by L. J. Stock
“I don’t want anyone to know,” I said, leaning back and grinning at her, mentally swatting away the image of Libby that stampeded into my head. “Dustin is the town’s golden child. All eyes are always on him, and I don’t ever want that for myself. I really don’t mind our relationship being private. Secrecy benefits both of us.”
“Who else knows?”
“Troy Clifton.”
“That’s it?” she asked, eyebrows high.
I nodded.
“I don’t like that he wants to keep you a secret, Mik,” she said earnestly covering my hands with hers. “Hiding this under the pretense of being your decision feels like it’s for the wrong reasons. Like you’re making an excuse for him to do whatever he wants.”
“Megan. Come on. You of all people know me better than that. Can you see me out there in Libby’s shoes? Doing what she does every day? You know I would rather sit in the gym at lunch and do homework than mingle with people. Especially people like her. I’m okay with not revealing this relationship because I’m okay with not having attention drawn to me.”
“I do know that, but I also know how truly amazing you really are. I have my whole life. You know you’re always welcome to sit with Rob and me at lunch again. You can ease yourself into existing again.”
This time I gave her an incredulous look. We’d tried that once, and it didn’t end well. Rob was popular in his own right. He was a baseball player rather than a footballer, but everyone knew his name, too. The one day I’d sat with them everyone had done a double take. I’d ignored them at first, thinking they were talking about Rob and Megan, but when I’d heard two of the girls whispering to one another about who the new girl was, the novelty wore off, and I wanted to crawl back in my hole. Megan had tried to come with me, but I’d told her no. I loved her for caring, but I functioned just fine on my own, whereas I knew she wanted to be with Rob. I would never have forgiven myself if I’d taken that away from her.
“I’m happy where I am. Who says I’m alone, anyway?” I grinned conspiratorially.
“So that’s where he’s been all week.” She laughed and shook her head. “You’re not going to tell me where, either, are you?”
“Some secrets need to stay that way.”
“You have sex twice, and you turn into a fiend. Check you out.”
“It’s not like that,” I whispered, unable to keep the grin at bay. “You know what I mean.”
I’d almost forgotten that she and Rob had gotten themselves a hotel room and were planning their first time together on Saturday night. It was the reason I hadn’t called her when I’d been moping. I hadn’t wanted to take her away from something she’d been planning for a long time.
“Actually,” Megan said, dropping her forehead to my knee. “I don’t.”
“What?” My hands started running through her hair in an attempt to coax her back out. The gesture had become one of those intrinsic things both of us did when something went wrong. Head in lap was a signal; fingers in the long strands of hair were to ease the pain. “What happened?”
“We had a fight.”
“How bad?” I twisted her hair around my index finger.
“Pretty bad, but not break up bad. We were making out and we were heading in that direction, but I was really nervous. You know how I babble when I get that way. I guess I said the wrong thing and he got really upset with me. He wouldn’t even look at me, so I asked him to take me home, and he got madder.”
“You two spoken today?”
“Yeah, I apologized, then he apologized and promised to make it up to me.”
“How’s he gonna do that?”
Megan snorted and sat up. “He said next time he’d get a room at the Days Inn instead of the motel.”
“Oh, fancy.”
Laughing, Megan looked down at her hands nervously before glancing back up at me. The gesture was another one of those instances that I could read what she was asking without her having to say a word. She wanted to ask a personal question, but she didn’t want to overstep some invisible line between us. A line we both knew wasn’t really there. Not for us anyway.
“Just ask already.”
“Did it hurt?” she blurted, her eyes flickering to my door and back to me. She’d said it a little loud, but she wasn’t a guest I ever found the need to hide.
“A little, but not for long. The pain was sharp and immediate but kinda faded when the good, uh, stuff started. The second time, it wasn’t pain but an ache, and that was only there because I was still a little sore from the first time, I think. He was…” I smiled at nothing in particular. “He was great about it all, too, and...” I ended with a sigh.
Megan sighed dreamily and shook her head before her smile came back.
“I still can’t believe you lost your virginity to Dustin Hill.”
“Why not?” I asked petulantly.
Megan had barely started talking again when Dustin appeared suddenly at my window with his finger over his lips. I was wondering how long he’d been there, and feeling a little embarrassed about our current conversation I decided he was the one I needed to deny. Megan trusted me, and I intended on keeping it that way. Tapping her arm and finally getting her to break off, I nodded to the window and grinned when Dustin rolled his eyes at me.
“Holy shit,” Megan practically shouted the words, and my eyes shot to my door just waiting for the handle to be rattled or the demand to keep it down. The attempt never came.
“It’s Dustin, actually,” he said with that easy cockiness of his. “You’re Megan, right?”
“Uh huh.”
Amused, Dustin looked at me for permission to enter, and I nodded with encouragement. I welcomed his kiss of greeting once he was inside, nudging Megan as she squeaked her surprise. I think there was a part of her that still hadn’t quite believed what I’d told her.
Dustin sat on the bed behind me with no shame whatsoever, his arm wrapping around my waist as he watched every reaction Megan had with humor. He was enjoying making her squirm entirely too much. His eyes glinted with exaggerated humor, while I was prodding her leg with my toes to stop her from melting down completely. She had progressed to openly staring at him.
