His train of thought interrupted by the honking of a car horn outside the gates.
Eliza peered out of the curtains.
He strained to look over the window sill and was just able to make out the taxi sign on top of a black cab.
She ran downstairs and pressed on the buzzer to let the cab through the gates. Running back to the bedroom, she hastily dressed in jeans and a t-shirt. Cramming some tops, dresses and skirts into her leather bag. Hopping across the floor towards the door as she pulled on a pair of boots.
“Eliza. What the hell have you got a taxi for? I can take you to the airport.”
“It’s fine. You’ve got builders to organise. Anyway you’re probably still too drunk to drive.”
“Bollocks! Eliza don’t do this.”
“I’m not doing anything… except give you some space.”
“When are you coming back?”
“I’m not sure, I’ll ring you.”
“Ring me? For fucks sake Eliza, we’ve got a wedding planned, stuff going on here.”
“Yes about the wedding. We should postpone it.”
“Postpone it? I don’t want to postpone it.”
“There’s too much going on right now.”
She slowly walked over and moved to kiss him on the end of his nose. He pulled her upper arm and she fell onto his mouth. Kissing her, as if, and because, his life depended on it. She responded the only way she knew how with Jonny. For a minute they were lost in that kiss. Jonny and Eliza again.
Then she broke away, pushing on his chest with her hands. Her eyes glassy, full to the brim with tears.
He released the hopeful air he had breathed in, and pulled back on his boxer shorts. Taking her bag from her grip, he lugged it down the stairs behind her.
He placed his hand over hers on the door knob.
“Ring me when you get there?”
She nodded.
He took her cheek in his hand and rested his forehead on hers.
The taxi driver growing impatient for the second time honked his horn.
She twisted the handle beneath his grip and pulled on the heavy door.
“Love you Angel.”
She nodded, catlike, with her eyelids. “Bye Jonny.”
She was gone.
He leaned on the back of the door. It clicked shut and the house became instantly quiet.
Far. Too. Quiet.
With nothing to do and completely lost, he walked towards the back of the house, stopping to fill a glass discarded on the drainer with water from the tap. A faint taste of whiskey re-igniting his alcohol induced pain in the head.
Looking out of the window he could see his grandma in the vegetable plot at the side of the annexe. His grandfather walking up to her with a cup of tea.
Jonny smiled, for just the briefest of moments, until the warmth in his heart transformed in to an ache.
That was supposed to be him and Eliza. Growing old together. Still in love.
Looking at the row of whiskey bottles again, he picked up the bin and scooped them all into it. He swore never to touch a drop again.
He heard the gates whirring open and went to look, hopeful that it was Eliza, back to apologise. Shit no, he didn’t need an apology, he just wanted her back.
It wasn’t Eliza, of course; it was his mother.
“Jonny?” she called out at the same time as unlocking the door. “Jonny, was that Eliza I just saw in a taxi?”
He wandered into the hallway.
“Yep. Make yourself at home, I need a shower.”
He drudged past her and took his heavy heart up the stairs.
“Where’s she going at this time of a morning?” she shouted after him, “and in a taxi?”
He shut the bathroom door on her concern and turned on the shower, letting the water drench him and his sorrows.
Feeling mildly better, he went downstairs to face his mother. She was airing the living room, cleaning up the mess he had left behind, like so many times when he had been younger. Never complaining. Just doing her duty.
“Do you want a cup of tea, mum?”
“Yes, but let me make it. You can tell me what’s been going on.”
She busied herself making a drink for them both, whilst he explained about the meeting with Helen and seeing his son for the first time. About how Eliza had reacted.
“Jonny, you really need to slow down on this one. Take one step at a time. Do you remember when you first told me about all this? When you found out Helen was pregnant. You wasn’t sure that the baby was yours, was you? Don’t you think you should go back to that point?”
“I can’t disown him. That’s not right.”
“I don’t mean that. I mean find out for sure that he is yours. Don’t you think that this is all a bit fishy? Too much of a coincidence that as soon as you get famous, get some money behind you. Announce your engagement. She crawls out of the woodwork.”
“She didn’t though. It was Simon that gave the story to the papers.”
“Maybe he did. But reading that report there is stuff in there that only she would know. Think about it Jonny.”
“Hmm. I don’t know mum.”
His mother changed her tack.
“How did you feel when you saw the little boy?”
“What do you mean? I didn’t feel anything. I was annoyed that she had brought him with her. She was supposed to be alone, just me and her, talking it through. She brought him. I was angry. Then she landed the whole ‘you need to be a father to him’ on me which threw me off balance. I wasn’t really feeling anything about him.”
“You see, that rings alarm bells for me Jonny. I think if you had seen your son for the first time, you would have felt something for him.”
“Do you?” He frowned at her.
“Yes, I do.”
“So what can I do about it?”
“I think you should arrange for a paternity test.”
“A paternity test?” Mulling it over in his mind. “What does that entail?”
“Well. Mrs Loveridge from the chemist said you can get a kit now. All you need to do is take a swab from the child’s mouth. Take it back to them, along with your sample, and they send it off for testing.”
