by Nhys Glover
Now I not only knew in my mind I might lose my men, I felt it on a visceral level too. And it turned my blood to ice.
"I think the plans have all been made and now we just have to wait for the morrow. This might be one of those times when you get to take turns with me. I feel like I need to focus totally on one of the men I love at a time, starting with you," I said musingly.
Dark smirked as he grumbled. "Which of my idiot brothers started you thinking about what we do as taking turns? It is so much more than that."
I smirked too, loving to see the lights in his indigo eyes come to life. "I know. But I rather like you taking turns with me. So will you take your turn first? Then I will let you get back to your war."
Dark swept me up into his arms and strode off down the side of the rocky outcrop to where our tent sat amidst the others of the airling troopers. Our airlings flocked nearby in a massive display of force that had any rebel who saw them feeling proud to be fighting on our side.
Our tent was bigger than most and luxurious. But it was still only a tent. Dark dumped me on the thick, down-filled pallet and began pulling off his clothes.
"The tent flap," I said, gesturing with my head to the loose-hanging flap.
Grumbling impatiently, Dark tied the leather straps to seal us in. By the time he turned back to me I was naked, with my hair falling in waves around me. Seeing his expression then, I felt like the Goddess Incarnate. I felt more beautiful and verdant than anyone Dark had ever seen before. I felt it to my bones that I was adored. And I was humbled by it. Humbled by the love this man felt for me.
And so he came to me and we made love. The kind of intense love people share when they know it might be for the last time. It had to be the kind of love that would sustain us and see us through this coming battle.
I would make it see us through this coming battle!
Chapter Twenty-Two
AIRSHA
The morning light spilled in through the cracks in the tent walls. I stretched and came in contact with a muscular body. I moved a little the other way and came in contact with another. Immediately, I knew what had happened. Though I had shared love with each man separately, when it came time to sleep they had all piled back in to join me. It was our way. I sometimes wondered if I would ever be able to sleep alone again.
Hopefully, I would never have to find out. I felt chill sink deep into my bones. And it wasn't from cold.
"Not yet," Jaron muttered sleepily, nuzzling into my neck.
I knew what he meant. I was still tired too. Loving four men separately took a lot longer than loving them together. But I was glad I did it that way. I needed each to know he was special to me. I needed to convince each one he had to stay safe because I could not live without him. No one else could fill the place in my heart he had.
Dark stirred next, kissing my neck on the other side. "This war won't wait on you, sluggard. Good morning, beautiful woman, Goddess Incarnate, love of my life."
I smiled and turned to accept the kiss I knew he wished to give me. "Good morning, Husband Number One."
He huffed in exaggerated affront. "Is that all I am to you, a number?"
It was rare to see the playful side of Dark, so I continued. "Well, at least you are number one. How would you feel if you were number four? Bottom of the pile?"
"I'm on the bottom of the pile," Rama grumbled from my hip. He'd been sleeping on it until I moved. He swatted my butt for effect.
Calun laughed in my mind and slid his hand up the inside of my leg. He had been sleeping on my other butt cheek and lower back. Sometimes the positions we woke up in seemed an impossible way to sleep. We really were like a litter of wadjas.
I wriggled away from that hand. "No you don't! We have a war to win today. All of us need our stamina. And I already ache all over."
"I can fix that," Rama said, massaging my back with one hand, his voice dipping to a velvet caress.
"No, no, no! Be sensible. This war is really happening. So get your lazy, but very delectable rears, out of my bed."
"Thrown out of bed," Jaron moaned. "That's never happened to me before. The women of my past used to try to keep me in their beds."
"You were younger and more virile back then," Rama said, playing along so well that it was hard to believe it was him. Certainly, he had healed many of his emotional wounds in the last sun, but he rarely became silly like this. Mayhap he was looking forward to the coming battle too much.
Jaron threw a playful punch. "If I'm past my prime, old man, what does it make you? Ready to turn up your toes?"
He realised what he was saying the moment it was out. We all groaned. Too close to home. Too real for playtime.
"If he's ready to turn up his toes that means I'm already six feet under. But I feel six feet long." Dark ran his hand along his morning erection for effect.
Thank the Goddess for Dark and his need to manage his brothers. Right now he was determined to keep it light between us.
I made myself giggle, and stroked him admiringly. "Yes, Number One, there is a reason you are in that position. And it isn't because of your age."
Dark pulled a 'So There!' face at his brothers he must have resurrected from his childhood, because it had never crossed his features in the time I'd known him.
"If you have six feet I have seven!" Jaron crowed, taking my other hand and holding it in place on his ever-eager erection.
"You just ran out of hands, Goddess. Maybe I could show you how long I am another way?" Rama said, moving up so he was pressing at the entrance to my core. He knew just how much I wanted him inside me. And the knowing light in his sparkling blue eyes only made my growing need worse.
I groaned, let go of Dark and Jaron and slid out from under Rama. "No means no. I have babes to cuddle and a war to prepare for. Get up, all of you. And no one is allowed to point out you are all already up. That one is old. Now get!"
