by Jill Cooper
Leaving them had been hard, but staying with them now? Duncan feared that was even going to be harder.
14: Jessica
“Amanda! I need to see Amanda!” Jessica cried.
Amanda’s voice was small, afraid. “Jessie, help! She hasn’t done anything wrong. Please let us go! Please!”
“I need my sister!” Jessica fought against her restrainers. “They want her dead! Please!”
With a gasp of breath, Jessica sat up in the bed. The nerves and panic from the dream still with her. She could still see the police room, but as she blinked, it dissolved. Her shoulders stopped shaking and Jessica saw where she really was.
She wasn’t twelve anymore. She wasn’t a delinquent about to be forced into a straightjacket. No, she was a grown woman and no one could hold her back. No one could keep her from doing what she knew was right. Never again would she be controlled and encouraged to believe she was crazy.
She knew what was real. Regular people might turn a blind eye, and bully them, but Jessica’s eyes were wide open.
Right now what she saw was beautiful sunlight streaming through the bedroom window and beside her an empty spot where her sister had lain the night against the blue satin sheets. Figured, Amanda was always the morning person in the family.
Jessica wanted to find her, but took the time to stretch her arms overhead, arch her back and take in a deep breath. It felt good, so good that Jessica rifled through her suitcase and changed into a fresh pair of blue jeans and a snug green tank top.
Finishing the outfit with a flannel shirt, Jessica trudged down the stairs, her hair tucked behind her ears. The house was even more beautiful in daylight with its brick trim and rustic wooden beams. The smell of burning wood caught her attention, mingling with the mild scent of cinnamon wafting from the kitchen.
In the living room, a small fire smoldered into ash and from the kitchen, Jessica caught the gentle roll of Amanda’s laughter.
It was feminine and soft just like her sister. Leaning over the kitchen table, Amanda wore a paisley blue dress with one shoulder exposed, the type she often wore. Her hair seemed to glow like yellow autumn leaves in the sunshine. Hands clasped together, she said something Jessica couldn’t catch as Amanda swung her bare feet under the table.
Fresh and clean, as if she had just stepped from a warm bath.
Jessica didn’t hear it because she was busy glaring at Duncan. He sat with her sister over cups of coffee, appearing as two buddies catching up on the good times. His smile was jovial as he recanted an amazing tale where he was the knight in shining armor. Hardly the truth. If he was a knight, his armor would be scuffed and devoid of shine.
Stiffening, Jessica strolled past them and went straight to the coffee maker. There was sugar laid out for her, but she liked black coffee best.
“Hey, Jess!” Amanda straightened up and grinned. Her cheeks were rosy and her skin held an illuminating glow. When was the last time she looked that healthy? “Duncan made us oatmeal and he even has brown sugar.”
Jessica poured her coffee and turned around to see a mountain of brown sugar in Amanda’s bowl. Slowly she drew her lips together to blow on her coffee. “Seems like you have enough on it for all of us.”
Delicately Amanda stirred her oatmeal so the brown sugar swirled like molasses through the steaming bowl. She tilted her head as she licked her spoon. “I need sugar just like you need coffee.”
That was true and Jessica didn’t hold it against her sister. It wasn’t Amanda’s fault she was the way she was. Jessica made peace with it a long time ago, but the way Duncan leaned across the table and leered at Amanda with that goofy grin on his face…
Jessica was pretty sure she wanted to hit him and she didn’t want to do something like that in front of Amanda.
“Good morning to you too, sunshine,” Duncan said with a well-timed wink.
Jessica sipped her coffee in an effort to control the rage stirring inside her chest. She hated when he toyed with her like that. “I heard from Aunt Gwen. She’s on her way.”
Amanda’s smile brightened and she clasped her hands together. “I can’t wait. Finally, things are coming together. Finally, maybe this thing can be over.”
Jessica swallowed her hot coffee and turned her head from Amanda. Over? No, it would never be over. Not really. Not while there were any demons left to hunt them, but this latest surge?
Maybe.
