It's true.
***
After a lot of thought and a lot of contemplation, I realized that life wasn't so hard after all. Life wasn't so easy either. It was none of those things. Life was just life. Those French bastards really were a bunch of smarty, fancy schmancy pants. I mean, when they came up with that clichéd phrase "c'est la vie," they really knew what the hell they were talking about. It must have been all the wine they drank and the cheese they ate and the cigarettes they smoked and all of the womanizing and pontificating and whatever. It's a tough thing to admit when you are wrong. But I'll admit it. I was wrong about those French bastards. They really knew what they were talking about. It's true.
Remember when I told you that I had this brilliant idea to write a memoir that was completely fabricated? Good ol' James Frey really had something there when he wrote a partially fabricated memoir but I was going to go all the way with MY memoir. Completely fabricated! Nothing less than complete fabrication was going to do. It was a grand idea. My grand idea also needed a grandiose goddamn title. I racked my head for days and days. It had to be perfect. It had to denote exactly what my fabricated memoir was about to a tee. After much thought, I finally came up with the grandiose title I was looking for. Would you like to hear it? I know you would. So here it is:
THE SPECTACULAR SIMON BURCHWOOD.
THE SPECTACULAR SIMON BURCHWOOD.
THE SPECTACULAR SIMON BURCHWOOD.
THE SPECTACULAR SIMON BURCHWOOD.
THE SPECTACULAR SIMON BURCHWOOD.
THE SPECTACULAR SIMON BURCHWOOD.
It had a really nice ring to it. It was a great title. My new book deserved nothing but the best and I was absolutely sure that my writing career was about to take off. Why wouldn't it? I was determined to be great. With determination and a little effort, greatness was within my grasp. It's within all of our grasps. Don't doubt what I'm saying. I really know what I'm talking about.
Then I wrote the completely fabricated memoir and now you've read it.
It's true.
About The Author
Scott Semegran lives in Austin, Texas with his wife, four kids, two cats, and a dog. He graduated from the University of Texas at Austin with a degree in English. He is a writer and a cartoonist. He can also bend metal with his mind and run really fast, if chased by a pack of wolves. His comic strips have appeared in the following newspapers: The Austin Student, The Funny Times, The Austin American-Statesman, Rocky Mountain Bullhorn, Seven Days, The University of Texas at Dallas Mercury, and The North Austin Bee. Books by Scott Semegran include Sammie & Budgie, Boys, The Meteoric Rise of Simon Burchwood, The Spectacular Simon Burchwood, Modicum, Mr. Grieves and more. He is a Kindle bestselling author.
Books by Scott Semegran
If you enjoyed this short story, then check out the novel The Meteoric Rise of Simon Burchwood by Scott Semegran. On his way to New York to celebrate his impending literary success, Simon Burchwood is the prototypical American careerist. But a quick detour to Montgomery, Alabama to visit a childhood friend sends Simon on a bizarre journey, challenging his hopes and dreams of becoming a famous writer. The Meteoric Rise of Simon Burchwood is a character study that delves into the psyche of a man who desperately tries to redefine himself.
Is Simon pompous? Yes. A jerk? Yes. Will you like him? Absolutely! "The book is told entirely from Simon’s viewpoint. Simon is not a very likeable guy; as a matter of fact, he is a self-centered, pompous jerk. But for some reason, it’s pretty fun to be inside his head, mainly because he is an inadvertent, oblivious jerk... you will learn Simon’s views on smoking, cleanliness and going to the bathroom, just to name a few. There were times that I laughed out loud... A very good novel that was humorous throughout." -- 4 1/2 Stars / Red Adept Reviews
The Meteoric Rise of Simon Burchwood was selected as one of the "5 Best Summer Indie Beach Reads" by the editors of IndieReader. Their verdict: "An ambitious, enjoyable read with a superb ending that changed my interpretation of the entire text."
"A clever and surprising twist… cutting observations of the writerly demeanor." -- Kirkus Reviews
Buy it today!
***
"Illustrated throughout by Semegran, this book is the author's best. In these pages, his steadfastly idiosyncratic style really begins to click. An unconventional, beguiling, and endearing family tale." -- Kirkus Reviews
From Kindle bestselling writer and cartoonist Scott Semegran, Sammie & Budgie is a quirky, mystical tale of a self-doubting IT nerd and his young son, who possesses the gift of foresight. The boy's special ability propels his family on a road trip to visit his ailing grandfather, a prickly man who left an indelible stamp on the father and son. The three are connected through more than genetics, their lives intertwined through dreams, imagination, and longing.
Simon works as a network administrator for a state government agency, a consolation after a promising career as a novelist flounders. He finds himself a single parent of two small children following the mysterious death of his adulterous wife. From the ashes of his failed marriage emerges a tight-knit family of three: a creative, special needs son, a hyperactive, butt-kicking daughter, and the caring, sensitive father. But when his son's special ability reveals itself, Simon struggles to keep his little family together in the face of adversity and uncertainty.
