by Lisa Graves
The day went by slowly. About every hour and a half my mom found an excuse to come check on me in my room. Each time she was disappointed that I was lying in bed daydreaming, and alone. No secret rendezvous today. Tonight would be another story.
A little past one she poked her head in my door, again. “Would you like a grilled cheese sandwich Lil?”
“No thanks. I’m just going to have a Dr. Pepper and saltines for lunch. Thanks though.” And then I was back to staring. Staring at all the thoughts that were swimming around my mind.
“You are awfully mopey for someone so happy.”
That’s because time is moving as slow as molasses, I thought.
I looked back in time to see a suspicious look in her eyes as she re-closed the door, again disappointed at my inability to chatter.
The sun was setting before I realized I still hadn’t showered for the day. Not that I wanted to lead Nicholas on more than necessary, but I didn’t think he would like to hang out all night with a stinky little grease monkey. I wasn’t in the shower long. Or the bathroom either. My goal was simple, nothing fancy. I just needed to be presentable. I didn’t even get dressed in actual clothes. I changed into a clean pair of pajama bottoms, they happened to have a printed pattern of stars on them, and a clean white tank top.
It was finally getting late. In a few hours Nicholas would be with me and I would be on my way to Elliott. I could almost smell the mystical floral smell of his skin. I couldn’t help skipping to my room. I should have stopped at the door. I didn’t realize Meredith was sitting on my bed until it was too late.
“Late shower huh?” She wasn’t even trying to hide her suspicions now.
“Uh, yeah. The day just got away from me somehow.” I was never a good actress. My attempted casual nothing-weird-going-on-here demeanor seemed fake even to me. “It’s pretty late mom. I should probably get to bed.”
“You don’t seem very tired Lilly.”
“Well... you know...” I tried my hardest to fake a yawn.
She stood up and walked towards the door. “I think you should come have a cup of tea with me. I just finished brewing a fresh pot.”
“I dunno mom.”
She looked me straight in the eyes. “Please.” The way she said it made it clear it was a rhetorical question.
“Okay.” I followed her out, glancing back at the clock as I closed my door. It was almost eleven.
Meredith poured us each a cup of tea and I quietly followed her to the front porch. We sat there for a while, sipping and swaying on the porch swing in silence. I wasn’t about to crack the can of worms I could see my mom trying to mentally open. The soft sound of moth wings flapping as they circled the porch light was not nearly enough noise to break the awkward silence. Their little wings seemed to beat out the seconds in slow motion. A deep sigh escaped my mouth and I crossed my fingers hoping she would abort whatever she was trying to talk to me about. I didn’t like worms much.
“So are you an official boyfriend stealer then Lilly?”
“What?” What on earth was she talking about?
“Charlotte mentioned you stole her boyfriend yesterday. And seeing how Nicholas is here all the time, my guess is it’s him.”
I rolled my eyes though I don’t think she could see it in the dim light. “Mom, I’m not dating Nicholas.”
“Then why hasn’t Charlotte been by. She seems to think you are.”
“Well she’s wrong.”
“It’s okay if you like Nicholas, Lilly. You have known him forever. It’s totally natural to develop feelings for someone you’ve known for such a long time.”
“I don’t have feelings for Nicholas mom! We’re just friends. Besides, he’s not...” I took a sip of my tea as I tried to stay calm. I had a bad tendency of giving away too much information when I was angry. I’d almost said Elliott. And Elliott was a secret of my soul. “...my type,” I finished.
“Lilly.” My mom sounded annoyed.
“What?”
“I know something is up.” Her fingers drummed on the side of her cup. “And I want to know what it is.”
I shrugged my shoulders and drank the last sip of my tea. “Thanks for the tea mom.” I stood up. “I really think I should go to bed now. I love you. Goodnight.”
I lay in my bed like a good girl with the lights off and pretended I was really going to sleep. I had no doubt Meredith was going to come check on me before she went to bed. I hoped it was soon.
