I was the master, ladies and gentlemen. It was the plain and simple truth. I mentally took a deep bow in the middle of a stage, spotlight focused directly on me.
“Are you hungry?” I asked her, hoping to redirect the tired subject of car relocating.
“No, not really. Are you?” She rested her head on my shoulder, and it felt so nice.
So right.
“I had lunch really late.” I smiled and tapped her nose with my index finger. It had been one of the longest days I could remember.
“Do you want to come up or wait in the car? I’ll just be a few minutes.”
“I’ll come in, if you don’t mind? I’d like to use the restroom. I didn’t dare go at that club.”
“All right. And that’s a very clean establishment, I’ll have you know. They have very high standards there. For the employees and the facility.”
“I’ll take your word for it.” She rolled her eyes at my defense of the club, and in the interest of not going back down that path, I dropped the subject altogether.
We were in and out of my building within fifteen minutes and back on the freeway heading to her place in Torrance. Since Rio had left her car at my building earlier in the afternoon and taken the catering van, we drove to Torrance in her car with Joel following behind to bring me home afterward.
“This still seems ridiculous. I drive all over this city by myself all the time.”
“It makes me feel better knowing you’re safe. That’s not ridiculous. And Joel gets paid very well to do what I ask him to do. All of my employees do.”
“Oh. Good to know, I guess.” She frowned and concentrated on the road.
“Explain.”
“Well, technically, I work for you, Sebastian. Do you expect me to just always do what you say?” She glanced between me and the road again.
“Ms. Gibson . . . ” I shook my head. “Do you really think any of my regular rules apply to you? I mean, really? Do you still think that at this point?”
She smiled slowly, but as quickly as the smile appeared, it faded. “There are times I think no, but then something happens and I’m completely thrown off guard and you treat me like everyone else. So, to be honest, I don’t know what to think.”
She had a valid point. I hadn’t been entirely fair with her or with the way I’d been treating her. “I’ve been . . . I’m trying to think of the right wording here because it’s important to me.”
She sat in silence, waiting for me to explain.
“I think I’ve been unfair. Maybe that’s accurate? I’ve been inconsistent with my . . . This is harder than I expected, Abbigail.”
It felt like the temperature inside the car spiked by about ten degrees.
“Why don’t you just speak from your gut? Or your heart or wherever it is your words are coming from? I’m not going to judge you or tell you it’s wrong,” she said gently, putting a hand on my leg.
“I’m in uncharted waters.” There. Perfect. That was exactly what I needed to say, and it felt like the weight of the entire land lifted off my chest.
“Okay . . . ”
She didn’t look any more enlightened, even though I felt like I just told her everything with that declaration. More explanation was needed, apparently. But it just about killed me getting that one sentence out.
Definitely not cut out for emotional engagements. Of any sort.
“I’ve been accused of being emotionally unavailable before.” Deep inhale. “That being said, I feel things where you’re concerned that are . . . ” I looked heavenward, searching for the best word again. “Different?” I nodded. “Yes, different from what I’m used to experiencing.”
“I’m not going to put words in your mouth, Sebastian. Or try to read into what you’re saying. So I’m going to take what you tell me literally. I won’t get hurt in this, whatever this is or isn’t, by making up some sort of fairy-tale romance that doesn’t exist.” She looked over to me while traffic was steady. “You already know I don’t have time for that in my life. Okay?”
“Yes.” I nodded firmly.
“That’s it? Just yes?” She looked at me expectantly. Hopeful, even.
“Should there be more?”
She just stared at the road, gripping the wheel with both hands again.
Did I say something wrong? Am I fucking this up?
“No. Not necessarily. I just thought that would encourage you to say something more. Maybe?” She still had that hopeful look in her eye.
Time for a different approach.
“I think Grant gave me some decent advice this morning. After I smacked his head into the floor a few times, but that’s beside the point.” I grinned, thinking of the blood on his favorite suit. Dickhead.