“Have you been in and asked already? You didn’t say it was anything to do with me, did you?”
“Yes I went in and asked. They don’t know who I am though.”
“But you just said it was Mrs Loveridge that you saw?”
“Yes but she doesn’t know you are my son.”
“Jesus mum!”
“So what? You want to carry on doing what Helen demands of you? Possibly losing Eliza? Taking on someone else’s kid?”
He shuffled his feet under the table feeling like a twelve year old boy, being told not to be so stupid for going along with the gang. He could just hear his mother back then “would you stick your head in an oven if they told you to?”. She was right though. She usually was. He just didn’t like to be told.
“Maybe so, but I don’t want Mrs Loveridge, or anyone else for that matter, going to the papers with more fuel to douse on their fucking lying fucking fires!” Losing his temper as the thought deepened about how this might be turned on him by the news reporters.
“Jonny!” She asserted her motherly authority and chastising him for swearing in her presence.
He jumped up, walking away from the argument. The first he had ever really had with his mother. Certainly the first he had where he had sworn at her.
He opened the fridge, not sure what he was even looking for. The action of getting up, the motivation, not his need for a drink or snack. He was here now though, so rather than just slam the door shut and sit back down, he took out a pot of yoghurt. A tiny pot of fromage frais, meant for a child, but a snack that he still loved. He felt stupid now though, ripping off the foil lid, and dipping a teaspoon into the one scoop sized pot. He was definitely that twelve year old again.
“Look Jonny, it’s better for everyone concerned
if you know for sure.”
“Okay, so what do I do then?”
“Tell Helen you’ll take him out this weekend. To the park or something, like she wants you to, and I’ll get you one of those kits so you can take a swab from him.”
“Oh I don’t know mum. Maybe I should leave it for a while. See how things go.”
“If you put it off it will just get worse. At least you can stop worrying. If he is yours, then fine, you can deal with it, work out a plan. If he’s not, then you can get on with your life. Yours and Eliza’s life.”
“But how do I get a swab from inside his cheek? Helen’s gonna be there watching my every move.”
“I don’t know. An opportunity will arise. Or… how about I come with you, one of us can distract her.”
“Oh I don’t know mum; it all sounds a bit dodgy.”
“Well you can always tell her that you want it to be done.”
“She’d never agree to that.”
With more than a touch of annoyance in her voice, she threw out a last ditch attempt at making him see sense. “So you’re just going to go along with it. Just do what Helen asks of you?”
“No, of course not.”
“Right, well ring her now. Get it arranged. Make it Saturday I’ve got stuff to do on Sunday.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
Feeling her phone buzzing against her chest, she whipped it out of her bra. The unknown number intrigued her, so she answered.
“Eliza?”
“Oh, hi Jonny.”
“How are you Angel? What’ve you been up to?”
“Just a minute, let me get somewhere quieter.”
She hopped off the bar stool and went towards the corridor. Putting a finger in one ear, she answered him. “Not a lot. I’m out with Dirk. We’ve checked out a new local band and some bars. How about you?”
“Nothing really. I’m going to see Isaac tomorrow.”
“Okay good.”
“Mum’s coming with me.”
A group of girls came out of the ladies’ room next to where she was stood. Chattering excitedly.
“Sorry Jonny I can’t hear you.”
“I said mum’s coming with me.”
“Your mum’s what?”
“What’s that noise?”
“It’s a load of girls, they’ve spotted Dirk. I’m gonna have to go Jonny. I’ll speak to you tomorrow.”
“Why what’s he doing?”
“Nothing. Just the usual Dirk.”
“Okay Eliza. I love you Angel.”
“Me too.”
“Text me when you get…”
Not even able to finish the sentence. She’d hung up.
Eliza looked over at Dirk. He sat at the middle of the bar counter, one of the girls on his knee, the rest hanging off every tattooed limb he had.
She waved across to him and mouthed, “Gotta go.”
As much as she had tried to drown her sorrows with drink and distraction. It wasn’t working.
She loved Jonny so much. Everything had been like a fairytale this year. The band, the house, the engagement, the wedding plans. Then this.
If Jonny had chance to become a father to this boy, then Eliza had to let him do it. There could even be a chance for him to rekindle his love with the child’s mother. A perfect family unit was what she always wanted for herself as a child and she couldn’t stand in the way of that sort of happiness for this little boy.
Even with those selfless thoughts swimming around her head, it still made her feel sick.
Sick to the pit of her stomach.
She walked home to the apartment, barely getting in the front door before she threw up. All over the rug in the hallway. Steadying herself against the wall, she felt her way to the bathroom. Dropping to her knees in front of the toilet before she puked again.
Rolling onto her backside she reached up to the sink and turned on the tap. Taking a palm full of cold water and splashing it across her face and mouth.
She flushed the toilet and crawled to the bedroom. Making a mental note to sort the rug out tomorrow. Heaving herself up on to the bed and falling straight to sleep, fully clothed.
