Charlene didn’t seem to mind his odd maturity at all. She was not a childhood friend like Trina and Shane, so she did not recognize a change in him. She was more than happy to spend time alone or in small gatherings. They didn’t partake of the parties, even when the following summer came around and that was about all their friends were doing. She wasn’t possessive, like teen girls tend to be, so she made little demand of his time. Lovelle was able to pursue his interests without concern for her feelings. And when summer ended she went away to college at Western Michigan in Kalamazoo. That made things even easier. They maintained a long distance relationship, which took some of the pressure off of his bodily urges, yet kept Trina, and anyone else who might want to get close to him, at bay.
During the following year, right on cue, Trina chose to go to Stanford. Meanwhile, Lovelle got a partial scholarship to Michigan State, and convinced his parents that he could pay the rest of his way via the military. This was pretty easily done, since his father believed pretty strongly in military service, even if he would never have pushed it on his son. Lovelle figured that this was about the only way his parents would have let him pay for his own education.
Of course, saving his folks the expense was only a part of the reason for Lovelle’s decision. Serving in the Army was actually a part of his plan. It would provide him with the training he would need, and hopefully would position him to take the actions he intended.
*****
The following December Charlene came home for the holidays and gave Lovelle the first real challenge of his third life. She told him that she loved him, which was something he wasn’t prepared for.
“I didn’t mean to stun you into silence.” She said almost apologetically after he failed to respond for an uncomfortably long time.
“I’m sorry,” he finally stated. “The way you asked me to see you tonight, I thought you were about to dump me. I was all geared up to deal with rejection. You just caught me off guard.” Lovelle was telling the truth, as far as it went. He had expected her to end things, and he was perfectly prepared to let her go. He no longer needed the relationship to ward off Trina, and he had really never let himself come to care for Charlene all that much.
It wasn’t that there was anything wrong with her. He had just become accustomed to seeing her as a means to an end, not an end to be pursued for her own sake. She was the barrier between him and falling in love. Based on their failed relationship in his first life, he had never allowed himself to consider her as a possible love interest. He did not, however, care so little as to be able to harshly rebuff such a declaration.
“Wow, what would make you think that?” She was clearly surprised. “I thought we were doing great.”
She was temporarily distracted, which gave Lovelle time to gather his own thoughts. “Well, you’ve been away with a bunch of college guys around all the time. We’ve barely seen each other in the last four months. I figured you’d found somebody older.”
“Older?” She laughed out loud. “You’re the oldest teenager alive.” She continued to chuckle. “If I tried to date a college guy I think it would seem like I was robbing the cradle.”
She had never expressed this sentiment before. He hadn’t known her to be so perceptive. Clearly, his own disinterest had blinded him to her considerable attributes. But, she certainly hit the nail on the head with that observation. Lovelle couldn’t help smiling.
“What are you grinning at?”
“Nothing. I just thought it was funny that you said that. Sometimes I feel like an old man in a kid’s body.” He confessed.
She waited for a few moments, in essence wiping the side discussion off of the board, and then opened her palms in a questioning gesture, “So?”
“I’m sorry,” He said seriously, “I’m not ready to say that yet.” Lovelle wanted to put off the discussion without having to hurt her feelings.
“It’s okay. I knew you might not feel that way. I just needed to tell you.” She was clearly hurt and trying to save face. Lovelle tried to soothe her, but, it was of no use. Because she insisted that she was not upset, he couldn’t really comfort her. So he left her that night not really knowing what he was going to do.
He couldn’t help thinking that this shouldn’t be a problem for him. He should just let her go and move on. Yet, he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He felt as if he needed to ease his way out of the predicament. Even as he had kept up a barrier between them, he had inadvertently become attached to her. Not that he should have expected to feel otherwise. He may have been an old man in a very queer circumstance, but, he was as emotionally feeble as any man. He might have fancied himself as hardened to anyone but Trina and Katie, but, that was ridiculous and he should have known better. He had gone so far as to get married to another woman in between those two great loves. Although it had not worked out, he had not entered into it with any less passion.
Over the next couple of days he searched his feelings and found himself quite conflicted over Charlene. He found that his reluctance to break things off was not simply out of a desire to spare her. Of course, he did want to spare her any hurt. But, he could have overcome that fairly easily. His opinion of himself wasn’t so high that he believed she could not get over losing him. The problem was that his feelings for her went beyond hoping to spare her any suffering. His own feelings turned out to be deep enough that he would suffer if he ended it now. He had thought he had put up an effective barrier to falling for the girl, but, he had clearly not.
Lovelle was surprised to find that he had, in some measure, fallen for Charlene. Oh, he hadn’t lied that he wasn’t in love with her. He even doubted that she was actually in love with him. But, when he searched his own feelings, he found that he wanted her to be. He came back to his earlier realization that he was a relationship kind of guy. The question was, would he be more miserable if he fell for her, with the inevitable loss to follow, or if he denied himself any chance at all?
Lovelle considered the old adage that it was better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all? Could he honestly say that he would now be happier had he never known the love of Katie and Trina? Of course not. In fact, under the circumstance, it wasn’t really the loss of those great loves that he grieved so much. He still had the opportunity to be with them. Endless opportunity if the skip continued. What he would never see again was his children. Short of a miracle, they could never be born. What he needed to avoid was not love, but, procreation.
