“Stop it.” I chuckled as I gazed at her beautiful face. “You haven’t ruined anything at all. You’ve opened up to me, finally. I knew there was something like this hiding in there. All I’ve ever wanted was for you to feel comfortable enough with me that you’d tell it. And, I was happy to put together a romantic date for you. I’ll do it again if you’ll let me.”
She nodded. “That would be really nice. Thank you. I’ve never told anyone about it . . . about him. It does feel good to let it out.”
“Good. Another time you can tell me how you ended up moving here. I have a feeling you’re a lot tougher than you give yourself credit for. You ready to go home? It’s getting cold out here.”
She nodded. “Take me home, Nick.”
The sweetest four words in the English language.
Chapter 9
Lyndsey
As Nick drove me home I thought about what I’d told him. It wasn’t the whole story, but it was a start. He’d been so great about it. I wondered how he’d feel if he knew the rest. I didn’t deserve this—the understanding, the caring, the friendship. I was overwhelmed and terrified at the same time. Why someone like him would want someone like me was a mystery, but now that I’d had a taste, I wanted him right back. All his attention, all his focus, all his body. I wanted him, and at that moment I didn’t care whether I deserved him or not. I was so tired of being alone. Just for one night I didn’t want to feel adrift in the world, I ached for a connection to someone and something.
We parked at my apartment building and Nick was out of the car before I could catch my breath. He sprinted around the front and opened up my door.
I smiled at him. “Still in gentleman mode?” I teased.
“Maybe I’m always this way.”
I lifted an eyebrow.
“Alright, alright, maybe I’m not. But, you know what? Being around you makes me want to be.”
I soaked in his sweet words and let him help me out of the truck. Once again he held my hand up the stairs to my door. He was a big, physical guy and, while that should have scared me, he was so gentle about it that I’d never felt fearful around him. After Chris abused me, I’d realized how physically domineering he’d always been. When he put his arm around me he squeezed just a touch too tight. When he held my hand he pulled me along after him like a rag doll. When we had sex he held my wrists down, and toward the end he’d started holding them so tightly that my bones would rub together and I’d be bruised in the mornings.
Nick’s touches never felt like that. There was a question in every contact he made with me, almost as if his body was saying, “Is this alright? Can I do this?” And he automatically adjusted to what my body told him in response. If we were holding hands and I was slower, he slowed down too. If I moved my hand from his, he let go immediately. If he was holding me and I drew back, he released me. Trusting Nick had never been an issue really, it was about whether I trusted myself to be worthy of a guy like him.
When we reached my apartment door I’d already made my decision. “Can you come in for a while?” I asked.
“Yeah. I’d really like that.”
Nick
I didn’t know what Lyndsey was thinking on our drive home. The date hadn’t turned out anything like I’d planned, but in some ways it was much better. She’d let me in. I didn’t know everything yet, but she’d shown trust in me and that was a start. I wanted to get to know that girl more than anything. I wanted to chase her demons away. I wanted to show her all guys weren’t like the asshole who’d fucked up her life. And it felt like maybe, just maybe, I’d get a chance to do some of that.
I wasn’t planning on anything more than a quick goodnight kiss when we got to her door. I figured she’d been pushed about as far as she could go by then. When she asked me to come in, it was like Christmas and my birthday and the Fourth of July all rolled into one. I wanted to scream, “Fuck yes!” But, I just said yeah. If Gabe were there he would have told me what a dumbass I was.
We got inside and Jack had to do his happy wiggle all over. I offered to take him out for a minute. When I got back, Lyndsey had gotten us a couple of beers and turned on the TV.
“What are we watching?” I asked, as I grabbed my brew and slid onto the couch with her.
“I was looking for a movie, but I bet you won’t want to watch anything I’d like.”
“Way to start out, negative Nelly. Maybe I like chick flicks.”
That got me the one eyebrow-lifted stare down.
“Okay.” I caved. “I hate them, but for you, I’ll watch anything.”