I closed my eyes as I lay there and thought of how beautiful the astral meadow was. When I was there I was usually preoccupied with Elliott’s glittering emerald eyes, chocolate hair, and perfect face, but actually thinking about it I realized just how magnificent it really was. It was as if the earth, air, fire and water energies all got together and made themselves their own private paradise. And I could now get in.
Laying with my eyes closed for hours daydreaming, I accidently fell asleep. It was a dreamless sleep. I think my head was too full for dreams. But I did start to remember the inner thoughts of what was going on in my mind when I felt the sensation of falling. This was what I was hoping for. But did I do it on my own? Before I could even finish my thought I was there with Elliott, looking deep into his eyes as he gazed back at my soul.
I smiled. “I did it.”
Elliott couldn’t help but grin at me. “It’s good to have you back Lil. Talked Nicholas into coming over again I see.”
“What are you talking about? I’m here solo.” A little sass never hurt anyone.
He swept me off my feet, spun me around, and laid us both on the soft blanket of grass and lavender before turning his eyes back to my own. “I’m pretty sure Nicholas is with you.”
“Really?”
I caught him rolling his eyes. “Yes.”
“What makes you say that?”
“That other energy I mentioned before is all around you. I know I shouldn’t Miele, but I’m getting jealous.”
“...of Nicholas?” That made no sense.
Elliott brushed my face with his hand. Never breaking contact he traced circles down my arm with his fingertips until he took my hand in his and clasped it tight. The hair on my arms stood on end, as his touch sent tingles through my body. He smelled so good. Between his scent and the meadow, it was as if I had landed right in the center of a giant bouquet of flowers.
I noticed he didn’t answer my question.
I nibbled my lip as I looked up at the glorious array of stars, planets, and galaxies unbelievably close overhead and I searched for the right words in my brain. “You don’t need to worry about Nicholas.”
Silence. This was obviously really bugging Elliott.
“We are just friends, promise.”
Again, no response. But now that I was paying attention more closely, I could tell Elliott’s energy was sad, like before.
I took a deep breath and found the courage to look him in his sad and soulful eyes. Giving his had a squeeze I said, “What can I do to make you feel better, mio amore?”
“I don’t like having to depend on another man in order to see you Lilly.”
In all honesty, if the tables were turned that would bug me. “But I can’t seem to project without him.”
“Learn,” he whispered into the starry night. “Please, learn.”
I snuggled into his arms and a hug that encapsulated my body. Elliott held me like that for an immeasurable amount of time. I let him hold me and just absorbed the tingles of electricity our bodies produced when they touched and breathed him in. Our hearts seemed to beat as one.
Eventually I was the one to break the silence. “So since I am projecting alone next time, hopefully, any tips other than the usual advice?”
He seemed to think for a moment before answering me. “Every way is a bit different. Once you find yours it will get progressively easier. But you alone must find a way. No one can help you.”
Crap. I was never going to see him again if that was the case!
“Fo
r me, tapping into mother nature and the energy of the earth helps me.” He looked down in my blue eyes and ran his fingers through my hair. “Does that help at all?”
“I guess it’s going to have to.” I shrugged. “Can I have a kiss for luck?”
“Sempre (always) mia amore.”
Elliott always kissed with such an intensity that it left me speechless. He never rushed it. His hands found my neck, gently guiding our lips towards one another’s. As our lips made contact, the electricity that sparked between us jolted my heart. Slowly his lips parted mine as the kiss became more intimate, more sensual. I found myself lost in his kisses. I was always saddened a bit when he would start to nibble my lip and pull away. I never wanted the magic to end.
“Good luck Miele” he breathed into my ear.
My heart raced as I tried to find the words. But they didn’t come. I barely got my eyes open when the falling sensation pulled me from the best place in the universe.
