by Lisa Harris
“We can switch off until the baby’s born, if you like.” Michaela stared out across the landscape but saw little.
Daniel reached over and patted his sister’s hand.
“You’ve seemed a bit…I don’t know if depressed is right, but maybe distracted lately. I hope you’re not working too hard.”
“No, it’s not that.” Michaela decided to tell him the truth. “It’s Eric.”
“He’s interested in you?”
Michaela grasped her Bible tightly against her chest and nodded. “I didn’t realize he had feelings for me. Everyone kept hinting, but I just ignored it. I guess I should have noticed, but I didn’t want to.”
“I’m not surprised.”
“There’s more.” Michaela felt another wave of guilt consume her. “I didn’t tell him about Philip.”
Daniel’s brows rose in question. “Why not?”
“I’m still trying to understand how I feel. When Ethen and Leah died, I wanted to die, too. Sometimes I feel like my life is spinning out of control. When I decided to accept Philip’s proposal, I felt like I had control over my life again.” She rolled a piece of the fabric of her skirt between her forefingers. “Then today I realized the truth. God’s the only One who can truly set us free from our past. I have to let Him be totally in control of my life.”
“ ‘If the Son therefore shall make you free, ye shall be free indeed.’ ”
Michaela knew she was free through Christ because her past sins had been forgiven. But what did it really mean to be set free?
“In Christ we have freedom from sin.” Michaela struggled to formulate her thoughts. “What about freedom from other things? The fruits of the Spirit are clear—love, joy, peace, patience, and so forth.”
She let her gaze scan the horizon. “What I’m trying to say is, aren’t we free from what’s contrary to these fruits?” Things began to grow clear for her. “As Christians, we leave the past and our sins behind, and in turn we are to live like the Spirit. That means we give up hate, discord, sorrow, and impatience.”
“You’re right.” Daniel tilted his head and nodded in agreement. “I’ve never thought about it that way.”
Michaela took a deep breath and looked at her brother. “I felt convicted today during the lesson, because I’m still carrying with me the pain, sorrow, and even guilt over Ethen’s and Leah’s deaths. I know God understands our pain and that the grief we go through is a part of healing, but instead of healing, I’ve been holding on tightly to it.”
Michaela clenched her fists together in her lap. “I haven’t walked with the Spirit of God, allowing Him to restore me and fill me with the joy of His presence.”
The grief that had been bottled up inside her for so long began to flow down her cheeks, but Michaela’s heart lit with joy. “See, God is the only One who can give me back my joy. Not Philip. Not anyone.”
For the first time in two years, Michaela felt a true sense of deep peace surround her.
Daniel reached over and took her hand. “So what about Philip? Does he still fit into things?”
Michaela nodded her head and smiled. “I think so, but that’s what I have to pray about.”
❧
Michaela sat in her room later that afternoon, thinking about what she and Daniel had discussed. She knew she needed to talk to Eric, but even more important, she needed some time with her heavenly Father.
“God, I realize how much I need freedom from the past, and You’re right here, waiting for me to give it up to You.” Tears began to flow down her face, but she didn’t attempt to wipe them away. “I need the peace You’ve promised. The peace that passes all understanding.”
Ethen wouldn’t have wanted her to sit and mope, wishing things were different. It certainly wouldn’t change anything. She could almost see Ethen sitting in the chair across the room, looking at her with his smile that had been only for her.
“I have to say good-bye, Ethen,” Michaela said aloud. “I have to go on with my life. I realize you would want me to be happy, and instead I’ve mourned for something I can never have again. I miss you so much. And Leah, with her dark hair and bright eyes. My little angel. Please take care of each other for me and know I’ll never stop loving you. I just can’t stop living.”
It was time to move on.
❧
An hour later, a knock on the door jolted Michaela out of a deep slumber. In her dream, she’d been running through a green valley after someone, but in the hazy fog, she couldn’t tell who it was. Pushing aside the vague impression of a tall, dark-haired farmer, she stumbled to the door and opened it a crack, still trying to wake up.