She giggled. “Isn’t that sweet.” She leaned forward, pressing her lips against mine. “Really, really sweet.”
My breath quickened as I looked at her, with her cheeks flushed from the cool air at the beach, and her long inky lashes. “God.” I breathed. “You’re so beautiful. How could anyone ever want to hurt this face?” I stroked my thumbs along her cheekbones. “You have no idea what you do to me.”
She kissed the corner of my mouth and whispered, “I think you’re great too.”
“If you keep doing that I can’t be responsible for my actions. Are you sure about this?” I said quietly, my hands traveling down her smooth arms and back up again.
“Mmmhmm. I’m way sure.” She ran her hand up my chest, over my shirt, then started unbuttoning it slowly. I looked down on her head as she leaned toward me, focused on those stupid inconvenient buttons down the front of my shirt. I gently touched the tiny braids that ran through her dreadlocks. Her hair was this intricate mix of dreaded coils, little braids, and smooth strands. It was wholly her, and at that moment the nearness of it nearly stopped my heart.
I slowly lowered my face until my nose was millimeters from her head, and quietly inhaled, breathing in the scent of coconut and sea air and Lyndsey. My eyes closed and I focused on the feeling of her fingers as they periodically brushed my torso while she made her way down the line of buttons. Her hands were cool, but her breath was hot as it blew softly on my newly bared skin.
She reached the last button and ran her hands up my bare chest and over my shoulders, pushing the soft linen fabric down my arms.
“Would you like this off?” I murmured to the top of her head.
She raised her face and looked up at me. I could see her throat work as she swallowed before she answered me. When she spoke her voice was little more than a whisper. “I think I’d like it all off.”
My breathing increased and I leaned forward slightly so she could push the shirt the rest of the way off my arms. Where she tossed it I have no idea. As she moved her soft hands all over my torso, I grabbed her by the waist and lifted her onto my lap, her legs straddling my hips. Pulling her head to me I brushed my tongue across her lips. She moaned and I felt my insides seize up.
I thrust my tongue into her mouth and tasted the beer she’d been sipping along with a hint of chocolate. The combination became my favorite from that moment on.
She had her hands all over my skin, and I felt her hips pressing down on me, her center positioned perfectly over the raging hard-on I was now sporting. “I’m feeling seriously overdressed,” I mumbled into her neck as I kissed that hot, soft skin. I could hear her rapid breath in my ear.
“Mmmm. Let’s fix that,” she gasped as she ground down on my lap.
“God, Lynds, you’ve got to take it easy, you’re going to have me losing it right here.” I shifted forward on the sofa, and pulled her legs around my waist, then stood up. She crushed her mouth to mine, licking, sucking, rubbing. I had my hands under her thighs and slid them further, until I was grasping her ass. Lo and behold, she was wearing a thong under that dress, so all I met was skin. Glorious, smooth, plump skin.
“Jesus. Bed?” I grunted.
“Please,” she answered.
Lyndsey
Once I’d made the decision to take it all the way with Nick I was a goner. I’d been controlling it for weeks, telling myself I couldn’t have him and not to think about him,
but now it all came out. He probably thought I was a nympho the way I mauled him. I wanted his skin on mine, I wanted his muscles under my hands, and most of all I wanted him inside of me.
He carried me into my bedroom and I giggled as we bounced off of walls and bumped into doors because we couldn’t stop kissing long enough to watch where we were going.
He tossed me on the bed and looked down at me. I licked my lips and his eyes blazed with heat. “Strip, woman,” he said grinning at me like a hungry wolf.
“Oh, yeah?” My voice was breathless. “You think you can just order me around like that?”
He came slinking up the bed like a giant cat. “I think,” he said as his knee slid between my legs, and he hovered over me, his arms on either side of my head, “that you want to be naked as much as I want you to be, so strip yourself or I’ll strip you.”