Duncan crossed his arms and studied Jessica. Underneath the table, his long muscular legs stretched out in his jeans. “There’s some oatmeal with your name on it, if you say please.”
Jessica raised an eyebrow. “I’m not hungry.”
Duncan stared at her and Jessica stared right back. She didn’t blink, she just met his, glower for glower. Maybe he wanted to throw down and fight. After her good night’s sleep, Jessica felt up for it, refreshed as a daisy, and that daisy was ready to rumble.
Amanda cleared her throat and stood. She smoothed her skirt with a flourish. “I’m going to go tidy my half of the suitcase and make the bed. Thanks for breakfast, Duncan. It’s so nice to see you again.” Amanda gazed at Jessica and Jessica threw her head back with a roll of her eyes.
Subtle, her sister. Maybe she was a better match for Duncan.
Duncan’s grin was full on dimples. “Always a pleasure, Amanda. It’s clear who got the charm in your family. You have it in spades.”
Amanda stopped beside Jessica and talked softly. “I’ll be down in a few minutes. Give you time for you to say whatever it is you don’t want me to hear.” Her stride was like that of a dancer; soft, graceful, and elegant with a slight strut to her steps.
Jessica kept her eye on her as Amanda climbed the stairs. She wasn’t expecting to see Duncan and Amanda so chummy. As if they just left off where the ball was dropped two years ago. Why was it so easy for Amanda, while it was so hard for her? Why couldn’t Jessica have that power of forgiveness and the ability just to let it all go?
Duncan stared at Jessica while his leg bounced against the leg of his chair. “You going to say something, or do I have to go first?”
Jessica wasn’t thirsty for coffee anymore, which was a new one. She picked up her mug and headed for the kitchen sink. “Stay away from her.” Her tone was plain, simple. Jessica didn’t even sound angry even as she bit her lip and put the full mug in the sink. Yeah, she felt angry but wasn’t about to let him see that.
“Jealous? Of baby sis? C’mon, that’s not like you.” Duncan reached her in a few long strides, even with her back to him, she could still feel him. He gripped the counter on either side of her, trapping her from going anywhere without looking at him.
So she stared at his calloused hands. His knuckles were covered in bruises and had strands of dark hair. “I’m not jealous. I won’t have you hurt her again. Disappoint her. Help us, but don’t be so chummy. Don’t be friends.” Jessica turned around and gazed into his dull blue eyes. The softness in them was a place she once called home.
And staring into them eroded her strength.
“Don’t break her heart again,” Jessica said and swept her eyes away.
His hand came up and stroked a tendril of her hair back. “Whose heart are we really talking about here?”
“Mine? Please.” She tried to roll her eyes but didn’t quite make it.
“Want me to apologize? Want me to say I’m sorry?” Duncan bent his knees to drop to eye level. “I’m sorry,” his voice was soft and so sincere it made Jessica’s insides tremble. “If I could do it all again…”
Jessica sucked on the inside of her cheek. “Doesn’t change anything. Doesn’t fix what happened and doesn’t change how I feel or what I think.”
Duncan shook his head with a snort. “I know why you have to be tough all the time, Jessica Blood. I know what’s at stake and what you’re fighting,” Duncan’s eyebrows rose, “but you have to let someone in. You can’t do this all alone.”
She snorted. “And you think you should be that person
? Trust you? Duncan Jasper and his commitment issue?”
Please.
“I don’t have commitment issues. I have demon issues.” Duncan stared her down, his nose right against hers and it hurt to stare into his eyes. It hurt to feel the longing in her heart, so full it might crack in two.
“We would have fought with you. Whatever it was. We were a team. Family.” Jessica’s lip threatened to quiver. She quelled it by pushing her jaw together, hard and firm.
“Wasn’t your job, darling. Put either of you in harm’s way over me? Nah that was never going to happen.” Duncan’s voice hushed against her face and Jessica’s skin trembled with more than desire. It trembled with urgency.
She didn’t need protection. What she had needed then was him. Him. It never dawned on Jessica that he’d leave; not until he did. She might never forgive the betrayal, of vulnerability.
