what I’ll do if I have to face another you, the princess, the one I loved first. The thought makes my brain want to explode. Because I don’t want to have to choose. I don’t want to step away from any aspect of you. I don’t want to contemplate any of the possible ramifications of this wild, thorny mess we’re in.”
I took her by the shoulders. “I have no answers for you. I have only questions. And undying dedication. If you’ll have me, I’ll do anything for you. I’ll lay my life down for you if it’d make any difference.”
I removed my hands and brought them to my waist, akimbo. “Shit, Ilara. I don’t know anything about anything. But in your absence I learned that I’m capable of being a good man. One I can be proud of. You’ve loved me before, and I believe you love me now. That’s just going to have to be enough for now.”
I hesitated. “Is it? I mean, can it be enough for you for now?” I realized I’d just served up a heaping tray of who-knows-what. Like a mystery dish at one of the dubious eating houses that dotted the Wilds, that one ate at only when the other alternative was hunger.
I offered her my hand, calloused from centuries of training with weapons. From the flurrying emotions that flashed across the cosmos in her eyes, I didn’t know if she’d take it. After all, what I was offering didn’t sound all that grand. I might’ve stolen her from the planet she actually belonged on. She might be displaced when I found the real princess, if she was really a different woman.
But she took it. She took my hand despite it all.
When she squeezed it, I grinned without needing to understand the reasons why.
“It doesn’t look like I have anything better to do than hop on this wild ride with you,” she said.
By the oasis, this woman thought like I did! This was one fucking wild ride, perhaps the wildest I’d ever been on. And Dolpheus and I’d been on the baddest and craziest of rides this planet I both loved and scorned had to offer.
“What the hell,” she continued. “I’m game if you are.”
Whatever particular game she was referring to then, I’d play with her.
Temerity outshone all the fright that must come from discovering oneself on a mistaken planet, with a mistaken lover, in the midst of a potential revolution. She blinked back tears for the last time that day. I watched as she shoved hesitation and second-guessing aside and stood in all the magnificence she possessed.
“Let’s go tame this motherfucker,” she said.
I thought I might love her more in that second than I ever had before. I pulled her to me again, pressing her body as tightly to mine as I could with clothing between us. Her lips sought mine as mine leapt for hers. My hands cupped her ass and tilted her into the hard on that didn’t care whether people watched us or not. A moan escaped our tongues and I thought I might have to have her right here, right now. I could live with witnesses to our lovemaking. I couldn’t live with opportunities missed when ours might be counted. Life was too erratic to give a damn about the things that mattered little.
And nothing seemed to matter much in that instant but her and me, and the desperation that boiled in my veins, needing every bit of her I could conceivably have.
It was a testament to how deep my friendship with Dolpheus ran that he could reach me in that place, when I was all but merged with another he couldn’t access in the way I could. But he got through.
Tan, you need to get your ass over here right now.
I knew my friend well enough to know he’d only interrupt if it was important. He was as likely to indulge in the fire of sudden passion as I was.
We led lives of constant exposure to danger and decisions that held the potential to catapult life into death.
“Dammit,” I whispered hotly into Ilara’s mouth. I didn’t bother explaining. I broke my lips from hers, wrapped an arm possessively around her shoulders, and started walking toward Dolpheus.
Every eye in that vale seemed to follow us as we unabashedly refused to be embarrassed over our display of passion, mine still prominent if anyone cared to look.
Life was revealing itself to be a wild, unruly, and indomitable mowab. I didn’t cower before mowabs, and I sure as hell wouldn’t cower before life. Especially not when it could be yanked away from any of us in a single, blasted heartbeat.
If this mess was teaching me anything, it was to grab the mowab by the neck and ride it hard while I still had the chance. Pussyfooting wasn’t my style.
I lowered my hand to Ilara’s waist, where no more than a gossamer layer of clothing kept me from the bare skin of her waist. I squeezed and she leaned closer to me.
“We can do this,” I said to her while we walked.
“Fuck yeah, we can.”
Ilara was a warrior woman. Precisely the woman for me.
5
Before we even reached Dolpheus, I understood why he interrupted Ilara and me. Aletox looked more dangerous than he had before, something I hadn’t thought possible. The man was probably born with that don’t-fuck-with-me-or-you’ll-regret-it look etched across his face.
Despite the fact that Ilara’s safety and a whole lot of other important stuff depended on his cooperation, I found that I cared little about which perceived offense had catapulted him from uptight and threatening to seething with latent fury.
This man—father or not—could go fuck himself, the sooner the better, and I didn’t care one bit if he realized that was how I felt.
Take it easy, Tan. Don’t even think about fucking with him right now. Pull yourself together, fast.
Dolpheus was as quick to rise to my defense as I was to his. Undoubtedly, he despised Aletox’s current round of manipulations as much as I. If he was popping into my mind to urge me to pull it together, then I’d better. My emotions were distracting me from the game I had to play with Aletox.