I reached up and ran my fingers along the whiskers that were starting to show on his jaw. The prickling sensation was at odds with the smooth, silky feel of his dark hair as I moved my hand to his head. “It’s going to be hard to strip with you on top of me.” I smirked.
He leaned back on his knees and gestured for me to go ahead.
I sat up and then got up on my knees facing him. I reached down to the hem of my dress and very slowly pulled it over my head, dropping it on the floor. I heard his exhalation as I finished, and he reached his hand out like he was going to touch me, but then drew it back.
He looked at me so seriously my heart pounded double-time. I could smell him and feel the heat coming off of his skin even several inches away. I was wearing my best bra, a sky-blue silk-and-lace number that pushed everything up to create maximum cleavage. If the look on Nick’s face was any indication, it was achieving the desired effect.
He ran a finger along the edge of the lace and I shuddered at the contact. His lips and tongue followed, licking and kissing along the lace border like it was the boundary to a new territory. I leaned my head back feeling the ache intensify in my core. His fingers found my nipples through the silk and he pinched them gently. I lost the ability to control myself and moaned, the word “more” repeating itself in my head over and over.
He palmed both my breasts and kissed my chest, licking all around the lace of the bra, then I felt the clasp on the back release. He pulled the straps down my arms and tossed it aside. The way he touched and licked my bare nipples—I thought I might scream from the sensation. It stung and ached all at once. I ran my fingers through his hair, urging him on, and as he licked up from one breast to my neck, I heard him rasp out, “Lay back.”
As soon as my back hit the bed he was in between my legs pulling my thong down and off of me. I arched into him as he ran his hands up my bare skin. When I lifted one of my legs to wrap it around his hip I felt his jeans still on. I opened my eyes. “You’ve got to take that shit off,” I panted.
He chuckled and stood up, disposing of his pants and boxer briefs. He came back down slowly, his hands stroking along my hips and then my abdomen, which fluttered under his touch. His hands were rough and the texture sent electrical shocks all over me from my breasts to my core, and clear down my fingertips. I ran my nails up and down his back, loving the way his skin gave under the pressure, while the firm muscles flexed and stayed rock hard.
His hands returned to my breasts while he started kissing his way down my torso, until he reached the apex of my thighs. I couldn’t help but arch into him, the need to feel him in me ran so deep I wasn’t sure it could ever be satisfied. Then his tongue flicked out and touched my clit. He was wet and warm and I was so sensitive I could even feel the tiny taste buds on his tongue as he stroked it up my center. His fingers followed as he spread me open further, sucking and licking, and sending my mind into a static of fog that pretty much eliminated my ability to think rationally.
With one hand he continued kneading my breast, while he slipped two fingers inside me with the other. His tongue was still sliding up and down along my clit. “Christ, you taste good,” he groaned. My body melted into the bed. I could smell our sex in the air and the ache inside me became unbearable.
When I came it happened so fast and so hard it was like I had no control over my actions at all. The waves of it rolled through me over and over, and I could hear myself crying out his name. When the last small shudders finally quivered off of me, I took a deep breath, my brain slowly reconnecting to what was going on. I felt his hair brush my cheek and I opened my eyes, blinking at him.
He looked at me with the strangest expression. I almost thought he was sad, his eyes were liquid in the low light of the room, and his breathing stuttered. I could feel my cheeks start to burn as I realized how out of control I’d been. What the hell must he think of me? I was utterly humiliated and turned my face away.
He caught my cheek with his hand and gently pulled me to face him eye to eye, with scant inches between our lips, our eyes, our hearts. I could feel the tears well up, and all I could think was no, no, no. Not now, not like this, please don’t let him see this much.
“Don’t you dare,” he whispered fiercely. “Don’t you dare pull away from me after that.”
I hiccupped, the tears that I never shed overflowing my eyes and rolling down my cheeks. “Lyndsey!” he spoke sharply but quietly. “Look at me.” I tried again to turn away from him. “Look. At. Me,” he commanded.
I drug my eyes up to his, my chin quivering and my heart beating frantically.
