by Con Template
After her historic homecoming, life had become something of a drag. The casualties from the war she instigated no longer entertained her, the reverence she received from her society no longer fazed her, and the fact that she was close to getting everything she wanted in life no longer excited her. The only thing that kept her going was the thought of getting crowned as the ultimate God in her world and finally sitting on that coveted throne—that and something else . . .
Slipping her red bathrobe on after an invigorating shower, Soo Jin sat quietly on her couch. She drank her favorite heavenly tea and stared in a daze at the fireplace. It crackled peacefully, illuminating the dark room and acting as music to her ears.
Soo Jin drew in a deep breath, taking another sip from her red teacup. She could feel the beginnings of a headache commence in her head, yet the prominent thing on her mind was a memory she didn’t want to recount. Her index finger mindlessly grazed her lips. The image of Kwon Tae Hyun—all hot and dominating—as he kissed her like the world was ending rushed through her like a typhoon. It brought forth emotions that were so powerful that it shocked her back to life. The very remembrance of her hands savoring the feel of his hard chest livened the more numb part of her heart. The thought of him was simple, yet the reasoning of why he evoked such a potent reaction from her was mindboggling.
What a temptation . . .
Soo Jin bitterly concluded that three years of inactivity in her own body had definitely fucked her up. She resented that she felt more like a stranger in her own body than the owner. How was it possible that she could have so little control over her own state of mind? She tried to condition herself to despise Tae Hyun, to feel aversion every time she thought about him. Sadly for her, every time she thought of him, all she could feel was warmth and longing. He had too much power over her, and it did not sit well with her. No one in this world should possess such power over another human being.
Before her thoughts could lengthen, the sound of impending footsteps jolted her out of her reverie. Her gaze averted from the fireplace. She locked eyes with the ones who would never fail to make her smile with their presence.
“Hi boss,” Kang Min greeted quietly, treading into the living room with a black beanie, a zipped up jacket, and jeans. Despondency marked his features as he smiled softly at her.
“It’s been a while, boss,” Jae Won remarked, walking in with a pair of black jeans and a brown zipped up jacket. His face was pale while his lips quivered from the wintry weather he walked in from.
Soo Jin’s once heavy heart lifted. With one leg crossed over her knee, her bare feet kicked out elatedly at the sight of them.
“Hey kids,” she greeted with the endearment she had given them since they were young. Even though they were anything but kids, Soo Jin couldn’t break the habit. They would always be like her little brothers.
She smiled widely at them.
Since her return from Japan, she had not had the opportunity to converse very frequently with the brothers. They had all been extremely busy with resurrecting a once extinct gang. The brothers hadn’t had time to chitchat with her like three years ago or like when she used to be Choi Yoo—
No.
Soo Jin shoved back the thoughts of that unpleasant name. She further took her mind off of it by gesturing for the brothers to follow her into the kitchen. While they fixed themselves evening snacks, she nonchalantly informed them that she wanted the Siberian Tigers to not only actively kill Skulls and Scorpions, but that she also wanted them to start going after more Serpents.
Although the brothers’ solemn reactions did not elude her, she respectfully ignored them. She recognized their conflictions whenever the Serpents were involved, and she, quite frankly, did not want to trouble herself with their dilemma. It was imperative that she turned the Siberian Tigers into the most powerful gang in the Underworld. She could only do that by fracturing Tae Hyun’s precious army. Regardless of how charming he was, Soo Jin would never forget that Kwon Tae Hyun was a threat to her entire existence. His simple existence was the single roadblock in her quest for the throne. For that, his legacy had to be destroyed; he had to be eliminated.
She drank the last of her tea after they returned to the living room. She abruptly found that she could not take her eyes off the brothers. More specifically, she could not take her eyes off the dark circles under their eyes. An unsettling feeling besieged her.
Before registering what she was doing, Soo Jin said, “I know we haven’t been able to talk much, but I just wanted to thank you for everything—especially for things pertaining to Yoori.”
Sitting on the sofa adjacent to hers, they looked up at Soo Jin in surprise. Their widened eyes indicated that they were shocked. They did not anticipate that she would bring up the topic she had been working so hard to evade.