I began swatting backsides until my palm stung. Then I swapped to the other hand. Finally, the four great lumps of muscle were out of bed and pulling on clothes, laughing all the while. I wanted to freeze time and make this moment last forever. Happy. We were all so happy.
But time wouldn't freeze, and the noise of a camp awakening around us only confirmed it.
I wanted to be there for my babes after their first feed of the day, because after that they would be moving well behind the lines until after the battle was over. My mother would be there with them, making sure they stayed safe.
I would miss them. The twins were now six moons old and a true delight to be around. They rarely cried and always had a smile for their fathers and me when they saw us. Though they were boy and girl, you couldn't tell one from the other by looking at them with their clothes on. Just like Airshin and I had been.
My heart sank at the memory. I pushed it away.
As I entered the babe's tent, I heard their baby chatter and coos. They were playing on a big fur laid out across the floor, wooden blocks and colourful bits and bobs surrounding them. At the sight of me, they cried out and smiled their toothless grins at me, arms out to be picked up. My heart exploded with the force of the love I felt for them. Gods, I was a lucky woman! My eyes filled with tears of joy as I kneeled on the fur with them and wrapped them both up in my arms. I couldn't actually pick them both up at one time anymore. Especially with the fast-growing babe making himself known in my belly.
"They will miss you today, Goddess," Tema said.
The last four moons had been good for this woman. She looked younger than when I first met her, and certainly less tense. I had heard the gossip that one of the older airling troopers had been paying her attention. But she would have none of it until the war was done. She didn't want to lose another man. I could relate only too well. But I could no more refrain from loving out of fear than I could stop breathing.
"I know. But I need them to be well out of the way of the battle. And can you imagine how well they'd nap with all the fighting going on around them?" I joked.
/> Tema gave a sad little smile. "I can't joke, Goddess. I'm too afraid for all of you. Life has been so good..."
I leaned over and kissed her cheek. She sat on the edge of the fur on the other side of the babes. One cheeky chit reached up and clasped onto my breast as I leaned across. My heart ached. There had been no milk for them in me for four long moons and yet they both reached for me on occasion, as if they forgot.
Tema touched her cheek in surprised delight. "Goddess... Thank you!"
I grimaced. "Do not thank me for showing my appreciation for the love you give these two hellions. It is your due."
She blushed. "I will take good care of them. As will your mother. You know I would give my life for them."
"I know and am glad they have you."
I lay on the fur then and began to play with my babes in earnest. Time was short, and I knew my men would soon be in to say their goodbyes.
No, say their farewells. There would not be the finality of a goodbye said between any of us.
Once my time was over, I reluctantly took my leave. I needed to eat and prepare for the final meeting with the Abs. Oddly, they had kept the name Abominations for themselves, still seeing it as a badge of honour. And others treated them with respect and honour. They were the proof that the Godling was a fraud. We were the hope for the future − the Goddess and the Abominations. Or Abs. They liked that shortening well enough.
My stomach wouldn't handle much, though I forced myself to eat fruit and a light porridge laced heavily with raisins and honey. I also consumed one of the brews my husbands favoured. Over the moons, I had come to enjoy the strong taste and energy it provided.
The other mages had filtered into the Mess area by the time I was finished, and I told them to meet me in the space set up especially for us next to the Main Operations tent.
In our tent we had the same map, with major placements marked in, as the regular army had. But we also had our own individual placements marked in, and what and where we planned to attack. Flea and Zem joined us, because they represented the airlings, who made up the other half of our front. While the main army would attack from the west along the road running east to west, with the archers and Elemental Mistresses to the north, we would take the high ground to the south, with the airlings coming in over the high outcrop behind us. They would attack across three quarters of the width of the battlefield, and then swing away to the east so they didn't get caught in the crossfire coming from the northern side.
The plan was simple. Squeeze the enemy in from all sides so their only path was back the way they came. But even there they would be thwarted − by Julz and his well-trained rock-dropping airlings and our very clever hail-making Ab.
With no way out, we hoped the Godling and his army would admit defeat and surrender. The last thing any of us wanted was carnage to the bitter end. But it wouldn't come to that, I was sure. There had to be unrest in the Godslunder ranks. Not even they could all still be holding on to the illusion that the Godling deserved to rule. Our Abs had been making sure of it. Though I had heard the Godling had taken to cutting men down who tried to retreat or surrender.
But patriotism was a vicious mistress, and so many would fight and die, even though they may no longer believe in what they fought for. Only time would tell how long fear of the Godling's wrath and patriotic fervour would keep them fighting.
Once the meeting was at an end, and I was confident we were all ready to do our parts, I went back to look out over the battlefield again. Still no sign of the enemy, but the airling scouts had brought word they were on the move and approaching fast. Within the next turn they would be upon us.
Gods, upon us! I had never fought in a war before. The two minor skirmishes I'd taken part in had been nothing. Not like this. What if I lost my courage? What if I saw one of my husbands fall and lost it completely, turning all my rage and grief onto the heads of anyone nearby? I might kill men on my side as well as the enemy, in my blind rage.