“Maybe it wasn’t just your decision. Maybe you have to stop treating us like we’re damsels in distress,” Jessica said.
Duncan’s laugh was husky; sexy. Even his eyes twinkled in a way that excited Jessica and it was hard to ignore. “I’ve never once thought of you as a damsel, not even in the very beginning, but I’d never put you in danger if I can help it.”
“Leaving put us in danger. Amanda can’t fight, so it all fell onto my shoulders. Or didn’t you think of that?” Jessica’s voice still held an edged of anger, but it was hard to keep it there.
His features sunk and his eyes flashed away, but he didn’t say anything right away. Had he thought of that, but left anyway? So much for the hero.
“I’ll apologize until I’m breathless for that.”
His voice sounded sincere, but Jessica felt like she was sucker punched nonetheless. “Aren’t you my stalwart hero?”
“A damn gentleman,” Duncan teased, his lips closer to hers than ever.
Despite what he said, despite his flaws Jessica wanted to touch his face and his hands to be all over her body. Less than twelve hours they had been together and already Jessica was having trouble fighting it.
He was a dirtbag and Jessica wasn’t going to fall for his tricks. Her heart might and her body certainly would, but she’d stay in control.
So she pulled herself away from the counter and pushed past him, but Duncan snagged her arm and yanked her back. Jessica yelped as she fell against him. It was as if time itself stopped as he leaned in to kiss her.
And he did, his lips met hers, more than once.
His kisses tried to subdue her. Snuff out her resistance to him. The smell of his cologne was a lure and triggered memories of their time together. How Jessica had depended on him and then, how he just left. No word, no note, he was just gone one night, with the wind.
She had thought he was in trouble. Searched for him, but there was no trail to follow. Duncan had just left her. Walked away like so many others.
The pain took shape in the center of her chest and threatened to tear her heart asunder. So when Duncan’s tongue entered her mouth, and they did the familiar dance, somewhere between love and lust, Jessica pushed him up against the counter, her hands firmly on his hips.
And then she bit his tongue.
“Ugh!” Duncan screamed, and pushed her away, his hand firmly over his mouth. “Jessica Blood!” A trail of crimson trickled out his hand as he rushed to turn on the kitchen sink and grabbed paper towels from the counter.
“Let’s get through this and go our separate ways. We were happier that way, right?” Jessica stomped up the stairs and didn’t look back. She didn’t want to see if there would be relief in his eyes or haunting sadness.
She just didn’t want to know. She wasn’t sure which would be more painful. Didn’t want to feel right then, all Jessica wanted to do was fight. It was the only thing she knew and the only thing she was really good at.
“You can’t keep running forever, you know. At some point, something’s got to give, and if you don’t admit that soon, —your tank’s near empty, Jessica.” Duncan yelled after her, but Jessica never turned back.
He was right, Jessica thought as she slid the bedroom door open. He was sure right about that.
“Oh, Jess.” Amanda shook her head from her spot, sitting crisscross on the bed, a magazine in her lap.
Jessica sat beside her and ignored what Amanda had said. “What’s that? Last year’s fashion?”
Amanda flashed the magazine at her. More like last decade’s fashions, gross. Well, it was good to know her flannel shirt was always in style.
“Dear Abby. What do you say? Maybe we can pen a letter?” Amanda asked.
Jessica cocked an eyebrow. “Funny.”
Amanda pretended to write in the air with a clearing of her throat. “Dear Abby, my sister is a grouchy, complaining, mess, who can’t admit when she’s staring at what she wants right in the face.”
Jessica scowled deep, her eyebrows covering most of her eyes. “You better think about where this case of mockery and sarcasm is taking us.”
“But,” Amanda grinned, “she’s really good with a gun.”
Jessica relaxed and slid further onto the bed. “That sounds better. Any recipes in that thing? Been awhile since we’ve had access to a real kitchen.”
“Or a real man.” Amanda was pushing it, really pushing it. She sensed it because she rolled her eyes. “Sorry if I’m excited to see him again. He’s Duncan Jasper; he’s not going to hurt us! He loves us. He loves you.”