“I’m sorry,” she finally said, covering her face with her hands and rubbing a couple of times. “Just a bit of a shock considering the conversation you walked in on.”
“You mean about Miki losing her virginity to me? It’s okay,” he replied, throwing her a wink. “I was there.”
“Oh, this is just fantastic,” I groaned reprovingly. My shoulder bumped against Dustin playfully, even as my cheeks lit up like Vegas.
“What?” Dustin’s incredulousness was tainted with amusement.
“My best friend and…” I hesitated.
What was he to me? Labels didn’t matter all that much, but I was unsure of how to place him in my life as we stood right now.
“Boyfriend,” he said, filling in the gap as his hand slid up the back of my shirt in silent reassurance.
“… Boyfriend are talking about my sex life.”
“Your very new sex life.” Megan looked at us, completely unaware that Dustin was trying his very best to unhook my bra. She looked back at Dustin, her eyes narrowing. “You should know that Miki is like a sister to me, and I am very protective of her.”
“You gonna kick my ass if I hurt her?” he asked, his face encouraging. He approved of her sudden protective streak.
“I will slash your tires and put a snake in your bed. Kicking your ass is far too easy and doesn’t leave enough scars on your soul.”
Dustin laughed with genuine humor, his attempts at unhooking my bra now paused, as his palm lay flat on my spine, leaving a warm spot that felt divine against my cooled skin.
“I like you, Megan.”
Megan eyed him carefully and rolled her eyes in her normal dramatic way. “Fine. You’re off the hook for now, but the warning still stands. There is no expiration date, and you should know, I get my vindictive s
ide from my mom, a woman who is possibly more protective of Miki than I am.”
“Noted.” He nodded at her in approval and pressed his temple against the side of my head reverently. I could feel his happiness as I leaned into him, and that was a more addictive drug than I could ever imagine. Looking back at Megan, I smiled, and she gave me a look only I could interpret. She approved of this—of him and me together. My happiness. She gave me a big smile and reached for her bag that she’d dumped by the bed and started digging inside.
“Good. Now who’s up for a scary movie?” she asked, pulling a DVD from her bag.
Chapter Eight
Having anyone know about Dustin just seemed utterly surreal when I could hardly believe what was happening myself. Having my best friend know was more of a relief than I could have ever imagined. Megan knowing was a validation and made what Dustin and I had more real, and much more tangible. I no longer felt as though I was going through some insane hallucination or mental breakdown.
That didn’t mean there wasn’t a downside to the knowledge being out there.
Next to Dustin pulling me from the halls on my way to classes, I now had Megan doing the same. I selfishly preferred Dustin’s abductions, as he and I would make out like starving people faced with a burger. His hands wandered a little too hungrily at times, exploring the skin under my shirt until my flesh burned with lust and my brain shut down completely. Passion wasn’t ever absent from us. We had the stuff in buckets of excess, which made me adore those moments we spent together talking because they were all the more precious.
Megan liked to pull me aside to feed me what was being said about Dustin and Libby, or what Libby was saying in the restrooms between classes. Her updates were a constant reminder of something I was trying my hardest to forget, but she was warning me out of kindness, and out of fear for me being caught by Libby who was still very much territorial when it came to Dustin. I couldn’t be upset with her about the deed.
I knew I should feel bad about Libby in some capacity. I didn’t really know her all that well, and even though I knew she could be an absolute bitch, she was still a girl with very real feelings. She was a girl who was openly observed as being my boyfriend’s girlfriend by most of the school’s inhabitants. When I had a quiet moment to myself, I realized how messed up that sounded, even in my own head.
How cruel would this situation be if it turned out she was starting to believe the lie she was living, which I had a sneaking suspicion she already did? I tried my best to avoid seeing them together. Dustin always looked extremely uncomfortable and stiff around her, but Libby made up for the weirdness by draping herself over him like a blanket. Dustin’s expressions helped me because they were always so easy to read, and I couldn’t understand how the people who claimed to be his friends couldn’t see just how out of place the situation made him feel. Troy was the only one who ever stepped in with some joke, or separated Dustin from the group under the pretense of football questions so Dustin could relax for even a minute.
The irony of all of this was the fact that now I was trying my hardest to be invisible, I was being seen more often than I ever had in the past. When Libby was holding Dustin’s hand, his eyes would inevitably find mine, even in the middle of a sizable crowd. I could always see the apology aimed at me and with a need to reassure him, I would smile, wink, and lose myself in the crowd of people around me until he was out of sight, and I was one less thing for him to worry about. When walking down the halls, Troy would unexpectedly grin at me as he passed, a secretive smile spreading across his face leaving me feeling absolutely confused when I didn’t think he’d known I’d existed before Dustin had pointed me out to him. Then there was Megan. Most days she couldn’t pick me out from the crowd, either—and she’d tried—but now I was butt bumped across the halls as she caught up with me. Rob looked mildly bored as she whispered to me under her breath. It was only ever the three of them who sought me out, but three was enough, and it was only a matter of time before someone else noticed, too.