“What did he say?” she asked after a few long, quiet beats while I daydreamed about the rumble we’d had on my office floor.
“He said I should stop trying to manipulate everything where this is concerned.” I motioned between us. “Just let it do what it’s going to do.”
She nodded. “That was good advice.”
“I like you. I think you like me. Shit, I sound like I’m in junior high right now.” I shook my head, feeling so foolish.
“I do,” she said quietly.
I snapped my head left to meet her gaze.
“I do like you, Mr. Shark. Very much, in fact.”
A rush of air escaped me.
“Why don’t we just see where things go between us, then? That’s what he said. Let it do its thing.” I shrugged. “I haven’t dated anyone or been in anything even closely resembling a relationship, since—okay, ever. I don’t even know what that means. But I know when I think about you with another man, I see red. An actual red haze clouds my vision, and I want to hurt people and break things. I haven’t felt like that before. Outside of Cassiopeia and Vela. Grant to a certain degree.”
“There’s more to caring for someone, though, than jealousy and control. You understand that, right?” Legitimate concern etched her face.
“Of course I do,” I said as if she were absurd.
I mean, I thought I did.
The drive from downtown to Torrance took over an hour. I knew it wouldn’t be pleasant, but I had no idea just how bad it really would be. When we finally got to her place, I wanted out of the car so desperately, it wouldn’t have mattered if we were in front of a crack den. I would’ve still been happy to bail out of the passenger seat of the car.
“I’m a little embarrassed. I mean, it’s nothing like your house. Really though, what is?” Abbigail stalled at the end of the winding walkway that led from the street to the multistory building before us.
“Stop. I love it already. Because it’s where you live. Where is your condo?” I took in the expanse of the complex, surprised something like this popped up in this neighborhood. “Has this always been here? This complex, I mean?”
“I’m not sure when it was built, but they were recently renovated, so it’s like brand-new inside. I’m really enjoying the place. I’m on the third floor, so grocery day sucks a bit, but other than that, I love it.”
We walked around the building to the back and up the flights of stairs to her door. I stood behind her while she dug through her bag for her keys. I couldn’t help touching her though, and I knew it was making the door-opening process take that much longer.
“Some of the residents own, but I just rent because I’ve been saving to expand the business.” She fiddled with the key and the lock. “I spend so much time at the kitchen and at my brother’s.” She sighed and let her head fall to the side while I kissed my way up her neck, nipping the smooth skin.
“Jesus, just let me open the door. I can’t think straight.” She was breathy and flushed.
“I find it very difficult to keep my hands off of you.” I tugged her backward into my groin by the pockets of her jeans. My erection pressed into her, and she moaned.
“My neighbors are going to be wondering why a man is groping me on my front doorstep.�
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“It’s pretty obvious why, Ms. Gibson. You’re sexy as hell. What they’re wondering is why I’m so lucky and they’re so sad.”
Finally, she opened the lock and pushed the door forward, the cold air from inside washing over our overheated skin as we entered.
She turned to face me, eyes glittering with lust. “Well, I guess—”
Shit. I was supposed to bring her home safely and then leave. That was as far as this plan went. I didn’t want to leave, but now I had to face the whole virgin-shaped elephant in the room.
“Tell me what you want, Abbigail,” I said, voice low and lust filled. I held on to her hips but kept her body away from mine. I couldn’t think clearly when she was against me.
She stared, eyes burning with need.
“Be honest.”
“Will you stay?” she whispered, husky and low.
“If I stay, then what? What do you want from me if I stay?”
“I want to . . . I want you . . . to . . . ”
“Baby, if you can’t even say it, how are you going to follow through with doing it? We don’t have to rush into this.”
Rays from the setting sun filtered into the condo through slanted wood shutters. Shadows danced across her face while she spoke.
“No. I want to. I want you to make love to me.” She rushed the words out.
