Stretching out close to the hearth, he saw the tapestry banker covering the chest beside it, keeping the wood warm when a man was cold.
He reached over, pulled it off and rolled up in it. The memory of her fingers caressing it when she thought no one was looking warmed him more than the wool.
Clare smiled as she entered the Hall the next morning and went over to pat the banker covering the chest. It had become a daily rite, reminding her of Alain’s expectation that she be a lady, cleaving to the ways his mother had taught her.
Her smile faded as she came closer. Black and grey smudges marred the red-and-gold wool.
She knelt beside the tapestry, anger mixing with a sick feeling in her stomach. What would Alain think when he saw what had happened to his beautiful gift?
She looked around the Hall. None of her men would have dared touch it. It must have been the stranger.
Fury swamped the anguish. First, fury with herself for being so foolish as to let him into her home. Then, fury at him.
She folded the tapestry carefully, exposing a back as neatly finished as the front. He had done it deliberately, she was sure—tried to destroy something precious to her.
She carried the folded fabric as reverently as an altar cloth, the pounding in her ears growing with each step. A lady must never show anger. A lady must be ever temperate. Yet rage pounded against her temples. She struggled to subdue it, blaming him for raising her temper. The strength of it frightened her nearly as much as the other feelings he’d raised.
The ones that had kept her awake last night.
She found him in the stable, kneeling before his horse, testing the animal’s fetlock. At least the man had the wisdom to look after the beast, a possession no doubt more valuable than he deserved.
She wondered whether he had killed the knight who owned it.
Angus sat in the straw at his feet, head bent over the chainmail, patiently polishing an individual iron link.
‘Angus!’ Her voice was sharp. ‘Ask the falconer if he needs help in the mews.’
‘That’s nae work for a squire.’
It was the first time the boy had ever crossed her and she added it to Fitzjohn’s list of sins. ‘And if you do not do as you’re told, you’ll never be a squire.’
Fitzjohn motioned his head towards the door. The boy put down the brush and hurried out.
‘Blame me, if you must,’ he said. ‘Not the boy.’
‘I do.’
The morning sunlight streamed through the stable door and poured over him, picking up streaks of gold in his hair. He did not wear his smile this morning. Instead, the light carved sharp shadows around his nose and mouth. He looked as fierce as a golden eagle. Powerful, graceful, beautiful.
Deadly.
Such a bird could pluck Wee One out of the sky without ruffling his own feathers.
She lifted the cloth in an accusation. ‘This was a beautiful tapestry.’ She swallowed, trying to clear the fury fighting to escape her throat. ‘It came all the way from France.’
She held it out, but he didn’t take it.
His wry look returned, masking the danger. ‘That’s a long trip.’
‘You ruined it. Deliberately.’ Her voice shook and she hated the power he had to upset her.
‘Now that’s a harsh accusation. You sent me to sleep in the hall without so much as a blanket. I wrapped myself up in it and it fell into the ashes during the night.’ He shrugged, his expression holding no remorse. ‘That’s what it’s made for. To ward off the cold.’
‘To ward off the chill when one is sitting on the bench.’
His smile widened, slowly. ‘But your bottom wasn’t on the bench last night, so I didn’t think you’d mind.’
He was savouring her anger. His very smile seemed to say I know what you are. You are not the lady you pretend to be.
She dropped it in the straw at his feet, releasing a puff of dust. ‘You dirtied it. Clean it before you leave.’
He looked down at the banker, then back at her, half-smile still in place. ‘That’s a lot of fuss to be making about a spot of dirt on a piece of cloth.’
‘It’s a tapestry, not just a piece of cloth.’ She bit her cheek to stop the tears. ‘From Arras. It was a gift.’
‘Are you sure that’s really what’s disturbing you?’
‘What else would I be distressed about?’
‘Me.’
‘You?’ The word fell from her lips as quickly as if he had slapped her. How did he know? His very presence violated the natural order. Knights were supposed to be noble, honourable and kind to women. He was the opposite and worse, he delighted in it.