By the time Ilara and I reached him, I’d reclaimed the blood supply my brain needed from my cock, and my mind was firing away with the strategic thoughts common to a lifelong soldier.
“Is the binding complete?” I asked casually, pretending I didn’t notice Aletox was furious.
“Almost,” Dolpheus said. “Aletox wouldn’t agree to everything I asked him to, but I think he’s agreed to enough that he can leave.”
Dolpheus was careful not to say anything that implied we wouldn’t let Aletox leave. He knew better than to poke at a Vikas viper nest with a stick, no matter how long the stick was. We were the ones who’d pay the steep price for losing our heads.
“You just need to do an eye lock with Aletox to seal the deal,” Dolpheus continued. “Since I was just a surrogate for the binding, I can’t do it.”
My friend was brilliant. However he’d sweet talked Aletox into speaking the binding with him and then sealing it with me, he was basically making the binding twice as strong. Words, especially those spoken in oath, carried a nearly tangible energy. Since Aletox had apparently spoken enough of the words we needed him to, the energy of those words would bind him to keep his oath. If he were to attempt to betray his oath, the energy of it would cause him physical harm. Since everything in this world was at its essence a representation of energy, a binding of spoken words was as effective as crystalline handcuffs.
Had Aletox not realized that Dolpheus was, in effect, making him do a double binding, binding him both to Dolpheus and to me? Aletox was brilliant, but so was Dolpheus, and my friend was as smooth as they came. It was why he was such a ladies’ man without even trying. Saying things in a way the person was open to hearing was one of his talents. Words could be more effective than a blade when wielded this skillfully.
I took a step in front of Ilara, attempting to shield her from Aletox. “Sounds good,” I said to Dolpheus, and to Aletox, “We’ll do i
t fast so you can be on your way.” I spoke lightly, informally. There was nothing unusual going on here. Nothing to see. Nothing to examine. “So, are you ready?”
No part of his face moved visibly, but I could feel the grinding of displeasure taking place right behind it. “I shouldn’t have agreed to this,” he said.
I’d never heard him admit regret or mistake before. This came quite close to both.
He continued, “I shouldn’t have let you talk me into this.”
As if he’d allow anyone to talk him into anything. It was ridiculous. Aletox did only what Aletox wanted. Which made me suddenly wonder, if he was indeed my father, had he wanted to have a child? I didn’t imagine anything happened in Aletox’s life unless he allowed it. I had no grasp of what my mother’s personality had been like, but she, like all people, would have caved if Aletox insisted she put an end to her creation term. And then I would’ve never been born.
“The unusual nature of our present… circumstances”—there was no good way to describe the convoluted situation we found ourselves in—“requires that we all compromise a bit to move forward.” I didn’t want to bring up the well being of Oers again; he clearly didn’t care about anyone’s well being but his own. There was no reason for him to do anything that wasn’t self-serving. It came back to the absurd kid card again.
Fuck.
“Just think of it this way. You’ll never have to do me another favor again. We can rip up my kid card.” I pantomimed ripping up my lousy, flimsy, good-for-barely-anything kid card. The ragged pieces drifted lifelessly toward the ground, used up, forgotten already.
Aletox’s jaw clenched. “Fine. Do it fast before I change my mind.”
He didn’t have to tell me a second time.
I moved within a foot of him and stared into his defiant eyes. “Do you agree to keep every one of the oaths you spoke with Dolpheus, acting as my surrogate, with the knowledge that if you were to break any of your oaths, death would befall you? Do you now agree to this binding, and with it to protect Ilara, every possible version of her, in all ways, by taking care with your thoughts, words, and actions?”
“If you want me to do the eye lock, then you’ve said more than you should’ve already.”
I realized I had. I was certain I was asking more of him than Dolpheus had managed to get him to agree to, though I expected Dolpheus had been more thorough. But I had to try. It was, after all, my only chance. My kid card was already gone, its tattered pieces carried away on an unyielding breeze.
“All right,” I said, wondering if he’d still agree to it all, even as I kept going. “Do you bind yourself to this oath? Both to what Dolpheus asked of you and what I just have?”
His eyes and nostrils flared. “I do.”
I maintained our gaze long enough to imprint the binding upon him. The eyes were the representation of the eternality. The eternality was bound to do the honorable thing, for at that level of pureness, we were all honorable, all in integrity.
Finally, I retreated and nodded. “Thank you,” I said. No matter what I might think of this man, what he’d just done was important to me.
“Don’t dare to ask anything of me ever again.”
By the time I responded with, “Don’t worry. I won’t,” he’d already transported out of there, leaving nothing but air where he’d stood.
6
There were perhaps a total of seventy or so of us gathered there in the vale, spread out among the villagers, the royal guards upon the hill, and my companions. I’d thought only Dolpheus and I, and perhaps Ilara, had been feeling the grinding tension of Aletox’s presence there. But the collective sounds of relief that spread through the vale like a wave proved otherwise.