Daniel stood at the door, his hands shoved in his pockets. “I’m sorry to wake you. Hiram Williams is here to see you.”
“Hiram Williams?” Michaela stifled a deep yawn.
“From church.”
She shook her head, not understanding why Hiram would want to see her. “What does he want?”
Daniel grinned. “Let’s just say this isn’t a business call.”
“Oh.” Her mouth curved into a frown at the implication. “Tell him I’ll be right out.”
Michaela glanced in the mirror, making sure she looked presentable. She smoothed out her dress and put a stray strand of hair in place. Taking a deep breath, she went into the parlor.
“Hiram.” He stood to greet her, rotating the brim of his had between his hands. “How nice to see you.”
Michaela recognized the tall redhead from church. He had a big smile and a face full of freckles. She had never spoken to him other than to say a polite hello at church services.
“I hope you don’t mind me dropping by.” He gave her another sheepish grin as she took a seat across from him. “I tried to catch you after church today, but you left in quite a hurry.”
Michaela leaned against the back of the Boston rocker. “Daniel and I needed to get home to Emma. The baby is due in less than three weeks now.”
“I’m sure they’re very grateful you’re here to help out with things. Running a farm is a big job. I know from experience, though winter is a bit slower.” Hiram continued talking, hardly taking a breath. “I own a farm not ten miles from here. My father farmed it until he died three years ago, then I took it over. I’m an only child, so naturally, the farm is mine now.”
“That’s nice.” Michaela forced a smile, wondering when he would get to the point of his visit.
“I had a really good crop this year.” He rested his forearms against his thighs in an apparent attempt to get comfortable. Michaela smiled inwardly at the picture he made. The hefty farmer seemed out of place in a parlor filled with dainty porcelain dishes and Emma’s collection of lacy sandwich plates.
“In fact, this has been the best year yet,” he continued. “I won’t bore you with all the details. I’m sure coming from the city, farming might not be one of your interests?”
He said it like a question, and Michaela wondered what he wanted her to say.
“Actually, I’ve learned a little about farming since I’ve been here. I have to admit, though, I’d never milked a cow before I came here.”
Hiram let out a deep belly laugh. “And I’ve been milking cows since the day I could walk.”
Michaela gave him a weak smile and wished Daniel would come and rescue her. “Was there something you needed?”
“Well, yes, actually.” Hiram cleared his throat. “Each Christmas Eve we have a big celebration. It’s a wonderful time with caroling, a bonfire, and, of course, lots of food.”
“Sounds like fun.”
“Oh, it is. Normally we have it every year at the Hurn farm, but since he’s been laid up these last few months, it will be at the Johnsons’ farm. They have such a nice-sized house, and it’s not as crowded.”
Michaela nodded, waiting for the inevitable invitation.
“I was wondering…well…if you’d like to go with me this year.”
Michaela hated to turn him down. He seemed to be a nice
man, but nevertheless, she couldn’t accept his invitation. “Mr. Williams…”
“Please, call me Hiram.”
“Of course. Hiram.” She started again. “I’m flattered you would want to ask me, and I’m sure I’d have a wonderful time with you. The truth is, there’s someone back in Boston. We’re engaged.”
Hiram squirmed in his seat, then stood abruptly. “I’m sorry. I had no idea.”
Michaela stood as well, feeling awkward over the entire situation. “Please understand, it’s nothing personal. I’m sure there are several women at church who would love to go with you.”
Hiram scratched his head, then put his hat on. “I guess I’d better get going then. I apologize for taking up your time.”
“I’ll see you next Sunday at church?”
“Of course. I’ll be there.”
Michaela followed Hiram to the door. Stepping out onto the front porch behind him, Michaela froze. Eric stood at the bottom of the steps.
“Eric?”
“Michaela.” Eric turned to face her. “I stopped by to talk to you, but if you’re busy…”
“Hiram was just leaving.”
Hiram mumbled good-bye, then mounted his horse and rode off toward his farm.
