by Amy Brent
We dressed afterward and she sat up as she took a deep breath. “I can’t believe I did that here. Do you think anyone saw us?”
“We’re in the middle of a lot of trees and bushes, Lily. We’re alone,” I assured her as I stood and looked around. We were for the moment, and she adjusted her swimsuit before she led the way back to the beach. She looked stricken as she turned to stare at the water before she looked at me.
“I want to go back to the cottages.” Her voice was shaking, and I took a deep breath. We walked to the SUV and I drove back, terrified of her leaving me forever once we got back to the resort. I knew she feared what was happening between us, and I’d had no intention of declaring my feelings on the beach, or of making love to her right there on the sand. Everything was flashing before my eyes, and I gave her a long look as I stopped at the light just before the resort, seeing her staring forward through the windshield.
“Lily?” I asked as she blinked and kept looking forward.
She said nothing as we parked, looking around and rushing to her cottage as I stepped out of the car. I let my gaze wander over the parking lot, seeing no familiar faces as I let out a sigh of relief. I walked away from the car, pushing the button to set the alarm as I made my way to my own cottage. I poured a drink at the bar and sat on the couch with the sliding door wide open, listening to the waves and praying for a knock at my door.
I knew I couldn’t go home without her in my life as much more than just my assistant. I’d had Lily twice now, and it had only gotten better, mirroring the love I’d had for my first wife that I had lost so tragically. I kept drinking to get through the pain of the memories of Madeline that were mixing with the ones I now had of Lily.
It came hours later, when I was drunk and sloppy. I was half asleep on the couch, and I stirred as I looked around the room, which was lit only by the television. “Lily?” I asked as I made my way to the door blindly. I reached for it, falling to the floor before I could open it. “Lily, come back to me.” I crawled forward and managed to get the door open before I looked up, pain and hope in my eyes.
PART 3
Lily
I paced the living room in my cottage as emotions raced through my mind. There was so much confusion about all of this. I ran my hands through my hair, which was tangled from the wind.
Sleeping with Landon again had opened so many feelings as well as worries, though I had to admit that I’d set myself up for the fall. I had known we wouldn’t be able to keep our hands off one another the moment we were alone, as much as I’d tried to deny it. I hadn’t stopped to consider the way I would feel when I saw him with other women, not expecting such bitter jealousy. I hadn’t expected that I’d fall harder for him than before, making everything so complicated.
Brian was living in my apartment now. We were making a life together, and I blew that here. I barely got back to him when he called or texted, using work as an excuse. I knew he was busy with friends and didn’t worry too much since he’d seen the itinerary and where we would all be staying. It was paradise and full of fun, only not the kind my boyfriend was thinking about.
I wasn’t even mad at the idea of him taking things too far with another woman back home. At this point, what did it even matter? I walked to the sliding glass door and stepped outside to breathe in the air, trying to make sense of the mess in my head. We had another two days here that I had to get through, and I pictured doing that without Landon.
I dropped into a chair and let tears slide down my cheeks. I thought about the beach earlier and our urgency to find a private place as I admitted to myself that I was in love with him. I hated myself for that, in part since I’d worked so hard to get this job and my pride was too involved in the situation.
I knew Landon cared for me and would get me another job, but what if I looked like the office slut who got promoted because of who I slept with? I knew all too well that people talked a lot and that this would be the rumor of the year.
Still, Landon made me feel like no other man had before. Could I get past that?
Could I go back home and pretend that we’d never been together at all?
The more I thought about it, I realized that I was invested in this relationship with Landon. As fucked up and painful as it was, I was in love with him. I’d slept with him earlier on the beach because I loved him.
I came running here with a plan in mind to seduce Landon all over again, so what had I expected? I knew I was getting into something deeper than I could handle, telling myself to just let it go even as I cried. I was in control of all of this. I could go back home to Brian and make everything all right again, put this behind me.
Brian didn’t have to know that any of this had happened. I could pretend that things were perfect and we could progress to where we’d been going before I lost my mind for a moment.
I walked back into the cottage and closed the door quietly, feeling my strength from outside wane as I ran a hand through my hair. Two more days. There was a conference tomorrow over lunch reviewing some more new laws before a dinner in the restaurant with some dancing and entertainment. It was one of the most popular events here among visitors, but I had no clue how I would get through it. Jasmine would know something was wrong with me since we’d grown close. I had to find a way to make it through the day and then fly home to my normal life. I had to find a way to straighten out my head and my life, even if it meant finding another job.
Oh, god. Another job meant I would be away from Landon, and that idea killed me inside. The thought of never seeing him made me feel so empty. I thought back to his offer of another position if we stayed together. Was that something to consider?
No. I needed to do what was best for me.
I walked into the bedroom to change into something else, looking at the mussed sheets as memories of Landon and me filled my mind. I inhaled deeply and swore that our scent was still in the air as my resolve weakened. My phone chimed from the living room as I stared at the bed and then looked toward the front door of the cottage.