I shook my head slowly. “We’ve been over this before. I don’t—”
“I know. I know.”
I pressed my forehead to hers and rolled one side to the other. “You don’t know. I don’t want to hurt you. I will never forgive myself if I hurt you. But I don’t know how to be gentle. The way you need to be treated your first time. It’s not in me to be gentle, Abbigail. You don’t understand what you’re asking me to do.”
“Is this why you pay women to have sex? So you can hurt them?” she whispered, still with our foreheads pressed together.
“No. No. Not at all.” I straightened up and let my hands fall from her body. She thought I was a monster. What was I supposed to say to that? How did I explain rough sex to a virgin, for Christ’s sake? How did this woman reach her fucking twenties and not know the difference between consensually being dominated versus being abused?
“Fuck me.” I scrubbed my hand down my face. “Can we sit down?”
“Yes, of course.” We moved to her open-concept kitchen-dining-living space. Two slightly opened pocket doors were visible, showing where space could be divided if you were looking to section the area off. A sofa was against one of the crisply painted walls, and Abbi motioned for us to sit.
Jesus Christ, this place was small.
“I’m just going to get right to it. I don’t know how to tiptoe around all of this, but we’re going to have to talk about what experience you have and don’t have.”
She just nodded. One quick nod.
I took her hands in mine and rubbed my thumbs over the tops of her fingers. “For starters, I don’t pay women so I can physically hurt them. Ever. I have issues with being in control, I guess you could say. I typically find . . . partners . . . who like being controlled. Does that make sense?”
“Do you mean dominated?” She sat up a bit taller, like an eager student who knew the right answer to a question asked in class.
I grinned at her enthusiasm, still rubbing her fingers with mine. “Yes, that’s another way of saying it. That doesn’t always mean with toys and tools and all that ‘Fifty Shades’ bullshit. What it does mean, however, is I say when. I say how. It’s that simple. I have to work and bargain and negotiate all day long. In bed, I don’t want to. I want things to happen a certain way.”
“Your way,” she added, not in question but in confirmation.
“Yes, my way.”
“All right, I understand that.”
“Good. This is not negotiable for me. I’ve always been this way. I don’t foresee it changing. My concern is that for a first time—your first time—my patience will wear thin and I will become too demanding and frighten you.”
“That doesn’t make sense, though.”
“Abbigail.” Her name came out in a huff. Already the frustration of the situation was leaking from the cracks forming in my control.
“No, Sebastian, you just said you don’t like hurting women. So why would you scare me?”
“I said that’s not the reason I pay women to have sex—so I can hurt them. The two things are not related.”
Her face screwed up in the most adorably confused way, and I couldn’t help but chuckle.
“I know this is hard to understand, and I think it will continue to be until you have more experience under your belt. Quite literally. The only thing I can keep emphasizing is my concern for my ability to handle things the way they need to be handled.”
“Let’s skip over this for now. We can circle back if you still feel like you need to.” She switched to a playfully hopeful look before saying, “Unless the interview portion is over and we can get back to the kissing and good stuff. I’d much rather be doing that anyway.”
Only a fool would turn down the chance to kiss this woman. Touch her. Stroke her.
I held her face in my hands while I explored her mouth. Kissed her lips and jaw and then journeyed back to her ear, marking her with nibbles that made her moan softly when I nipped the skin just beneath her earlobe. I soothed the spot with my tongue and then bit again, harder the second time, until she groaned louder.
“You like that, Little Red? Do you like it when I can’t get enough with just kissing? That I have to bite?” I pressed into the spot with my thumb while I watched her process what I was asking her. I didn’t really need an answer. Her body was telling me how much she loved what I was doing. But making her admit it just added to the heat.
“Have you touched a man before? His cock?”
Her green eyes grew impossibly wider.
“Tell me.”
“I’ve touched a man before. Through his jeans, I mean.” She swallowed hard, her slender neck flexing and undulating like she was moving a golf ball down to her belly instead of a knot of anxious need.
