by Nola Sarina
Let Go
Nycholas – Four Years Ago
Blood. Too much blood. Her blood, all over my coat. I inhaled through my nose, tasting it in the air like a delicious, forbidden fragrance. My fangs throbbed at the thought of tasting her blood. I’ve wanted to for so long.
She was in my arms, crying, clutching her face, thin ribbons of blood staining her light strawberry hair a dark, hideous crimson. I cradled her to my chest as I ran, glancing over my shoulder. They could be upon us any moment. Why they hadn’t caught us yet, I didn’t know. They had the fast one, my brother Sychar, who could catch us in a heartbeat if he really tried.
We had been running for weeks. Months, maybe. Trying to evade my brutal master for this crime. Who could blame me for committing it with a woman like her? Her casual, smart mouth and her irresistible, forbidden body. Her devotion to her sister, and her passion for art. She drew me, once, in a little notebook we stole from a house, long ago before we were caught by my master the first time. It was the only glimpse of myself I’d ever seen, and I prayed with all my soul that she drew me accurately. By her skilled hand with charcoal on paper, I didn’t look like the monster I knew I was, inside.
She wasn’t afraid, then, nor was she in danger. She never bled for me in those days. When we were caught, everything changed, and for the first time in my life I hated myself for the danger I brought with me. I hated myself for falling in love with her.
But I did love her. So intensely I abandoned my entire life for her, all my duties to protect the human race and my master. It was a betrayal he did not take lightly. She was too tempting to resist, too beautiful to waste. I could not bring myself to leave her behind when I met her the first time, even knowing what it might cost.
Now, the beautiful woman who drew me as a man rather than a demon cried in my arms. I shushed into her hair to quiet her sobs as we ran. The master got too close, last time. Gouged open her face with his bare finger. I couldn’t keep exposing her to him. And though she’d tasted my poison before, never once did I use it to alter her memories. Never once did I use it against her.
Lights of the city materialized on the horizon, and I ran faster, ignoring the noise I made with my heavy boots pounding on the ground. She turned her face against my chest and grabbed a fistful of my long, golden hair, clutching me for comfort. I wished I had time to console her.
I raced forward. No sign of my brothers anywhere near. The glowing lights spaced out as I approached, and within moments I found an ambulance parked beneath an awning beside glass doors. A hospital.
It was perfect. The perfect place to leave her. But as I betrayed my brothers for her, I now had to betray her, too. I laid her on the pavement outside the glass doors.
She grunted and tried to open her eyes to look at me. Too much blood in the way. “Where are we, Nycholas?”
I shushed, the shadows thickening behind me. One of my brothers was close. “It doesn’t matter. You know I love you.”
She reached up to touch my face, dragging her warm, fragrant blood across my cheek. “I know. Is it time?”
“Time?”
“Time for me to join you in immortality, my love.” She pulled her hand away from her face, and my fangs surged with furious venom at the severity of her wound. She would be permanently scarred, all because of me. Because I loved her too much to let her go.
The trees beyond the parking lot rustled. I glanced back, and a young man stepped out of the shadows. His short stature and the always-determined look he wore on his face gave his identity away: Sychar. The fast one. He was following us, after all. I bared my fangs at him and let a low growl rumble through my chest. He stopped, one foot off the curb in his approach, and squinted with curiosity.
“Nycholas, what is it?” my love asked.
Sychar had a duty to kill us for this. And he was fast enough to do it. Taking my eyes off him for even a moment could give him all the time he needed to tear off my head and my lover’s, too.
But she was more important to me than my own life. I held up a hand to Sychar, begging him to wait. He glared back at me, no doubt plotting exactly how he’d murder me. It would be a much-needed boost to his status within our dark, immortal group. Then, he glanced at her, and his posture relaxed just a bit.
I took her face between my palms, wiping blood from her eyes with my thumbs. “Calli,” I whispered. “Listen carefully.”
She giggled a little bit, delirious from her injury or blood loss, I couldn’t be sure. “I’m always listening to you, Nycholas.”
My heart throbbed with agony. Could I really do this to her?
Sychar shifted, impatient, in the corner of my vision. Yes, I could. Between the choice of wiping her memory or letting her die, I could do this to her.
“You’ll remember nothing of me, Calli. We never met. You were wounded in a vehicle crash, and the glass cut your face.”
Her eyes flew open with alarm, and the blood flow resumed its steady pulse down her face with the motion of her expression. “Nycholas, what are you talking about? I love you.”
“I know. I love you, too. That’s why I have to do this.”
“No!” she cried, grabbing my hair and yanking with all her might. I didn’t budge. My decision was made. “You can’t make me forget you. You’re all that matters.”
“I love you too much to do anything else.”
Her voice broke. “Nycholas, please. Make me immortal, instead. Anything but this.”
“They’ll kill you anyway, if you are immortal. This way, you can disappear. They will leave you alone.”
“My life was nothing before I met you!” she screamed, yanking my hair harder, lifting her face off the pavement to try and reach me with her lips. “I can’t go back to that. To nothing, to no one.”
She was wrong. Her sister would find her and take care of her. She had talent and family, and that would keep her going without the danger, without the madness of immortals and our rigid world of rules.
“I love you, Nycholas. I just want to love you.” She shook, struggling to breathe through her grief.
I wanted nothing more from life, either. But I was out of time, and my decision was made. There was too much blood in her eyes for her to see me clearly, so I peered at Sychar to make sure he saw what I was doing.
I pierced the pad of my thumb with my fang, letting my poison and blood mingle together for a moment. I slipped it between Calli’s lips and she slumped, relenting in her fight by the power of my poison.
“Calli,” I breathed, leaning close to her lips, savoring the taste of her breath one last time. “You were in a crash. Injured. Forget me. Forget us, forget our love. Live, be your beautiful, artistic self, and never seek me.”
She dragged her fingertips over my lips, and my heart broke at this final touch of affection as her eyes glazed over, her memory slipping away.
“I love you. But this is goodbye. Forget, now.” With that, I kissed her, and for the first time in our years together, let my tongue push beyond her lips and into her mouth. She was so sweet, so perfect, that my breath seized with agony at this final taste. But the poison of my saliva would make her sleep, and assure her memory thoroughly wiped.
She kissed me back, and then weakened by the power of my poison. Her eyes fell closed.
And then I let her go. Rising to my feet, I glared at Sychar, daring him. I’d face him with dignity, though by his speed, I would probably lose.
But he only regarded me for another moment, and then glanced at Calli, silent on the ground. He swallowed hard and turned away, and in a flash of movement, vanished into the trees.
He had us. Could have killed us. And yet he didn’t. Could there still be compassion left in some of my brothers? I thought not, before, but now...
It didn’t matter. Calli was alive. I backed away from her, sorrowing at the way she looked, so still on hard pavement. I wanted to cradle her close once more, move inside her once more, and love her until the day I finally died.
“Help!” I bellowed to any human in the building who could hear me. “Please, help!”
Women in colorful shirts and white pants rushed to the glass doors as they slid open. I backed further into the shadows. They gathered her up on a bed with wheels and rushed her inside the hospital, never looking about to see who might have summoned them.
She was gone. And though I loved her with all my soul, I swore to myself I’d never seek her out again. She was the one who changed my life, who gave it meaning, who taught me what it meant to truly love. Now, it was over.
So I let her go.