Soo Jin did not know herself why she was suddenly treading on this topic. Perhaps it was because she finally saw the physical maladies on the brothers’ faces—a clear result of being troubled and conflicted with her return. Her homecoming brought back a war, and they were ultimately caught in the crossfire.
Having garnered their attention and feeling a bit uncomfortable with what she was about to vocalize, she struggled to go on. It may have been her prerogative to avoid this topic, but it was their right to get closure on it.
“I know how loyal you were to Yoori. I’m also fully aware of how well both of you took care of her. Thank you for that.”
“It was our honor, boss,” Kang Min replied warmly.
Beside him, Jae Won nodded in response. Their eyes were beaming. After weeks of avoiding this subject, they were relieved that she finally opened this topic for them to venture on.
And now that she had paved the road for them, it was time for her to quench her own curiosity.
“Do you guys miss her?”
The brothers had never lied to her. They respected her too much to do so. When she asked them that question—and all she received from them was silence as they averted their gazes from her in guilt—she knew their answer.
Yes, they missed Choi Yoori.
Soo Jin tried to swallow past the pit of jealousy. It brewed in her stomach, bubbling about like volcanic lava. She inhaled sharply, keeping a smile of nonchalance plastered on her face.
She swiveled her eyes to Jae Won.
Now all she wanted to do was change the subject away from this painful topic.
“Earlier today, you said there was something you wanted to ask me. What is it?”
“Is it possible for me to have the day off tomorrow?” Jae Won inquired tentatively, guilt still visible in his eyes. He had missed Yoori, but he did not want to offend Soo Jin with this truth. The fact that he was not as elated with his boss’s return tormented his conscience.
“Yeah,” Soo Jin approved, smiling at him to appease his guilt. She angled her head in curiosity. “What’s the occasion?”
“Tomorrow is Chae Young’s birthday,”—something leapt in Soo Jin’s heart at this— “and I plan on helping out at the diner before we take her to dinner.” He swallowed uncomfortably. “There’s something else about that as well.”
“What?” Soo Jin asked, her insides clenching when she registered that it was her—or Yoori’s—best friend’s birthday tomorrow.
“Hae Jin will be there,” Jae Won said in a low tone.
Kang Min, who was staring off in a daze, looked at Jae Won in surprise. The numbness in his demeanor vacated as soon as he heard Hae Jin’s name.
“I don’t know if that’s appropriate or not,” continued Jae Won, eyeing both Soo Jin and Kang Min with apprehension, “seeing as the Underworld is at war.”
“I’m at war with her brother, not her,” Soo Jin answered swiftly, genuinely meaning it. She would never prohibit the brothers from speaking to Chae Young or Hae Jin. “You two can socialize with her. It doesn’t matter to me.”
Jae Won divided a hopeful look between them. “Do you both want to come?”
“No,” said
Soo Jin.
“It’s best that I don’t go,” Kang Min stated half a second later.
Soo Jin straightened in her seat. Thrown off by Kang Min’s answer, she turned to him. “Why aren’t you going?”
Kang Min offered her a sullen smile. Desolation gripped his eyes as he thought about his ex-girlfriend. “We’re no longer together. After abandoning the gang that took me in and betraying them, I don’t deserve to be around her.”
His unfiltered answer left Soo Jin and Jae Won whirling. Knowing that Kang Min had already thought this decision through, Soo Jin said no more on the matter. This conversation had already taken a turn for the worse. She no longer wanted to kindle that unsettling fire with further questions.
“You’re really not coming?” Jae Won asked as they bid their goodbyes for the evening. His expression was hopeful that she would change her mind. “I’m sure Chae Young would be happy to see you. She thinks that you no longer want to be friends with her because you’ve regained all your memories. If you show up, it’ll really make her night.”