The next morning, she awoke, feeling both hungry and nauseous. There was nothing in the apartment to eat. She knew that without even checking. They had cleared everything out on their last visit, fully intending to give up the apartment that month. Not expecting to return again.
She showered and mustered up enough energy to walk to the local delicatessen. Ordering her usual coffee and cinnamon bagel.
The smell of the coffee was disgusting, but she wolfed the bagel down. Relieved that it lined her stomach and giving her the head space to start thinking of more important things. She had a few days to get her thoughts straight before going back to Jonny.
She needed a solution, a sign, because the way she was feeling right now her mind was telling her one thing and her heart the complete opposite.
She had planned to meet her aunt later that day, but thought it might be better to put her off. See if Leesa was free instead. She didn’t like to worry her aunt with her concerns about Jonny, and couldn’t bear to tell her that the wedding had been postponed. Her aunt who was generally a reserved, matter of fact woman, had become quite giddy about Eliza getting married. She knew it would break her heart to tell her it might be off.
She ducked out, rang with the excuse of not feeling well enough. Not a complete lie.
Leesa on the other hand was glad to have a break from the kids. She jumped at the chance to come to Amsterdam. Leaving the children with Kurt, who she said had been unreasonably grumpy since he got back from the US, and felt it was deserved punishment for him to be left in charge of the children who she had been looking after single handedly for the last two months.
They went for some retail therapy before hitting a bar. Leesa buying several outfits, whilst Eliza mooched around, not really interested in anything.
“Okay, the future Mrs Harrison, what’s going on?” Leesa threw her shopping bags into the corner of the booth.
That title threw Eliza a little off kilter.
“What do you mean?”
“Well it’s obvious there’s something up. What is it?”
“It’s this whole ‘Jonny’s got a son thing’.”
“Why what’s happening with that? I thought you were okay with it.”
“Well he’s trying to work out some stuff with the mother. You know, money.” Leesa nodded as if she understood. “Spending time getting to know him.” Leesa nodded again.
“And…?” Leesa asked her eyes wide open as if to take in any response Eliza cared to throw at her.
“Well, I’m not happy about it all.”
“What do you mean? He’s got a son, so what? What’s that got to do with the way it is with you and Jonny?”
Eliza was a little taken back. She thought Leesa was being overly harsh on her.
“Well I’m feeling a little…”
“Put out?”
“Erm…”
“Like you’re not the only one in Jonny’s heart?”
“Erm…”
“Like this wasn’t part of your plan?”
“I don’t know.” Eliza blurted, she had to stop this logical argument from developing. “I just think if he’s got a chance to get back with the mother and give his son a proper family, then he should do it. I should step back and let him get on with it.”
“Bullshit.”
“What?” Eliza was aghast.
“I’ve never heard such a load of crap.”
Leesa poured out another two glasses of wine.
“Look Eliza. Jonny absolutely adores you. Nothing can change that. Him having a child doesn’t mean he loves you any less. And getting back with the mother…” she pulled her neck in and kissed her teeth. “That is soooo not going to happen.”
Eliza felt like she had been metaphorically slapped in the face. Tears pricked in the corner of her eyes.
Leesa continued unpe
rturbed by Eliza’s apparent shock. “Look honey, you need to get yourself straight back to him. Have sensational make up sex and tell him you love him. Support him with this stuff with his son.” Leesa was getting quite animated now. “For Christ’s sake Eliza if you can’t be there for him now…”
She picked up her glass of wine and chugged it down.
Eliza hung her head. “How can I have been so stupid? Again? Shit Leesa, you are so right.”
“You ring him, right now. Tell him you love him and you’ll be back as soon as you can get a flight. Which will have to be tomorrow now because I haven’t had a good night out in ages.” She flicked Eliza away with her hands. “Go on, go ring him now. I’ll get us another bottle?”
Eliza did as she was told, going outside to call Jonny.
There was no answer. Jonny always answered her calls. Where was he? What was he doing that he couldn’t take her call?
She went back in to Leesa. Feeling like she couldn’t enjoy the evening now. Too wound up. Desperate to talk to him. To tell him she had been so selfish and that he could count on her. With every passing minute she felt like she had left the opportunity open for him to do something that would damage them for good. She had pushed him into this. It was like Georgia all over again. Needing to get back to him but distance in the way.
Distance that she had put between them.
Leesa was half way to getting hammered. Being cooped up with two kids and no husband for two months had stirred up the wild child within her. As much as Eliza had Jonny on her mind she knew she needed to be there for her friend so instead of going back to the apartment and sulking she decided to get into the spirit and brought back two Tequila slammers on a little slate tray.
Eliza piled some salt on the base of their thumbs.
“One, two, three…”
They licked the salt, downed the shot, slamming it back on the table and sucked on the sour limes. Simultaneously shaking their heads and screwing up their faces at the myriad of sensations exploding on their taste buds.
“Again?” Leesa asked.
With no time to answer, Eliza watched as Leesa scurried across to the bar and danced back with two more shots.
Loving his ANGEL Page 16