“I didn’t know you and Hiram were friends.” Eric followed Michaela into the house.
“Actually, we’re not. I mean, I don’t really know him at all. He just stopped by to ask me something.”
“I see.”
“I noticed you weren’t in church this morning.” Michaela stalled for time as she sat in the chair, wondering how much Eric had heard of their conversation. Eric sat across from her, looking more nervous than Hiram had, if that were possible. “I didn’t get a chance to talk to your children. Daniel wanted to hurry back to Emma.”
“Ruby was sick, but she’s feeling much better now.”
“I’m glad to hear that.”
Michaela’s stomach lurched, and again she wished Daniel would come into the room, but he was in the barn and Emma was asleep.
“I came to talk to you about last night. I felt I owed you an apology, but now…” He stood and paced, his boots echoing across the wood floor. Turning sharply, he faced Michaela. “Why didn’t you tell me you were engaged to someone in Boston?”
“I don’t know.” She shook her head and gazed miserably at his clenched jaw. Why couldn’t she have handled the situation better? “I owe you an apology.” She bit her lower lip. “I never meant to give you the impression I was interested in you. Romantically, that is. I love being with your family, but that’s it.”
Michaela’s heart pounded in her chest as she forced herself to continue. “When you kissed me, it took me off guard. I should have told you I’m getting married. I’m sorry.”
“It certainly would have made things a lot easier if you had told me.” Eric sat across from her again, his hands gripping the arms of the chair. “I assumed with all the time you were spending with the children, maybe part of it was because you enjoyed being with me as well.”
“You assumed wrong.” Michaela’s voice rose in frustration. Immediately, she wished she could take back the harsh words, but still, it wasn’t entirely her fault. She’d never meant to give him the impression she was interested in him.
“Your children are wonderful, and I’ve enjoyed teaching them. I’ve even enjoyed the few times we’ve talked together. But my personal life is just that—personal.”
Eric sat quietly for a moment, and Michaela knew she’d hurt him.
“If you’d rather not come out to the house for any more lessons, I’d understand completely.” Eric’s tone sent icy shivers down her spine. “I can tell the children you’re needed here with Emma.”
Michaela shook her head and took a deep breath, trying to calm the pounding of her heart. “I made a commitment to the children, and I’ll be there. I’ll be leaving in a few weeks, anyway. I want them to get in as much practice as possible before I leave.”
“The children will miss you.” Eric cleared his throat and stood. “I need to get home and make sure Ruby’s all right.”
Michaela followed him to the door. Eric took the porch stairs two at a time and in one seamless motion jumped on his horse and rode away. She stood at the door and watched until all she could see was his shapeless form on the horizon.
Twelve
“Mrs. Macintosh!” Ruby greeted her at the door of the Johnson home the night of the Christmas Eve party. Candles filled the parlor, adding warmth to the frosty night. A handful of people had already arrived and now mingled in small groups around a tree that had been decorated with mauve-colored silk bows and dainty gold balls for the occasion.
Ruby held Michaela’s hand tightly, her face bright with the excitement of the holiday. “Your dress is beautiful!”
“Thank you, sweetie.” Michaela glanced down at her green taffeta dress. She’d been afraid it might be a bit elaborate with its full bustle skirt and silk ribbon lace, but Emma had assured her it was perfect. Glancing at the other guests, she had to agree Emma had been right. Everyone had taken advantage of the occasion and pulled out their finest outfits.
“Tomorrow’s Christmas.” Ruby tugged on Michaela’s arm and pulled her closer. “Do you have a present for me?”
“A present. Let me see.” Michaela put her index finger against her chin and pretended to think. “I guess you’ll have to wait until tomorrow to find out, but I’ll let you in on a secret.” Michaela bent over and whispered in Ruby’s ear. “I think you’ll find a little something under the tree for you from me.”
Ruby in turn cupped her hands around her mouth. “Can I tell you a secret?”
“Of course.” Michaela smiled, enjoying the little game with the youngster.