Wandering away from the gym, a little starry-eyed after spending time with Dustin, Megan accosted me the moment I stepped through the doors into the main building of the school. Without warning, she swept into the closest empty classroom she could find and kicked the door closed behind us.
“Hi to you, too,” I said with a chuckle as I attempted to catch my balance.
“So glad I caught you. I’ve been looking for you through lunch. Rob had practice, so I was in the cafeteria with that girl from… Erin is looking for you,” she said cutting herself off with exasperation. Glancing out through the small glass square, she assessed whether or not we’d been caught.
“Okay. Who is Erin?” I asked, ignoring the impertinent look I received from my best friend. She was standing with her shoulder against the door so she could keep watch but gave me a double take when she realized I was being sincere.
“Libby’s best friend and Troy’s girlfriend.”
I didn’t even attempt to hide my groan as I pulled myself up to sit on a desk and swing my legs. “Why, Megan? Why is she looking for me?”
“Someone may have told her that Troy keeps smiling at this completely random junior.” She shrugged, telling me that she wasn’t really sure of the details. That didn’t stop me from digging, though. This school was like a cesspit of poisoned Purple Monkey Dishwasher on the best of days, and my worst nightmare was my name being fed into that horror show.
“Someone?” I asked, raising my eyebrows.
“I don’t know who or why.”
“If I do, you do, too, Meg.” Yep, I’d made the mental deductions there, and I was surprised she hadn’t.
“You think it’s Libby?”
I nodded. “I do, and not because she knows about Dustin and me or anything, but because Troy is acting like a buffer between the two of them and she seems to be that callous and vindictive.”
“What do you mean?” she asked, peering out the window again.
“Every time she tries to get too close to Dustin, Troy steps in and breaks the coziness up.”
“Oh. Right. That makes sense, I guess.” Megan pushed away from the door and moved to sit on the desk next to me. “But why you?”
“Because Troy does smile at me, and he winks conspiratorially as he passes in the halls. I have no doubt Libby’s noticed the small gesture with the way she glares at him when he leaves.”
“So, she thinks you and Troy have something instead?” She swung her legs in perfect synchronization with mine. “Kind of ironic when you think about it.”
“Yeah, and I just wanted to be invisible and go about my business.”
“That was never going to happen, Miki. You and I both know that Dustin being in your life in any capacity changes just about everything. You can’t be hidden and obscure once this thing with Libby is over. He already has a hard time keeping his eyes off you. He won’t be able to keep his distance if he doesn’t have to.”
I felt the tickle of satisfaction at her comment. What girl didn’t want to be noticed by the guy who had taken her virginity and made her toes curl when he kissed her? Knowing that he sought me out in the crowd was a huge compliment; even if that one tiny action created a world of complications I hadn’t allowed myself to think about.
“Why not?” I asked almost petulantly. “Why can’t we just keep going the way we are, him just not being with Libby anymore?”
“You and I both know every girl in this school will throw themselves at his feet once he’s broken up with Libby. You may not want all the glory that comes with being his girlfriend, but there are plenty of girls out there who do.”
“You act like he has no choice in the matter.”
“No.” She leaned into me, pressing her shoulder against mine. “I’m not saying that. I’m just thinking about you having to watch all those girls fall over themselves to get his attention every hour of every day. He won’t be able to steal away with you at lunch because everyone will be trying to get him on his ow
n, following him around like lost puppies.”
Megan flailed her arms about in example, and I smiled at her.
“I think you’ve watched one too many zombie movies.”
Megan shrugged, but her eyes lit up as another topic came slamming into her head. “Speaking of zombies, are you up for the haunted house again this Halloween?”
“Do I ever let you down?”
“Not once.” She grinned at me, her face dropping only when she faced the door again. “Shit.”
Following her gaze, I immediately knew where the sentiment came from. There was a pretty senior girl at the door, peering through the window, her eyes narrowing as she gazed between the two of us. I only recognized her from the group that was always around Dustin.
“Erin?” I asked with a sigh.
“That would be her,” Megan said, turning her body to face mine. “You want me to stay?”
“That’s your call. I know you’re in with these people, so I get it if you wanna go.”
“No way in hell. Let’s get this over with.”
Megan waved Erin in and introduced us in her normal light way, her smile constantly plastered on her lips as though nothing was untoward. Her normalcy helped keep me calm, but the same couldn’t be said for Erin. Her face grew a deeper shade of pink as Megan and I sat together, swinging our legs as calmly as we could. Erin didn’t look mad really, but she didn’t look happy, either. As she shook her head, her blonde hair slid over her shoulder and disappeared down her back as she inhaled to start talking.
“Listen,” Erin started, her voice was soft, and with her Texan twang she sounded too adorable to really project her anger in any way. She grabbed the strap of her messenger bag and squeezed for courage. “I would normally just go to Troy about something like this, especially if I thought he’d done something wrong, but I have a feeling Libby is being dramatic. She seems to think that you and Troy are... um, seeing one another behind my back.”
The last part came out in a hurried rush. She didn’t feel any more comfortable than I did with all of this, and the knowledge made my response come easily. I’d always found it easier to tell the truth than a lie.