“I’m not interested,” Soo Jin lied easily. Under normal circumstances, she would have been furious that Jae Won divulged Underworld business to an outsider. Last she knew, Chae Young had no idea Choi Yoori was actually An Soo Jin. It was clear that Jae Won had updated her on the truth of the situation. For any other Siberian Tiger, this infraction was punishable by several nights in a sealed coffin. However, because it was Chae Young, she did not dwell on Jae Won’s infraction. With a mask of nonchalance still solidified on her face, she simply shook her head. “Go and have fun. I have plans anyway.”
“Boss,” Kang Min began after his brother walked out.
“Hmm?”
“This may be too forward of me,” he continued, his pale eyes holding hers, “but do you miss Yoori?”
The simple question hit her like a ton of bricks. Akin to a wall materializing inside her heart, she hardened her emotions and stared at Kang Min with cold, inflexible eyes. She did not like his question, and she damn well expressed that in her sharp gaze.
“If Yoori was here right now, then I wouldn’t be here,” she answered through gritted teeth. “You answer the question. Would I miss her?”
Kang Min measured the resolve in her icy eyes. For a brief moment, she feared that he could read the vulnerability through her masked face. To her relief, he did not answer her question. With a respectful incline of the head, he merely ended the conversation by saying, “Have a good night, boss.”
Click.
No one could have prepared Soo Jin for the torrent of loneliness that spread over her as soon as Kang Min closed the door. She looked around the massive living room. The fading embers of the dying fire made her feel a hundred times lonelier than she did earlier in the night. She debated on going outside to kill a few dozen Serpents. She wanted to harden these stupid human emotions that were scorching through her and weakening her. Soo Jin vetoed that idea as quickly as it materialized. She was exhausted from all the training, and her body strength was completely spent. All she wanted at that moment was to rest and to forget about her bleak reality.
Although she had intended to go to bed, her body had a mind of its own as it guided her to the walk-in closet. Before she could process what was happening, her knees dropped to the floor. Kneeling in front of a small white dresser, she slid the last drawer out, pilfered through it, and with much effort, pulled a black garment out of it.
She bit her lips, breathing in a lungful of anticipatory air.
With her back pressed against the closet wall, she quietly held the innocuous black hoodie in her hands. She brought her fingers up and grazed the hoodie carefully. She found herself shaking as the simple garment brought forth a wave of feelings and memories that never belonged to her, yet she allowed to filter into her mind. The numbness she felt was killing her, and the only thing to ease it was this hoodie.
Fully aware of how pathetic she looked, Soo Jin sat hidden in the closet for the remainder of the night. She closed her eyes, allowed all logic to fade away and gripped the hoodie to her chest. She listened to the quiet thumping of her heart. She could feel her heart yearn for a life that never belonged to her—another reality that felt like a dream.
This pain was a debt that she had to pay—a sacrifice that she had to offer.
No one said the road to being a God was easy, and this final phase of killing the last shred of her humanity was going to be the most difficult of all.
■ ■ ■
“Mr. Lee! This place is packed tonight!” Hae Jin cried the next evening. She ran around the diner, taking orders from customers before they closed up early and went out for Chae Young’s birthday dinner.
Mr. Lee chuckled, his chubby hands holding plates upon plates of food for his customers. “It’s like they know we’re planning on closing up early,” he told her warmly. He skidded past her in haste, his little white apron dancing over his brown sweater and pants. “Thank you for helping out.”
“No problem!” Hae Jin replied with a bright smile. Her black halter dress moved gracefully as she went to another table to ask if they needed anything else.
“Whoa! Watch it, Pops!” Jae Won shouted from the other end of the diner. Instinctively, he bent his body backwards and tipped his head before Mr. Lee’s dishes slammed into his face. Had he not moved in time, the food would have spilled all over his black jacket and jeans.
“Ho, ho! Sorry, son. But nice reflexes!” Mr. Lee chortled in apology, thoroughly impressed with Jae Won’s reflexes. He couldn’t have known, as Jae Won and Chae Young decided it was best to not divulge this to him, that Jae Won was one of the highest-ranking members of a powerful Underworld gang—hence his impressive reflexes. “I wouldn’t want to hurt my best waiter.”
“Yeah, slave labor, you mean,” Jae Won humored with a laugh. Shaking his head humorously, he brought the dirty dishes to the back.