“That,” he said nearly breathless now. “Was the most amazing experience of my life, Lyndsey. That was beautiful and powerful, and you are beautiful and powerful. I am utterly in awe of you, and . . .” He laid his forehead against mine for a moment. “And I can’t believe I got to be part of that. You slay me, Goldilocks, you slay me.”
The tears really poured then. The emotions I felt were so visceral I couldn’t find words for them. Luckily, as with so many things, Nick seemed to understand I was beyond speech, so he simply kissed me, over and over again, until I relaxed into him, into the moment. Into Act II.
Nick
I’d known Lyndsey and I would be fantastic together; I’d told her so on more than one occasion. But, when I went down on her and she reacted the way she did, it nearly undid me in one burning, aching flare of energy. Pre-Afghanistan I’d prided myself on being pretty smooth in bed. I’d never had any complaints anyway, and everyone was always willing to come back for seconds . . . and thirds. The way Lyndsey reacted to me, though; it was like I held some magic key to her soul. As if I’d found the combination to unlock her . . . the secret, unedited her.
She was as shocked by the experience as I was, and then she retreated, pulling away from me at a moment when I refused to let her go. My heart was flailing out of my chest and my gut was clenched in anticipation of being inside of her. I had never in my life felt a sensation like this. Like I wanted to be inside of her and never leave. Like she belonged to me now, and I’d die before I’d let her go.
I couldn’t let her leave me after that. Not even in her mind. I forced her to stay with me and before long we were back in a rhythm, rubbing and stroking, licking and caressing, until I couldn’t wait any more. I pushed up off of her and reached down to the floor, grabbing the condom out of my jeans pocket. In a few seconds I was Mr. Safety and she had my ass in her hands, urging me to get on with it.
I would have liked to be gentle, but there was no way to hold back at this point. I surged into her as if I’d been waiting for that moment my whole life. And in a way I had, because as soon as I was inside her, I knew. I knew that she was what I’d needed forever. I tried to hold back, give her time to catch up, but I was too far gone. I pumped and pumped and pumped into her over and over, feeling the pain build up, my balls tightening, the climax on the next horizon. Somewhere in the back of my mind I was really grateful I’d given her the orgasm of all orgasms already, because I felt certain I wouldn’t be able to focus on giving her one now.
It hit me like a freight train, and I punctuated ea
ch thrust with, “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. You. Feel. Amazing!” Not the most poetic thing to holler at a woman, but accurate all the same. As I thrust the final time, I felt her clench around me and she moaned. That pretty much made my year complete. I’d managed to pull it off. Me. Her. And the best goddamned sex I’d ever even fantasized, much less actually experienced.
After I caught my breath I rolled off of her and flopped onto my back. We both laid there just trying to breathe. I reached over and grasped her fingers in mine. Finally I said it, “My God.” I turned my head and looked at her. She rolled onto her side facing me, and smiled. “Yeah. My God.”
“When can we do it again?” I asked, running my fingers along her kiss-swollen lips.
She giggled. “Um, I may need a bit to recover from that. Like a decade or two.”
“Okay. So pencil me in for October 14, 2022. I’ll pick you up, we’ll go clubbing and then come back to your place, alright?”
She laughed again. “And what will you be doing all those years while you wait?”
“Oh, you know, lots of visits to the gym and cold showers, maybe some time alone with my favorite hand.”
“Gross!” she squealed.
“What?” I gave her an indignant look. “I’m a guy. I will have needs. But now that I’ve experienced this, I’m ruined for all other women, so I’ll have to make do on my own until you’re ready to have me back.”
“I suppose if I’m going to prevent you from devolving into a totally gross horndog then I have to speed up the recovery process?”
I nodded. “Yes, that would be very helpful.”
“I think,” she said coyly, “that if you showed me what that favorite hand of yours can do, I might be ready again a lot sooner.”
“Oh that can definitely be arranged,” I whispered as I buried my face in her cleavage and my hand in between her legs.
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