“Feel me.” I shot my stare down to the obvious outline of my erection in my slacks. While suit pants looked sharp and appropriate for business hours, the material did nothing to hide a man’s arousal. “Feel what you do to me.”
Her eyes dropped to my lap. I wanted to grab her by the wrist and force her to wrap her fingers around my shaft while I thrust my hips up to meet her touch.
Instead, I inhaled sharply through my nose and all but begged, “Feel the way my body responds to you. How I want you. I’m so fucking hard every time you’re in the same room, Abbigail. Fuck, the same goddamn building.”
She was taking too long. Too much hesitancy. It was the perfect example of what I had been trying to explain to her. Maybe if I showed her, she’d get my point and abort the notion I was the man for this crucible after all.
Acting on my carnal instinct, I lunged toward her and grabbed her wrist, exactly as I’d been picturing. She gasped sharply, and I knew I’d startled her. But I didn’t relent. I couldn’t. Taking control turned me on that much more.
“I said touch me, Little Red. Don’t make me repeat it. Wrap those sexy fingers around my dick and feel how stiff I am.” I put her palm against my cock and rocked my hips into her touch. “Christ Almighty, yes.”
I let my head fall back and just sat like that for a few moments, enjoying the feel of her trembling hand over my crotch. “God, so good, baby. Squeeze me. Mmmm, more.” I said the words while still looking heavenward. I loosened my grip on her wrist, and my good little girl continued stroking me on her own. I wanted to rip my belt open, pull my zipper down, and free myself so we could be skin to skin.
“Oh, good girl. So good, Abbigail. Did the last cock you touched feel like this?” I brought my head forward to meet her gaze with the question.
“No,” she whispered. “Not at all.”
“What was different?”
&nbs
p; “Sebastian . . . ” She moaned my name, but when she moved to stop touching me, I growled low in my throat.
“Don’t you fucking stop. I’ll say stop when I want you to stop. Remember what I said? I say when. I say how. That’s all you have to remember in all of this. It will always be amazing for you. Hand over everything to me, Abbigail.”
“You’re very sure of yourself.” She reverted to flippancy when she was out of her comfort zone. I’d have none of it. Especially right now.
“Is your cunt wet, Abbigail?” When her eyes widened at my boldly worded question, I pressed further. “Answer me.”
She nodded. Just the slightest dip of her head.
“Tell me, or I’ll put my hand into your panties and find out for myself.”
“Yes.” She huffed lightly. “I said yes. Jesus.”
“Is it too much? Already too much?” I challenged. “This is about a two on a scale of ten. It won’t lighten up from here, Abbigail. This isn’t a game for me. It turns me the fuck on to be touching you and for you to be touching me.” I leaned closer and kissed her mouth. Slowly but firmly. When she attempted to deepen the kiss with her tongue seeking mine, I pulled back. “This is all I’ve been thinking about for a very long time,” I said in a low, husky voice.
She watched me intently as I spoke.
When she didn’t respond in kind, I had to ask, “Is this still what you want to do? Am I still the one you want to be doing it with? It’s not too late to say stop. Until the literal moment my dick is inside you, it won’t be too late to say stop.”
“Yes. And yes. This is what I want. You are the man I want, Sebastian.” She reached for me, and I took her hand, kissed the back first, and then I turned it over to kiss the more sensitive inside of her wrist. Her eyes grew hungrier with each brush of my lips.
“This is all I’ve been able to think about too. I don’t have the confidence you do, true. I’m nervous. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t. But I like what you’ve been doing. It doesn’t feel anything other than amazing—and right. I’m not scared of you, if that’s what concerns you.” She paused then, waiting for something, but I wasn’t quite sure what. Maybe for me to tell her she should be or something predictable like that. Instead, I continued stroking her hand, giving her time to work through what she needed to say.
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