“I have a present for you, too.”
“You do?” Michaela pretended to look surprised.
Ruby nodded and reached inside the pocket of her dark blue dress. “You said Christmas makes you sad, so I wanted to give you something to make you happy.”
She held out a small gift she had obviously wrapped herself. “You don’t have to wait until Christmas. You can open it right now.”
“All right.” Carefully, Michaela unwrapped the shiny red paper held together precariously with a white ribbon.
Ruby stood with her hands clasped behind her back, her eyes glowing with excitement.
Inside the package was a small gold-encased cameo brooch. Certainly, it had to be a family heirloom. Michaela swallowed hard, not sure what she should do. “It’s beautiful, but where did you get it?”
Ruby crinkled the edge of the wrapping paper and smiled, obviously pleased with her gift. “It’s mine. Pa says when we give something away that’s special to us, we’re giving from the heart.”
Michaela glanced around the room, looking for Eric. “Your father’s right, but this looks very expensive.”
“What am I right about?”
Michaela drew out a sigh of relief when Eric appeared beside her. “Ruby gave me a gift for Christmas.” Michaela held up the brooch, hoping Eric could read the concern in her expression.
“Where did you get this, Ruby?” Her father ran his hand across Ruby’s silky hair, then pulled her gently toward him.
Ruby’s chin rose as if she was determined her gift would go unchallenged. “It was Mother’s, and now it’s mine to give to anyone I want. I gave it to Michaela because I want her to be my new mother. I never knew my mother because God took her away to heaven, and I think it’s time I had a mother like everyone else.”
Michaela stood up straight, her jaw lowering in surprise.
“Ruby.” Eric hesitated. “This brooch is yours to do with what you want. If you want to give it to Michaela, then that’s fine. But, as much as you want a mother…” Eric glanced at Michaela, a note of sadness in his voice. “Michaela’s going back to Boston soon. That’s where she lives. She’s going to marry a man there.”
Ruby’s smile faded, and it broke Michaela’s heart to
see her so disappointed. But Eric was right. She would be going home soon and could never be Ruby’s mother.
“Are you sure you don’t want to keep this, Ruby?” Michaela bent down, holding the gift in the palm of her hand. “I would understand if you wanted to since it was your mother’s.”
Ruby looked from Eric to Michaela.
“I’ll tell you what, Ruby.” Eric leaned over and picked up his youngest daughter. “You and I will make a special trip into town next week, just the two of us, and you can pick out a special gift for Mrs. Macintosh then. How does that sound?”
Ruby squished her lips together, contemplating her father’s offer. “All right,” she finally agreed. “You won’t have your feelings hurt, Mrs. Macintosh?”
Michaela smiled and ran her hand down Ruby’s rosy cheek. “Not at all. I’ll never forget how special you made my Christmas.”
Ruby grinned widely, then reached out to give Michaela a big hug, bringing her within inches of Eric’s face. The back of his hand brushed Michaela’s arm, and she took a step back at the brief contact.
Eric cleared his throat. “I think it’s time to start the singing. Do you still feel like playing?”
Michaela nodded, thankful for the distraction.
“Wait, before you go…” Eric’s hand touched the sleeve of her dress. Ruby had walked off and they were alone for a moment. “Can we call a truce? I’d like it if we could remain friends.”
“I’d like that, too.” Michaela forced a smile. “I still feel so horrible about yesterday—”
Eric held up his hand to stop her from continuing. “I’d just as soon put that behind us.”
Michaela nodded and went to sit at the piano. She played song after song, and the front room rang with animated voices full of Christmas cheer. After an hour or so of singing, the festivities moved on to a contest prepared for the children. While the men got the bonfire started out behind the barn, Michaela brought out the maple syrup gingerbread cookies she had made especially for tonight, along with several colors of frosting and goodies to decorate the cookies.
The children crowded around the table in the kitchen and began to work on their cookies. Michaela was pleased at not only how seriously they took the project, but also how creative many of them were.