Sammie is a creative third-grader that draws adventures in his sketchbook with his imaginary friend, Budgie, a parakeet that protects him from the monsters inhabiting his dreams. Sammie is also a special needs child but is special in more ways than one. He can see the future. Sammie seemingly can predict events both mundane and catastrophic in equal measure. But when he envisions the suffering of his grandfather, the family embarks on a road trip to San Antonio with the nanny to visit the ailing patriarch.
Sammie & Budgie is an illustrated novel brought to you from the quirky mind of writer and cartoonist Scott Semegran. The novel explores the bond between a caring father and his children, one affected by his own thorny relationship with his surly father, and the connection he has with his sweet son is thicker than blood, going to the place where dreams are conceived and realized.
Praise for Sammie & Budgie:
"A quirky, mystical tale of a self-doubting IT nerd and his young son, who possesses the gift of foresight. Engaging and fun, with wonderfully crafted characters." --Derf Backderf, award-winning and bestselling creator of the graphic novel My Friend Dahmer
"Sammie & Budgie is instantly absorbing, its affable narrator hooking you with wit and whimsy, then reeling you into the boat, where larger revelations await. Scott Semegran is a lively, vivid storyteller, and this book will delight readers of all ages, while leaving them with plenty to ponder about their own lives. I loved this book!" -Davy Rothbart, author of My Heart is an Idiot, creator of Found Magazine, and contributor to public radio's This American Life
"Scott Semegran’s loose charm and conversational style brings his shaggy narrator to vivid life in this story of a loving, if imperfect father and his maybe-psychic son. A sweet story about an extraordinary everyday family, Sammie & Budgie will find its way into your heart, and stay there." --Emily Flake, New Yorker cartoonist, author of Mama Tried: Dispatches from the Seamy Underbelly of Modern Parenting, and creator of Lulu Eightball
Get it today!
***
If you enjoyed this book then check out MODICUM, a collection of short stories, musings, and cartoons by writer / cartoonist Scott Semegran. The book explores such themes as suicide, parenting, religion, masculinity, the apocalypse, and, most importantly, erections. It’s guaranteed to make you laugh, cry, and pee your pants (hopefully, not at the same time).
Praise for MODICUM:
"Funny, sweet, dark, and sad, Scott Semegran's comics and short stories create a wholly convincing world of love, loss, and fear. His light touch with heavy subjects is a gift, and his forays into silliness are a delight. I can't tell if his kids should read it as soon as possible, or never." - Emily Flake, car
toonist and author of LuLu Eightball
"Hilarious, poignant, twisted... and those are just the stories. Scott Semegran's cartoons bring an added one-two visceral punch to a powerful collection of work." - Davy Rothbart, author of The Lone Surfer of Montana, Kansas and publisher of FOUND Magazine
Buy it today!
***
Mr. Grieves started as a poke at human nature through the use of talking, narcissistic animals. It has evolved into a full-on assault to your funny bone. Where else will you find rats fighting over cubicles, camels worrying about aging, a parrot talking to aliens, and a lonely water snail longing for a friend? Welcome to the world of Mr. Grieves!
Praise for Mr. Grieves:
"An animal or plant — or maybe even an ovum — talks. Sometimes to itself, but more often to another of its kind. The idea is simple, but the execution is smart and almost always funny in Scott Semegran’s collection of 140 four-panel comics drawn between 2004 and 2008, Mr. Grieves." -- Reviewed for Indie Reader by Andrew Stout
Get it today!
***
Boys is a collection of stories about three boys living in Texas: one growing up, one dreaming, and one fighting to stay alive in the face of destitution and adversity. There's second-grader William, a shy yet imaginative boy who schemes about how to get back at his school-yard bully, Randy. Then there's Sam, a 15-year-old boy who dreams of getting a 1980 Mazda RX-7 for his sixteenth birthday but has to work at a Greek restaurant to fund his dream. Finally, there's Seff, a 21-year-old on the brink of manhood, trying to survive along with his roommate, working as waiters and barely making ends meet. These three stories are told with heart, humor, and an uncompromising look at what it meant to grow up in Texas during the 1980s and 1990s.
"The writing is sharp and unpretentiously thoughtful, and since each of the main characters finds solace in companionship, this is an affecting literary depiction of the comforting power of friendship. Each of the stories can be read on its own, but taken together, they make a coherent, thematic whole, skillfully produced. An endearing collection that deftly captures the need for youthful fellowship." -- Kirkus Reviews
"Verdict: With nary a dull moment, Scott Semegran's Boys features short stories filled with unexpected nuances that draws readers right into the heart of his well-developed characters." -- IndieReader. 5 Stars. IR Approved.
Buy it today!
Discover other titles by Scott Semegran at Smashwords.com:
http://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/scottsemegran
Find Scott Semegran Online:
https://www.scottsemegran.com
https://www.goodreads.com/scottsemegran
https://www.twitter.com/scottsemegran
https://www.facebook.com/scottsemegran.writer
https://www.instagram.com/scott_semegran
Mutt Press:
https://www.muttpress.com
The Spectacular Simon Burchwood Page 23