“Damn, that man’s foul,” Dolpheus said just loud enough for our immediate group to hear. It didn’t matter that all these people in the vale would soon perform bindings with us, a good soldier knew better than to reveal his thoughts unnecessarily. And Dolpheus wasn’t a good soldier, he was a great one.
Once he and I had some time alone, he’d share his true thoughts. In my presence was where he didn’t hold back, and I anticipated he’d hurl a mouthful of sharp and acerbic complaints at the memory of Aletox. All of it would be well deserved, and I found myself looking forward to the time where I could openly express all that I was thinking right now, too.
“Well no surprise there,” I responded. “We’ve long known what he’s like. Just because he now claims to be my father obviously isn’t reason enough to temper his foulness.”
My best friend exchanged a meaningful look with me. For everyone else, I played off the chance that Aletox might be my father as if it were no more than another inconvenient fact. But Dolpheus knew me. He understood that having one shitty father was enough grief to last a man a lifetime. Having two, well, that was too much to ask of any man.
Dolpheus said, “I didn’t know if we’d get him to agree to the binding for a second there. For Aletox, that was a big deal.”
“Yeah,” I said. “Nothing like playing the fucking kid card to get him to do something for someone other than himself.”
Another look exchanged with Dolpheus. He knew my casual words concealed something akin to despair or grief. Life could be shitty sometimes, usually when I was least prepared to deal with said shittiness.
Lila finally seemed to return to herself from the shock of Aletox’s abrupt appearance and revelation of my suspect paternity. She sidled over to us. “You’re lucky you had the kid card to use. He would’ve never agreed to a binding otherwise. I can’t believe he’s your father!”
“Potentially my father,” I corrected. “Just because he’s said he’s my father doesn’t make it true. He offered no proof.”
“So there’s a chance Lord Brachius might still be your father?” she asked.
“Yeah.”
“Oh. Well, either way, I’m not sure who’s the better choice for a father. They both stink like a rotting mowab carcass.”
There she was, the she-dragon we’d been forced to accept, rearing her head to express the essence of my thoughts on the matter.
“Lila,” Kai admonished, appearing surprised that Lila should be so blunt and unapologetic about expressing herself. He hadn’t had the chance to get to know her as Dolpheus and I had.
“What?” she said. “It’s true. Lord Brachius and Aletox are two of the most secretive and dangerous men—people even—on all O. I’d rather have my simple laborer of a father instead of either of them, even with the large share of the planet’s power they control. I should know. I’ve worked with both of them for years. And I still can’t figure out which of the two of them is most dangerous. After what we just saw here, maybe it’s Aletox after all. Maybe his act of subjugating himself to Brachius is all for show.”
Again, Lila echoing my thoughts. I also was unable to decide whether Brachius or Aletox was more dangerous.
“Still, Lila,” Kai continued, being more bold in expressing his opinion than I’d seen him be since I met him in the secret tunnels of the royal palace. “You could be a little more thoughtful with what you say and how you say it.”
Now Kai was expressing my thoughts for me. However, I’d given up hope on Lila suddenly discovering restraint and consideration.
Lila waved Kai’s objection away. “There isn’t enough time in life to go around tiptoeing because someone’s feelings might get hurt. People’s feelings get hurt anyway, no matter what you do or don’t say. Better to have the truth of the matter out there. In the end, it makes things easier.”
Even though I found that I couldn’t entirely disagree with Lila, I’d been on the receiving end of her comments enough times that I was ready to take control of the conversation and the day. The Suxle Sun was nearly finished rising, and we had things to take care. Lots of them. And I had little idea of where to start with any of them.
“We have lots to do and little time to do it in,” I started.
“The story of our lives,” Dolpheus said.
>
“True,” I admitted. “So let’s make the best of it. Kai and Lila, will you please go to the royal guards on the hill and search every one of them—thoroughly—for any additional comms. Include their saddlebags and any other places they could hide them. For certain, we know Billius has one. Get his first. He’s already done his harm, but get it from him before he can do any more damage. If Brachius has offered a reward for information to him as well, he could call him next, if he hasn’t already. If Brachius finds out the princess is alive before we can control the situation, or that the princess might not be this Ilara, then we’ll have problems. Big ones.”
“That we will,” Dolpheus said.
“Don’t leave the searching to Chauncy or Torle or any of the other guards,” I continued. “They seemed helpful enough, but we can’t be sure we can trust them. Lila, do you think you can manage it?”
“Of course,” she said right away, appearing offended that I might suggest otherwise.
“I mean, can you deal with all those men without problems?” Ordinarily, I’d never send a woman to deal with royal guards. But the job required two people to do it quickly, and I needed Dolpheus here with me.
Guards were notorious for their disregard for women. This was something to ponder, because it seemed like a common trait among the guards, when it wasn’t shared with the male populace of O in general. As if someone ingrained it into the guards during their training or something. It was a situation worthy of our attention, because Dolpheus and I, especially with the princess’ help, could potentially remedy it. But not now.