Lovelle didn’t know why this realization had taken so long to come to him. He had been so single minded in this life that once he had concluded that he should isolate himself, he never revisited that decision. Now that he had that revelation, he wondered how he could not have realized it sooner. In fact, he might have been with Trina. He might still be with her, or with Katie. So where did that leave his relationship with Charlene? Did he now leave her, not because of his fear of commitment, but, because he was going to pursue his true loves? Then he realized that the question was moot. His mission still precluded any scheming to satisfy his love life. That would have to wait for October 28, 2003.
In the end, he stayed with Charlene by default. He wasn’t about to quit the mission, so he did what was easy. He felt sure that military service would end whatever was going on before he started it, so it seemed an easy thing to just let things happen. If they could forge a relationship that would survive that, then he could hardly argue that the relationship was not worth pursuing.
*****
It took a few weeks for Lovelle to decide all of this, and a couple more for him to talk to Charlene about it. In the meantime, they spoke occasionally and he scrupulously avoided the subject. He could tell she was getting a bit edgy about the whole situation, and he found out that she was expecting the worst when he insisted on coming to talk to her face to face. He didn’t realize it at the time, but, in retrospect he could see how it must have looked. He had not bothered to visit her at school before then, which added a certain
gravity to the visit.
They settled into her dorm room and he apologized for how poorly he had dealt with her revelation. He could tell right away that she was expecting the worst, so he got to the point, “I’m not here to break up. I don’t really know how you feel about staying with me under the circumstances, but, I hope you’ll give me time to see if things can work themselves out.”
“Of course,” she said, seeming relieved. “I told you I knew you might not feel the same.”
“Sure, but, I thought it might be more uncomfortable than you expected. You know, living with the idea for a while.” Lovelle knew it would be very uncomfortable for him.
“Well, I’d rather you told me you loved me too, but, it doesn’t change the fact that I love you. I can’t imagine not being with you now. If I let a little hurt feelings change that, then I guess I really wouldn’t be in love.” Lovelle realized that he might actually be wrong about the depth of her feelings. She just might really love him. “But I don’t want you to say it if you don’t mean it.” She added the caveat. “I’m not that insecure.”
Lovelle’s feelings for Charlene had intensified in that moment. She was more mature, and wiser than he had ever credited her for. They talked a while longer, then she questioned why he had suddenly needed to see her face to face.
“Actually, there is something else.” He hesitated, trying to remember exactly what he had wanted to say. “I told you that I was joining the ROTC to pay for college.” She nodded her head tentatively, like she was expecting the shoe to drop. “I plan to spend a lot of time away when I join the Army. Whatever the circumstances, I don’t expect to make any commitment until I finish with that, and I really don’t know how long it will take.” He paused a moment longer and she looked at him pensively. “I just thought you should know. I don’t plan on settling down for quite a while, whether we’re in love or not.”
“What does that mean,” She said a little angrily. “Are you trying to say you can’t be faithful while you’re away?”
Lovelle realized that it had sounded exactly that way almost as soon as the words had crossed his lips, “No!” he blurted. “I didn’t mean that. As long as we’re together you’re the only one. I promise you that.”
She sighed in relief, “You’re not very good at this, you know?”
“I’m sorry Charlene. This is hard enough, I know. I don’t mean to make it worse by having any misunderstanding. I’m probably getting way ahead of myself even talking to you about this. But, I just want to be as fair to you as I can. I don’t want us to be apart, but, if you ever decide that being with me is a bad bargain, I won’t be angry.”
“I won’t.” She insisted.
“I’m sure you think that now, but, time has a funny way of changing your perspective.”
“There you go talking like some old man.” She smiled. “I swear sometimes you forget which one of us is older.”
Lovelle just grinned and nodded. “I’ll try to remember.”
CHAPTER TWENTY FOUR
Lovelle entered college, without fanfare, the following September. For his parents this was a big deal, but, for him it was his third time in college and his second time going away to Michigan State. Everyone, from his family to his advisers, wanted him to go through various orientations, but, he ignored them. By this time, his loved ones had become used to his purposeful stubborn nature. Others would learn quickly enough. He settled in and started his course of study. He had decided to take a few new classes to further round out his education, but, for the most part, to repeat his previous studies to ensure that he could keep his grades high. This would serve his larger goal.
Right away he found himself at odds with the cadet commanders of ROTC. Their purpose was to train kids who needed to be taught to be men. Lovelle was a man in need of being taught to be a soldier, and they couldn’t see eye to eye on that fact. In his third life he hadn’t spent a lot of time pretending immaturity, and he didn’t start doing so for their sake. The typical military method is to break a young man down and build him up again in the military mold. Lovelle was a 54 year old ex cop, and he wasn’t prepared to be broken down. However, he should have been.
His agenda required him to excel not only academically, but, also in his training. He wanted to enter military intelligence, and he knew that poor reports from his teachers and commanders would not serve that purpose. Lovelle thought that he might avoid the sticky issue of his distant cousin’s legal troubles by taking the military route. Although he hoped to complete his mission right there in the military, he was also crafting a backup plan where he would use a successful military career as a possible entree into the FBI.