When I opened my eyes this time, I was frustrated, and a bit angry. And what made it worse was that Elliott was right, for Nicholas was fast asleep right beside me. Peeking up at my clock from within my best friends bear hug grasp I got even more annoyed. Only 7:02 in the freaking morning. Ugh!
I wiggled and elbowed a bit to get Nicholas to wake up. Finally he yawned and went to roll over and ended up rolling off the bed and landing with a thump.
“What the!” he yelled.
“Shhh!” I reminded him. “Meredith will hear you.”
We both held our breath while we listened for sounds of movement in the house. The creaky stair, three steps up, gave my mom away.
My heart seemed to pound louder and louder the closer she came. “Hurry! Out the window!”
“I’m trying.” Nicholas pulled on his shoe as he frantically looked for the other.
“Get it later. Hurry. Get out!” He had barely crawled free of the window pane when my door flew open. I saw him duck down, lying flat against my rooftop, to hide.
I jumped up to head off my mom and give Nicholas more time to get away. “Good morning mom.”
She looked around the room, suspicious. “I heard a loud thump. What was it?” I tried to keep the frantic look out of my eyes. “Oh that. It was... me. I fell out of bed.” I bit my lip as I waited.
“How did you fall out of bed Lil when you hardly sleep?”
“That is an excellent question mom. I don’t know. I must have been having some dream.” Understatement of the century.
That’s when she noticed my window wide open. “You really should have the screen on this since you like to keep it open so much. Too many bugs will get in otherwise.”
But how will I sneak out? I thought it wiser not to respond. She was just looking to trick me into having to put the screen back on. I noticed her stick her head out the window. My heart dropped and my eyes mimicked golf balls. My thudding heart drummed out the seconds in slow motion. Had Nicholas gotten away?
As she pulled her head back in she looked disappointed. She looked at me.
I shrugged my shoulders. “What?”
“Nothing.”
Honestly, I don’t even think she would be mad if she did catch Nicholas in here. She would just want all the details. Meredith walked out of my room and I got to work.
Chapter 18. Falling
I decided to take Elliott’s advice and try to use earth energies to help me project. And the best place I could think of to do that was my meadow.
In the midst of tossing blankets and clothes about my room looking for something to wear, I happened across Nicholas’s missing shoe. I sat it outside my window in case he came back for it. I’d call him later.
I couldn’t pull on yesterday’s jeans and the first tank top I saw fast enough. I grabbed my hoodie as I ran down the stairs. It might come in handy. Plus, it was a convenient cover for my crazy hair. The one downside to short hair was that it was always gravity defying when I woke in the mornings, and a shower was low on my list of priorities.
Meredith caught me in my getaway. “Where are you going in such a hurry?”
“Secret rendezvous?” I crossed my fingers behind my back hoping that answer would suffice.
Our eyes connected as she was trying to discern the level of truth in my statement. I refused to be the first to speak. I nibbled on my lip instead.
She sighed, “Well, at least have something to eat first.” She tossed a couple granola bars at me.
“Thanks.” And I was out the door.
I was too hyped up to walk. I was so excited to try and project the way Elliott said he does, that I ran all the way to the meadow. A few squirrels were caught off guard by my sudden appearance and had to quickly scamper off the dirt trail through the trees as I made my way to the clearing. As I broke free of the shadows and the sunlight hit my face I realized I wasn’t alone in my secret garden.
Nicholas was waiting.
“Hey hoe.”
My face gave away my disappointment of not being alone. “Hey.”
“Lilly, what is up with you? I’m getting more than a bit confused by your signals.”
My first thought was to play dumb. “What do you mean?”
“You love me. You hate me. Yesterday you were happy as a clam that I was around, and now you look upset that I’m here. I don’t get you these days.”
“I’m sorry Nitch-o-las. I don’t mean to look upset. I was just really looking forward to some alone time. I can’t seem to get enough of it these days.” I could only hope my eyes conveyed the truth of my words.
Nicholas walked towards me and took me up in his massive arms for a hug. “If you need some alone time to figure things out, that’s okay with me. Just call me, okay?”