‘That’s right. I think I just roil you inside.’
He did. In places she had never felt before.
‘Yes, Sir Gavin, if you are a “sir.” You do.’ She lifted her chin and lowered her shoulders, trying to regain a lady’s calm. ‘But do not smile with pleasure at the thought. You “roil” me because you deliberately flout the laws of chivalry.’
‘Chivalry?’ His mocking tone had a dark echo.
‘Yes. You must have heard the word.’
Gratified, she saw his easy smile vanish. His blue eyes turned hard and he stepped closer, forcing her to retreat. But she could not move far enough away. He still stole her breath.
‘Oh, I’ve heard of it. But I’ve been fighting in a war, not a tournament to entertain the ladies. You may not believe this, Mistress Clare, but we don’t see much chivalry in war, so forgive me if I’ve forgotten how to bow and scrape and bend my knee. In a real war, we don’t wave a lance and a lady’s scarf in hopes of winning a silk purse. In a real war, when someone loses, they die. And sometimes, the victor even enjoys the killing.’
She shuddered. Had he enjoyed killing?
A momentary vision of Wee One, catching her prey, flashed before her. But that was not the same. Not the same at all. ‘Christian knights do not kill one another. The code of honour requires a fellow knight to be spared, else war would be nothing but brutal murder.’
‘War is nothing but brutal murder.’
What kind of man was this? Whose war had he fought and what demons had he seen there?
‘I do not know where you’ve been, but you’re in a civilised household now, where everything is done to then anes, which means to its proper purpose, though I don’t expect you know that. I suggest you learn.’
The smiling mask returned, wiping the darkness from his face. ‘Mais oui, demoiselle.’
His French stunned her.
It was smoother than hers.
And his half-smile had grown large enough that she noticed, for the first time, a dimple on his right cheek.
Gavin’s smile faded as he wrestled with the tapestry, a small, poor thing compared to those he’d seen in Edward’s palaces. First, he shook it, hoping the ashes would fly free. Then, he tried brushing the smudges away, but that only dirtied the rest of the cloth and his fingers.
He knew nothing of how to put things right, only how to destroy them.
And somehow, Mistress Clare had known. Even without knowing his name, she treated him like the deserter he was. Like a man who had stood outside a church holding a torch.
And carried the blood of a father who would have burned it.
If it showed so clearly in his face, he was right not to lie about his name. People would judge him without caring that the truth wasn’t as bad as they thought.
Nor as good as it should be.
And Mistress Clare, mired in her fantasies, was very, very good at judgements.
Blind to the crude tower and the rough life that surrounded her, she acted as if she wandered Windsor Palace.
Her illusions reminded him of King Edward. A few years ago, the King had gathered his friends at a round table and dubbed them Knights of the Garter: the garter of a woman the King had raped, if the rumours were true.
Mistress Clare wouldn’t like that part of the story. It would violate all her illusions about chivalr
y, making her angry. Anger would bring colour to her cheeks and warmth to those stony, grey-green eyes. That, he would enjoy seeing. He had the feeling Mistress Clare didn’t let her emotions show if she could help it.
A woman like that, well, it would be a pleasure to turn her inside out and force her to feel the passion she disdained. He would unravel her braid, so tight it smoothed her brow, and make her whimper with feelings the woman didn’t know she had.
Or didn’t want to know.
He looked back at the tapestry. It showed a man, arms outstretched, flying towards a woman and about to embrace her. One hand hovered behind her head. His face was near her breast. The other arm was reached around her hip.
He wondered whether Mistress Clare knew how sensual a piece it was.
He stopped his thoughts from going further. He had to keep his feelings in check. He’d heard from the men that her father was fighting with Lord Douglas and would soon be home. Gavin must humour her until Baron Carr returned. That man would know that a knight’s value was in his sword, not his manners. Surely Carr would let him stay on, hidden, in this god-forsaken corner of the Border.