Still, even knowing the importance of making good impressions, Lovelle couldn’t help being confrontational. On one occasion he nearly came to blows with a young man who didn’t like his 'attitude’. The young man had recently been promoted to be Lovelle’ platoon sergeant and had found Lovelle to be less deferential than the sergeant would like. The incident which led to the confrontation was so minor as to be inconsequential. The resulting altercation was anything but.
“I don’t think you understood me Private.” The Sergeant shouted belligerently.
“I understood just fine, Sergeant,” Lovelle answered snidely. “I just don’t understand the point.”
“You don’t need to understand. You just do what I tell you.”
“Yes sir, that’s the best way to teach.” Lovelle answered with obvious sarcasm. “Just keep your subordinates in the dark. We can all grow like mushrooms.”
“Don’t goad me you little piss ant.” The sergeant said as he jabbed a finger into Lovelle’ shoulder.
It took all of his self-control for Lovelle not to start something at that point. He was not a particularly physical person, nor did he have a short temper. Outside of his police duties, he hadn’t been in a fight since his teen years the first time around. But, this guy needed to be popped in the nose. Lovelle just decided that it didn’t suit his purpose to be the one doing the popping.
Lovelle continued on this way, attempting to keep his head low and earn his way into a position where he wouldn’t be treated like that. Eventually he did, becoming a sergeant himself.
In his third pass, Lovelle found university life to be about as boring as any time he had ever experienced. He had no social life to speak of. He found that he didn’t get along well with his fellow officers to be, and his ROTC status interfered with making friends outside their ranks. If he had wanted, then he might have managed to connect with some of the people around him. Although Trina was not there, he did know several others on the campus. He may not have become friends with them as he had in his second life, but, he could still arrange it if he wanted. But, Lovelle was pretty sullen. His mission, and his need for great grades, even precluded him from challenging himself academically. So he was left with only one real outlet, Charlene.
They saw each other most weekends, whether he visited her in Kalamazoo, or they both went home to see their families. Even with all of the distance between them, and all the time spent apart, his life was increasingly centered on her. He was otherwise so isolated, he fell in love again.
Lovelle didn’t tell Charlene for a long time. She hadn’t said it herself since the first time, at least not in so many words. She had, however, made it pretty clear that she was waiting for him to say it. She talked freely of their future together. She acted almost as if they had shared those words a thousand times. It almost seemed as if she knew his mind even before he did. Of course, it always seemed to Lovelle as if women knew what their men were thinking before the man had even realized it himself.
When Lovelle had finally admitted it to himself, he still didn’t want to admit it to her. Even with all of his experience to the contrary, he still thought he could repress his emotions. Somehow he thought he would be happier in the end if he denied himself. But, he couldn’t do it, whatever the consequences. And so he relented.
Without fanfare, Lovelle to
ld her one afternoon. He simply said it as if it were something that was taken for granted. For a moment, he thought she might let it pass as if it were. Then Charlene grinned from ear to ear.
“You sly little devil. You thought you could just say that and slip it by me. What are you trying to pull?”
“Nothing.” he said sheepishly. For a moment, he was reminded of the day Trina called him her best friend in just that same way. Surprisingly, instead of making him feel remorse for that loss, it turned out to be a fond memory that made him smile.
Charlene wrapped her arms around him gently, pressed her lips to his cheek, then whispered in his ear in the most longing tone, with all of the pent up emotion of their past, “I love you too.”
Once that dam was broken, it was like a love tidal wave. Lovelle couldn’t control her, or himself. In no time, they were engaged to be married. As illogical as it had been to try and deny himself any sort of love, it was equally illogical to rush so hard into it. He knew he couldn’t guarantee any kind of future in light of what he was planning. He knew that he shouldn’t make such a commitment until he had returned with the ability to keep it. But, there it was. He had a fiancée that he would leave behind. It was just another concern that he didn’t need to take with him.
CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE
In light of his failure to stop Al Qaeda in his second life, Lovelle was taking a new tact. He thought he should be more direct. So he intended to cut the head off of the beast himself, if at all possible.
Because of his interactions with Agent Rosewood and the press coverage after the dirty bombings, Lovelle was quite familiar with Osama Bin Laden’s movements in the years leading up to September 2001. He wasn’t as familiar as he would have liked, because he hadn’t known he was going to need that information. But, he had paid pretty close attention to the news reports after the November attacks, and there was a lot of information to be had. He knew, for instance, that Bin Laden was going to run afoul of the Saudi Arabian monarchy during the first Persian Gulf War. That was about the same time that Lovelle would be entering the active duty military. Bin Laden would then spend some time in Afghanistan, where he had fought in that country’s own war with the occupying Soviets, and where he had first established Al Qaeda. Then he would move on to Sudan, which had fallen into the grasp of Islamic fundamentalists. That move would occur sometime in 1992, and Bin Laden would be there at least through the end of that year. Lovelle believed he would be there much longer, but, he wasn’t sure enough of that to bet the farm.
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