“Kay.”
He gave me a tender kiss on the cheek and left me alone.
Instead of hiding in my cove, which I recalled didn’t seem to work for me last time, I lay down on the lavender and let the sun shine down on me. Bringing my security blanket hoodie turned out to be a good idea, for it doubled as a make-shift pillow scrunched up against one of my favorite tombstones.
This time I let my fingers play with the leaves and flowers of the lavender. To softly dig my fingers into the dirt below me. I tried to be as close to the earth’s energy as I could be. Then I started.
I closed my eyes and began to take slow, deep breaths. I relaxed and let my mind run free. I didn’t feel the falling sensation I was getting accustomed to, but I did feel different. There was a swirling wind around me. I opened my eyes and sat up.
I was still in the meadow, but a mist was surrounding me. It was so thick I could barely make out the silhouettes of the headstones that were all around me. The sun no longer shone bright. The smell of lavender grew stronger. The swirling of the cloudy air was making the hair on my arms stand on end. I was hyper aware of my surroundings. I could feel everything. And Elliott wasn’t here.
Had something gone wrong? I’d done as instructed, but this wasn’t were I was trying to be. But it wasn’t my meadow either. Wherever I was, it was a peaceful place. I should be scared to death, but something was oddly familiar about my surroundings. The mist was strange but comforting, and I didn’t know why.
“Lilly.” A voice called from somewhere in the distance.
I looked around but couldn’t see anyone.
“Lilly.” This time it was closer and familiar.
In a blink of an eye, I was back in my meadow. I was no longer standing but laying down with the warm rays of the sun shining down on me.
“Lilly?”
I sat up. The sudden change in my surroundings was dizzying. I had to lean back against the tombstone for support as I tried to figure out what had just happened.
How did I get on the ground when a second ago I was standing? And who was that voice?
Before I could even finish my thought, the answer was right in front of me, Sophie.
“Hey Soph. What are you doing here?”
She looked at me. I was confus
ed and obviously shaken up, leaning on the stone for support. “I’m looking for you.” She gave me another good look. “Are you okay?” Too bad mini-mom was an observant little thing. I lied. “Yeah, I’m good.” I stood up as I talked. “Why were you looking for me? Do you need something?”
“No. Mom’s after me to get dirt on you and Nicholas.”
“And you are!”
“Nope. I just thought I’d offer my services. Do you need anything?”
What a good little sister I have. I smiled. “Thanks Soph, but I’m good.”
The look on her face let me know she didn’t buy my lies for a second. But she didn’t push me either. “Okay then. I love you.” She gave me a hug and left.
“I love you too,” I whispered as she walked away.
I sat down on the nearest stone to reevaluate my plan. What had happened? Had I projected? If so, where had I gone? Was I doing something wrong? Why the mist? As my mind ran away from me, the warm summer sun started to get quite hot. The sun’s rays on my skin broke me from my revere. I needed to go home. Maybe that would help me clear my head.
At half past seven, after surviving another round of interrogation at dinner, I asked Meredith if I could borrow the car to go for a drive. The look my mother gave me when I told her I was going alone made it clear she didn’t believe me, but she let me borrow the car anyway.
Even when I do tell the truth, I think I give off a vibe that I’m lying. I don’t get it. I did want to be alone. Because I had thought of a plan.
After getting home earlier today, I was thinking about projecting, flipping through my journal, and looking at the pictures from my camera conversations with Elliott trying to see if I was missing something when I realized a common theme, water.
It always seemed to be present in my dreams. A constant thing that kept coming up in the background. Especially in the really vivid dreams and memories. There was the steam in the bathroom, the underground lake, the cliffs by the sea, the bathtub, and the waterfall. I even found it hidden in the ink blotches from one of our first camera conversations - Water is the key. Nope, tonight I was alone. Tonight I was on a mission. And water was going to help me. Water is the key and it was going to help me project tonight.