I went to look at the screen of my phone, and I cried when I saw Brian’s name. I dropped it down, not ready to talk to him or deal with what this might do to him. Instead, I picked up my key and walked to the front door, toward the man I did want to see. I needed to talk to Landon, though I wasn’t sure what I was going to say. I just needed to see him.
I made my way to his door, pausing when I saw it cracked open slightly. Looking around, I didn’t see anyone else and stepped forward slowly. I took in a breath as I leaned forward and looked through the door into the living room, my eyes widening when I saw the woman from the other morning sitting on the couch. She was wearing a tiny slip of a dress and seemed to be cradling Landon as she spoke softly, her lips close to his. There was a sense of intimacy between them that made me wonder if I had anything with Landon at all. She glanced toward the door as I stepped back and started toward my cottage with my hand over my mouth. I unlocked the door, running inside to the bathroom just in time to throw up in the toilet. I felt used, knowing he might have been sleeping with her while he was with me. I felt stupid because I loved him and he might have been fucking someone else, all the while making me feel like I mattered to him.
I finished getting sick and made my way to the bedroom, sitting on the bed as I started sobbing. I was a fool who had risked everything I had at home for this pain. I dropped back onto the sheets and curled up into the fetal position.
I cried myself to sleep, dozing off for a little while before I woke up with a start. I looked around, finding myself alone as I remembered what had happened.
All the time I had spent with Landon felt like a waste now that I’d seen him with that woman. He must have called her to come and console him when I left him in the car, and that made my stomach twist all over again. I was that easy to replace when he was everything to me.
Brian was a good man, and he would always take care of me, but he didn’t make me feel the way Landon did. Was that enough? I pushed
myself up slowly and made my way to the living room, where Landon had left his laptop the day before. I dropped onto the couch in front of it, turning it on and waiting for it to warm up. I’d left mine at home, intent on enjoying this trip, but now I knew there was no chance of that.
I was relieved to see that there was no password to get into the computer, which made me wonder for a moment if I could trust Landon. No. He was in his cottage with another woman after all we had shared. I went online and found the website for the airline, swallowing the lump in my throat as I changed my flight to later tonight. I’d make an excuse involving some emergency; I just couldn’t stay here. I paid with a credit card and leaned back, taking a deep breath as I assured myself that leaving would make all this bearable.
I packed my bags after I changed into some leggings and a T-shirt, walking through the cottage to look for anything that could get left behind. I’d never come back here, and I needed to ensure that there would be no signs I had been here to begin with. When the time came, I grabbed my luggage and went to the lobby to meet the cab that was taking me to the airport. Landon’s laptop I left powered off in the room.
I didn’t look at his door to see if it was open any longer when I walked toward the lobby. I just wanted to get the hell out of here, away from all the bad memories I’d created.
I cried the entire flight home, huddled up in a seat by the window as I looked at the beauty of Belize that was imprinted in my memory. I cursed myself for my plan and the results of it, so unsure why I had thought it would be anything different. I fell asleep hoping that Brian would never know any of this.
I’d sent Jasmine a text explaining that I needed to return home because Brian was sick and needed help, but that was it. I told Landon nothing. I was going to go back and fix what I’d done to my life if it killed me.
Landon
I woke up on my couch, blinking at Marilyn, who was draped over me in a summer dress that barely covered anything. “What the fuck are you doing here?” I asked her in a hoarse voice, pushing her off me as I scooted back. “What did we do?”
Marilyn, wide-eyed, lifted her head after landing on the floor. “You let me in, Landon. Last night. You let me in. Don’t you remember?”
I already knew I was working a hangover from the way my head was pounding and the taste in my mouth. I must have been drunk when she came over and remembered nothing about it, even though I knew the reason I’d been drinking. “No. I would have never let you in, much less had you sleep here, if I was sober. Tell me we didn’t do anything.”
“You were way too drunk to fuck me, but I sucked your big cock. You were hot when you came in my mouth.” I watched her eyes darken as nausea flooded my stomach, knowing it was a possible lie. I’d never know, though, since I’d been stupid drunk, and I’d have to live with that.
“I don’t want to know anything else,” I told her, standing to go to the bathroom. “Get the fuck out of here, Marilyn. Don’t come back, because this will never happen again.”
I stumbled down the hallway, holding my loosened shorts with shaking hands. I dropped down in front of the toilet and vomited, sickened by the idea that I’d touched Marilyn.
A vague memory of calling out Lily’s name as I crawled toward the door flooded my mind, making me wonder if that was when Marilyn had been at my door. There was a part of me that wanted to demand every detail of what had happened in my cottage, while the most logical part of me understood that Marilyn would lie to make herself look better. She was all about gain, and she wouldn’t care about my needs or wants.
I knew she’d had to fuck someone to get partner, at least in part. She was an intelligent woman, but something was disturbing about her as well. I looked down at my flaccid cock and angrily pushed away from the thought of her mouth wrapped around it. I didn’t want Lily to be erased from my memories, and my heart ached for her for a long moment.
I finished my business, cleaning myself up as best I could before I changed into some fresh clothes. I needed to get to Lily now and fix things, tell her I loved her and needed her in my life. A part of me worried that Lily knew what had happened in my cottage last night, but how? Did she come over at any part of the evening and see us?