He looked at the tapestry again and sighed. To clean his body, he dunked it in water. Perhaps he should do the same with this.
He headed for the spring with a leery feeling neither one of them would like the outcome.
Fitzjohn, Clare noticed, missed the midday meal. She didn’t observe it because she wanted to see him again, but only because she was eager to have her tapestry back. He needed only to hang it on a line, beat it from the back, then brush the front with a small broom. Simple task.
But as her fury faded, doubts crept in. Simple for her, but she had foolishly assumed he would know what to do. She should have never let it out of her sight without giving him thorough and precise instructions.
As the sun reached its zenith, she ignored the rest of her duties to search for him. Finally, outside near the mews, she caught a glimpse of red.
Draped across a rope was the wet, limp banker, no longer a beautiful depiction of courtly lovers, but a rumpled, sodden wad of cloth.
She closed her eyes against quick tears. How would she explain this to Alain?
Fitzjohn, apparently realising his mistake too late, was pulling on one end of the piece. Euphemia held the other as they tried to stretch it back into shape. The sight of Murine’s girl helping him angered her as much as anything he had done.
‘Euphemia! Get inside.’
‘You’re nae my mither.’
Did they all think to defy her once tainted by Fitzjohn? ‘No, but I, not your mother, am mistress of this castle.’ And yet she continued to make mistakes. Mistakes she would never have made if her mother had been alive to teach her. ‘Now go!’
Euphemia did, throwing Fitzjohn a sunny smile as she left.
Clare stepped closer, torn between wanting to hit him and cry. Two things a lady must never do.
‘Are you always so harsh?’ he said.
‘Not nearly so harsh as I’m going to be with you. You’ve ruined it!’ The words tumbled out in a rush.
He shrugged, but said nothing. She had wanted an apology and expected an argument. Her father would have yelled back. But this man absorbed abuse and returned it with a half-smile, as some men would take a blow, roll over and leap to their feet again. He left her with nothing to do but get angrier or to give up.
She was not ready to give up.
‘You’ve destroyed something valuable and precious. I expect payment.’
‘Payment?’ He raised his brows. ‘I’ve seen warriors dead on the ground with no payment for their loss. I cannot mourn woven wool.’ His words were mocking, bitter.
Dead on the ground.
She choked back her fear. Not Da. The phrase like a prayer. Not Alain.
Sometimes, the only thing a woman could do to hold back the dangers of the world was to maintain order in the small corner of it that was hers.
She looked back at the tapestry. ‘I don’t know what I was thinking, to expect a warrior to know how to treat such a treasure.’
This time, a trace of compassion touched his smile, as if he knew what was happening to her men, things she couldn’t possibly imagine and didn’t want to.
‘It’s not something that I was trained to do.’
For once, he made her smile, a rueful hiccup of laughter clearing the tears from her throat. She must take the first blame. Perhaps if she stretched it on the tapestry frame she might salvage it.
She stroked the damp cloth with her fingers and ventured a smile. A knight’s lessons would never be so domestic. ‘What are you trained to do?’
‘Kill.’
She snatched back her hand. ‘You have an ignoble view of war. A knight should be thinking of noble quests, of honour.’
‘You talk as if King Arthur’s knights still ride. Now we quest for land and ransom, not for the Holy Grail.’
She had been weak enough to share a momentary smile and in return, he’d thrown his brutal view of the world in her face. But there was something more in his eyes. An unaccustomed challenge. An unwelcome lure.
‘If you do not seek the Holy Grail, have you at least had the honour to fulfil a lady’s request?’ It was one of the sacred tenants of chivalry, to honour a lady’s wish.
The wind swirled around the edge of her skirt, blowing it towards his boot.
His smile, taunting, returned. ‘Generally, what they’ve desired of me has not included holy objects.’