Jessica snorted and avoided Amanda’s eyes. “As if…”
“Who is the empath here? You or me, Jess?” Amanda slid her hand on Jessica’s leg. “You can’t feel what I feel, but you also can’t see what a regular person sees. Your anger and offensiveness blinds you to what is staring you right in the face. And it isn’t me.”
Jessica bit on the inside of her lip. “Then why didn’t he ever come back? Why didn’t he ever try to find us?”
Amanda shrugged. “You’re going to have to ask him that, not me. I feel. I don’t read minds.”
Jessica picked up her pillow and used it to smack Amanda in the face. She didn’t deserve it, but it made her feel better.
Her sister squealed as the pillow collided with her nose and fell over onto the bed. “Jessica Blood!” Amanda grabbed Jessica by the ponytail, an old fashioned hair pulling.
And Jessica laughed, untangling herself from Amanda’s long, piano playing fingers. Maybe the day was looking up after all.
****
The family car sat in the old red barn, its hood popped open. Jessica’s bare arms were exposed as she worked on replacing hoses, fluids, and belts. It was a surprise to her that Duncan had the parts, but he shrugged as they stood in the living room. “Picked them up when I fixed the fuel line you punctured going through that building. Lucky for you the junkyard had a radiator in perfect condition, or we might not be having this conversation. Got you a new transmission too. You’re welcome.”
Duncan went to a lot of trouble to fix her car. Jessica didn’t know how to say thank you for something like that. He had his own vehicles, a bike. There was no reason to go through so much trouble, unless…unless…
Her heart wouldn’t let her go there. Not today. Maybe not ever.
On the plywood counter, a radio played soft, classic rock music. The kind of music that soothed her soul and kept her mind occupied while she worked.
It had been a long time since she had been able to do any proper maintenance on the old girl, and at her age, maintenance was an important thing.
When she was done, Jessica slammed the hood down and wiped her hands on an old white rag. It was good to feel the cool metal of the car again and smell the oil under her nails. Working like this always kept Jessica the best kind of busy.
Jessica slipped behind the wheel and with the door still open, she turned over the engine and lightly pushed the gas pedal. She couldn’t help but smile as she listened to her baby purr; it brought her back to those early days. Back then Jessica was so young, she couldn’t reach the
pedals, but Dad had instructed her anyway.
“You hear that? The way it roars? That’s its power, Jess,” Dad said. “And what do we like most of all?”
“Horsepower!” Jessica said with a toothless front grin.
Dad chuckled. “Pass me that rag and I’m going to show you, teach you, how to make this baby shine.”
Jessica remembered how the chrome polish smelled that day as she poured some of the white liquid on an old rag. She always kept a spare bottle in the trunk for moments like this. The car had a lot of chrome. The front and back bumper, along the doors and even on the inside, the dash was accented and beautiful.
To do it right would take at least an hour, and she didn’t want help. It was something she liked to do herself, alone, because when she did it, Jessica always felt like her dad was right there with her. She smiled as she smeared the lotion on the chrome and then buffed it away with the clean side of a cloth.
Mind empty, no worries or problems, Jessica rubbed until the chrome shined so bright, her face was mirrored in the reflection. Closing her eyes, she remembered Dad teaching her to ride a bike, and walks along the city streets, sometimes with little Amanda’s hand in hers.
The smell of the chrome polish brought it all back, even how Mom would smile—sometimes exasperated—at how much time they spent together in the garage.
When it was all over, when the police took Dad’s car away to the impound, it darkened Jessica as if they had just sold off a part of her own heart. Just a kid, she attacked them, went crazy. It had been her first trip to the hospital for observation. How painful it had been then, to be separated from Amanda.
The one thing she had left. And she, Jessica, was a threat? She was eight-years-old.
The fact that Aunt Gwen had been able to get her hands on the car and kept it for her until she was old enough to drive meant the world to Jessica.
She’d never forget. Jessica tried to keep that in mind, even though she was angry at her aunt—felt abandoned. She had to remember in the end they were blood. What couldn’t be forgiven between family?