I had to know.
I glanced at my couch when I left and saw that the room was empty. I was barefoot and wearing old shorts with a T-shirt that probably didn’t even match, but I didn’t care. I strode to her door and knocked, loud and hard. “Lily, open the door,” I said, when there was no sound. Was she with someone else in their cottage? Had she slept with someone else to get back at me, as it appeared I had? No. I remembered her words about Brian and sleeping with me, and I knew deep down she wouldn’t do that. She loved me, and she’d open this door so we could fix things. That was who Lily was.
Only nobody was answering the door.
“Lily?” I called out, trying to remind myself that we were in a work situation and I needed to remain calm. “Open the door. We need to talk.”
Nothing. Where was she? I turned and tried to think of where she could be. It was too early for her to have left for the work lunch, so I slowed my brain down and tried to think of someplace Lily might go to if she needed some peace. I looked at the water, knowing how much she loved it, and walked toward the waves. I looked over her balcony to see it empty, and even a closer look at the cottage revealed that she wasn’t there. I kept walking over the sand until I was in a place where I could look left or right and see anyone who was on the beach. There were people, but I didn’t see Lily, and I sucked in my breath.
I turned and checked the restaurants, the lobby, and any of the other little place we’d spent time in for a quiet moment. There was no sign of Lily. I was walking back to my cottage when I heard my name. I turned to see one of the partners walking over to me, looking at my outfit curiously. “How are you?”
“I was just looking for someone,” I replied vaguely as he smiled and nodded. “When does the lunch start?”
“It starts in an hour,” Ken said after checking his phone. “Marilyn is having coffee on the beach.” I stared at him for a long moment before I realized that she must have told the others something about us. He thought I was looking for her, something that disgusted me even though it was slightly better than the truth.
“Thanks, Ken. I should take a shower before lunch and get myself together.” I forced a smile on my face as I ran a hand through my messy hair. “I had a few too many last night.”
“A lot of us did.” He smirked as I laughed and nodded. “See you in a bit.”
I told him the same as I wandered back toward my cottage, not sure of anything. I couldn’t find her. I felt lost as colleagues walked by me and greeted me, nodding and trying to respond as normally as possible. I unlocked my door and walked inside, feeling the emptiness of the room settle over me. It occurred to me that my phone was in the kitchen and I’d never even looked at it to see if she had left a message or called me. I walked over and stared at it, seeing it was dead as I cursed softly. I walked it to the charger in the bedroom, plugging it in, and sat and waited for enough juice to check it.
I scrolled past all the other text messages and calls, just looking for her name but finding nothing. “Fuck, Lily. Where are you?” I asked as my head started pounding. If I were in my right mind, I would be doing what was needed to get me through this lunch. Right now, I couldn’t think. I decided I would go to the function, both to see if she was there and to ask around if that wasn’t the case. I could talk to her friend Jasmine if nothing else. Lily didn’t trust anyone but her, so Jasmine would know something. Whether she’d share it was a different story.
I showered and dressed in some clean shorts and a button-up shirt, respecting the relaxed dress code of the company. I walked into the conference room and sat with the other partners, refusing to make any eye contact with Marilyn. I looked calm on the outside, but my eyes scanned the room for Lily every second until someone started talking.
She wasn’t there.
I sipped some orange juice and nibbled on fruit to calm my stomach as the voices droned on and on. I looked at Jasmine a few times, who was seated by her boss and sipping coffee. She didn’t look upset, so maybe there was a good reason Lily wasn’t here, even though we weren’t leaving until tomorrow.
Tomorrow, we would be going back to normal, but I didn’t know what that was any longer. I didn’t know what to do or say.
I made my way across the room as casually as possible, approaching Jasmine as she looked at me. “Where is she?” I asked as her eyes narrowed. “I can’t find her. Where is she?”
“There was something at home. Lily flew back last night.” I stared at her. “She didn’t tell you. Were you sleeping together again?” There was no one close enough to overhear the question she asked as her keen eyes judged me.
“Yes,” I said softly, and she pressed her lips together. “I didn’t force it.”
“I know that. I know Lily even though she tried to hide her feelings for you. I could see it in her eyes and all through this trip. She left because of you, didn’t she?” I looked out the window, knowing I would be leaving early as well.
“I didn’t hurt her in any way. I didn’t harm her,” I said, and she shook her head at me.
“Of course not. You love her,” Jasmine said. “You broke her heart, though. Something happened.”
“I have to go,” I said, turning to leave the room. I didn’t say good-bye to anyone, and I intended to get a flight home as soon as possible. I remembered that my laptop was in her room and walked over there to see the door cracked open. “Excuse me?” I called out as I peered inside.
One of the maids walked down the hallway, looking at me curiously. “Yes, sir?”
“Did you find a laptop here?” She paused and nodded. “That is the firm’s property, and I was hoping to collect it.” The resort was familiar with the company, and she gave me a curious look for a moment. “The woman in this room was my assistant. I assure you that I am telling the truth.” I wanted to push past her just to see the bedroom one last time, to imprint it in my memory.