She grabbed her skirt back from the breeze. ‘Neither does what I desire. I’d like you to clean the mews. Make it spotless.’
Here was a man who treated chivalry with disdain. Would he honour her request? Or, better, would he find the task so demeaning that he would, finally, ride away?
The harsh lines of his face eased, his smile suddenly genuine. ‘I’ve spent more time with falcons than with fabric. I will certainly do my best to fulfil your wish, no matter how hard the work.’
‘Good.’
The vision of him on hands and knees scrubbing gave her some satisfaction.
‘And no matter how long it takes.’ His smile took on a wicked edge. ‘Even if it takes all night and all day tomorrow.’
She gritted her teeth, realising he had turned her demeaning request into his victory.
‘One more night then. But no longer.’
She had judged him unworthy as a fighting man, but she must not underestimate his prowess in verbal battle again.
Chapter Three
The next morning, Neil accosted her, brows creased, complaining that she’d sent a stranger to meddle in his mews.
Clare sighed and went to face Fitzjohn, wary of the next trick he might try in order to extend his stay. As she opened the door to the mews, a shaft of light cleaved the dimness and found his bare back. He turned from his raking and she swallowed. His chest, broad, seemed strong enough to need no armour.
‘Mistress Clare,’ he said, shielding his eyes as he looked towards her, standing in the open doorway. ‘I hope you will find that I scrubbed the falcons’ mute to your satisfaction.’
She forced her eyes to meet his. ‘The falconer has some complaints.’
‘He’s a good man. But wedded to old ways.’
He spoke as if he knew falconry.
All the birds were leashed, so she left the door open to allow the light in. The gravel crunched beneath her feet as she inspected his work. Of course, there had been little for him to do but rake the droppings from the stones. The falconer was scrupulous about daily cleaning.
‘Is everything to your satisfaction, Mistress Clare?’
Closer now, she could see sweat dampening his hair and the hose clinging to his legs. She peered at the falcons’ blocks, surprised to see he had even scrubbed away the whitish mute smears from the side of Wee One’s perch. ‘You’ve taken great care.’
He shrugged. ‘You’ve more blocks than birds.’
It was a pitiful mews, by most standa
rds, she knew. Most of the birds there now belonged to the visitors, only temporary residents. ‘We had more, once. But birds and war are both costly. War has won.’
She pulled on her glove and held out her wrist. Wee One hopped on the fist, fluttering her feathers in delight. Clare rubbed her throat feathers gently, noting her crop was almost empty. She might be hungry enough to fly again tomorrow.
‘That’s the bird you were flying in the hills,’ he said.
‘I’ve had this one since she was just a brancher. She’s my favourite of all I’ve flown. Of course, I’ve never had one of the really fine birds from the cliffs near the sea.’
‘The best I’ve flown were northern birds, captured in the Low Countries.’
She assessed him anew. She had heard of such birds, but she’d never seen them and couldn’t have afforded them if a falcon dealer had brought them. If he had hawked with birds like that, he must be of better birth than she’d believed. ‘Those would be worthy of kings.’
He shrugged. ‘Origin means little. I’ve seen gyrfalcons refuse to fly and sparrowhawks take on rabbits three times their size. Did you train her yourself?’
She nodded. ‘I’m all she knows. She’ll not leave me.’
‘You cannot keep her on a creance and practise the art. Each flight is a risk. Each return a choice.’
She clutched the leather jesses tight between her gloved fingers. ‘This one will always come back.’
Behind her, she heard the flapping of wings. As she turned, a bird swooped down, talons nearly tangling in her hair. Then, he soared towards the ceiling directly above Wee One’s perch, performing an ecstasy of swoops and turns.
‘Stop him!’ Impossible. Accustomed to the entire sky, the bird hurtled dangerously close to the wall. A crash would mean a broken wing.
‘I think,’ Fitzjohn said, with awe in his voice she had never heard, ‘that he’s doing it for her.’
His Border Bride Page 3