I knew what losing control was like. I remembered it well from the time I opened the ground up so it could swallow the Air Master threatening me and my airlings. I had felt it again when the Godling's airling rider had threatened my babes. I had frozen him in an instant. Neither time had I thought about what I was doing or weighed up the consequences of the act. I had simply felt the overwhelming need to protect − and just done it. And been relieved afterwards when I realised I hadn't hurt anyone I cared about.
What if this time I did hurt people I cared about?
A young trooper, who I'd regularly seen helping out in the Mess in the last few days, came up to me with a drink. I smiled, thanked him and took the offering, unable to reject a gesture of kindness, although I knew my stomach couldn't take it.
The handsome, dark-haired lad looked at me with hero-worship in his eyes. The blue of them seemed so distinct because of the dark fringe of lashes surrounding them. I didn't know his name. I wanted to ask it now, but knew I would forget it in the very next moment, because I had bigger things on my mind than remembering a calf-eyed lad's name.
Looking down at the wooden cup filled with a pleasant smelling brew, I thought briefly of drinking it. Instead, I took it back to my tent. I needed to prepare myself, mentally and physically for what was to come. I greeted my husbands briefly as I went, giving each a final kiss and exchanging promises to stay safe. Then I was in our tent.
I was so tired. So incredibly tired. Last night had been a mistake. I should never have spent so much time sharing pleasure with my men. It was a foolish indulgence. Now I was so exhausted I could barely keep my eyes open, and the day was barely begun.
I put the untouched brew on the bedside table and crawled onto the pallet fully clothed. It wouldn't be for long. In a few minutes, I would have rested enough to join the battle. The troops needed to see me standing beside them. Fighting beside them. I couldn't let them down.
Closing my heavy lids, I allowed sleep to claim me. Just for a few moments. Only a few moments.
When I opened them again the battle was underway. I dashed out to find the battlefield overflowing with red and green. The sound of fighting was harsh on my ears, the sight so terrible I wanted to close my eyes and wish myself somewhere else. But I couldn't do it. My people depended on me.
I heard the sound of a hundred pairs of flapping wings above me. The airlings were joining the battle. Overhead I saw my four husbands, each leading a squad. They flew in four arrowhead formations with each of them at the point of one formation, leading the way, just as we had envisaged it. They all had bows and heavy quivers of arrows.
Though I should have been doing my part, shooting lightning down on the hapless heads of the enemy below me, I watched my men instead. So beautiful and so brave. Every one of them was incredibly precious to me. My heart exploded in my chest with pride and love for them.
And then it happened. A black cloud came out of nowhere to the north, hitting the airlings head-on. The force of it was terrible. No wind could be so fierce. It was like a monstrous whirlwind had blown up and was sucking up the airlings and their riders − chewing them up as they went around and around. Riders and airlings were being separated and tossed about like leaves in a windstorm.
I screamed in terror. I screamed in anguish. This was a nightmare come true. This was not possible. All my men lost in one sweep of an Air Master's hand. Who had that sort of power? It was far more than I had. Suddenly, I felt as if I was nothing in comparison; just a pathetically weak copy of a true, magical son.
Who was I to pass myself off as the Goddess Incarnate? I had fed into the rebel myth, letting myself believe that was who I was. But I was not the Goddess, I was nothing. Less than nothing, now I had lost my lovers, my husbands, my men.
Grief unlike anything I had ever experienced before overtook me. Worse than Airshin's betrayal. Worse even than Trace's death. All gone. All wiped out by a storm that no one had seen coming. I screamed and screamed and screamed.
Chapter Twenty-Three
> FLEA
I hadn't been able to sleep last night. My mind wouldn't stop spinning. It was like I'd suddenly turned into Zem. How many times I reached out to touch his hand on the other pallet, I don't know. I just had to reassure myself he was there. Reassure myself that I wasn't in this alone. Though I could hear his thoughts. The endless counting and the endless going over and over of the plans for the day to come.
What if Spot was shot down? What if Zem was? Or Calun? It was all possible. We could all die in this battle. Life had been so good for the last four moons. The new centre had been a perfect fit and more luxurious than we were accustomed to. A Westsealund royal had given his country estate to us and we had happily taken it. Plenty of space for a hundred riders, plenty of space for a hundred and twenty odd airlings. And food for us all in abundance. Even Zem had lost his gaunt look and grown a few inches. I expected he'd grow a few more in the coming sun. If he lived that long.
Gods, I had to stop thinking like that. It didn't help. What would be would be. The Goddess would have her way with us. And all we could do was hope She would choose to protect us. If not, then our efforts would have to be enough.
We were prepared, we were committed, and we would do our best. It would have to be enough.
When the first rays of morning light filtered through the tent flap, I gave myself permission to get up. Zem followed me immediately, as did several of the other sleepless lads we shared our tent with. I had been adamant about where I would sleep. Just because I was a girl I wasn't going to be forced to sleep somewhere away from my friends, my squad. I would fight and possibly die with these lads, so I would damn well have the comfort of sleeping beside them as well.
The morning felt like any other since we set up camp here almost a quarter moon ago. We'd been some of the first to arrive, having so little distance to travel. And, as we needed to practice our moves in the situation they would take place − on the battlefield − it made sense to arrive early to do it. So we'd made the most of our early arrival to set up camp closest to field where the airlings grazed.