“How was therapy today?” Hae Jin asked Chae Young moments later.
While all the patrons were happily enjoying their dinner, Hae Jin stood beside Chae Young as they took their breaks. Their eyes scanned over the packed diner. After these last sets of patrons left, they could finally close up and leave for Chae Young’s birthday dinner.
“It was good,” Chae Young answered with a bright smile. Unable to help herself, she extended her hand and wrapped her arm around Hae Jin, smothering her with a sisterly half-hug embrace. “Thanks for coming and helping out tonight, babe. My dad and I would’ve died if it was just the two of us.”
Hae Jin laughed, waving a hand and quietly saying, “It was nothing.”
“Have you spoken to Kang Min since . . .?”
Chae Young’s question trailed into the abyss once she saw Hae Jin’s smile wane.
With her positive air wilting at the reminder of Kang Min, Hae Jin shook her head. “He hasn’t returned my calls.”
Chae Young sighed sympathetically. Her voice mirrored the pain in Hae Jin’s. “Have you spoken to Jae Won about it? It’s so unlike Kang Min to act like this. The guy’s crazy about you.”
Hae Jin shrugged. “I don’t know. Jae Won’s been busy helping your dad with the diner. I didn’t want to bug him about it. Plus, Kang Min’s a big boy. If he wants to see or talk to me, he knows how to reach me.”
“Yeah, but still,” Chae Young said bitterly, upset with Kang Min for behaving this way. Her eyes perused the room. When she caught sight of Jae Won, she knew what to do. She unhooked herself from Hae Jin and approached him. “Hey hun.”
Jae Won stopped in mid-pace after walking out of the kitchen. He beamed at her and took a couple of steps closer to the counter. He placed his hands atop the counter as leverage and leaned forward to talk to his girlfriend. “What’s up, hun?”
“Do you know if Kang Min or Yoori are coming tonight?” Her voice was hopeful; it matched the hopeful expression on Hae Jin’s face.
Jae Won did his best to conceal his solemn expression. He shook his head. “They’re a bit
busy right now. They won’t be coming.”
The despondency on the girls’ faces was clear. They tried to keep their smiles intact.
Unsettled that he had singlehandedly dampened their spirits, Jae Won hastily added, “For what it’s worth, I think they really wanted to be here.” He released a weary sigh. “It’s just . . . things are complicated. It’s not like it used to be—”
“Chae Young!” Mr. Lee interjected happily, trotting up from the side and startling Jae Won. “Look who finally came back after quitting so suddenly!”
Chae Young, Hae Jin, and Jae Won’s eyes broadened when they saw who it was.
Stepping out from behind Mr. Lee, Soo Jin presented them with a warm, beautiful smile. The white jacket she wore brought out the pink in her cheeks, while the black jeans and Uggs she wore enhanced the silky hue of her long black hair.
“Hi everyone,” Soo Jin greeted. Her eyes ran from Jae Won, to Chae Young, and then to Hae Jin; they all wore shocked but excited expressions. Her smile lengthened when she held up a blue Tiffany & Co. bag in her hand. “I won’t be able to stay long. I just wanted to stop by and give the birthday girl her gift.”
“Wait,” Mr. Lee said after hearing this news. “Why can’t you come to dinner with us? We haven’t seen you around in a while, Yoori.”
Soo Jin feigned a pout at the usual tone Mr. Lee used with her—or Yoori—whenever she was late for work or argued with customers. She wouldn’t normally respond to being called “Yoori”, but because Mr. Lee was blissfully unaware of her stature as the Queen of the Underworld, she decided it was best to play along. She added a tinge of regret to her warm smile. “I’ve been really busy. It took a lot of effort to push my schedule back to come tonight.”
That was a complete lie. It did not take effort to push her schedule back. It did, however, take effort to succumb to her human emotions and stop by the diner. Because when it was all said and done, hating the reminder of Yoori aside, she really missed Chae Young. Chae Young was her first real friend, and Soo Jin loved her dearly. She couldn’t push her friend away, especially not on her birthday.